Chapter Text
Steve hadn't necessarily planned for nightmares when the Upside Down first reared its ugly head. He had pictured dealing with the monsters, taking care of the kids, and moving on in a very manly and concise manner. It took one full night alone in his big empty house for the terror to finally seep in. This is his life now.
After one particular nightmare including demogorgons somehow spawning in his parents' big walk-in closet, Steve spent a small fortune on night lights. He plugged one into every wall and along extension cords strung in the hallway. He had even considered Christmas lights before the memory of the Byers’ living room crept into his mind. He spent the rest of highschool afraid of the dark, slipping weapons under his bed and padlocking every door in his house.
Just as he started to get used to living with the first attack the second happened, then the third. By the time Vecna became the threat it was, Steve had resigned to living in constant fight or flight. He could see it on the others' faces that he wasn't the only one in such a state. He was the oldest, and not the smartest out of everyone (definitely the dumbest) and surprisingly not the strongest with fighting (though he was always willing to throw himself in the line of fire) so he had to be the most put together. He was the person who took care of everyone else, licked their wounds and drove them to school. He planned summer outings for the kids, helped Robin make it to band practice on time, and drove Jonathan to the garage when his car needed new brakes.
With Vecna and all its repercussions, Steve found it the hardest he ever had to be the rock. It all culminated late July when their self proclaimed party gathered in the trailer park to run through the Munsons’ garden hose. Steve had been shaken awake that morning by the vision of demobats bursting through his bedroom window and aiming their vitriol straight at him. He flinched so hard he fell out of bed and sat stunned for a few long moments before realising at some point in that terror he had wet himself. That sent a sharp embarrassment running over his skin and he couldn't help himself anymore, he buried his head in his knees and cried so hard his voice was still hoarse even an hour later.
Now he leaned against the side of the Munsons’ new (double wide!) trailer and fought off the urge to go home. Lucas had a rough week after visiting Max in the hospital and receiving no update on when she could come home. El said she was talking again but couldn't move most of her body. Steve himself had visited her enough to know just how much of an effect seeing someone you care about in such a state could have. He just needed to be there for Lucas, to be a steady presence in this summer sun and a rude home when the bugs got too much.
Eddie was busy chasing Dustin and Will with the hose. He seemed far too put together for a person who had months prior brushed shoulders with death. He laughed easily and quickly caught up to the two boys who huddled against each other, shrieking, as the cold water hit them. In a flash, Eddie turned around and caught Mike off guard with the water, successfully soaking him and his sandwich. Mike shot up off the grass in offense. Steve watched as a battle broke out. He stood on shaky legs to go fix another sandwich for Mike before too much of a problem could start.
Just as he finished up the specifics of Mike's sandwich (the kid was picky), a heavy set of footsteps approached him from behind. Startled, Steve dropped the sandwich onto the fold-out table below him and jumped, lifting his arms up defensively and turning around to face what he fully suspected was a monster ready to tear him apart. Instead he was faced with a shocked Eddie Munson who raised his hands up placatingly and backed away a few steps.
Steve started forward with wide eyes, rapidly searching Eddie and his surroundings to make sure they were absolutely safe. Monster free. Eddie watched, cautious and worried, a crease between his brows and frown digging into his features. Steve's face flushed in embarrassment. Oh god, did he seriously just attempt to punch Eddie in his own front yard?
“Hey big guy, it's just me,” Eddie moved forward a step very carefully, “just Eddie here to retrieve the food for that heathen.” Steve stared on, frozen, as Eddie gestured to the table behind him. Something in his brain was not clicking. He felt…. foggy? Eddie waited another few seconds before just moving around Steve and grabbing the plate. Tears pricked at Steve's eyes as he tried to catch up to what had just happened. He was still sensitive from that morning, he was just tired. He was, truthfully, confused.
“Stay right here.” Eddie said softly, taking in the oncoming tears in Steve's vision. Steve nodded and watched, wide-eyed, as Eddie returned to the kids momentarily. Steve was frozen in place. He felt the same as he had all those long nights alone. Like when would skip classes to collect himself in the bathroom, holding a hand tight over his mouth to catch any embarrassing whimpers. Everything was suddenly much bigger than him, like he was somehow faded around his edges.
Eddie returned quick enough and steered Steve to the side of the house with a sturdy hand on his shoulder. Steve struggled to keep up with the pace. Eddie's face softened when they reached their destination amongst the grown-out grass of the Munsons’ yard. Steve stared at him, somewhat still stuck, but slowly coming back to himself. Waves of panic were flushing down his body and disappearing into the dirt.
“Are you ok?” Eddie asked quietly. He examined Steve's body briefly to see if he had somehow gotten hurt in the half-minute Eddie had taken his eyes off him. Steve nodded out of reflex. Of course he was okay, he was always okay. Eddie tilted his head at the answer.
“Why am I finding that hard to believe?” Steve looked down and shrugged, feeling somewhat reprimanded. He didn't want to get in trouble for lying. Out of his sight, Eddie raised his eyebrows and took in Harrison's form yet again. This time he was just trying to make sense of what he was looking at. He’d almost find it amusing to see Steve standing there like a child caught sneaking into the pantry if the circumstances were not as they were. Steve was obviously dealing with some sort of trauma-thing.
Eddie hesitated another moment before realizing that tears had escaped Steve’s eyes and his shoulders were now shaking slightly. Steve let out a small, helpless sniffle and Eddie suddenly found it hard to not just hug the dumb prep. He couldn't though. They weren't those kinds of friends, and Steve certainly wasn't that sort of person. Steve brought his shaky hands up to wrap them around his shoulders and Eddie's heart broke into tiny bits.
“Hey, hey, it’s okay! I'm not mad at you! You’re safe, everyone else is safe. We’re okay.'' Steve took in a shaky breath and shook his head. Eddie panicked. “No, listen, I promise. Look!” Steve lifted his gaze shyly to see Eddie standing tall with his arms out. “Normal world! No shadow realm, no baddies! Me and you and those hooligans over there are out in the real an’ normal sun together safe and sound, hm?” Steve sniffled and looked back down at his feet. He sucked in a sharp gasp of air. Eddie dropped his arms and stepped even closer.
“Hey, uh, deep breaths bud. Gotta get air in your lungs.” Steve nodded and dramatically opened his mouth to take in a lungful, choking on it. “Okay, maybe less deep?” Steve looked up at Eddie and pulled the breath in through his nose instead. Eddie smiled at that. “Yeah, that's better.” Steve’s breathing began to even out.
The two stood in silence as Steve gathered himself and Eddie observed cautiously. Steve’s demeanor was odd but not unfamiliar. It was a weird effect he couldn't really put his finger on. Steve almost seemed smaller in the way he was standing, huddled against himself and wide-eyed. Eddie smiled softly when their gazes met and felt a lightbulb shoot off above his head. Steve seemed childish. He was staring at Eddie, scared, like he couldn't possibly take care of himself at the moment. He stared like Eddie was something so much bigger than himself.
“How do you feel now?” Steve averted his gaze to his shoes and shook his head. Eddie furrowed his brow in confusion. That did absolutely nothing to answer his question. “Words bud '' Steve looked back at him helplessly for a few long seconds before speaking up.
“Tired” he croaked out, struggling over the “r” sound in the word, his voice the meekest Eddie had ever heard it sound. Childish. Eddie was starting to get a slight grasp on what was going on.
“Well, uh, do you wanna nap at my place or go home?” Steve shook his head again and Eddie held back a giggle. He really didn't mean to make fun of his friend in this state but it was indeed kinda cute!
“Stevie,” the other boy's head shot up, face pink and shy. Eddie smiled internally: that nickname was a lucky find.
“Home.” Steve mumbled. Eddie nodded and thought for a minute how to transport all the kids while keeping Steve sheltered from them. Something about the state he was in seemed far too vulnerable to be exposed to all those heathens. Eddie felt overprotective of Steve. He sorta wanted to wrap this version of Steve up and hide him away somewhere safe forever. It was a weird reaction to seeing his friend cry that he honestly wasn't prepared to have.
“Lemme go tell the kids you’ve got a major migraine so they’ll leave you alone, okay?” Eddie waited for Steve to nod, “Okay, then I'll drive your car and drop 'em all off right?” He waited again. “Then we go home.” Steve nodded one last time before leaning back against the trailer heavily. Eddie let out a sigh and moved on with his genius plan.
The drive home was stressful without Steve's strict parenting. Not that the kids usually obeyed him but they at least reigned in their chaos a bit better around Steve. The whole way around Hawkins, the five teenagers in the back of Steve's car continued playing car games and singing along to the music on the radio and shoving each other whilst also being considerate to steves ‘migraine’. Eddie would usually sit in the passenger seat, feet propped up and join in on the chaos. He’d probably even enjoy poking fun at Steve, but now he was just trying to drive as carefully as possible while subtly exploding every single kids’ heads.
Usually Steve would never let him get even close to the driver's seat of his beloved car. Now though, Steve—or Stevie, sat curled up in the passenger seat, silent. He watched out the window and ignored the kids goofing off. Eddie prayed he was just tired and not in some depressive haze. Maybe Steve even had the awareness to realize how vulnerable this version of himself was: self preservation.
They dropped off the last batch of teens and headed to the Harringtons’ large house. Eddie had seen it before from the outside, but this would be the very first time he had ever been inside. Despite having such an impressive home, Steve hadn't really seemed willing to let anyone in it. They usually met up at Eddie's trailer or the Wheeler's house. More recently they had been enjoying the privacy the Byers’ home gave them. Never the luxury of Steve Harrington's family home.