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The lab was quiet save for the swish of the office chair as it spun in endless circles. Occasionally you’d steal a glimpse towards the portal, its gaping maw lit with blue light as it hummed its familiar mechanical noises. You’d hadn’t left the lab for three days. Dad had told you to leave several times, but you refused to move no matter what.
Nothing had been the same since that triangle guy showed up. Dad had become increasingly paranoid and retreated into himself with his studies. Your brothers had followed suit. Eins worked tirelessly alongside dad, exchanging notes and new discoveries with him. Zwei would sneak out of the lab and go talk with as many people in town as possible, sometimes bringing them back so you’d both have someone to talk to. You’d noticed he also had several new tattoos, one of which in big, bright red letters read, “Don’t summon at all costs!” You could tell having the warning etched into his skin bothered him, but according to dad, it was a necessary evil that Zwei was willing to accept.
As a consequence of recent events, you had been left uncompleted unlike your brothers. Many of your pages remained blank and it was evident from your few tattoos that you aren’t the most knowledgeable of the journals. Still, what you lack in information, you made up for by being vigilant. For the past month, you would stay in the lab for days at a time, staring daggers into the portal to make sure the demon triangle wouldn’t return. Every once and a while, Eins and Zwei would stop their usual activities and would stay a few hours to talk to you. They would express their concern over you staying and guarding the portal, but if anything, you should be worrying over them. Every once and a while, you’d catch them exchanging knowing glances at each other that gave you the chills. You’d even find them staring at you with the most pitiful expressions on their faces. They knew something and they weren’t telling you. The worst part is that you don’t know if you’re better off not knowing.
As you continued to swivel absentmindedly in the chair, you suddenly hear the sound of footsteps sound from above. Listening carefully to the weight in the steps, you discern that they belong to dad. You stop your spinning almost immediately and instead wait eagerly for the lab door to open. Once it does, you’re greeted by the stern, focused face of dad. Without giving you any acknowledgement, he walks right past you and the chair, making his way to his office where all his equipment was kept. Trying not to appear too disappointed with the lack of attention, you turn your gaze back over to the portal, though you keep one eye focused on dad. You know he’s staring. Everyone had been staring lately.
Sure enough, just before you were about to keep your attention wholly on the portal, you see him peek his head out of the office and at you. From what little you can make out of his expression, he looks….sad. You can feel yourself tense up from this and dad must have noticed it too since his frown deepens and he ducks back into the office. He’s up to something. You don’t know what, but you’re sure you will know in due time.
You’d look over to the office every now and again as the portal continued its humming, though dad was taking his time with whatever work he was up to and staying awake for three days was starting to take its toll. Before you knew it, your lids began to close over your eyes and despite how hard you tried to fight sleep, it took only a few seconds for you to succumb to slumber.
When you’re woken up, dad is shaking you by your shoulders, making you practically jump out of your chair from shock. Once you set yourself upright, hurt you like that. He clearly was trying to hide the gun from you, though. He kept it behind his back with one arm. You feel sick to your stomach.
“Dad, what are you hiding from me?”
He heaves a sigh, looking away from you and off to some test tubes off to the side.
“Drei…Your brothers and I have been talking and we’ve come to the same conclusion. It’s not safe for you or them anymore. Bill would use the information in all of you to do horrible things. I can’t let that happen.”
Your mind is racing at what he might mean by that. Obviously it has something to do with that gun, but he wouldn’t kill any of you, right? He loves all of you. You’re his children. He wouldn’t do anything that would put you in harms way….Right? You find yourself grasping for something, anything to say, but all you can seem to manage is stammering. You fight for your words despite this. He needs to know how you’re feeling.
“But I’ve been watching the portal for weeks! If Bill comes out, I’ll know and we could all get away. You don’t have to do anything rash. It’s all going to be okay!”
Dad frowns and shakes his head, slowly bringing the gun behind his back forward.
“Bill’s a dream demon, Drei. He knows everything before it happens. He can even get inside your head and use you against us. I’ve thought this plan out and your brothers agree with me that it’s for the best.”
“But I don’t agree! None of you have told me anything! Don’t you think I should know what’s going on?! This is my family too and I should have a say on what happens!”
“We didn’t tell you because we knew you wouldn’t agree. See, you’re freaking out and I haven’t even told you what’s going on yet!”
“I saw that gun, dad! You may think I don’t notice what goes on here half the time, but I do! I know you’ve all been talking. You all look at me like something horrible is about to happen and I never know why! If you’re going to hurt me, at least say it to my face!”
“But I’m not trying to hurt you! I’m saving you!”
“Prove it.” Is your only response, crossing your arms over your chest.
Dad lets out a huff, finally bringing up his arm exposing the gun fully. You immediately freeze when you see it, letting out a gasp. It’s a memory erasing gun. Standard in the society of the blind eye. It could take away everything you’d ever known in your life up to this point. You turn around with fun intent to find your brothers and run into the forest.
You don’t get very far before dad grabs you by one of your suit sleeves, keeping a strong grip on it and pulling you back over to him.
“Where are you gong?!”
“I don’t want to forget! I don’t want to forget Eins or Zwei! Please, just let me go!”
You could feel tears start to well up in your eyes at the thought of losing your brothers. Eins and Zwei meant everything to you. They’d always been there since you were written, took care of you and guided you. You couldn’t bare the idea never having known them. You’d be nothing but an empty shell without them in your life. As the tears stream steadily down your face, you’re suddenly pulled into a warm hug. Grasping at dad’s sweater, it starts to grow damp with tears as he pats your head.
“I’m not making you forget Eins or Zwei. I’m making you all forget me.”
You choke back sobs as you slowly bring your head upwards to face dad, a barely audible, “What?” escaping your lips.
“I’m making you forget me. It was the only option we were willing to consider. It was either that or…or one of you be burned. Eins volunteered, but neither I nor Zwei would allow him to go through with it.”
You don’t know what’s worse: The fact this is the only good option or the fact Eins was willing to sacrifice himself for the both of you. He’d do anything for you and Zwei. It doesn’t surprise you he’d be willing to die for you. However, you wouldn’t remember dad. You’d have no idea where you came from, where you belonged, how you got your tattoos. You’d have nothing but your brothers. You suppose that’s not so bad given the alternative.
“And you’re sure this is the only way?”
“I’m sure. We’ve talked out all of the possibilities and this was the best of them. Don’t worry. It’ll be painless. You won’t feel a thing and it’ll be over before you know it.”
Stifling your sniffles, you slowly let go of dad. Gazing at the gun in his hand, you can’t help but feel your heart break at knowing what was about to happen. All you have to do is tell yourself that it’s okay. It’s going to be okay.”
Watching dad as he adjusts the settings on the gun, he looks back at you every once and a while. Even though he’s trying his best to hide it, you can still see the hurt in his eyes. It makes you want to start crying again, but you don’t allow yourself to. Dad needs to remember that you were strong in this moment, not a crying mess.
Once everything is calibrated, dad holds the gun up next to your head, finger on the trigger. With him this up close, it becomes even more apparent how much it hurts him. You’d even started to notice the bags under his eyes most likely from sleepless nights about thinking this through. In that moment you regret yelling at him as much as you had.
Closing your eyes, you feel another tear trickle down your cheek only to be wiped away by dad’s thumb. If you didn’t know any better, you swore you could hear him start to cry as well. An apology begins to form on your lips until dad cuts you off by speaking first.
“I’m so sorry, Drei…None of you deserve this, but there isn’t another way. It’s going to be okay, though. You’ll have your brothers. They’ll take good care of you. And perhaps…perhaps one day you’ll find someone who will complete you. It’s going to be okay, son. I promise.”
As the sound of the gun going off rattles next to your skull, you find yourself thinking one last unavoidable truth while all your memories are still in tact for mere seconds.
It’s not going to be okay.