Chapter Text
"Raphael is asking to see you, young one."
Leo was dreading those words the moment he watched draxum and mikey walk into his hospital room the next morning.
Granted he was feeling better after sleeping through the night, but sleep medication always made him a little drowsy throughout the day; he guesses lying in the same room, in the same bed, didn't help him too much either.
But he didn't really have a choice... or much right to complain.
"So's dad," mikey chimed in, walking closer to leo and offering a smile. "I think he misses talking to you more than he's scared you're hurt."
"You think dad misses talking to me?" The slider asked sarcastically, no ounce of comfort or kindness offered to his family in return. "Fat chance."
The youngers smile faltered completely, his sad eyes returning. "You really should talk to him lee," he tried to reason. "He and raphie really wanna see you. Everyone does..."
Leo felt bad for the glare that overtook his face, but he wasn't a stupid child crying for his dad, or his big brother. He was kind of mad at them.
He didn't want to be angry, but he couldn't help it. If they hated him the moment they saw him, this... embarrassingly pathetic person they tried to love - then what could he do with that?
He doesn't want to be sad over them, call him selfish but he would much rather just be angry and avoidant. It's so much easier, and right now everything was fucking hard.
Sure, he sits with the argument that his family isn't the reason he's in the hospital, but maybe...
"Michelangelo, could you leave me with leonardo for a moment?" Draxums voice snapped the slider out of his thoughts, watching out of the corner of his eye as mikey left. Hesitant, but doing as he was asked.
"Leonardo."
"Baron?"
The goat yokais eyes were clear, almost stern if it wasn't for the way leo could see his jaw wasnt tight.
"If you dont want to see lou, then you don't have to," the gentleness in his voice took leo by surprise, making his face crumple from the previous glare he held. "I don't?"
"No, young one," draxum insisted. "They'll be angry with me, yes, but I'll keep everyone away if that's really what you wish."
"What about you?" Leo questioned. It wasn't that he wanted his apparent father to disappear, he had honestly been really nice recently - but he still wanted to ask.
Draxums eyes scrunched slightly, but he answered after a moment. "I think you should have atleast one person you know to keep you company, especially an adult, but if you'd rather me not then I'll stay away as much as possible."
The sliders heart swirled lightly, shrugging. "It's okay, I kinda like having you around anyways."
He didn't notice, having averted his gaze, but the older smiled softly at that answer, humming in acceptance. "Very well."
"You dont... nag me," leo continued hesitantly, looking up at the older yokai for any indication of annoyance, or disinterest. "That's a reason I don't mind you being here."
"I don't feel I have the right to nag you, especially when I'm barely present in your life."
"Everyone thinks they can," the slider replied, face slowly becoming pouty... draxum couldn't quite tell what that expression was yet. "The nagging doesn't remind me of anything anyone wants though, it just reminds me that nothing I do can ever be enough."
"You are enough, leonardo," the older replied without any thought.
"It's not that I don't want to see them... I... I'm scared," the blue turtle admitted, tears forming in his eyes-- oh, draxum thought. That's what the wobbly, pouty lip was. He's trying not to cry.
"Dad and raph want me to be the best version of myself the most out of everyone-- B-- But what if this is the best version?" Leo questioned, now rubbing the fallen tears off his cheeks. "I don't want them to see that this is the best I can be-- Bec-- Because then they-- They-- They'll--"
The teen hiccuped through his words, sniffling replacing his speaking as draxum stood, considering his next move.
He wouldn't dare push his boundaries with the young turtle, but those lines have been blurred completely over the last few days. He had been the only one that leo could consistently stand, which has always been the opposite. This was new territory and for once draxum really didnt know what to do.
But he had to try. For all those years he didn't, he was here now and he owed it to his son to try.
Because that is what leo is, he's the old yokais son.
Doesn't mean it didn't feel really weird to say. Because by Izanagi it was fucking weird, but he did create the slider... so...
"Would you like a hug, young one?" Leo only continued scrubbing his face, despite such a gentle question.
He couldn't even push him away when he was brought into an embrace, large arms wrapping around him, one had rubbing circles on his shell and the other cupping the back of his head.
Draxum... hugged him. The man who threw him off a roof was hugging him.
His own father, who he had always lived with, barely wanted to hug him, or look at him... speak to him...
know him.
Leo just cried, there was nothing else to it. He hadn't been able to stop crying, it felt like.
He paused though, for a moment when he heard "I'm sorry I threw you off a roof."
He sat up, eyes scrunching as he stared at draxums serious face, void of any sort of humor. "W-- What?"
"I'm sorry I threw you off of a roof," he repeated, and leo couldn't help but burst out laughing.
"Wh--- Wha-- T?" He choked out through giggles and tears, laughing into his hands. "You-- You're so weird--"
The older yokai was taken aback, but smiled seeing the youngers eyes crinkle because of something other than tears.
"It's so weird having you here," leo murmured softly, voice unable to go any louder without cracking. "You're like, a normal person in our lives now... I'm still not used to it."
"This is a very abnormal circumstance, young one, in your defence," draxum said supportively. "Of course you aren't used to it."
The slider hummed, very faintly, looking down at the sheets and thinking to himself for a moment. "I just assume everyone will stop putting up with me eventually, I mean-- I can be so... mean but-- you still always try."
"I know you have a good heart, leonardo. And all your actions towards me have been completely justified."
Again, another hum, another thought - and then... "Why couldn't you have been around all these years... I wish dad was more like you."
Draxum hadn't the slightest clue how to respond to such a thought, but he was grateful the younger would even speak of him so highly.
Maybe he'll try and talk him into another visit with the psychologist, but for now he decided to let the blue turtle rest.
- later in the day -
April couldn't stand the flickering hospital lights. They were like a movie effect, one to create suspense before a horror scene or something.
And there was only one thing more horrific than the current events: the death of her baby brothers.
The girl hadn't grown up with any siblings, hell, she didnt grow up with many friends: Her quirks made her unlikeable, her outspoken and honest nature getting her into way too much trouble for her parents liking; mix all that with being a black kid growing up in a predominantly white neighbourhood - she couldn't really say she was well liked.
Dont get her wrong, Manhattan is a culturally diverse city with many connections to her heritage, but nine year old april wasn't aware of that, only that people thought her baby afro was filled with lice and everyone was always asking where her parents had come from.
Then she met four young turtles, barely knowledgeable on her world and immediatly welcoming her into theirs.
Her baby brothers.
Well, they weren't so little anymore, but those truly were her babies.
You wouldn't understand unless you were an older sister, but no matter how much you want to sew their lips shut and stuff them in a box with no air holes, you would kill for them.
There wasn't a single length april wouldn't wouldn't to for those boys, and that included sneaking into leos hospital room against everyones wishes. Because she was damned if they thought she could be kept away.
All she had to do was wait until everyone was occupied; donnie using the bathroom again, not being able to stand still. Mikey and splinter talking to barry, being updated on leos state whilst the doctors weren't poking and prodding at him.
Raph, just... staring. Very quiet, reserved, lost in thought.
April didn't have it in her to find out what those thoughts were, but of course they were of leo.
Milo outside for a cigarette; he insisted he rarely smoked, even weed - preferred edibles - but stressful times, she guesses. She doesn't blame him, it's not as if she hadn't joined him when she first arrived at the hospital.
Casey couldn't be around all the time, and frequently took walks - the thought of leo dying was too similar to his past life. A life he would never go back to, but still misses dearly.
Atleast the sight of a modern hospitals gardens were different to those in the apocalypse.
Everyone was hyperaware and inattentive at the same time - they knew where they were, but only thinking about one thing.
Hence the perfect opportunity for april to sneak into leos hospital room.
An amazing idea? Debatable to say the least, but she wasn't one to care.
She managed to get through the mental health ward without being questioned - confidence was key, she wasnt doing anything wrong so she definetly shouldn't act like it.
Finding leos room made her pause, standing outside the door for a few moments, wondering. What was she going to walk in to? Was this the best idea? Will she make things worse?
She didn't want to give herself time to think about it though, otherwise she might stand there all day.
Pushing the door open gently, she noticed the dim lighting, how the blinds were closed, the shadow of caged windows melting through the fabric.
There was a bathroom, but no door, not even any hinges where there could have been a door.
Plain white walls, a lonely, black screened television.
A bedside cart, untouched food, a plastic cup of water, an IV, a machine - so many cords, wires, a low beeping sound.
Leo, curled up on the bed. He hadn't moved at the sound of her coming in, hadn't even looked up. So the first thing she did was walk over to the windows to let the sun in.
"God leo, have we turned into vampires now?"
His eyes opened slowly, as if they had been glued shut - there wasnt much reaction to her, as if... "Yeah, I burn to a crisp."
It made her angry, is that all she gets? Just a stupid joke?
But April didn't want to assume what his morning had been like, what he was thinking about - what he was going through locked in this room all day, so she kept her voice light. "What're you up to today baby blue?"
Leo groaned lightly, quietly in a way that wasn't annoyed at his sister specifically, just uncomfortable - like he just woke up and was trying to get used to having a body again. "Mhmm... Not a lot. My nurse... Jamie... She gave me my meds really late because the night shift nurses hadn't. So...."
"So you're kinda not there right now, huh?" April mused, anger melting away immediately and smiling at her little brother when he just nodded his head into his pillow. "Ve'y much so."
April walked from the window over to leo, sitting on the edge of the hospital bed. "What's the meds for anyways?"
Leo rolled over and sat up, rubbing his eyes and yawning widely before responding. "Well, for one... getting my stomach pumped made it hurt... and I've ended up stripping my stomach and needing antibiotics, but they hurt my stomach... cause I'm so like.... whack..."
"Why don't they give you something else then?"
"Because I might've also gotten some of my self harm infected, so i need double everything," leo slurred slightly, shrugging, as if it wasnt important. "I dont have major drug addict problems, and I'm on a feeding tube because I wont eat much, so they aren't all weird about feeding me pain meds. I think they've also got me on some kind'a' anti-psychotic sedative thing... just a 'lil' bit."
April just sighed, "Jesus Christ baby blue, really just have to go all out all the time, huh," she joked tiredly, earning a hum. "You know it."
"You good if I stay for a bit? I think we should talk," she said gently, trying to slide her way into a conversation she's been dying to have with her baby brother. "I think there's lots to talk about too."
"Is there?" Leo deadpanned, uninterested but not opposed. "Already messed up and told donnie I was trying to kill myself, I'm sure we all know why..."
"I don't know why, leo. That's the thing," she pushed, wanting something more. Maybe today wasn't the right day to ask for more, especially when the younger was extra out of it because of whatever medication he's on, but was it so bad that she didn't want to wait? "You stopped talking to me."
"I stopped talking to everyone 'pril, nothing personal," he murmured, a weak smile on his face; this one actually met his eyes, but they were already heavy and innattentive. "I actually just got sick of everyone being so angry when I opened my mouth... I even tried being so gentle, just so they wouldn't be so mean..."
"I'm sorry that I was mean to you," april said quickly, reaching for one of leos hands. "I shouldn't have been."
The slider just rubbed his eyes with his other hand, uncoordinated and lazy as he shook his head lightly. "I tried s' hard..."
"Oh baby," her heart broke at such a weak statement, as if he was trying to convince her. "We know."
"That gentle touch you give everyone?" April said softly, a deeper sadness growing in her heart when leo only frowned. "You deserve that too."
"No one thinks that."
"You cradle everyone you love so close to your heart with the most tenderness I've ever seen, leo. I'd say that's pretty gentle."
The turtle just huffed quietly, picking at his nails and avoiding his sisters piercing stare. "I'm just... I'm used to no one really paying any attention, so when they do I feel so..."
He paused for a moment, and april kept quiet, letting him think. "Trapped? Uncomfortable... Angry," he finally decided, nodding his head lightly. "They haven't listened for so long... so I just feel misund'rstood."
"You've been through so much, I dont blame you for feeling alone," april said sadly, her heart aching. He really has gone through hell and back, whether it was small things piling up, or happenings that felt like the end of the world. "It sticks with you."
"I think sometimes I can be dramatic..." leo started softly, shrugging. "But then I think it jus' stuck with me so much cause I was so little, fighting with dad. Then I got older... and everything just kept going wrong."
There was no sign of tears, which is what april expected. She expected crying and blubbering if she's being honest, it's usually what happens after leo's reached a breaking point. But there was nothing.
It was probably the medication, she guessed. Not that she'd know.
"Well, I guess I just don't know why you didn't show up at my house again," she continued, trying her best to keep the smile perfectly crafted on her lips. "I would've helped leo, like last time."
"I just couldn't be in my skin anymore, april," leo just shook his head. "It isn't you, or the guys, or anything. I meant it when I said it's in me. I go every day jus'... hoping for a reason to justify dying. I 'dunno how you can help that."
"Did I not help last time though?" The girl questioned, voice slightly wobbly. It was childish, and of course she wasn't going to cry infront of her little brother whilst he was in a hospital bed, but she felt useless.
She felt like she failed.
Leo made her feel at home, was apart of her family for so many years - they were alone too, but they grew to have eachother.
How did he end up so alone, how could she let that happen.
The slider briefly glanced at his sister, clicking his tongue and taking her hand.
"April," he started gently, making the girl feel guilty for even letting him know how awful she felt. He was always good at catching on to when she was upset. "Everything you've ever done for me made a whole world of difference."
"Then why are you here baby blue," the plead was subtle, but even leos medicated brain could recognise it. He just couldn't muster up an answer.
"I don't know."
There was a beat of silence, and april realised she should've just waited until her brother was ready to talk to her. She should've just listened, been patient, not barged in like she always seems to do.
Atleast she got to see him alive.
She announced she was going to leave, let leo rest because his brain was "mushy," offering a goodbye and a hug before leaving the room, door shut and the girl out of sight.
She couldn't walk away though, not yet, crumpling to the floor in a quiet mess of tears.
What more was there to do?
"April?"
"O-oh-- Milo, what's up," she wiped her tears, but couldn't force a smile as she looked up to the snake yokai, cheeks sticky and stained with tears.
"I just came t' see what leo was up too, didnt know you came t' visit," he said casually offering her a hand to help her up. "Wha'cha doin' on the grubby floor?"
"Oh you know, little menty B," april joked as she took the tallers hand, voice dry with a light sarcasm. "I just couldn't wait anymore. Should've though, he's a bit extra medicated right now, apparently."
"I get that, I did the same," milo admitted, offering a smile. "Wanna talk about it?"
She just shook her head, finally able to muster up a smile. "Nah. I just care a lot about that stupid little weirdo," she mused, fighting a wobbly lip as her next words slipped out of her mouth. "I love those boys as if they were my own kids."
Milo understood, but there wasn't much he could say. No single thing he could do to make the situation better, bring comfort to anyone.
- with leo -
Being medicated means leos brain works a lot slower than usual, but it still works.
He noticed when april was holding back her words, and tears.
And he could hear april and milo talking, right outside his door.
He also noticed the minute milo came into his room, but he had just gotten comfortable laying down again, which was rare in itchy hospital sheets. So he just layed still, eyes closed.
Opening them was too slow of a process.
"Hey lelo," milo said softly as he walked into the room, watching for any sign of leo moving, any little recognition considering april was just in the room.
"I dunno if you're asleep or not, jus' wanted to come see you," he explained, a tenderness he reserved only for the blue turtle.
When he got no response he just sighed, staring longingly. "I miss you baby."
- in the waiting room -
April left the patient hospital wing and went back to where her family had been situated for the last few days - the blue room (ironic she knows.)
It was a family waiting room of sorts, away from those who were injured and waiting for care. It was a lot quieter atleast, and didnt smell as horrible.
That is, when there were no arguments, which was conveniently what april walked in to.
"What do you mean you're not waiting anymore?!"
"I'm goin' home! I'm sick of this!"
Raph and mikey, fighting loudly; both donnie and mikey openly hadn't been the fondest of their eldest brother, or father, since leo was brought to the hospital.
Unconciously, they had been blaming the two (and themselves) for leos issues ever since they first noticed the conflict.
"What's going on out here guys?" April asked tiredly. "Stop yellin', there's other people here."
"Raph doesn't care about leo!" Mikey yelled, childishly and accusingly, voice wavering and eyes brimming with angry tears. "He doesn't care that he's sick! He only cares about himself! He's-- You're such a liar raph!"
"Boys--"
"Dont even fucking start dad!" The youngest cut his father off quickly, sniffling harshly and squeezing his eyes shut as he clamped his hands over his tympana. "You both fucking suck right now and I don't want to listen to either of you."
April turned to raph, watching his chest rise and fall unsteadily and cringed, knowing that--
"He obviously doesn't care, why would I wait around?!" The snapper hissed, a flash of regret tearing through his face when mikeys tears finally fell, turning around and walking out of the blue room.
He was going home, the girl guessed, and she wasn't sure whether to follow him or not.
She decided not to think about it to much though, because that was still her brother. Mikey was fine in the hospital with donnie, milo was with leo, and splinter is a grown adult who can't even properly--
Deep breaths, april.
It'll be fine.