Archive of Our Own

See the other day, a heist went a little wrong.
The thing is, the Fake AH Crew does not get spooked. They are cool and calm and level headed through everything that can possibly happen during a heist. That’s exactly why Gavin was screaming into his headset while fleeing the cops on the back of a speeding motorcycle belonging to a stranger with curly black hair.
“Would you shut up for five seconds!? God, I’m going to go deaf” The man shouted, taking a sharp left into a tight alleyway.
Everyone else had already made it out of the bank they were robbing and had escaped in their own getaway cars but Gavin, who was supposed to be with Geoff and Ryan, had taken a wrong turn out of the back entrance and ended up on his own.
On foot.
There was a lot of screaming and a lot of arguing about who should go get him and who could get to him without putting themselves in danger when all of the sudden an unfamiliar voice rang throughout the comm’s system.
“Hello Fake AH Crew!” A very perky voice cheered in the gents’ ears. “My name is Lawrence, and you’re talking to the Funhaus Crew now. Be nice please!”
“Who the fuck are you?” Michael’s voice cut sharp through the line. Another unfamiliar voice snickered.
“Oh my dears, we do not have time for that, I’m afraid.” Lawrence laughed, “See we’ve had a bit of a scheduling issue and actually planned our two heists at the exact same time. Convenient a bit, however, as it has managed to split the cops dramatically. Your British friend is safe and sound with one of our own now, don’t worry. You should really take better care of your things.” The snickering got louder, seemingly trying to stifle their own laughter. “My friend Joel here has him on the back of his bike and they’re heading to ole’ out-of-sight mansion for a bit.”
As if on queue Gavin screamed, “THIS GUY DRIVES LIKE A MANIAC.”
Geoff’s skin crawled, “If you hurt him…”
“Ramsey right? Yeah if we wanted to hurt him I would have just left him on the damn sidewalk for the cops to bip the hell out of, so would you kindly tell him to stop CLAWING MY BACK LIKE AN ANIMAL!” A new voice screamed into the comm. Geoff’s head was starting to spin.
“That was my friend, Joel. He’ll be delivering his package, as soon as he clears the cops behind him, to one of your safe houses. You’ll probably want to meet him there.” The snickering in the background broke into outright laughter before completely cutting out, and the Fake AH Crew were alone again.
“Who the FUCK was that?” Ryan spoke first, spinning the car he and Geoff were currently occupying towards the nearest safe-house.
“They said their name was ‘Fun house’? I’ve never heard of them?” Jack added, turning his own car towards the safe house as well, while Jeremy and Matt quickly reloaded their pistols in the back seats.
Michael’s anger could be heard loud and clear in Geoff’s ear-piece. “Whoever the fuck they were, they’re gonna get it for messing with us like this… ‘Scheduling issue’,” Michael scoffed loudly, “fucking assholes.”
Geoff was calculating. “Everyone just get to the fucking house. We need to get there before they do, otherwise they’ll slip away and we’ll never find them.”
It took Geoff and Ryan exactly 12 minutes to get to the safe-house, but just as they screeched into the driveway, a lanky, curly haired man sped away on a motorcycle into a dark alleyway, completely out of sight.
“Holy shit he’s getting away!” Ryan shouted, slamming the car into reverse, but Geoff stopped him.
“Let him go, that bike is wicked fast and he’ll be able to maneuver better than us. There’s no point.”
Ryan grumbled and put the car back into park, storming out of the car. “Gavin! Are you hurt? Who was that? What did he do to you?” He shouted.
Gavin was sat, staring blankly at the space where the curly-haired man’s bike had been just a few seconds earlier, with complete shock written all over his face. He wasn’t hurt, but he seemed dazed. Geoff snapped his fingers in front of his eyes.
“Gav, buddy, you there? What happened?” The gent asked.
Gavin looked up at Geoff like he wasn’t sure himself.
“He… uh.. he gave me his number?”
***
Needless to say, when they had all returned safely to the Fake AH Crew operating house, there were a lot of questions to be asked.
Gavin recalled it as “Cops were all shooting at me and stuff and I couldn’t do anything else! So I jumped on his bike! He was offering!” Following an irritated punch from Michael. The mysterious, curly haired man, identified as Joel from the interaction on the comms, had simply dropped Gavin off at the house with no instruction and left him with a phone number on a ripped piece of paper and a “promise to call me, pretty boy!”.
Geoff didn’t know what to make of it. The Fake AH Crew publicly ran Achievement City. They had been for five years now and it had been a long time since another crew had tried to walk in on them. And even then they had always been big gangs; famous, well known and powerful. Threats.
These guys were nothing. Kdin spend 4 hours researching everything he could in every inch of the internet and there weren’t any records of the “Fun House” gang at all. They had literally just shown up out of no where a little while ago in Achievement City with no warning whatsoever. Even their full names were under wraps and pictures ranged from blurry photos of the curly haired one to weirdly drawn sticky-note art. The only intel Kdin could get on them was that there were only seven of them and that a man named Adam was the leader. It made Geoff’s hair raise.
“Well we need to talk to these guys,” Jack started, “Maybe we can just talk them out of here and not have to deal with a gang war.”
Geoff considered it, a gang war would be the worst thing to deal with right now. The FAHC had just suffered the loss of one of it’s biggest members: Ray Narvaez Jr. The lad had wanted out and Geoff didn’t even think about stopping him. They hadn’t heard from him since, but he had promised to stay in touch. In this industry, it’s not exactly easy to just make a phone call.
Regardless, it would be bad timing for a gang war and Geoff would be lying if he said he didn’t expect someone to pick up on his weakness. He intended, however, to prove them wrong.
“Okay, we’ll call the number and offer them a chance to meet up. Neutral territory. Hopefully they’ll just talk. I don’t think they really want to fight, I mean, they did save Gavin’s ass.” (“Oi!”)
The thing is though, when they called the number, Geoff expected it to be civil… to be professional. He expected this “fun house” crew to take it pretty seriously considering who exactly was calling them. He did not, however, expect the answer to be an excited “Pretty boy!!! You called!”
Geoff cleared his throat, “Actually, this is Geoff Ramsey, I’m calling for Adam Kovic.”
The voice on the other end sounded actually… hurt? “Wow, well you should have called his number then. This is Joel. I charge a minimum of $200 for house calls. What service do you require?”
Ryan rolled his eyes and Michael’s widened. Who the fuck did these people think they were? No one ever talked to Geoff like that, especially people in potentially rival crews.
Geoff tried to remain calm, “He didn’t give me his number, you did.”
Joel scoffed, “Actually I gave the hot British one my number. As i recall, you were busy losing your teammate.”
Now Geoff’s blood was boiling. “Look,” He spat, “We need to talk. There’s an old diner on the edge of Achievement City that I’d like to meet at. Just a bit left of the highway. Don’t bring any artillery. The owner is very patient, but I like to be considerate. Be there tomorrow at noon.”
“Who said I was free tomorrow?” Joel retorted, but Geoff just huffed and slammed the “end call” button on the phone, grumbling to himself angrily.
“Do you think they’ll come?” Gavin asked.
“They fucking better.”
***
“How many people are they bringing?” Kdin asked for about the 600th time.
Geoff sighed, “Kdin, I’ve told you already. I said like 2 sentences to the guy. I dont know if they’re even coming at ALL let alone how many people they have or if they’re driving or fucking parachuting in. I dont know!”
Kdin winced but shut his mouth. He was just on edge. Geoff had put a lot of thought into this meeting. He really wanted this to play out well so he had just brought Kdin and Ryan as his backup. He didn’t want to bring the whole crew and intimidate them. However, just as a precaution, the three of them all had high powered pistols in their coat pockets and Michael and Jack were only a mile away in an armed helicopter. Geoff wanted this to be simple. The “fun house” crew had to understand how territory was going to work here and that FAHC had final say on everything. They could haggle later about protection tax and the like, but right now, Geoff just wanted to establish that they weren’t going to make the FAHC home base their next heist target.
“Alright guys, when they get here I want to do all of the talking,” Geoff muttered, “That’s an order okay? Literally no words. If anyone says anything to you, look at me and I’ll answer it. This one’s a very delicate mission boys, I want to see for myself it’s done perfectly.”
Ryan and Kdin both nodded just as the loud hum of a car engine suddenly pierced the air around them. Two loud sports cars, one a four-door and one a smaller two-door, came speeding into the parking lot of the empty diner. The larger car was navy blue with bright, clear windows and inside, Geoff counted five passengers. The smaller car was bright orange and had completely tinted out windows so no one could see inside. When the door to it opened however, two tall, buff men confidently stepped out.
There were seven of them in total, a few of them pretty small, a few of them pretty ripped. None of them were carrying weapons but Geoff was wary, just in case. They seemed to fall perfectly into a formation with one of the larger guys in the front. They waltzed into the diner together and completely ignored the confused hostess as they made a B-line straight for Geoff’s table.
“Seven of them!?!” Kdin whispered nervously. Ryan hissed a “be quiet!” back at him.
When they approached, Geoff stood up. “Hello.” He spoke carefully.
The man in the front examined Geoff slightly before smiling, “Hello. You are Geoff Ramsey.” He spoke definitively but calm as well. Friendly.
Geoff nodded, “That’s correct. And who are you?”
The man reached out his hand to shake Geoff’s while using his others to point at his followers. “Im Adam. This is Matt, Spoole, James, Bruce, Lawrence and Joel, whom you’ve already met.”
The other men smiled and nodded collectively, before comfortably sitting down at the large table Geoff had clearly reserved. A few of the men grabbed chairs, carelessly from other tables. ‘confident’, Geoff noted.
Geoff sat down, slowly between Ryan and Kdin. “These are my crewmates as well. Kdin here is going to have his laptop out to write down information, if that’s alright with you.” The gent tried to sound as polite as possible.
The new guests seemed bit disinterested. “Whatever you want,” The one called Bruce waved his hand dismissively. Ryan tilted his head in confusion, wasn’t Adam the one in charge. Why did Bruce seem so sure of himself?
After everyone was settled, Geoff took a deep breath and began. “Alright so-“
“Whats the wifi password?”
Geoff almost missed who had said it at first. The slightly taller man named Lawrence, the one from the comms during the heist, had suddenly pulled his own laptop out and was looking definitively at Kdin. The younger lad looked shocked. Not only had this guy interrupted one of the most powerful men in the country, but he wasn’t even concerned with him at all and seemed to be waiting expectantly for an answer.
Not wanting to offend them, Geoff took a quick, calming breath and nodded at Kdin, who mumbled the wifi password quickly. He was nervous about Geoff’s reaction. It had been a long time since someone had interrupted him.
The one named Adam hadn’t looked away from Geoff the entire time and although his demeanor seemed very relaxed, the gent could tell he was reading him. “You were sayin-“ He started before once again, someone interrupted.
“So you and Gavin are related right?” The shorter one, Spoole, interjected. Geoff’s eyes went wide. He waited for any reaction from Adam to indicate annoyance at his own crew worker interrupting him, but the man didn’t take his eyes off Geoff, still calmly reading him. Spoole continued, “Thats the rumor on the street anyway. You two have been together for your entire crew’s history and he’s so much younger than you. So?”
Geoff looked stunned, “Uh…. n- no? We’re not-” he started but was cut off once again.
“That’s good cause the other rumor is that you’re all fucking each other.” Spoole grinned widely. “And that’d be a little fucked up.”
From behind him, Joel snickered a quiet “Heyoo.”
Geoff had to think consciously not to let his jaw drop to the floor. He knew his relationship with the crew wasn’t completely a secret, but it was a huge weakness and typically other crews tried to use it against them. He could feel Ryan tense up beside him.
Undisturbed, the men in front of him continued talking. “It’s okay, we’re fucking too!” Joel, added with a matter-of-fact tone. On the other side, James and Bruce burst out laughing.
The shortest one, Matt, suddenly turned his glare towards Ryan, “Is that a problem, Haywood?”
Ryan was clearly upset about how causal they were all talking about this, but Geoff gently kicked his foot to get him to relax. The tension in the air was being combatted only by a light giggling in the back from Bruce and James and occasional whispering to each other.
Suddenly, Adam spoke, “I think you’re a good person, Geoff. I hope you feel the same about me.” As if by a command, the giggling stopped and everyone looked up very seriously at Geoff. Matt relaxed his glare on Ryan, as though Adam had told him off some how. Geoff squinted a bit at the weird, unconventional control Adam seemed to have on his crew.
“Um…” Geoff started, expecting to be interrupted again. When he wasn’t, he continued. “As i’m sure you’re all aware, Achievement City is ours. We’ve held onto it for quite a long time now and we’re not about to sit down before a bunch of new-kids-on-the-block who’ve frankly never existed before this and clearly don’t have a lot of assets. We don’t want to hurt you boys, but this isn’t going to be the same as whatever local town you’re from.” Geoff paused to observe the men in front of him. They all seemed… disinterested? Kdin shifted uncomfortably and Geoff could feel him staring intently at him, clearly wanting to say something, but he was going to have to wait. Geoff continued.
“We can work out territory and heisting schedules later but I need to know that you’ve got one thing clear: we are in charge here. We don’t want to kick you out entirely, you seem like smart guys. Make the right decision and pay your lumps. Prove to us that you’re good at what you do and not out for blood and we won’t take yours. Any questions?” Geoff laced as much venom and threat as he could into the last sentence to drive his point home. Scaring people wasn’t usually his tactic, but these guys were oddly unafraid of him, and he didn’t like it.
The room was deafeningly silent for a moment. Lawrence hadn’t looked up from his computer once, Matt was still hinting glares at Ryan, Spoole was staring at his lap intently like he was trying to figure something out, Joel just looked disinterested, Bruce and James were seeming to have some sort of completely mental conversation using only their eyes and Adam was still smiling creepily at Geoff. He waited for one of them to speak.
“What does the AH stand for?” Sean suddenly cut in. Geoff blinked, stunned and looking at Adam expectantly for help, but the young man didn’t respond. Geoff cleared his throat.
“Uh… Achievement Hunter.” He mumbled, a bit embarrassed and equally confused. “We like video games.”
Suddenly Bruce let out a loud gasp, “We love video games!”
“What do you play?” On Bruce’s right, James Willems looked up eagerly as well.”
“Uh-”
“I’m sure it’s something way cooler than fucking Psychonauts,” Bruce interrupted again, rolling his eyes pointedly at James.
James pouted, “Oh come on, every time!”
“Because no one likes that fucking game!”
Geoff watched wide eyed at the chaos in front of him.
“You know, statistically, that game did do pretty well,” Lawrence joined the conversation without looking up.
“That game had a cult following! That’s like saying My Little Pony was good because a bunch of creepy old men liked it!” This time Joel shouted.
James pouted, “Psychonauts was the best game ever made and I bet mister studious Geoff Ramsey agrees with me,”
Geoff tried again, “Uh actually-“
“No! I bet Geoff hates that game.” Bruce interrupted and Geoff slouched a little in his seat. “I bet Geoff sent out his crew specifically to murder the developers of that god forsaken game and that’s why they haven’t made a second one.”
“Everyone hates that game!” Joel screamed, causing Ryan to jump slightly in his chair. “Everyone who has ever played that game hates it, and everyone who didn’t hates it for taking up one more space on their gamestop shelf that could have been taken up by Grand Theft Auto!”
“You know what else everyone hates?” Adam finally spoke, his voice uncomfortably calm and once again managing somehow to bring the whole crew to complete silence. After a moment, he answered, “Gang wars.”
The tension in the air spiked dramatically but Geoff was too stunned by the sudden, random subject change to speak. Lawrence, who had finally looked up from his computer, spoke next. “So essentially, Geoff, don’t do it.”
“We don’t really take, it’s not our style” Joel added.
Adam smiled, “We just wanna hang out.” A few people laughed. “While of course, entirely ignoring the law.”
Spoole muttered under his breathe, “And get high,” causing Joel to roll his eyes.
“So don’t step on our toes, okay?” Bruce snapped, sounding annoyed, and James added, “That way we won’t bite back.”
((“Dammit James, the phrase is ‘we won’t kick’!!” Bruce “And you two are supposed to be so in tune with each other.” Matt.))
“Any questions?” Adam finished, a mischievous smile accompanying his sarcastic tone. The others seemed to take this as some sort of confirmation to leave because they all suddenly stood up at once. Geoff watched in shock as everyone but Lawrence piled into the larger car they had first arrived in and loudly sped away. One awkward moment passed, and then Lawrence spoke.
“You’re spelling it wrong by the way,” He nodded, disinterested at Kdin’s computer. “Its F-U-N-H-A-U-S. You might have more luck if you search for our old name, however.” With that, the last two exited the diner, Adam throwing one more smile at Geoff before hopping into the driver’s seat of his car and speeding away.
Another silent moment.
“What… the fuck… was that?” Ryan spoke first.
“I- I don’t know.” Geoff responded, unable to fully process what had just happened. “What was he talking about, Kdin?”
Kdin was typing furiously at his computer before suddenly he slammed his fist on the table. “He hacked me! How did I not even notice??” Geoff looked pointedly at the younger man, waiting for him to continue. “Lawrence mirrored my screen while I was typing and watched everything I wrote down! What the fuck!?”
Ryan huffed. “What did he mean by ‘old name’?” he demanded, frustration dripping from his face.
Kdin looked up worriedly. “I figured out why we couldn’t find any intel on them. I’ve actually met Lawrence before at a tech expo notorious for hackers and gang members attending. It wasn’t until I saw his face again, that I put it together. They’re not new, they’re actually old. Like as old as us, maybe older. They are the old members of Inside Gaming!”
Geoff’s eyes went wide. Inside Gaming. He should have known that! Inside Gaming was one of the most powerful crews in Los Santos, one of the Gang Tycoon Machinima’s biggest allies. They were incredibly well organized and one of the best run crews in the world. They were small and very close, so they never ran into trouble with infighting or disagreement. A few months ago, for some reason, Machinima moved into their territory and took complete control of it, stating that Inside Gaming was over and they had 48 hours to clear out. No one heard from them again, however nobody expected them to really be gone. They had a ton of assets of their own and never really needed Machinima’s support, just going along with their control to avoid any unnecessary drama. When they went under the radar, Geoff had considered reaching out to them to offer a sheltering alliance until they could get back on their feet, but they dropped off so fast no one was even able to get in contact with them.
“Holy shit,” Ryan mumbled, clearly having the same realization that Geoff was.
“You called them kids!” Kdin whined. “They’re probably laughing at us right now.”
“How could we fuck that up,” Geoff muttered, standing up and heading towards his own car. “Call Michael and Jack. We’re going back to the base…
“We’re going to need to change our plan a bit.”