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Izuku was exhausted. He drowsily slipped on his socks and shoes and walked out his dorm room to find All Might waiting for him in the hallway, looking just as drained as he felt. He doubted either of them had slept in days, not since before the battle. Not since before “the incident”. That’s what everyone silently agreed to name it anyways. No one really had the stomach to call it what it was. Izuku couldn’t complain though, even though “the incident” has been all he could think of for days, it felt a lot less real when you call it that instead of “the death of Katsuki Bakugou” or “the death of your best friend” or even “the death of the person you wanted to spend the rest of your life with” but no one except Izuku himself had called it that last one.
His tie was tied properly instead of how he usually ties it, he had to ask All Might to help him with it. Kacchan would always tell him the way he tied it was ugly anyways. He wore a pair of black sneakers instead of those stupid red ones he was obsessed with. And a black suit, simple. He looked clean despite not having showered in days. Even Izuku was surprised with himself. He didn’t think he could force himself to look presentable at the moment but here they were, walking out of the dorms and getting in a car to bring them to the one place Izuku never imagined he would have to endure going to, Kacchan’s funeral.
Izuku didn’t remember the trip there, he didn’t remember walking down the stairs, he didn’t even remember getting out of bed that morning. And now, he was sitting in a chair in the corner furthest away from the body he couldn’t bear to be within 15 feet of. They decided Kacchan’s body looked okay enough that they could do an open casket. Izuku disagreed, he hadn’t seen it yet but maybe not having to would make it easier to be there.
In his peripherals he could see some of his classmates, a few were crying, a few just looked absolutely heartbroken, and others looked exactly how Izuku felt, completely and utterly numb. He studied the expressions of the people around him. His homeroom teacher, Aizawa, was one of the people that just looked numb, completely disinterested or distracted from what was happening around him. Izuku let his mind wonder if Aizawa could even cry, was he like All Might where he put up a front for people just to break down in private? Or was he like Izuku who hadn’t been able to shed a tear since the first time he saw the body, since the last time he had held Kacchan.
Izuku knew it was fucked. He knew it was just wrong that he hadn’t been able to show even a hint of emotion ever since he woke up in the hospital the day after. He knew how corrupt it was that he had murdered Tomura after being blinded by rage and how in doing so he seemed to have given up his emotions along with his morals. He could hear the whispers of the people around him “Wasn’t that his childhood best friend?” and “Why hasn’t he gone up to say his goodbye’s yet?”. Izuku couldn’t even say something like “I want to but I just can’t” in return because the truth was, he didn’t want to say goodbye. Izuku felt selfish for thinking it but he didn’t want to watch Kacchan be buried. He wanted to wake up the next morning and walk over to Kacchan’s dorm room so they could discuss their new moves together. He wanted to get assigned to be Kacchan’s parter in training and still make it some stupid competition between the both of them despite being on the same side. He wanted to watch a movie with him and fall asleep on his shoulder. He wanted to taste Kacchan’s cooking again. All he wanted was Kacchan back.
Time was passing too fast for Izuku to understand what was happening because suddenly they were lowering the casket. Izuku hadn’t moved from his spot in the corner, hadn’t said goodbye, hadn’t even looked at him. Izuku felt like his life was on fast-forward, it was getting dark now. He couldn’t move. He watched them cover the hole with soil. He watched the people filter out of the funeral. When almost everyone was gone he watched Mitsuki crack and throw herself over the gravestone of her late son wailing and screaming about her baby. She had been holding it in well throughout the event, only shedding the occasional and very neat tear. He watched her husband who was silently crying alongside her, pull her off the gravestone and towards their car. He felt his own mother touch his shoulder and tell him it was time to go and he vaguely remembers telling her to leave, that he’ll go home later. The graveyard was only a few blocks from his house anyways. She must’ve obliged because now, he was alone.
It was completely dark, and it was cold for a spring night. Izuku didn’t know whether it had been minutes or hours since everyone had left. He was still in his seat. He couldn’t think, anything that passed through his mind either slipped away before you could actually call it a thought or it was forgotten. Though he must’ve gotten bored at some point because now he was on his feet and walking towards the grave. He didn’t wanna go, didn’t wanna take another step but he couldn’t stop himself. His body simply moved on its own.
He was kneeling right by the gravestone, directly above the body. He studied the stone but couldn’t read what it said, all the letters were jumbled and blurred. He looked down at the dirt where his hands were resting. He thought about how in a couple of months, the person he loved more than anything on this earth would be a pile of bones. He thought about how his constant, the boy that had been in his life since as long as he could remember was currently decomposing below him. Something about that thought was just too sinister, too grotesque. It made his stomach drop. These last few days he hadn’t been convinced it was real. That he would just wake up from this nightmare and see Kacchan again and hug him harder than he ever had. Reality sunk into Izuku, spreading through his veins and and weighing down his limbs making his entire body ache.
Izuku missed when he couldn’t think, now his mind was racing. Quick flashes of probably every memory he had with Kacchan assaulted his brain, making his head hurt. It was all going way too quickly. Izuku shook. Most people around him had praised him for keeping himself together these last few days. He didn’t even feel anything when Kacchan’s parents came to get his stuff from his room. He helped them bring his things to their car. Kacchan dying was all anyone could think about, he saw it everywhere he went. Still Izuku didn’t crack. But now, kneeling over his best friend’s corpse, for the first time since he had held Kacchan’s dead body in his arms, clinging to it like if he let go he would die too,
Izuku cried.