Chapter Text
It was a casual sort of meeting day with Joel down by the docks of the Cod Empire. Jimmy had invited him over to do some fishing and some talking, and to well–just hang out. They were best allies, after all. They’d been out here for an hour or so already, but being a ruler was unfortunately a ‘round the clock sort of job, and even leisure time with other emperors was often punctuated by work.
“So what did you invite me here for?” Joel asked. He was laying on his back on the dock with the sun shining on him and a hat over his face, while Jimmy slowly reeled in the line he’d thrown.
“I wanted to talk about water,” Jimmy said.
“Fish people,” Joel muttered. “It’s all you do.”
“Hey!” Jimmy said, lightly smacking Joel’s shoulder. “Water happens to be the most important part of life. You wouldn’t exist without it!”
“Fine, fine,” Joel said, sitting up and pulling the hat off his face and on top of his head instead. “What about water did you want to discuss?”
“I wanted to talk about your desalination plants,” Jimmy said. “I was thinking about getting a few for my empire.” The corner of his mouth twitched up a bit as he said it, because he knew that asking this was tantamount to asking for a spiel on how much Joel loved his wife. It had been one of their most important trade agreements, and it’d apparently left quite the impression on Joel because he never stopped going to see the Ocean Queen after that.
“Ah, those,” Joel said, and clapped his hands. “Built through an agreement with the love of my life. You, know, that was our first really important trade agreement–”
Jimmy bit back a laugh. Yes, he’d known.
Joel continued. “Mezalea is a rich land blessed in many things. What it’s not blessed with is water. It’s dry and hot.”
“And yet you export moss,” Jimmy said. “Isn’t that known for growing in wet places–”
It was Joel’s turn to smack Jimmy. “Yes. Don’t talk about that.”
Jimmy raised his hands placatingly. “Fine, fine, just tell me about the desalination plants.”
“We have aquifers and reservoirs in Mezalea for water, but I know that in the future they might be drained. It’s not good for the growth of the kingdom–if we try to raise exports of moss, we’ll need more water, and as the economy grows we’ll need more people and clones who will need more water, and then we’ll start drawing more water than can be recharged. So we needed to find more options, and the ocean was right there.”
“So you went to talk to Lizzie.”
Joel twirled the wedding band around his finger absentmindedly. “Yeah, I went to talk to Lizzie. Didn’t know if she’d approve but she seemed more than happy to provide the technology when I told her how she could benefit as well. Desalination’s tricky. It’s not always efficient.” Joel squinted off into the ocean in the distance. “And I didn’t just need her help, I also needed her permission. Can’t be pumping ocean water without it. It can harm sea creatures, you know, but Lizzie’s able to keep ‘em away from that area.”
“What do you do with the leftover salt?” Jimmy asked, tossing his fishing line out again. Maybe he’d catch some salmon today, but so far he’d just got a pufferfish and an old useless book. It wasn’t really about the catches, though. It was about sitting here and enjoying himself.
“Give the brine back to Lizze as part of the agreement,” Joel said. “She exports it. Scott buys a lot. It’s good for deicing apparently, but it never snows in Mezalea. Or here, for that matter.”
“And it works?”
Joel beamed proudly. “Come on Jimmy, you’ve been to my empire before. Would it look so good if it didn’t work?”
“I dunno mate, everything’s still a bit to dry for my liking over there.”
“Ugh,” Joel said, waving him off. “I don’t know why I bother with you, you’ve got no taste out here in the swamp. Just mosquitoes.”
“If you put on the slime, the mosquitoes wouldn’t bother you–”
Joel put a hand on Jimmy’s shoulder and said solemnly: “Jimmy, I wouldn’t be caught dead wearing slime. I would rather be carried off by the mosquitos first.”
Jimmy just laughed loudly at that. It wasn’t his fault that he told everyone how to live in the swamp and they refused. He thought they were all a bit too pretentious. After all, they’re surrounded by water here–you could wash the slime off any time you’d like.
“Why do you want desalination facilities, Jimmy?” Joel asked. “You’ve got so much water here. I mean, it’s literally a swamp.”
“It’s brackish.”
“What?”
“Salty?” Jimmy said, and then pointed to the wide expanse of ocean on the horizon. “We live on the coast, and the river comes out here. This is an estuary. That means that the saltwater and freshwater mix, making the water brackish.”
“And can’t you just . . .” Joel trailed off, and gestured vaguely at his throat. Gills. “Like Lizzie does?”
Jimmy subconsciously brought his hand up and brushed the edge of his gills. “Well, I can,” he said. “Me and Lizzie both can. Doesn’t matter if it’s air or freshwater or saltwater. We were born in the ocean, after all. But that doesn’t mean all my people can. Most of them still need freshwater.”
“What about your wells though? Surely you get enough rain to keep them full?”
Mezalea was arid, and rain was infrequent enough that depleting the aquifer was always a worry. The water underground was thousands, if not millions of years old, and it was no guarantee that it could be recharged quickly enough through rain to keep up with the demand of a growing empire.
The Cod Empire was wet. The water table was at ground level or above ground in most places, leading to soft muddy ground, marshy pools, and little ponds. It rained frequently, and the river came in from the south. But the river mixed with the ocean throughout the empire, and the water around them was not fresh as a result.
Jimmy nodded. “We do. But it’s just . . .” He fixed Joel with a look. “Joel, you’re my best ally. This is important alliance matters. This is being told to you in confidence.”
Joel stared back at him. “Okay.”
Jimmy glanced over his shoulder as he talked. The tips of his walls were just visible over the trees. “The wells are a weak point for us,” he started. “They’re too far on the edge. They’re vulnerable to attack from my enemies, and that would be dangerous for my people to be left without freshwater.”
He’d always been on shaky relations with Sausage. He didn’t think the man would attack his water supply, but he wasn’t sure with all the corruption on the server. Jimmy also knew he wasn’t always on the best of terms with a lot of people–he was often a bit too bold or brash or impulsive, which didn’t suit him as an emperor and had caught him in hot water more than once.
He also knew he wasn’t the strongest empire on the server. He knew what other people said about him, and he was too proud to admit to any weakness. But he was still pragmatic enough to see the truth: he didn’t even have enough resources to guard the wells all the time, anyway. They’d always be a risk.
Joel scowled. “So why don’t you just move them closer to the middle of your empire? You’ve got water running out your ears, can’t you just drill further until you reach freshwater?”
Jimmy shook his head. “Can’t. If we move them closer, we’ll just start sucking seawater in and ruin them. We’ve got freshwater, but just like on the surface, it mixes with saltwater underground too at a certain point. They also have to be far enough away from the coast that they can keep up with the demand of the empire, because we can only take up so much water at a time safely.”
“Oh.” Joel blinked. “So, desalination.”
Jimmy smiled. “It’s just for backup.”
Joel clapped a hand on Jimmy’s shoulder. “Well, Codboy, I won’t go tellin’ your empire’s weakness to anyone. If you ever need help, Mezalea’s on your side.” He leaned over. “I don’t understand, though. Why’d you invite me here to ask me this, and not Lizzie? She’s the one you’d have to actually talk to about getting it built and she’s the one who knows the ocean better than any of us.”
“Oh,” Jimmy said, amused. “That’s because it’s not nearly as fun to do this with Lizzie. She just swims too well.”
“What-”
And with a great shove, Jimmy pushed Joel off the dock. He hit the water with a splash, leaving the hat floating behind him.
Seconds later, the man popped up above the surface, sputtering in anger. “JIMMY!” he shouted. “Did you plan this all day?”
Jimmy didn’t answer, because he was bent over double laughing so hard he could barely breathe. He wiped a tear from his eye.
“That could be considered an act of war, you know!” Joel yelled.
“You wouldn’t,” Jimmy wheezed.
“Oh, I will,” Joel said. “In fact, here’s my first attack!”
And with a great effort, Joel grabbed Jimmy’s foot from where it dangled over the dock, and pulled him in after him, and Jimmy laughed the whole way down until water filled his lungs and forced his gills to start working again.