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"I don't think he even knows who I am," Thorn murmured.
"Not consciously maybe," Carrion muttered, his fingers pressed gently to the inside of Fox's wrist. "But subconsciously… I think if he really didn't know, he wouldn't have come with you so easily."
Thorn shifted, frowning.
"Did you call the others?" Carrion asked.
"Yeah. They're on their way."
Carrion kept monitoring Fox's pulse while Thorn paced around Fox’s office, tense. Carrion himself was sitting beside Fox on the couch, still taking his pulse as if it would give him any of the answers he really wanted, or needed.
"Shouldn't you be doing something? Giving him medication?" Thorn asked, wringing his hands together.
"He's calm," Carrion said. "Apart from the dissociation, the only thing that's wrong right now is dehydration. Probably low blood sugar too, but I don't want to upset him with needles and make things worse. We'll leave him for now."
Carrion squeezed Fox's hand gently, then left him where he was: sitting on the couch, completely unreactive and staring blankly at the wall. Like he'd told Thorn, there wasn't much else to be done.
“Dissociation?” Thorn asked quietly.
Carrion sighed.
“Let’s wait for the others,” he muttered, rubbing his forehead tiredly.
It wasn't long before they arrived, coming through the door with their mouths already open. Carrion held a finger to his lips before they could make too much noise. He gestured for them to come around. Stone, Thire, and Hound all stared at Fox, stared at his strange non-responsive face, and kept their distance as they moved around.
Even Grizzer seemed to know something was wrong. He tugged on his master’s leash, pulling him towards Fox with sad little snuffles.
“Do you think you can get him to lie down on Fox’s lap?” Carrion asked Hound.
“Um. Yeah… sure,” he replied, reaching down to unhook the leash from Grizzer’s collar. “H’up.”
Once the animal was settled, his head resting on Fox’s thighs and staring up at him with surprisingly concerned soulful eyes, Carrion turned to the others. They were all looking at him expectantly, varying levels of concern and fear on their faces. He sighed again, resting against Fox’s desk so he could keep an eye on Fox while he gave them the answers they were waiting for.
He found he couldn’t look them in the eyes as he spoke.
“For the last nine months or so, Commander Fox has been suffering from dissociative episodes,” he said. It was easier to keep it professional, keep himself detached.
To dissociate himself from the situation.
“Dissociation…” He took another deep breath. “Dissociation is a method the brain uses to protect itself from trauma and traumatic situations, especially in childhood… It's pretty common in vode. We weren't taught about it as GAR medics but after the war actually started… Well. We learned quickly enough. An easy way to think about it is the brain constructing a fantasy that is preferable to reality.”
“So what,” Thire interrupted. “He’s stuck in some kind of fantasy world?”
“No,” Carrion said. “Fox suffers from intense periods of derealisation, where his mind feels disconnected from his body. More recently, he’s been having periods of amnesia associated with these episodes… though it’s never been this bad before.”
Over Hound’s shoulder, Carrion could see Fox beginning to move. He missed a few times, his movements slow and clumsy, but eventually he managed to settle his glove on top of Grizzer’s head. He blinked down at Grizzer, still not really seeing what was right in front of him.
“How do we help?” Stone said, crossing his arms. “How do we make it better?”
“Right now, we just need to help him ground himself back in reality,” Carrion said. “That’s why I asked for Grizzer. He's all textures and bad smells –”
“Hey!”
“– and I’m hoping the weight on Fox’s legs should help him come back. We’ve had some success with that before.”
“Why wouldn’t he tell us about it?” Thorn asked. He wasn't looking at Carrion or the others, just staring at Fox as he slowly and clumsily pet Grizzer, staring dumbly at nothing as he did it. “Why wouldn't he tell us he's struggling?”
“Because it’s Fox,” Thire answered before Carrion could even open his mouth. “He’s our Commander – our Ori’vod – before he’s anything else. He’d die before he’d talk to us about problems he is having.”
“How do we stop it from happening again?” Stone asked.
“Get him a different job. Stop him from taking those secret missions from the Chancellor. Failing that – ” Carrion snorted bitterly. “ – just get him to fucking talk about it.”
Everyone stared at Fox.
“So, nothing then,” Hound said quietly.
“Not much, no,” Thire murmured.
“What do we do now then?” Thorn asked.
“We wait,” Carrion said. “We wait, and let him come to us.”