Chapter Text
This moment wasn't supposed to feel like this. As Jungkook disappeared behind the door, his absence and the word goodbye felt like shards of glass against Jimin's heart as he stood there with his chest tightening. His eyes were turning misty and his head was only disregarding the emotions that were welling inside him.
A realization dawned on Jimin. No, he had an epiphany. This can't be a goodbye.
Dialing the passcode to the house, he broke inside and his eyes fell on a slightly ajar door from where the light was filtering out. Jimin lurked towards it and opened it, catching Jungkook wiping his tears.
The teenager took a moment to discern that it was Jimin who has intruded, and he was on his feet next. "What are you doing?" He whispered, speeding towards the bedroom door to close it after pushing Jimin inside.
Jimin asked himself the same thing. Toying with his cufflinks, he breathed to form sensible sentences, but he decided to speak against it. "I-" he breathed, his nervousness was visible even to a drunk boy. "This can't be a goodbye, Jungkook." He expressed.
Jungkook smiled and paced to his bed, slumping on it. His elbows were leaned back on the mattress as he stared at Jimin with his liquid eyes and sweet smile. "Is the dom saying that he will miss his sub?"
Jimin heaved a sigh and sat beside Jungkook, staring at the cupboard. "We weren't really in a dom and sub arrangement."
"True," Jungkook straightened up and leaned against Jimin's arm, feeling the man's body going stiff. "But our arrangement had no other name. Can I call it friends with benefits?"
"Do you consider me your friend?" Jimin found his lips stretching as he pulled Jungkook close and posted his hand on the younger's waist.
"I do. You are the best one I've had until now. I like you, Jimin."
"It's Hyung, Jungkook. I am older than you." Jimin chuckled softly, his thumb rubbing against the boy's soft skin.
"Would you make love to me one last time if I call you Hyung?" Jungkook asked, nuzzling into the man's neck.
"I'd make love to you if you come by my house for one last supper before I leave," Jimin counter-proposed. He was apologetic, and he was acting out on his whims. More than apologetic, he was confused. For a man who had been straight for his whole life — even now he didn't think he was bisexual, because it was just Jungkook who could bring out this side — how could he simply abandon the promotion he had worked hard for, emotions, or no emotions?
He was an adult, and he had to prioritize his career growth over the feelings in his heart, feelings that he still couldn't understand himself. It was absurd to even consider staying back and exploring something more than sex and submission from Jungkook, but it was even more absurd that he was considering the possibility of it.
He didn't know what he was going to do with the time he was buying from Jungkook, but he had a feeling that he would do everything to figure it out, and maybe he would think of ways to make this work anyhow.
"One meal with you for one night of passionate lovemaking. Count me in, Hyung." Jungkook leaned in and kissed Jimin's neck, making him close his eyes and groan.
"Oh, Jungkook."
It was the first when he heard Jungkook calling him Hyung. He would have asked the boy to obey him during their bondage night, but he didn't want to manipulate Jungkook into doing anything that he didn't want. Before he could act on his beastly instincts, the teen got up and gently pushed his back on the mattress.
The talking was over, it was now time for action, so without speaking, Jimin understood and Jungkook began to unbutton his shirt. Jimin's breaths were heavy as he lifted his body so Jungkook could yank the shirt away.
As he fell back, the boner in his pants poked against the boy's ass. Jungkook moaned softly before getting on his feet on the ground. He undid Jimin's pants like he was an expert. Within the next moment, the black fabric was pooled against the shoe-clad feet. The blue underwear had a wet spot. Jungkook darted his tongue out and rolled it over it.
Jimin hummed softly before he breathed out when Jungkook ripped away his briefs and took him in his mouth. His hand played with Jungkook's hair and he pushed his head lower and lower until he felt he was deep inside the teen's throat.
The knowledge of Jungkook's grandparents being in the next room only made the experience more thrilling for Jimin. And judging by Jungkook's boldness, Jimin was sure that he was also excited about the danger of potentially getting caught.
As Jungkook's movements turned fast and the slick voices of something smooth slipping against the wet surface filled the room, Jimin remembered about the first few days when they used to chat on the dating app. The teen had mentioned himself as not being vocal and he had invited him over to fuck him in the same house where they were now. Sure, Jungkook pretended to be a girl at the time, but it was satisfying that Jimin was fucking him here in the end. He was drowned in the pleasure when Jungkook stopped sucking and sat on his cock, taking it entirely in one quick motion and a hiss. "You are desperate." Jimin held onto Jungkook's waist when the latter's face scrunched in pain.
"You think?" Jungkook looked down at the man so seductively, his voice calm and collected, yet it sent a shiver crawling down Jimin's spine. His throat gulped and he readied himself as Jungkook began to ride him as he had never before.
Without slipping or breaking the rhythm, Jungkook was fast and hard, unapologetic. The movements built up their highs at their own paces. Jimin was stunned when he came hard without so much as moving. He always came after putting in his hard work, but this was also a way to go. The liquid smacked down with all the force of Jungkook's harsh thrusts on his torso.
The teen felt Jimin's body shaking and heard his groans. Seeing the older's head arching back in pleasure, Jungkook's heart swelled that he was the one who made him feel this way. It sent him over the edge more than anything and he pumped his own cock vigorously only to shoot his load on Jimin's stomach.
The older male curled his legs up when he felt Jungkook falling back and grabbed his wrists to guard him in place. They breathed in sync and their eyes locked for a moment. Jungkook's gaze sent a full-boiled inferno in Jimin's way as the tip of his lips edged up.
He knew what they were going to do for the rest of their nights.
"Jungkook?" The teen heard his name and he skimmed about to find his grandfather making his way into the bedroom, so he stepped away from the mirror and hid the make-up behind the cabinet.
"Yeah, grandpa..." The 19-year-old smiled, "Getting ready for the last day at work."
"Last day?" The older grew concerned. "Is everything alright?"
"It is," Jungkook nodded quickly, holding the man and making him sit on the bed. "You tell me. Did you want to talk about something?"
The man nodded, looking a bit disturbed as he gazed at his hands before sighing and averting his weak eyes onto Jungkook's. "Your grandmother told me you got into a university in Japan."
"I am not going." Jungkook shook his head, shuddering as if he didn't even have to consider it.
"You should think about it," The man urged politely, putting an arm over Jungkook's shoulder. "We can handle ourselves here. Don't jeopardize your future for us."
"I don't want to, grandpa."
"Why?"
"Because I like it here. And I love staying at home. You guys can't seriously be thinking that I am sacrificing anything. I am very happy here. Besides, I love you, and if I do anything for you, it's not a sacrifice, it's care."
Mr. Jeon laughed, looking with a proud gleam in his eyes. "Well, I wanted to discuss it with you. It is up to you to decide and we will support you in any decision."
"You would?" Jungkook felt so small, like a little 2-year-old clinging onto his grandfather's leg.
The older nodded, caressing a hand through his hair. "Grandpa, I- I have known it but I don't know how you'll feel about it or if you can understand it. But I don't want to hide it anymore that I am gay."
The older's brows curved suddenly, forming in the middle of his forehead. Jungkook's jittery nerves instantly made him cry when he felt his grandfather's body going stiff. He desperately held the older's palms. "I have liked men, grandpa. I don't like women that way... I am so sorry I am like this."
"Oh, Kookie," Mr. Jeon held Jungkook's palm back tightly. "Why are you crying?"
"Because I don't want to disappoint you and I don't want you to hate me." He answered, so emotionally vulnerable that he ended up coughing up a storm.
Mr. Jeon offered him water and soothed him a great deal before he could talk again. "Did your parents know about this?" The man asked, still holding Jungkook's palm after a few minutes passed.
"Mother knew."
"I wish you have talked to us sooner, son. You wouldn't have to be all alone for all these years. Does Taehyung know?"
Jungkook nodded slightly.
Mr. Jeon nodded and gently kissed the boy's forehead. "We are proud of you, little one. No matter who you choose to love in the future."
**
Jimin was waiting for a long, but Jungkook was running late. Tonight was the night he wanted to spend with the boy, and he had cooked everything that Jungkook liked. He had a week for himself to think about everything. A mere teenage boy was making him have second thoughts. And he was finally willing to accept that he might be pansexual, but he still couldn't entirely change his mind about his move to Singapore. He always had plans — both short and long-term — buying a house and a car, getting a promotion, marrying a beautiful girl, and then starting a family by the time he was thirty.
This was his career and his aspiration for so long, and he didn't want to abandon them, but he was also certain that if Jungkook allowed him, he'd work around something in between while keeping his job.
The door knock made him jut his head. He ran to get the door and the first thing he noticed was Jungkook's red eyes. "What's wrong?" He asked, face paling suddenly.
"I was applying make-up and I hurt my eye with the brush." The teen feigned a grin while entering the house.
Jimin smiled a little before closing the door. "Hungry?" He asked.
"Yeah, a bit."
"Can we talk first, Jungkook?" The man asked, unease in his voice.
Jungkook nodded, sensing the elephant in the room, silently pacing toward the couch. As they sat, Jimin heaved a sigh to calm his nerves before continuing. "I wanted to thank you first. If our first meeting was any indication, I never would've thought I'd see this side of me. Thanks to you that I've realized something about myself. It's a real eye-opener."
"I am glad I could help." Jungkook pressed his lips together, seeing Jimin nervously shift on the couch.
"I hope you don't have any resentment towards me. I really want you to be okay after I leave. Tell me if I can do anything more for you. Or if you have anything in your heart, share it with me."
"Oh, Jimin..." Jungkook grinned, seeing Jimin's anticipatory and hopeful gaze, but he couldn't be sure of Jimin's feelings as he blinked to keep his tears at bay.
Jimin was admiring Jungkook's pretty lips while contemplating what his emotions would be, trying to find one hint anywhere in those words that could convey that the teen was also not willing to call it quits yet. "I am fortunate that I had to experience my first with you. I like you a lot and it was beautiful while it lasted."
While it lasted. The older nodded mutely, his gaze traveling to the floor as uneasiness set low on his stomach.
"Now I am happy for you and excited about my future too, Jimin. Let's see what the world has in its pocket for us."
"I am sure it has everything that you hope for," Jimin worked up a small smile, his throat gulped with unsaid words. "You are an amazing person, Jungkook... Thank you for the past months. I'll never forget you," he leaned towards him and kissed his cheeks. Jungkook closed his eyes, feeling Jimin's lips still lingering as tears rolled down his eyes. He hung his head down when Jimin stood up, clearing his throat. "Let me set the table and we'll eat."
Jungkook nodded, still looking down. He could also discern Jimin's shaky voice.
The older walked into the kitchen and blinked his misty eyes.
Wiping his lashes, he put the hot dishes into a big tray and brought it out to the dining hall, only to find that Jungkook was gone.
**
Later that night, Jimin stood outside the airport, slightly aware of his feelings for Jungkook, but too afraid to admit it even to himself. While it lasted.
"Is it possible you fell in love with him?" Hoseok asked, looking at Jimin's lost eyes.
The younger remained silent and Hoseok looked around awkwardly. The silence passed over between them again. "I should go in now," Jimin spoke after a brief pause, digging his hands in his pocket and taking out something. "Here are the house keys."
Hoseok accepted the keychain and hugged his friend. "Be happy. If you find yourself lost, think about why you wanted to be there in the first place. You'll find your center."
Jimin pulled away and nodded. "If you can... Check up on him from time to time. I have a feeling he's not going to want to talk to me after today."
"I will," Hoseok assured, feeling empathetic. "See you soon, Jimin."
The younger male nodded before he turned, wheeling his trolley filled with big bags through the gates.
A month later:
Jimin's phone rang and he disconnected it during the meeting. When it rang again, he did the same thing, dropping a text to Hoseok that he would call him back as quickly as he could.
It's urgent. He received Hoseok's text back.
"Guys," Jimin stood up from his chair and looked at the people who were reporting to him. "I need a minute. I'll be back."
The group nodded, taking a break while Jimin left the room, sticking the phone to his ear as he dialed the man's number. "Hyung, what is it?" He asked, little fear in his voice.
"Jungkook's house, Jimin... There were explosions inside and the fire brigades are working on dousing the fire."
Jimin felt like his hand would drop the phone. He held onto the door handle as his heart started feeling like it was plunging and cinching at the same time. "Any casualty?" He asked, wishing, no praying that the answer is no.
"Not sure. We talked to the neighbors, but they are unsure about whether anyone was inside or not. The moment situation is controlled, the firefighters will go inside."
Jimin rushed back into the meeting room. "I have to leave right now. Some emergency at home."
The young colleagues stood up in unison, looking at Jimin's hassled face. "Is everything okay?"
Jimin, who was winding up his laptop now, his hands shaking as he tried to shove everything into his bag, looked up. "No."
He drove to his apartment and parked the car. Getting inside the house, he grabbed his passport before he booked a cab for the airport.
In his first week in Singapore, he texted Jungkook five times. On not receiving any response from him, he stopped. He too knew that he should let everything go if he had decided to start fresh, to try and forget the most special chapter of his life. Although Jungkook hardly updated anything anymore, sometimes, Jimin felt relieved, seeing all the old pictures of him and being grateful that at least he hadn't blocked him on Instagram, which became his respite.
After the boarding formalities, he was on the flight, hopelessly manifesting a response from Jungkook to his tens of texts before the phone lost signal.
**
He arrived at where was Jungkook's house once. There was nothing there now, only a burned heap of bricks, thick smoke that charred people's eyes, and debris. He found Hoseok standing a few feet away along with the police and firefighting team. "Hyung!" He called and ran to him.
Hoseok turned "Jimin-ah," he grabbed Jimin's palm before hugging him.
"Was anyone inside?" Jimin asked again.
"No."
Jimin closed his eyes and heaved a sigh of relief. "Any luck finding them? I can't get in touch with Jungkook."
"I am sorry, Jimin..." Hoseok's chin started quivering. Jimin's jaws tightened and his head felt like it would explode seeing the man's face. "Wh-why? What?"
"He passed away the same day you left Korea."
He passed away the same day you left Korea. Jimin heard, the words ringing in his head, but he couldn't believe them.
His eyes blurred and he shook his head slowly, believing that if he didn't agree with Hoseok, the truth would change. He passed away the same day you left Korea.
His throat tightened so much that he could feel his insides touching each other. He passed away the same day you left Korea. It was becoming hard to stand straight or even breathe.
"He was found on the bus which had met with an accident. They found his body the next day when- I am so sorry, Jimin. I couldn't possibly know it. I found out about it only a few hours ago when I was enquiring about his friend."
Something pulled Jimin's senses back and he blinked. "Where was he taken for burial?" He asked calmly, feeling his heart coming apart as he held back pain.
Seeing his face going an alarming shade of red, Hoseok ended up sobbing softly, being only the one who knew about his feelings for Jungkook. "KM mausoleum." He answered in a shaky, low voice.
Hoseok watched as Jimin started walking away, his feet swaying as he got in a taxi and the vehicle disappeared eventually.
Jimin tried to keep his calm, his face twitching as he held on to his semblance, sniffing repeatedly to stop the moans of pain from coming out during the whole ride.
The cabbie was sensitive to his condition, sure that someone close to him had died.
On arriving, Jimin was led to the burial ground by the staff.
He looked around, frantically looking to not find the words Jeon Jungkook written anywhere as though it would help him find his center... As if it would help him breathe better, but then he found them on a small tombstone.
He walked near it, his legs shaking as he carried a bouquet of red roses. Not going all the way to be able to touch it, but close enough from where he could see it clearly, his knees dropped in the soil and he placed a bouquet on the end of the grave.
His head was hung low and his liquid was now rolling out, the tear duct unrestrained. He was silent, too silent before a spasm wracked through his heart so strong that it crumpled him. "I didn't get to express my feelings for you," he choked on a sob, feeling his muscles cramping with how much effort it took to say the words against his body shaking violently, his jaw tightening. "I didn't get to ask you what happened to your parents. I didn't get to label our relationship. If I changed my mind... If I had stopped you from leaving that day, you would still be here with your grandparents, with me."
His lips stretched as he remembered something. "I know you said you weren't really vocal. I still want to hear from you one last time. I'd give anything to see you one last time, Jungkook." He broke down, bowing his head at the ground. He cried and bellowed in pain, in regret. He cried and cried some more, all the pain exuding from his body.
He continued crying for hours, unable to tell anything, oblivious to his physical bearings.
The day had started turning dark, but Jimin's head was a ghost town with nothing but haunting memories. He tried to think what Jungkook's last thoughts would have been, but he was never going to find out. He wondered how scared must Jungkook have been when the calamity hit, but he was never going to be able to protect him, to comfort him, to see him ever again.
He was just a 19-year-old boy. A boy who taught him so much about him, which he never would have found out on his own. His legs were cramped from sitting in the same position for hours. His screams had died but his tears were still raining down.
He knew he would never be able to get the incurable feeling out of his chest, but it was time to go.
He stood up, his bones cracking as he walked closer to the grave, letting his fingers graze the stone. "I never kissed your lips," he chastised himself rather than complain, unable to feel anything in his body except the devoted pain that he wished to end him. Leaning down, he finally let his lips touch the grave as one last fit of sob convulsively shuddered through his body, shaking his shoulders, picturing Jungkook's face smiling at him innocently and happily. "You were a godsend. I never got to say it. I love you, Jungkook." He took out the wristwatch which he had collected from the front office, the one he had given to him as a parting present that no one from the family had claimed — perhaps because he must have kept it a secret — and slipped it on his own wrist, as a commitment to always carry Jungkook with him, to always mourn and celebrate what he meant to him.