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Dread. An all-encompassing, crushing feeling. That feeling which makes one avoid work, makes one avoid people, makes one avoid hobbies.
This is the feeling that the newly-realized Prince of Spades is feeling, all over a simple get-together with his Queenie Beanie. Something that should be harmless. But it is not.
The truth is, Queenie Beanie is just a nickname Spades uses. When the two of them met, Queen introduced himself with a so-called serial number. Spades had no intentions to remember that, so he took to calling his friend "Queen" for short. The nickname stuck, and later evolved into "Queenie Beanie." In return, Queen started calling Spades "Kingy Wingy." As a joke.
As a cruel joke.
Spades knows better. The joke isn't truly cruel. But it taunts him. Tantalizing him with something he can't truly have. To be recognized, as a future king. As a current prince.
As a man.
It makes him feel sick. How Queen can just call him that, but also call him she and her, and address him as a girl. How he can be so comfortable with that, and also be so comfortable when called Queen, because his gender is never denied to him. He's seen as a boy. When Spades calls him Queen, everyone around laughs it off. Just teens playing pretend.
When he's called King. Just a teen playing pretend. A female, who doesn't know better, playing pretend.
It's a punch to the gut every time someone rolls their eyes at "Kingy Wingy." A slap to the face every time someone reminds him he's the princess. A challenge for him not to lash out at everyone around him when any of this happens. Can't they see how this is hurting him? Do they not care?
Yes. That is it, in part. His parents care not for him. Most of the castle cares not for him.
But Queen...he is one of the few exceptions. Queenie Beanie...letting him stay over when his parents are too much to handle. Distracting him when he's down.
No. Queen does not wish to hurt him. And Spades does not wish to hurt Queen either. He must show up to their get-together, despite his dread.
Spades takes a deep breath, gets up, and dons his cloak. It's good for hiding parts of himself he cares not to see (that being most of himself).
And with that, he starts his walk to their meeting place.
—
"QUEENIE BEANIE! OPEN UP," the Spade Prince shouts, pounding on the trunk of a scarlet tree.
Ten seconds pass. No response comes.
Spades is preparing to knock again, when an elegant, slightly robotic voice calls from above his head, "What's The Password"
Spades huffs in irritation. That stupid password. "Queenieee, you know it's me. Just let me in."
Laughter sounds. Queen calls it regal laughter, but Spades thinks it needs work before it can be classified that way.
"And How Do I Know That You Are Not A Robot"
"YOU ARE A ROBOT," Spades roars, "JUST LET ME IN!"
"Say The Password~"
Spades sighs, deflating. He puts a hand over his face, and speaks through gritted teeth, "Computer, computer, in my hand. Who's the best in all the land? Queenie Beanie, of course it's true, the best in all the land is you."
Spades cringes, wanting to sink into the floor. No matter how many times he recites that verse, it never becomes less humiliating. He wants to punch Queen in the face (but he'd just hurt his hand, since Queenie is a robot).
"It's A Good Thing I Have No Standards For How You Say That," Queen replies, finally, FINALLY letting down the ladder, which Spades eagerly scrambles up.
Arriving at the top, Spades plants onto the ground, already out of breath (pathetic, real men aren't this weak). Fortunately, Queen doesn't acknowledge this.
"Oh Kingy Wingyyyy—"
"Don't call me that," Spades' stomach mouth interrupts. Spades quickly slaps his hands over it, but the damage was done.
Queen's visor changes to read BRO? "Bro What Else Am I Supposed To Call You LOL It's Not Like I Remember Your Name"
Spades relaxes a bit, feeling comforted by that statement, but still feels like sinking into the floor and letting the ground take him. How is he going to explain this one? Damned second mouth.
Of course, his stomach mouth decides to interrupt, "Because you don't see me as a real king, or prince, and I want you to—"
This time, the stomach mouth is cut off by Spades stuffing his cloak inside of it like a gag. But again, it still said too much. Damn it, damn it, damn it, now Queen's going to laugh at him and call him an idiot for ever thinking he could ever be a boy, just like his parents did, and he's going to be disgusted with him, he'll lose one of his only friends thanks to his own stupid mouth, and—
Queen's hand is on his shoulder. Spades can't look at him, but Queen speaks anyways.
"You Really Want To Be A Prince?" His tone sounds softer than usual. Spades can't stop himself from nodding.
"I Understand"
This causes Spades to look up. Queen is turned away slightly, but his visor reads TRUE, loud and clear. Still, Spades can't understand.
"How?"
Queen takes a deep breath. "Remember When We First Met?"
"Of course, why would I forget?"
"When You Called Me Queen For The First Time, Something Just Felt...Right In A Way It Hadn't Before. I Started Fantasizing About Being An Actual Queen And...It Was The First Time I Really Felt Like I Could Conceive My Future"
Spades is extremely alert by this point. So Queen wasn't just super comfortable in his manhood. No, he actually wanted to be Queen.
"Soon I Found Myself Extending That To Being A Princess, Or Any Girl. I Wanted That. I Searched My Feelings, And The Web Said I Was Transgender"
"Transgender? What does that mean?" Spades interrupts.
"It Means You Are Born In The Wrong Body, Like You, A Boy Born A Girl, Or Me, A Girl Born A Boy"
Spades stares at Queen in wonder. "That...that's a real thing you can do?"
Queen nods, but looks sad. "But A Lot Of Lightners Really Don't Like It. I Don't Want To Disappoint Th—"
"SCREW WHAT THE LIGHTNERS SAY," Spades roars suddenly. "YOU CAN SERVE THEM JUST FINE AS A WOMAN, AS I CAN AS A MAN."
Queen gives an uncharacteristically uncertain look, pulling at Spades' heart. "You Think So?"
"Of course I do," Spades says, then pauses, "Do...do you want me to refer to you as a woman now, then?"
Queen's visor lights up with hearts, and she jumps up and nods emphatically, making Spades crack a smile.
"And I Will Refer To You As A Man!"
Spades stiffens. What about the way his parents ridiculed him? Will others react that way too?
"...Maybe not. Not in public, anyways. I'm not ready."
Queen's visor returns to black, and she sits back down, but she nods anyways. "I Understand But You're Still My Kingy When It's Just The Two Of Us, And I Mean It Now Because You're Gonna Be King"
Spades smiles once more, a pleasant feeling running through his chest. "Yeah...and when I'm king, no one will question my manhood," he declares, his smile growing more cruel.
Queen laughs cruelly along with him, "Or My Womanhood, They'll Go To The Dungeons And I Won't Even Try Very Hard To Make It Pleasant"
"Ah Queenie...soft as always."
"I'm Not Soft Your Dungeons Are Just Terribly Dull And No One Deserves That"
"Do you not understand the POINT of a dungeon?"
"I Do But What If They Want To Leave You Need To Make It So They Don't Try To Escape—"
"Have you ever heard of a thing called LOCKS?!"
With that, the Spade Prince and Queen are having their usual bickering session, but this time as their true selves. And isn't arguing more fun that way?