Archive of Our Own

Adrian wakes up on the sidewalk. He blinks and looks around. He’s near his old elementary school. That’s super weird. He does not remember falling asleep there. He doesn’t remember any major injuries, either, but sometimes he passes out so fast after he gets hurt that he doesn’t even remember. And it’s not like he can check himself over. He heals too fast.

He doesn’t notice any big holes in his suit. Did he and Peacemaker get drunk last night? Maybe he fell asleep here and doesn’t remember. He has no idea why they’d get drunk and go to the elementary school. And did P really just leave him here?

He’s not getting any answers sitting here on the hot pavement, so he stands up and walks off. If he’s in his suit, mask and all, maybe he’s supposed to be fighting right now. He doesn’t notice any obvious criminals in his vicinity, though he’s pretty sure the teenagers sitting under the tree are pirating a movie on one of their phones.

He thinks he might have bigger crimes to stop right now, so he leaves them alone. P insists pirating isn’t really a crime, anyway. Adrian obviously doesn’t agree with him—he remembers all those anti-pirating ads before the DVD menus—but he can let pirating slide sometimes. Just when he has other places to be.

Adrian’s closer to Peacemaker’s trailer than HQ, so that’s where he goes. If they have a mission, P will need a ride, anyway. Adrian’s car is probably still there. Adrian’s not positive they really did get drunk last night, but he and P have been hanging out even more often lately than they used to. It’s fucking awesome.

He’d been so afraid P wouldn’t like him anymore once he realized Vigilante was Adrian. But it didn’t change anything, except now P has four different names to call him. Well, more, if you count things like “dumbshit”, “dumbass”, and “moron.” But Adrian doesn’t count those.

He’s really glad P doesn’t call him “Thimble” anymore. It’s not that it hurt his feelings the way it obviously did guys like “French Fry” and “Limp Noodle.” It’s just that Adrian’s watched a good amount of porn and he knows his dick isn’t a thimble anymore. He doesn’t want P calling him an inaccurate nickname.

And he knows P knows his dick isn’t small anymore. For one thing, P has seen it multiple times now. For another, P has commented on it multiple times. A few nights ago, they fooled around just the two of them, and P had moaned out, “God, your fucking cock” around Adrian’s dick in his mouth.

So Adrian’s pretty sure P likes his dick now.

It doesn’t look like P’s home when Adrian gets to the trailer, and Adrian’s car isn’t there. The front door’s locked, but Adrian knows where the new spare key is. He bought P the little ceramic eagle to put it under. He lets himself into the trailer and waits for Peacemaker to get home.

It’s really boring, though, so he ends up looking around. He’s not snooping. He just wants to see if P got any new movies lately. He doesn’t see anything new. It’s all the same stuff. Adrian wonders where Eagly is. Maybe he should head over to HQ. Maybe P took a cab already.

Just then, he hears the key scrape in the lock and realizes he’s still holding the pillow from P’s bed. He doesn’t really know why he grabbed it in the first place, but P will definitely think it’s weird. Adrian runs back to the bedroom to put it back.

“—let him heal a little, then it’ll be fine,” P’s saying as he comes inside. At first, Adrian’s not sure who he’s talking to, but then he goes on in a cooing voice, “Yes, I know, my good boy, you did such a good job today.” He can only be talking to Eagly.

Adrian comes out to the living room. P has his back to Adrian. He’s in his suit, so maybe Adrian did get injured and can’t remember it. P’s got blood on him, but he doesn’t seem like he’s hurt.

“Hey, what happened today?” Adrian asks.

P screams, like full-on blood-curdling screams, and whirls around. “Fuck, dude, you scared the shit out of me. How’d you get here so fast?”

“What?” Adrian asks.

“I just left you at HQ,” P says.

“I wasn’t at HQ,” Adrian says. “I woke up by the elementary school.”

Peacemaker blinks at him a few times. He tips his head and narrows his eyes. “How come your suit’s not all cut up?”

“What?” Adrian asks again. He notices the Vigilante-mobile through the window. “Did you take my car?”

“You weren’t using it,” P says defensively. “Economos said he didn’t think you’d even wake up for a while.”

“What happened?” Adrian asks. “I can’t remember.”

“We were fighting those snakes that grew legs. Do you remember that part?”

“Lizards?” Adrian asks.

“No, snakes,” P protests. “They just grew legs. But they’re different than lizards.”

Adrian is almost positive lizards are snakes with legs, but he’s learned from experience there’s no convincing P, so he drops it for now. They’ll circle back when Adrian doesn’t have more important questions. “I don’t remember that at all.”

“I mean, you did get knocked out,” P says. “Maybe you have a concussion. Can you even get concussions?”

“I don’t know,” Adrian says with a shrug. “I don’t think I ever have before.”

P sighs. “Let me call Economos.” He pulls out his phone and puts it on speaker.

“What’s up?” Economos answers.

“Do you know if V can get concussions?”

“Uh, I don’t know?” Economos says. “I would assume not. Maybe short-term, I guess. That’s what you’re worrying about right now? We still have to wait for him to wake up.”

“What are you talking about?” Adrian asks. “I’m right here.”

Economos doesn’t answer. “Peacemaker?” he finally asks.

P and Adrian look at each other. “That’s weird,” Adrian says.

“Yeah,” P agrees. “What do you mean, wait for him to wake up?” he asks. “He’s right here.”

“What?” Economos asks. “He’s right here. I’m looking at him.”

“I’m looking at him,” P insists.

“Economos, is this some weird prank?” Adrian asks.

“Dude, I’m telling you, I am looking at him right now. He’s still unconscious.”

“Did you not just hear him talking?” P asks.

“Holy shit, do you have a concussion?” Economos asks. “Are you hallucinating?”

Adrian rolls his eyes, but P looks over at him, his eyebrows doing that thing that means he’s not feeling something good. He’s either scared or mad. Adrian has a hard time telling the difference. P’s probably mad. He gets mad all the time, and he never gets scared.

“Uh…” P hits the button to make his phone go to video. When Economos picks up, P points the camera at Adrian. “Do you see him?”

“I don’t see anything,” Economos says. He turns his phone around so they can see the couch at HQ.

Adrian’s lying on it.

“What the fuck!” Adrian cries.

“What the fuck!” P agrees. “He’s right here! I’m talking to him!”

“I don’t know what the fuck’s going on,” Economos says. “This is so fucking weird. He’s still alive, so he can’t be a ghost or something.”

“I can grab things,” Adrian says. “I know I’m not a ghost.”

“Oh, fuck,” P says. “I’m bringing him to you,” he tells Economos.

“Okay,” Economos says. “I don’t know what I’m supposed to do here.”

“I don’t know either!” P says. He’s yelling, but Adrian doesn’t think he’s mad anymore. He’s not doing his Dracula face. He might actually be scared.

“I don’t think I’m a hallucination,” Adrian says. “Just for the record.”

“What else would you be, dude?”

Adrian shrugs. P has him there.

“Yeah, just hurry and get here,” Economos says. “We can, uh, run some tests, I guess.”

“This can’t be happening,” P says when they’re getting in the car. He says it kind of quiet, like maybe he’s just talking to himself. Which, okay, he pretty much is just talking to himself, because apparently Adrian isn’t actually here.

“Oh, fuck,” Adrian says. His heart is starting to beat really fast. Except he doesn’t have a heart, does he? “P, I’m starting to freak out.”

“Me too!” P says. “Holy shit, let’s go.” Then he looks at Adrian, sitting in the driver’s seat. “Wait, fuck, you can’t drive!”

“Sure I can,” Adrian says. He starts the car.

“Dude, people are going to look over and see a car driving by itself!”

That’s a good point. Although Adrian thinks it would be really fucking cool. But other people would probably freak out.

Adrian can’t move through walls—he experiments by trying to push himself through the car door without opening it, but nothing happens. So then he tries to push himself through P, but he can’t go through people, either.

“Uh,” P says, giving him a look that means Adrian’s being weird.

“Well, if I were a ghost, I could probably go through you,” Adrian says.

“But if you’re a hallucination, probably not,” P says, following Adrian’s line of thinking. P is one of the few people who ever can. Though even he only gets it sometimes.

“Wait, but if I’m a hallucination, why did I wake up without you?” Adrian asks. “Wouldn’t you need to be there?” Focusing on this is helping him not freak out.

“Maybe you didn’t,” P says. “You just told me you did.”

“Uh, no,” Adrian says, feeling kind of offended by that. “I remember.”

“But if you’re a figment of my subconscious or whatever, you could just be saying that,” P points out. He shakes his head. “This is fucking confusing. Move so I can drive.”

“If I were a figment of your subconscious, how did I start the car?” Adrian says. “And open the door.”

“Jesus, I don’t know, man! Switch me spots.”

Adrian doesn’t really feel like getting out of the car. He’s kind of worried he’ll be able to open the door to get out but then lose the ability to get back in. He doesn’t know how any of this works. And what if P decides to just leave him there? So Adrian just climbs over P.

“Why?” P asks, muffled because Adrian’s shoulder is covering his mouth.

“In case my hands stop opening doors!” Adrian says.

“Oh. Well, okay,” P says. He gives Adrian kind of a pat-down while Adrian’s mostly sitting in his lap. “You feel real.”

“I’m like 99% sure I’m real,” Adrian says.

“Well, I’m 100% sure your body is still back at HQ,” P says.

“Yeah, that’s why I’m only 99% sure,” Adrian says.

P clambers over to the driver’s seat and drives them back to HQ. On the way, Adrian does more experiments. He can change the radio station, which he does multiple times until P snaps at him to knock it off. He can hit the button to roll down the window and then put it back up. He can’t be sure if he can lock or unlock the doors, because that button doesn’t work while they’re driving. There’s not a whole lot else to experiment with while they’re inside a car.

They get inside HQ and find Economos. And Adrian’s body. There it is, lying on the couch. Adrian looks at himself. Huh. His Vigilante suit could use some upgrades. Adrian pulls off his mask on himself. Or his ghost-self or whatever. He has glasses inside his suit, just like always. Now he and his body match.

“Dude, this is so fucking weird,” P says. His voice is kind of shaky. “I’m looking at two of him.”

“I don’t have a machine to check your brain,” Economos says. “But I thought we should do some concussion testing, just to rule that out.”

“I’m real!” Adrian insists. P looks over at him. Economos doesn’t at first, but he follows P’s line of sight.

“Is it talking now?”

“It?” Adrian howls indignantly.

“He’s not an it,” P scolds. “He’s Adrian.”

“Sure,” Economos says. “Or he’s a hallucination and you have a brain tumor.”

“Um,” P says, suddenly unable to look Economos in the eye. “I, uh. I’ve had another hallucination.”

“I’m not—” Adrian starts.

“Okay, V, maybe you’re not a hallucination,” P interrupts, “but this other one definitely was. Unless ghosts really are real.”

“Wait, you’re being haunted?” Adrian asks.

“What does that mean?” Economos asks.

“I’ve seen my dad,” P admits. He looks down at the ground. He does that a lot when he talks about his dad.

“Oh, Jesus,” Economos says.

“I thought it was, you know, guilt,” P says. “But now you’re saying maybe I’m sick?”

“But I’m not a product of guilt or whatever,” Adrian reminds him. “Why would you feel guilty about me?”

“Well…” P bites his lip and looks down at Adrian’s body. “It’s my fault you’re hurt.”

“Chris,” Economos says.

“What?” Adrian asks.

“I told you to go after three of them on your own,” P says. He’s looking at the ground again. “I should’ve had your back.”

Adrian can’t remember any of it, but he’s been in a lot of fights with Peacemaker. P knows what Adrian’s capable of. If he told Adrian to go after three of them, he must’ve thought Adrian could handle three of them. It sucks that it sounds like P’s faith in him was misplaced. He hates letting P down.

“I don’t think that’s your fault,” Adrian says, at the exact same time that Economos says,

“You didn’t really have a choice. The other two were attacking Adebayo.”

“Oh, shit, Adebayo got hurt?” Adrian asks.

“She’s okay,” P promises. “I helped her. But you…” He shakes his head. “Now you’re hurt.”

“Or you’re hurt,” Economos says to P. “Although…” He looks at Adrian’s body and shrugs. “Has he ever been unconscious this long?”

“I don’t know,” P says. He looks at Adrian. “Have you?”

“How long’s it been?” Adrian asks. “I don’t remember any of that.”

“How long’s it been?” P asks Economos.

“Two and a half hours,” Economos says.

“Well, I’ve slept longer than that,” Adrian says.

“I can wake you up when you’re sleeping,” P says. “You’re unconscious, dude.”

“Maybe we should actually take him to the hospital,” Economos says. “I didn’t think it was that serious. But…” He scoffs. “No, now I’m getting ridiculous.”

“What?” Adrian asks.

He and P wait for an answer, but then P remembers he has to be the go-between. “Ridiculous what?”

“Well, I’ve heard some things,” Economos says. “People in comas saying they had these out-of-body experiences. They had to choose to stay or go.”

“Go where?” Adrian asks.

“Into the light, dude,” P says.

“What light?” Adrian asks.

“Yeah,” Economos says.

“I don’t get it,” Adrian says.

“I thought he’d just wake up,” Economos says.

“Ahh!” Chris groans. “Stop! You’re talking at the same time and I can’t listen to both of you.”

“What the fuck’s going on in here?” Harcourt asks, walking into the room. “Shit, he hasn’t woken up yet?”

Adrian tries waving his hand right in front of her face. Nothing. P shrugs at him. “Sorry, man.”

Harcourt looks right at where Adrian’s standing, eyes roving around without seeing him. “He can’t hear you, you know.”

“Funny story,” Economos says. “He says Adrian’s here with us.”

Harcourt points at Adrian’s unconscious body. “He’s right there.”

P points at where Adrian’s standing. “He’s right there. He was at my trailer and he’s talking to me and he can touch stuff.”

“And Chris has been hallucinating his dead dad for the past six months,” Economos reports.

“Hey,” P says. “No bro code of silence?”

“Not if you have a brain tumor, P!” Adrian says. “You never told me what light.”

“Death, dude,” P says. “If you see a tunnel with a light at the end, run the opposite direction.”

“Okay, that’s really fucking weird,” Harcourt says. “Maybe we should take you both to the hospital.”

“No way,” Adrian protests.

“V doesn’t want to go,” P says. “Too many nurses will see him in his Vigilante suit and then see his face.”

“You’re lucky I didn’t kill the ones you let see me last time,” Adrian says.

“Vij, for the last time, you cannot kill a nurse,” P says, exasperated. “That’s like, ten million bad karma.”

“Karma is not real,” Adrian says.

“Says the hallucination.”

“I’m pretty sure I’m not a hallucination!”

“Uh, yeah, that’s totally what a hallucination would say.”

“Stop arguing with thin air,” Harcourt breaks in.

“I’m arguing with Vigilante,” P says. “He’s right there!” He looks at Adrian. “Hey, what if you tried…” He shrugs and motions toward Adrian’s body. “Hopping back in.”

Harcourt looks at Economos. Economos shrugs. “It’s his subconscious,” he says. “I don’t see why his solutions wouldn’t work.”

“Ugh,” Adrian says. “Fine, we’ll see.”

He walks over to his body. It’s really fucking weird to look at himself like that. If anyone else could see him, he’d be worried about an evil clone. He climbs on top of himself, which is even fucking weirder than just looking at himself. Nothing happens.

P looks disappointed. Adrian knows that one. “Shit, I really thought that would work. Like Peter Pan’s shadow.”

“They had to sew Peter Pan’s shadow back on,” Adrian says. Honestly, the guy can’t even remember basic fairy tale plots. Maybe he does have a tumor.

“So…it didn’t work?” Harcourt guesses.

“Nope,” P says. “Hey, V, come move these curtains or something so they know you’re really here.”

Adrian is careful getting off himself. He doesn’t know if he could hurt anyone in this state, but he doesn’t want to risk fucking up his body. He uses that every day. Then he goes over to the window and throws the curtains back.

“Holy shit!” Economos yells.

“Oh, fuck!” Harcourt says.

“See?” P says. “I told you.”

“I told you I was real!” Adrian says triumphantly.

“Okay, what the fuck?” Economos says again. “What the fuck?”

“Helpful, John,” Harcourt says.

“Was that sarcasm?” Adrian asks. “Because that was not helpful.”

“Yes, dude,” P says.

“What—”

“Do not say it again!” Harcourt cuts Economos off. “Yes, this is fucking crazy. What do we do?”

Everyone looks at Economos. He huffs. “How should I know?”

“We should call Ads,” P says. “I feel like shit like this has to happen in Gotham all the time.”

“John and I also lived in Gotham,” Harcourt says.

“Yeah, but not your whole lives,” P points out.

“Aren’t there some psychics or something in Evergreen?” Adrian asks. “Remember that guy who said he could talk to ghosts?”

“He was a scammer, V,” P says dismissively. “Not real.”

“How do you know?” Adrian asks.

“Because there’s no such thing as ghosts.”

“Okay, I’m only getting one side of this argument, but I think, and I can’t believe I’m saying this, I agree with Adrian,” Economos says. “If he’s arguing for the side of ghosts being real. I don’t know what else to call what he is right now.”

“Don’t you have to be dead to be a ghost?” Adrian asks, holding his hand in front of his body’s mouth. He can feel his own breath. Still alive.

After a second, P groans and says, “Okay, this conversation is not working when you guys can’t hear him. He said, don’t you have to be dead to be a ghost?”

“I don’t know!” Economos says.

“I’m calling Ads,” Harcourt says. “If nothing else, she’ll want to know what’s going on.”

Adrian, P, and Economos all just sit in the room waiting. There’s not much to look at but Adrian’s body. Adrian doesn’t really look at himself all that much, but he can appreciate that he has way more muscles than he used to. He’s worked hard for those muscles.

P taught him a lot about working out. Adrian wasn’t as buff when they first started teaming up to fight crime. P gave him pointers and helped him lift, even though he thought it was weird that Adrian wouldn’t take his mask off.

He still hasn’t said anything about the muscle Adrian put on while P was locked up. Adrian worked hard so he could impress P when he got home. It seems like P should acknowledge that.

“I’m just going to say what I’m pretty sure everyone’s thinking,” P says. “I’m being such a good bro by not drawing a dick on Adrian’s face.”

“Such restraint,” Economos says, rolling his eyes. “He’s in a fucking coma, dude.”

“Wait, I am?” Adrian asks. “I thought I was just passed out.”

“Well, when you’re passed out for this long, it probably means it’s a coma,” P says.

“Yeah, I already said I thought he was in a coma,” Economos says. “Oh, are you talking to him?”

“Should we take him to a hospital?” Harcourt asks, coming back into the room. “I know, I know, the nurses seeing him. We could change him out of his suit. Drop him off as a John Doe.”

“Did I hit my head or something?” Adrian asks. “Why am I in a coma?”

“Yeah, the snake thing threw you and you hit a tree,” P says. “It was bad, man.”

“He doesn’t remember?” Economos asks.

“He says he woke up in front of the elementary school,” P says.

“Why the elementary school?” Harcourt wonders.

“Yeah, that’s what I was wondering,” Adrian says.

“He doesn’t know,” P reports. “This is really fucking annoying. V, can’t you somehow make them see and hear you too?”

“How?” Adrian asks.

“I don’t know!”

“I don’t think we should move him until Adebayo gets here,” Economos says. “We’ll take a vote.”

“Shouldn’t I get the biggest say?” Adrian asks.

“No,” P says. “Because we already know your vote.”

Adrian rolls his eyes. After another minute of sitting around waiting, he tells P, “I wouldn’t be that mad if you drew a dick on me. Just not on my face.”

“Where should I draw it?” P asks. “Your hand so you can pretend you’re jerking off?”

“Nobody is drawing on him while he’s comatose,” Harcourt says.

“He said I could!” P insists.

“I said I wouldn’t be that mad if you did,” Adrian corrects.

“It’s the same thing,” P says.

“Not totally,” Adrian says.

“Your arguments are even stupider when I can only hear one side,” Harcourt says. “And I really thought that was impossible.”

Luckily, they don’t have to wait long for Adebayo to come in. Her wife is with her. They both look at Adrian on the couch. “He hasn’t woken up?” Adebayo asks.

“He’s here,” P says, pointing at Adrian. “His, like, spirit or something.”

Adebayo blinks a few times. “Huh?”

“Do the curtain thing again,” P says.

“I want to flip the lights,” Adrian says. “It’s spookier.”

“Whatever, dude, fine, go ahead,” P says.

“Who is he talking to?” Keeya asks.

“Adrian,” Economos says.

“Uh…” Adebayo looks at Adrian’s unconscious body again. Adrian goes over to the light switch and flips the lights on and off a few times.

“Ooooh!” he says, like a ghost.

P snorts. “They can’t hear that, V.”

“What…is going on?” Adebayo asks.

“So it seems like Adrian is a coma, but his…ghost? Or something? Is out and…roaming around,” Economos says. “And for some reason Chris is the only one who can see him.”

“This is the plot of a Reese Witherspoon movie,” Adebayo says.

“I don’t know what that means,” P says.

“Yes, you do,” Adrian says. He knows P does.

“She’s an actress,” Harcourt supplies.

“You have Sweet Home Alabama on DVD,” Adrian reminds him.

“That’s—he’s not—” P stops. “Oh. None of you can hear him. Ha!”

Adrian rolls his eyes. “I think you’re acting like a knuckle-dick with a tiger.”

“Shut up,” P complains. “I am not.”

“It is so weird seeing him talk to himself like that,” Adebayo says.

“Okay, fine, I know who Reese Witherspoon is,” P admits. “I like a romcom once in a while. I’m human!”

“Literally nobody cares,” Harcourt says.

“Um, hi?” Keeya breaks in. “Do you guys want me to call the medium who works out at my gym?”

“Mediums aren’t real,” P scoffs.

“You fought a giant starfish and body-snatching aliens and now you’re apparently the only one who can see his spirit,” Economos reminds him. “But you draw the line at mediums?”

“I told you!” Adrian says. “Psychics.”

“Psychics and mediums aren’t the same thing,” P says. “Are they?”

“I don’t really know,” Keeya says. “I just know this guy can talk to ghosts. There’s apparently one in the men’s locker room at the gym.”

“Honestly, that tracks,” Harcourt says. “Yeah, call him, thanks.”

“Wait, so if this happens in a movie, what did they do to get Reese Witherspoon back to her body?” P asks.

“We should totally watch this movie,” Adrian tells him.

“Yeah, maybe,” P says, which is his knuckle-dick way of saying yes.

“Um, she was on life support and they pulled the plug,” Adebayo says.

P frowns. “Well, that’s not going to work. Adrian’s breathing fine.”

“How come only Peacemaker can see me?” Adrian asks.

“How come only I can see him?” P passes the question along.

“I don’t remember the movie, honestly,” Adebayo says. “Something about fate or something. They lived in the same apartment? I don’t remember.”

“I’m also not sure we should be taking our hints from romcoms,” Harcourt says. “Though we’re talking about a ghost, apparently, so who knows.”

“Josh says he can be here in an hour,” Keeya says.

“Josh?” Economos asks. “He’s a medium and his name is Josh?”

“What did you want his name to be?” Adebayo asks.

“I don’t know. Not Josh.”

“Ezekiel,” Adrian says.

“You know that’s a name from the Bible, right?” P asks. He knows tons of Bible stuff because his dad made him read it all the time.

“It is?”

“Josh is in the Bible?” Keeya asks.

“No—well, yes,” P says. “But I was talking to V. He said Ezekiel.”

“Oh, that would be a better name,” Adebayo agrees. “Sounds more like an angel or something. Like, I’d expect an angel to talk to ghosts. Some dude named Josh sounds like he should work at Jamba Juice in the mall.”

“What’s the point of talking to this guy?” Adrian asks. “I mean, I can already talk to you.”

“Yeah,” P says. “I can already hear V. So why do we need this medium guy?”

“Well, I don’t know,” Harcourt says. “Maybe he knows things about ghosts or whatever. Hopefully he can tell us how to get Adrian back in his body.”

“Did you try sitting on your body?” Adebayo asks.

“Didn’t work,” P says.

“I thought it would be like osmosis,” Adebayo says.

“Yeah, that’s what I said,” P says.

“No, it isn’t,” Adrian reminds him. “You said Peter Pan. And that’s not even what happens—”

“Okay, dude, Jesus,” P cuts him off. “Sorry I don’t remember what happened to Peter fucking Pan with his shadow.”

“Oh, no, they had to sew his shadow back on,” Keeya says.

P groans. “What the fuck ever.”

They spitball theories about why Adrian woke up at the elementary school until Josh the medium shows up. Their leading theory is “that’s just where he ended up”, so hopefully Josh the medium has some better ideas. Adrian puts his mask back on when Josh gets there, just in case, and he makes P put his body’s mask back on, too.

Josh looks like a regular gym dude. Actually, he’s totally P’s type. Adrian looks over at P. “Are you going to try to fuck the medium?”

“No, dude, stop,” P protests. “At most, a little dick sucking.”

“What are you talking about now?” Adebayo asks.

“Nothing!” P says. “Stop talking to me, V.”

Adrian throws up his hands. “You’re the only one I can talk to!”

“Yeah, what’s that about?” P directs this question at Josh.

“I assume you’re asking me something you’re discussing with the spirit,” Josh says. “I can feel him, but I can’t hear him yet. We’ll have to do a ritual.”

“You want to do a séance in our HQ?” Harcourt asks flatly.

“You’re a skeptic,” Josh says, nodding. “That’s fine.”

“Aw, man, my first time seeing a séance and I’m not even part of it,” Adrian complains.

“Dude, you’re the main part of the séance,” P points out. “You’re the reason we have to do the séance.”

“Oh, yeah,” Adrian says. He didn’t think of it that way. “I guess I’m like the VIP of the séance.”

P rolls his eyes. “Sure, bro.”

“Do you have something that’s important to the spirit?” Josh asks. “A favorite shirt, a stuffed animal, anything like that.”

“Well, we have his body,” Economos says. He points at Adrian lying on the couch. “That’s him.”

P points at where Adrian’s standing. “That’s also him.”

“Oh, wow,” Josh says. “I’ve never talked to someone’s consciousness while their body was in the room, too. Interesting. I’m betting that’ll make the connection stronger.” He looks at P. “Have you been able to talk to spirits your whole life?”

“No,” P says, looking a little weirded out. Adrian knows that facial expression very well. “Just V. Well, and—uh, yeah. Just V.”

“V is the spirit’s name?” Josh asks.

“Well, no,” Adebayo starts to say.

“Don’t tell him my real name!” Adrian insists.

“Vigilante,” P cuts her off quickly. “He doesn’t want the medium to know his secret identity.”

“He can talk to you as a ghost but he can’t know your name?” Harcourt asks.

“Yeah,” Adrian says. P nods at her. She rolls her eyes, but no one argues.

Josh makes them all sit in a circle, with Adrian’s body included in the circle. Josh puts his hand on Adrian’s body’s ankle. “Why are you touching him?” P asks, eyes narrowed a little.

“It helps his spirit figure out who to talk to,” Josh explains.

“He’s sitting right there,” P says. “He knows who he’s supposed to talk to.”

“This is the only way I know how to do it, man,” Josh says with a shrug.

P frowns. He looks over at Adrian. Adrian shrugs. “I can’t feel him touching me,” he says.

“Is that good or bad?” P wonders. “He can’t feel what’s happening to his body.”

Josh shrugs again. “We’ll find out when we talk to him.”

“I am talking to him,” P says. “Are you sure you know what you’re doing?”

“Chris,” Adebayo says. “He’s done this before.”

“It’s fine,” Josh says. “He obviously has a close connection with the spirit. Protectiveness is a good thing.”

“I’m not protective,” P scoffs.

“Um, okay,” Josh says. “Should we get started?”

Adrian’s only seen séance things on TV. This isn’t like that at all. There are no candles or Ouija boards. Everyone just holds hands and Josh is touching Adrian’s body’s ankle. Josh throws some kind of powder in the air, then closes his eyes and inhales the powder.

He doesn’t even cough. It’s super impressive. P’s definitely going to want to suck his dick after that. Adrian hates when P hooks up with other guys. It’s one thing to fuck a chick—Adrian can’t do anything about that, and it’s perfectly understandable. Adrian likes having sex with women, too.

But if he wants a dude, Adrian’s right here. What’s the point of a best friend if you don’t call him when you want to suck dick? That’s definitely a best friend kind of job. Josh the medium cannot be P’s new best friend. Adrian glares at Josh, just in secret.

Josh’s brow wrinkles. “Um.” He tips his head. “Vigilante? I can’t hear you yet, but I can sense you don’t like me.”

Oops. “Sorry,” Adrian says.

Josh opens his eyes. He looks around, but he doesn’t look at Adrian. “I can’t see you,” he says. “But I can hear you now.”

“Left,” P says. Josh looks left, but he’s still a little off. P shrugs at Adrian. Adrian shrugs back. It makes sense that P would be a better medium than the actual medium dude. P’s good at everything.

“Okay, Vigilante, do you have anything you want the rest of us to know?” Josh asks.

“Not really,” Adrian says with another shrug. “I’ve been talking to P the whole time.”

“Right,” Josh says. “Okay. Well, we need to figure out what’s blocking you from moving on.”

“You mean moving back to his body?” Adebayo asks.

“Well…” Josh hesitates. “I don’t think so. Generally, this is the space between life and death, and he’d be waiting to move over.”

“Fuck that,” P says. “What the fuck? No.”

“I don’t want to die!” Adrian protests.

“Your fear of death could be the block,” Josh says.

“Then keep being afraid!” P says. “He’s not fucking dying. Look at him. He’s fine. He heals from way worse shit than this.”

“Yeah, I can feel he’s not totally human,” Josh says.

“That explains a lot,” Economos says.

“John,” Keeya scolds.

“I meant medically!” Economos says.

“No, you didn’t,” Harcourt says.

“Okay, I didn’t,” Economos says. He looks over in Adrian’s general direction. “Sorry, Vigilante.”

“That’s okay,” Adrian says. “People say that a lot.”

“He said it’s okay,” Josh says.

“Is there any way to know for sure he’s waiting to cross over?” Adebayo asks. “Can we sort of…nudge him back to his body instead?”

Josh shrugs. “I don’t know. I’ve never done that. People normally come to me after someone’s already dead and we work on their unfinished business so they can let go.”

“Well, that’s not happening,” P says. He’s super pissed for some reason. “His business can stay unfinished. I’ll just tell you guys what he’s saying for however long I stay alive. He can probably still pull a trigger, so we’re fine.”

“Ooh, we should definitely test that,” Adrian says. He’s smiling pretty big and he can’t make himself stop. He likes that P doesn’t want him to die.

“Chris,” Adebayo says. “Is it really fair to keep him in this limbo?” She has tears in her eyes. “If he’s supposed to go—”

“No, this is fucking stupid,” P says. He shoves her hand away and stands up, breaking the circle. “This is bullshit. V, you don’t want to die, right? You want to stay here with me.”

“Yeah, totally, dude,” Adrian says. He always wants to stay with P. He’s learned not to say that sort of thing out loud, though.

“See? He said yes.” P starts to walk out, so Adrian gets up to follow him.

“Wait,” Harcourt says. “Let’s at least see if Josh thinks there’s a reason for where he woke up. He woke up in front of his old elementary school.”

Josh nods. “Okay. That’s probably the site of something significant in his life. Did something bad happen there?”

Adrian shrugs. “Not really. I got in trouble for talking too much.”

“Dude, a lot happened when you were in elementary school,” P counters. “Remember, your dad left when you were in fourth grade and your mom sent Gut to tell you during recess?”

“Oh, yeah,” Adrian says. “I fell off the monkey bars.”

“And that kid told everyone you peed your pants every day in sixth grade,” P says.

“I did not pee my pants!” Adrian protests.

“You didn’t?” P says. “Oh. Gut totally said you did.”

“Oh, fuck him!” Adrian says. “He was the one who wet the bed until he was fourteen!”

P hoots with laughter. “How did you never tell me that?” he demands. “I would’ve given him so much shit.” He blinks. “Oh. That’s why you didn’t tell me.”

“No,” Adrian says with a shrug. “I just didn’t know you didn’t know.”

“Okay, I’m definitely texting him after this,” P says. “Oh, weren’t you at that school when you found that dead teacher?”

“Yeah,” Adrian says. “Mr. Peterson had a heart attack in the art closet. His face was covered in glitter and they made me see the school counselor because I laughed.”

P snorts. “Okay, that’s funny. It’s fucked up, but it’s funny.”

“I cannot imagine what the other side of this conversation is like,” Economos says.

Adrian kind of forgot everyone was still there. He looks around at everyone else. They’re all making a face like something bad happened.

“What’s wrong with them?” he asks P. “I didn’t think I did anything bad. They can’t even hear me.”

P looks at them. “V thinks you’re all mad at him.”

“We’re not mad at you,” Keeya says. “We feel bad for you.”

Adrian looks at P. “Why?”

“Probably because you’re super fucked up,” P says, shrugging.

“Hey,” Adrian says. “So are you.”

“Yeah,” P says. “Duh.”

“Do they feel bad for you, too?” Adrian asks.

It would be rude if they didn’t. P had such a shitty dad. His dad hit him. Also made him kill people, which is apparently bad. Adrian’s a little fuzzy on that part being bad, but he knows P didn’t like it and some of the people he killed weren’t even criminals, so that’s bad.

“Um.” P looks at everyone else with one of his quick glances from the corner of his eye. He only does that when he’s feeling the knuckle-dick stuff. Oh, he doesn’t want to ask. He doesn’t like asking people for things. Sometimes Adrian has to do it for him, even if he gets embarrassed about it.

“Hey, Mr. Medium?” Adrian says. “Can you make sure they all feel bad for P, too? He’ll get kind of embarrassed, but it’s okay.”

“Dude, shut up,” P protests.

“That’s what I mean,” Adrian says.

Josh kind of shakes his head. “Your friend would like to make sure you all feel bad for your other friend, too.”

“He’s fucked up in worse ways than me, I think,” Adrian says.

“Whoa, definitely not,” P says. “Your fuckedupness is way worse than mine.”

“Eh.” Harcourt makes a so-so motion with her hand. “Hard to rank it, really.”

“Don’t worry, Ad—Vigilante,” Adebayo says, “we definitely all feel bad for Chris, too.”

“Okay, good,” Adrian says, feeling reassured. “Can we go back to the part where I’m maybe going to die?”

That makes his heart pound. Not literally, obviously, since he’s not a physical body. Or maybe it’s making his real heart pound, too. He can’t tell.

“No,” P says, scowling. “You’re not going to die. End of discussion.”

“That wasn’t really a discussion,” Adrian points out.

“So…I might be getting a sense of what the unfinished business could be,” Josh says.

“Oh, believe me, we know,” Economos says.

“Wait, what?” P says. “Why’d we call this dude if you guys already knew?”

“I don’t even have unfinished business,” Adrian says. “I finish all my business on time.”

“Okay,” Josh says. He holds up his hands. “I think you have unfinished business that you don’t realize you have. Some feelings you need to realize and share.”

“Oh, good,” P says. “He’ll never do it, then. He doesn’t get feelings.”

“Why is that good?” Keeya asks.

“So he’ll stay here!” P says. “V, let’s go. We’ll take your body back to my place.”

“Uh, he needs an IV and a feeding tube if this is going to go on for very long,” Economos points out. “Unless you want to starve him to death.”

“Ew, don’t do that,” Adrian says. He loves food. As long as the texture is good.

“Okay, I didn’t think of that,” P admits. “Can you do that here?”

“I really think we should take him to a hospital,” Harcourt says.

“What about his family?” Adebayo asks. “Will they want to come visit him?”

Adrian shrugs. “Probably my mom, I guess? Maybe my dad. I don’t know about Gut.”

“He said maybe,” P says.

“I think we should put him in regular clothes,” Harcourt says. “That’s okay, right, Vigilante? The nurses would have no reason to tie you to Vigilante.”

Adrian considers this. A hospital would probably take better care of his body. And she’s right; if they just drop him off in regular clothes, no one will know he’s Vigilante.

“Okay,” he relents.

“He said okay,” P reports. “Are your clothes in the car?”

“In the Vigilante-mobile,” Adrian corrects.

“I’m not calling it that. Where?”

“Trunk,” Adrian says.

P doesn’t move. He looks at Adrian. “Are you going to go get them?”

“Chris!” Adebayo says. “You go get them.”

“Why?” P whines. “He can grab things! He can open the car door.”

“He’s a fucking ghost,” Economos says.

P groans. “Fine. Don’t try to convince him to off himself while I’m gone.”

“Dude, I would never,” Adrian promises. “I’d only kill myself if it protected you.”

P looks kind of weirded out by that, which is rude. Adrian said something very nice. P should say thank you. P leaves without responding to that. Adrian rolls his eyes. Nazis obviously aren’t very good at teaching their kids manners.

“So, Vigilante,” Josh says. “Is there anything you’d like to say while Chris is out of the room?”

“Uh, no?” Adrian says. He’s not sure why he’d have something to say without P there. Adrian doesn’t keep secrets from P. Not anymore, now that P knows his secret identity.

“Nothing?” Josh pushes.

“No feelings you want to talk about?” Keeya prompts.

“Do you mean how I’m kind of freaked out about maybe dying?” Adrian asks.

“Sure, that’s a start,” Josh says. “Vigilante says he’s worried about dying.”

Adrian isn’t sure freaked out and worried are exactly the same, but whatever. “We really don’t want you to die,” Adebayo says.

“Yeah, I don’t want to, either,” Adrian says.

“He doesn’t want to die,” Josh says.

“Can’t you just…not?” Harcourt suggests. “Finish your business and then don’t die.”

“Okay, well, A. I don’t know what business I’m supposed to be finishing, and B. I don’t know if I can control that!” Adrian knows his voice is getting too loud and nasally like it does when he’s having feelings. His chest feels too tight, like it’s all full of the bad feelings and it’s going to pop.

“It’s okay, Vigilante,” Josh says soothingly. Adrian doesn’t like how Josh says his name. His voice almost sounds like P, but not enough to actually calm Adrian down.

“It’s not okay!” Adrian says. “I have a lot of shit I need to do and I have to be alive to do it. Oh, fuck, I was supposed to work tonight!” Adrian groans and throws his head back. “I’m going to get written up!” He hasn’t been written up that often, only when crime came up that he couldn’t avoid taking care of right away, but he hates it. He likes to be on time.

“Maybe one of your friends can call into your work and explain,” Josh suggests.

“I’ll call,” Harcourt promises. Her voice gets a little quiet. “Don’t worry, okay? Just focus on not dying.”

Adrian’s not really sure why that’s helping to calm him down. Maybe it’s just that he likes having rules to follow. Though that’s not really a rule, necessarily.

“Ad—Vigilante?” Adebayo says. “If you get a choice, I hope you choose to stay with us. But I just want you to know, no matter what, you really grew to be in my top 6 best friends.”

“Oh, wow,” Adrian says. “Thanks, Adebayo.” That’s a big deal. That means he would’ve made her top 8 back in MySpace days.

“He said thank you,” Josh says.

“We wouldn’t have been the same team without you,” Economos says. “I hope you know we—"

“What the fuck is going on in here?” P demands in the doorway.

“We’re just—”

“It sounds like you’re saying your fucking goodbyes!” P says.

“Just in case,” Keeya tries to say.

“No!” P says. “All of you, get out of here. I’m putting Vij’s regular clothes on him, and then I’m dropping him off at the hospital, and then V and I are going home.”

“Chris,” Josh says. He steps closer to P. Chris does not look like he wants to suck Josh’s dick. Heh. “You may be holding him back.”

“I sure as fuck hope so,” P says. He looks at Adrian. “You are not allowed to die. Got it?”

“Got it,” Adrian promises. His chest feels warm now, not all tight and explosion-y anymore. He feels the same way he feels when they get drunk and fall down on the ground on top of each other.

Everybody leaves P to get Adrian’s clothes on. P has some trouble getting Adrian’s body armor off. “Wait, where’s this piece connected?” P asks, frustrated.

“In the back,” Adrian says. He comes over to help. It’s very weird to be undressing his own body. Well, he undresses his own body every day. But it’s weird to do it from outside his body.

“How do you do this yourself?” P asks.

Adrian shrugs. “I’m flexible.”

P smirks. “I know.”

“Yeah, I know you know. You’ve seen me be flexible.”

“Yes, I have.”

“Why are you doing a weird voice?” Adrian asks. P’s making a face people make when they wink sometimes.

“I was talking about sex, dude,” P explains.

“Oh.” Adrian laughs. “Yeah. It’s good to be flexible during sex.”

P shakes his head a little. He puts the normal clothes on Adrian’s body. For some reason Adrian just stands there and watches P dress him. It’s weird to watch P touch him from over here. It feels…something. Adrian doesn’t know how it’s making him feel. Kind of still that warm feeling in his chest, but a little explosion-y, too.

P starts rooting around in Adrian’s body armor after he’s done. “Where are your glasses?” He finds them before Adrian can tell him. “I’ll just put these in your pocket. So you have them when you wake up.”

“The nurses will take my clothes,” Adrian points out. “I had to ask for my glasses back last time.”

P looks down at the glasses. “Okay,” he says. “Well, I guess I could just hold onto them. I’ll give them to you when you wake up.”

Adrian doesn’t know why that makes him feel kind of tongue-tied. It’s just kind of weird to think about P hanging onto something for him. Good weird, mostly. Adrian wonders if that means he’ll get to hang onto something for P sometime. Maybe only if P ends up in a coma. Which Adrian shouldn’t hope for, because P doesn’t heal like Adrian does.

Adrian’s feeling a lot of weird things today. That’s normal, probably. There’s a lot going on today.

“Okay,” Adrian says, keeping his voice normal, because the best course of action when he doesn’t understand a feeling is to stop thinking about it.

“Okay,” P echoes. “Well, let’s go.” He heaves Adrian’s body over his shoulders in a fireman’s carry. “Dude, you’re heavy,” he says, but he says it like a compliment.

“Oh, well, you know,” Adrian says, feeling a little giddy at the acknowledgment. “Been drinking those protein shakes you showed me.”

“Good, right?” P asks.

“Super good,” Adrian says. He didn’t like them at first, but then he decided P was right. They’re good. Sometimes the texture makes him gag a little, but he can get over that.

They walk out into the hallway, where everyone else is waiting. “Are you just going to dump his body outside the entrance?” Harcourt asks. Her face is all pinched up like she’s mad. Or hurt? Adrian has a hard time with Harcourt’s facial expressions. She keeps them so hidden.

“No,” Chris says. “I’ll take him inside. I’ll tell them I was out superheroing and found him. I’ll even tell them his name and make sure they call his mom.”

“You could call his mom,” Adebayo suggests.

“Peacemaker should not call my mom,” Adrian says with a laugh. Then he remembers none of them can hear him.

“Yeah, she hates me,” P agrees. “Oh, V just said I shouldn’t call her.”

“Does she hate you for a good reason?” Economos asks.

“Yeah,” Adrian says.

P shoots him a look that means shut up. “She caught me and Gut with weed and Playboys once.”

“And weed wasn’t legal then,” Adrian reminds him.

P rolls his eyes. “That’s pretty much why we were doing it.”

“So what exactly is the plan?” Adebayo asks. “He’s just in the hospital in a coma and you’re doing your thing with his ghost?”

P shrugs. “Yeah.”

“I don’t know if this plan is…great,” Keeya says.

“Why not?” Adrian asks.

P doesn’t bother passing that along. “It is great,” he says. “We’re going now. Let’s go, V.”

Adrian follows P out of HQ. P puts Adrian’s body in the back seat. He’s even kind of…gentle. He makes sure Adrian’s arms and legs aren’t in weird positions. Adrian could almost swear P even brushes the hair off Adrian’s forehead.

But maybe that’s wishful thinking. Sometimes Adrian just wishes P were more open about being his friend. Adrian knows P has a hard time with feelings and stuff, but it would be kind of nice if P didn’t constantly talk about how stupid and annoying Adrian is when other people are around. He acts really different when it’s just them.

And that’s fine. It’s great! Adrian likes that they’re BFFs when no one else is around. Sometimes he just wishes they could be BFFs when other people are there, too.

But it’s normal for people not to want to admit to being Adrian’s friend. Alex Robertson used to invite Adrian to his house every day to swim in his pool the summer before 8th grade, but then he ignored Adrian once school started up. Jessica Charles had sex with him on senior skip day in high school, but then at graduation she told everyone she didn’t know who he was when they were sitting right next to each other.

So whatever. At least P doesn’t do that kind of stuff. He acknowledges Adrian in front of other people and never pretends they’re strangers, even if he doesn’t acknowledge that they’re friends.

“Dude, you good?” P asks. “Can you not open doors anymore?”

Adrian’s still standing outside the car. He reaches for the door handle and it opens just fine. He gets in. He’s not sure why he’s still buckling his seatbelt, except that it’s the law. Can he go through the windshield as a ghost? Would it kill him?

“We should test if I can still shoot,” Adrian says. “And then you should shoot me and see what happens.”

“What the fuck?” P demands. “I am not shooting you, you fucking moron.”

“But it wouldn’t kill me, probably,” Adrian says. “I don’t technically have a body.”

“I’m not risking that shit,” P says. “I didn’t just put your nerd clothes back on and drive you to the hospital for you to spray ectoplasm all over me and disappear.”

Adrian huffs and slumps down in his seat. “Fine. We don’t even know if I have ectoplasm. And you call me a nerd but you know about ectoplasm.”

“Ghostbusters is not nerdy,” P says. “That shit is mainstream.”

“Whatever, dude,” Adrian says.

After a second of silence between them, P says, “We definitely will test if you can still pull a trigger, though.”

That cheers Adrian up. There’s pretty much nothing more fun than shooting and blowing shit up with P. They get to the hospital and P starts to pull Adrian’s body out of the backseat.

“Stay here,” P says. “I don’t want you to get lost in there or something.”

“I want to see if the automatic door opens for me,” Adrian says.

P hesitates. “Okay, fine,” he says. “That’d be cool. Come on.”

P stands back and lets Adrian try. The door does open for him. Adrian doesn’t really want to think about it, but he’s starting to get worried about what all this means for his body. Josh the medium was pretty sure Adrian’s going to die.

“Go back to the car,” P mutters. “Be right back.”

Adrian does go back to the car. But then he can’t get in the car. Not that he can’t open the door—it’s just there are people in the parking lot. Earlier, P didn’t want Adrian to drive because people would see an empty driver’s seat. Adrian assumes that means he shouldn’t ghost-open a door where people can see him.

But standing outside the car gets boring after about one second and it’s getting too hard to ignore his thoughts, so Adrian goes back inside. The doors open for him with no one around again, but that happens all the time with automatic doors. Adrian’s trying to find P, but he doesn’t know the layout of the hospital very well.

“Hey,” he hears someone say. He doesn’t really pay attention, because he doesn’t think anyone could be talking to him. “Hey!” the person says again.

Adrian turns to look at an old man. “Are you talking to me? You can see me?”

“Yeah, I can see you, I’m the same,” the old man says.

“You’re in a coma, too?” Adrian asks.

“Well, no, I’m dead,” the old man says.

“Makes sense. You’re old.”

“You said you’re in a coma? We don’t get those around here. Coma spirits, I mean. Plenty of folks are in comas.”

Adrian walks closer to him. “Do you have any idea how I can get back to my body?”

“No,” he says.

“Well what good is meeting a ghost?” Adrian asks desperately.

“I never said I was here to help you,” the man says. “I’m waiting for my wife to finally croak so we can leave. My Annie’s been in this hospital for weeks now.”

“Where do you go?” Adrian asks.

“I don’t know. The afterlife, I guess. Just don’t want to go without her.”

“Did it hurt when you died?” Adrian asks. “I guess I might die.”

“I don’t remember it,” the man says. “I woke up at my son’s house. He couldn’t see me, of course. Took three days to get back to my wife.”

“Was she happy to see you?” Adrian asks.

“She can’t see me,” the man says. “I’m a ghost, son!”

Before Adrian can answer, P comes over. “What are you doing?” he hisses. “I told you to stay in the car.”

“I got bored,” Adrian says. “P, can you see this old dude I’m talking to?”

P looks surprised. “What? No, I can only see you.”

“This boy can see you?” the old man asks. “Maybe it’s different with coma ghosts.”

“No one else can see me,” Adrian tells him. “Only him. He’s my BFF, so maybe that’s why. Um, that means best friends forever.”

The old man raises his eyebrows. “You homosexuals?”

“No,” Adrian says. “We both fuck anyone.”

“Why are you telling a ghost that?” P asks.

“I’m just trying to be polite when I ask if you two do the old bedroom two-step together,” the man says.

“I do not know what that means,” Adrian admits. “P, what’s the bedroom two-step?”

“Sex,” P says. “I’m guessing. Stupid thing to call it.”

“Oh,” Adrian says. “Yeah, sometimes.”

“Well, there’s your unfinished business,” the man says with a nod.

“Why does everyone keep talking about that?” Adrian asks. “I don’t have unfinished business. I even cleared out that robbery ring two days ago.”

“Wait, you did?” P asks. “You didn’t tell me that. V, what the fuck did you do?”

Now the old man laughs. “Well, good luck to you. Sounds like you’re in trouble with your missus now.”

“He’s a dude,” Adrian points out.

“It’s a figure of speech,” the old man says.

“Okay,” Adrian says. “I’m not great at those.”

“V, let’s go,” P says.

“You seem like you might have a screw or two loose, son,” the old man says.

Adrian shrugs. “Yeah, lots of people tell me that.”

“Wait, did you ask if he knows how to get—” P starts.

“He doesn’t know,” Adrian says. “He’s waiting for his wife so they can go to the afterlife together.”

“Oh.” P makes the face that means he’s having those knuckle-dick feelings about something. “That’s—” P clears his throat. “That’s sweet, okay?”

“Okay?” Adrian says, bewildered. “I never said it wasn’t.”

“Go on, then,” the old man says. “You got some business to finish.”

Adrian makes a face at him and then leaves with P. “Old people are so weird,” he tells P.

“Yeah, I think getting old makes you go crazy,” P says.

“Well, I guess I might not find out,” Adrian muses.

P stops out of nowhere and Adrian runs into his back. P turns around. “Shut the fuck up, dude. You’re not dying.”

“That old guy didn’t know about coma ghosts,” Adrian says. “He said that doesn’t happen.”

“Well, it happened here,” P says. He’s mad now. “And the hospital’s going to fix you, and you’ll be fine, and you’ll go back to your body.”

“We don’t know—” Adrian tries to say.

“Yes, we do!” P insists. “Shut the fuck up!”

He’s breathing too hard. He’s super mad. Adrian doesn’t get it. It’s not his fault. He’s just about to say as much when P swallows hard and turns his head away.

Oh, shit. P’s not mad. He’s sad. What’s he so sad about? Is he going to start doing face muscle exercises? Adrian’s not an idiot. He realizes P does those when he’s upset about something.

Adrian doesn’t know what to say. “Okay,” is what he settles on. “Let’s go, man.”

P’s still breathing a little harder than normal when they get in the car. He sits for a second without driving away, tapping his fingers on the steering wheel. “It’s going to be fine,” he repeats, mostly under his breath. When he stops tapping his fingers, Adrian realizes his hands are shaking.

Adrian knows better than to say anything about that. He keeps his mouth shut and they drive back to P’s trailer.

“Should we get that microwave?” Adrian asks. They grabbed a microwave at a garage sale last week but haven’t had time to do anything with it yet.

“Yeah, I already put it out there,” P says. His voice is back to normal now.

They let Eagly out and he comes with them to the woods. “Hey, Eagly, can you hear me?” Adrian checks. Eagly looks at him and squawks. “Sweet!” He’s glad Eagly can see him. At least his two best friends can, even if no one else can.

“Eagly probably sees ghosts all the time,” P says.

“Does he see your dad?” Adrian asks.

P stops walking for a second. “Whoa. No.”

“So he really is a hallucination,” Adrian says. “That’s a relief. I really didn’t want to see him.”

P huffs. “Yeah, that’s what we should worry about.”

They spend the rest of the day in the woods. Adrian can still pull a trigger. Which is a total relief. He can’t imagine living—in any sense of the word—without being able to shoot. He doesn’t try again to get P to shoot him. They’re having a good time; Adrian doesn’t want to ruin it.

They head back to P’s trailer when it’s dark. P’s stomach growls loudly. “Can you get hungry?” P asks contemplatively.

“I don’t know,” Adrian says. “I don’t feel hungry. And I haven’t eaten anything today. So I guess not.”

P shrugs. “Makes sense, I guess. Kinda sucks, though. You like food.”

That probably shouldn’t be as exciting as it is. It’s not like P’s remembering some super unique thing here. But Adrian still decides to take it as a sign that P does pay attention to him, at least sometimes.

P eats some leftovers out of his fridge. Adrian steals a piece of chicken off his plate. When P shoots him a dirty look, Adrian says, “I just want to see if I can eat.”

“Fine,” P relents. “For experiments. Don’t get used to taking my food.”

Adrian takes bites. It feels like he’s taking bites. But nothing happens to the chicken. “Guess not,” Adrian says. He’s actually kind of disappointed. On the plus side, he can’t feel any food on his hands even though he grabbed a chicken breast with his bare hands.

“Well, good thing you don’t have to worry about ghost-pissing,” P says.

“Or ghost shitting,” Adrian agrees. That just seems weird.

“I wonder if—” P cuts himself off and shakes his head. He goes back to eating without finishing his sentence.

“What were you going to say?” Adrian asks. He waited until P was done eating, so P can’t say it’s annoying for Adrian to ask questions while he’s trying to eat.

P just looks at him for a minute. “Well…” He wipes his hands on his pants. “You can’t eat. But you can touch stuff. So…” He shrugs. “I’m just thinking about the logistics of fucking.”

“Huh,” Adrian says. “Good question. Seems like I’d at least be able to jerk off, right?”

“That makes sense,” P says. “Since it’s just you. But…” He shrugs again. “Does anything happen when you cum? Ghost cum?”

“Ectoplasm,” Adrian says. It makes P snort. He keeps taking little looks at Adrian from the corner of his eye. Adrian’s heart starts to beat a little faster. P usually does that just before he—

“Maybe you should try,” P says. His voice is low the way it gets when they fool around. Adrian never needs a lot of encouragement to get hard when he's around Peacemaker, so he can already feel his pants getting tighter.

On the one hand, it’s super interesting. He doesn’t have a body. He doesn’t have blood. How is he getting hard? How does he feel like his heart is pounding? Is his body, in the hospital, doing the same thing?

On the other hand, he doesn’t care, because now he’s just horny.

Adrian scrunches down on the couch so he can splay his legs out. He watches Chris watch him do it. “Should I go in the bathroom?” Adrian asks. He knows P doesn’t want him to. But he wants P to say it.

“No,” P says. He’s not quite breathless, but he’s getting there. Fuck, it’s making Adrian harder. Adrian barely gets his pants open before P’s suddenly across the couch, crowding close to him. “Let me try,” he says. “Can I do it?”

“Yeah,” Adrian says, and he’s definitely breathless.

Chris reaches into Adrian’s pants and gets him out and…well, Adrian can still cum, that’s for sure. It’s not like he does it embarrassingly fast or anything. He makes P work for it a bit. But there it is. Adrian leans his head back to catch his breath.

“Dude, it’s like…nothing,” P says.

“Uh, I have a totally normal semen amount,” Adrian protests.

“No, yeah, I know,” P says. “I mean it’s like, not on my hand anymore.”

Adrian opens his eyes and looks down at P’s hand. It’s resting in his lap, which is reminding Adrian that he needs to reciprocate. But also, his hand is clean. “That’s nice,” Adrian says. “Maybe you should be a coma ghost, too, so I don’t have to swallow.”

“Nobody makes you swallow,” P points out.

“Okay, but can I now?” Adrian asks, walking his fingers up P’s thigh.

P laughs at him, but it’s a little strangled. “Yeah, I’m not complaining.”

Adrian gets to work. He pops off P’s dick and looks up at him. “Can you feel that?”

“Fuck, bro, yes,” P says. He’s got his head thrown back now.

“Okay, good,” Adrian says. “Just checking!” He doesn’t give P time to respond with anything than a gasp as he takes him into his mouth again.

Adrian does swallow, because he’s polite, but when he gets back up on the couch, P says, “Whoa, what the fuck?”

Adrian follows his sightline and sees…jizz on the floor. “Oh, shit,” Adrian says. “So I’m like…really a ghost.”

“You’re not a ghost ghost,” P says. “You’re a coma ghost. At most.”

“That rhy—”

“I know it rhymed,” P cuts him off. “I didn’t mean to.”

“It’s not like there’s a difference,” Adrian says.

“Yes, there is,” P says. “Because a ghost is dead and you’re—you’re not fucking dead. And you’re not going to be dead. You’re in a coma and you’re going to be fine.”

Adrian just looks at him for a second. P’s cheeks are still a little flushed from the totally awesome ghost-blowjob Adrian just gave him. “You’re, like, having a bunch of feelings,” Adrian says.

“It’s not—it’s fine,” P says.

“What does that mean?” Adrian asks.

“I just mean, like, I don’t know, man, everything’s going to be fine. Okay?”

“Okay,” Adrian agrees. He doesn’t really know what he’s agreeing to. “Why do you look so mad?” It’s totally undoing all the work he just did to give P endorphins.

“I’m not mad,” P says. “I’m just—” He blows out a breath. “Look, I’m going to say something, and I don’t want you to be weird about it. Promise?”

“I can’t possibly promise that,” Adrian points out. Half the time, he doesn’t even know he’s being weird until P tells him.

P rolls his eyes. “Fine. Whatever. Just—if you died, I’d feel…” He touches his chest. “Bad.”

Adrian blinks a few times, thinking that over. “Oh. Really?”

“Yes, dude, Jesus!”

“Wow.” Adrian feels a smile take over his face. “Cool. I’d feel really bad if you died, too, P.”

“Yeah, I know,” P promises. “But I’m saying, that’s why I don’t want you to cross over or move on or what the fuck ever.”

“Oh,” Adrian says, connecting some dots. He laughs delightedly. “You’d miss me!”

P rolls his eyes again. “Okay, fine.”

“Holy shit, P, you are my friend!”

“Dude, what the fuck?” P says, offended. “Why are you saying that like you’re surprised?”

“Because a lot of times you pretend not to be,” Adrian points out.

“I don’t—okay.” P blows out a breath. “I’m not good at this shit, man. It feels awkward to say it.”

“Well…” Adrian shrugs. “It’s just me. You don’t have to feel awkward saying it to me.”

Chris sighs and looks at the ceiling. Then he looks over at Adrian and then down at the cum on the floor. He makes a face that Adrian’s pretty sure means he thinks this is stupid. Adrian’s about to tell him not to bother, when he says, “Adrian, you are my friend, and I would miss you a lot if you died.”

Adrian feels like he just got punched in the stomach, like all the wind just got knocked out of him. He might actually gasp. He doesn’t know why he’s reacting so big. He knew this. Well, he assumed. Okay, he hoped.

“Oh,” Adrian says. His voice cracks a little on the word and P looks over at him, fast.

“Don’t be weird,” P insists.

“I’m not,” Adrian says. “I just…it’s really nice. To hear that.” His heart gives a weird thump. Adrian looks down at his chest. What? he asks it. It doesn’t answer. It can’t. It’s a heart. And it’s not even a real heart right now, probably.

“Okay,” P says. They’re sitting pretty close to each other on the couch. P can’t look at him now, but that’s okay.

“Anyway,” Adrian says, and then a second later, he can’t say anything, because P is kissing him.

They’ve never, ever kissed. Every time they’ve fooled around—which has been exactly five times, counting just now, and only two of those were threesomes with women there—they’ve just gotten right down to business.

It would be a lie for Adrian to say he’s never thought about it. But he thought about it kind of clinically, like wondering if P’s lips would be chapped because he doesn’t moisturize enough or if it would feel weird to kiss someone with such a jacked face.

P’s lips are a little chapped. It’s not very weird to kiss someone with such a jacked face. And Adrian suddenly knows what that thump in his heart was.

“Oh, fuck,” Adrian murmurs, pulling back for a second. “The unfinished business.”

“Yeah, man, I know,” P agrees, closing the distance between them again.

“So does this mean we—” Adrian starts to ask.

“Dude, don’t ruin this with questions,” P says. “Let’s just go with it.” That seems logical enough to Adrian.

Adrian has no idea how long they make out on the couch. It reminds him of Jessica Charles on senior skip day. They’d kissed for a while before they had sex. But he and P already had sex. Are they going to have sex again after they finish kissing? Are they going to start doing this every day?

It’s hard to concentrate on any of that. P has his hands up the back of Adrian’s shirt—a tight squeeze, because Adrian’s’ still got his body armor on, but the tight squeeze feels pretty nice—and Adrian’s practically sitting in P’s lap. All of this feels very, very good.

Not just in his body. He feels like he wants to laugh really hard. But he can’t, because that would require him to stop kissing P. And he’s pretty sure he’ll die if he does that.

Well, fully die. He’s apparently already half-dead or something.

Adrian climbs fully into P’s lap, and P’s hands tighten on Adrian’s back and he makes an encouraging noise in the back of his throat that makes Adrian want to yell really loud. In a good way. Like after they blow something up and they high-five. He’s got a lot of adrenaline right now.

He has to pull back to breathe. He actually really can’t get a full breath. He’s panting hard.

“Damn, dude, we were just kissing,” P says with a laugh.

“P,” Adrian says. “I can’t—” He’s starting to wheeze. He doesn’t think this is about the kissing anymore.

“Wait, what the fuck?” P asks. His phone starts ringing. He doesn’t move to pick it up, but then he glances down and sees Gut’s name. “Shit,” P says. “Oh, Jesus.” He picks up the phone. “Hey, man,” he says. He’s rubbing Adrian’s back. “Yeah, I—what? Fuck, no, what do you mean? He was fine when I left him!” P takes his hand off Adrian’s back to rub over his face. “Christ, no, no, no. Yeah, I’m coming.” He hangs up. “V, something’s happening to your body.”

“I can’t breathe,” Adrian gasps.

“They said you’re crashing at the hospital,” P says. He sounds like he’s far away now. Adrian thinks he’s going to pass out. But how can he pass out when he’s already in a coma? “Fuck,” P says. His voice is shaking. “Vij, don’t.”

“What?” Adrian manages to say.

P has tears in his eyes. “Don’t fucking die, please. We just—I can’t—” He presses his forehead against Adrian’s. He kind of half-kisses, half-blows into Adrian’s mouth like he’s trying to do CPR or something. “Come on, man, don’t leave me.”

“I—” Adrian can’t really talk. “Chris,” he chokes out.

“Fuck,” P says. He picks Adrian up and rushes to the door. “I’ll take you to your body. That’s—that has to do something, right?”

Adrian can’t talk anymore. He can’t really move. He feels like he’s half-asleep or something. He gets flashes of stuff that’s happening. P holding onto him with one hand while he drives. The bright lights of the hospital. The old man ghost looking at him and frowning.

His mom and Gut next to his body. His mom’s crying. “Dad’s coming,” Gut says, looking at Adrian’s body. “Hang on ‘til he gets here, okay?”

P can’t really put Adrian down on the bed next to his body without Adrian’s mom and Gut seeing. So instead he just holds onto Adrian and they sit across the room from Adrian’s body. That’s actually kind of nice.

“Adrian,” P whispers. “Please.”

Then Adebayo, Keeya, Harcourt, and Economos are there. Adebayo’s crying into Keeya’s shoulder. Even Harcourt has tears in her eyes. That’s pretty nice of her. Adrian didn’t expect that.

His dad and stepdad show up. Some nurses come in and talk. Adrian can’t hear what they’re saying. He keeps nodding off, like when he was a kid and he was on a long car ride. He just can’t stay awake.

The old man ghost is in front of him again. “Well, I was hoping you wouldn’t end up here,” he says.

“Oh,” Adrian says. “Am I dead?” That fucking sucks. P really didn’t want him to die. It doesn’t seem like P can hear him anymore. He doesn’t say anything. Adrian can’t feel P touching him anymore.

“I don’t know,” the old man says. “Do I look like the Grim Reaper to you?”

“Kind of,” Adrian says. “I assume the Grim Reaper’s pretty old. You don’t have that hood thing, though.” He shrugs. “I thought some dead relative would be here or something.”

“You have any close relatives who died?” the old man asks.

Adrian shrugs again. “No. Just my grandparents, but I never knew any of them.”

The old man shrugs, too. “Nobody showed up for me,” he says.

“I guess death is kind of lonely,” Adrian says. “Man, this is such a bad time to die! I think me and P just started dating or something.”

The old man nods. “You finished your business. That’s what happened.”

“Well, that’s not fucking fair!” Adrian says. “I get something good and it kills me? I probably have tons more unfinished business I don’t know about. I know nothing about feelings. Can’t some other feelings keep me alive?”

“I don’t know,” the old man says. “I don’t know why you keep thinking I know how any of this works.”

Adrian huffs. “Yeah, sorry. I just thought being a ghost for a while meant you’d know some stuff.”

“Nope.”

“Oh, shit,” Adrian says, remembering something suddenly. “The elementary school.”

“What?”

“I woke up in front of the elementary school. One time during the summer when I was in high school, I went with P and my brother and some of their friends to the elementary school to try to figure out how to ride skateboards. And I fell and I’m pretty sure I broke my arm. P said I probably broke my arm. He’s the one who helped me up and everybody else just laughed at me.”

“So that’s where you fell in love with him, huh?” the old guy says.

“I don’t know,” Adrian says. “Probably not. But that’s where I decided I wanted to get big and jacked and fight crime like him.” He looks at the old guy ghost. “You can’t tell anyone I fight crime.”

“Kid, who am I going to tell?”

“Oh, right.”

Adrian can still remember how gentle P’s hands were when he helped Adrian up. It was one of the only times he can remember Chris not making fun of him back then. Adrian was pretty scrawny, and P said something about how his bones would be more cushioned if he had more muscle or something like that.

Adrian had looked at him, huge as a house and brave and helping Adrian up, and he’d vowed to show him that Adrian wasn’t wasting his kindness. He wonders if P remembers that. Probably not. There’s no way it meant as much to P as it did to Adrian.

Adrian and the old guy ghost sit there and look at Adrian’s body and everybody gathered around him crying. Will P remember Adrian if Adrian dies? Now Adrian starts to get pissed off.

“No, this is fucking bullshit,” he bursts out. “P doesn’t want me to die. He told me so. None of them want me to die. I don’t want me to die. So I’m not fucking doing it!”

“I don’t think you get a choice,” the old man says.

“I’ve got unfinished business I have to be alive to do,” Adrian says. “I still haven’t gotten to kill anyone with my chainsaw. No way am I missing out on that. Also, other stuff. Like getting old or whatever.”

“You are something else,” the old man says.

“I thought there was supposed to be some tunnel or something,” Adrian says. “P said run in the other direction if I saw a tunnel with a light at the end.”

“I don’t remember if that happened,” the old man says.

“Hey!” Adrian yells, looking up at the ceiling. “Is this a heaven thing? No, thank you! I’m going to stay down here.” He nods. “Okay, I’m going to go jump on my body and see if I can get back in.” Maybe he didn’t jump hard enough last time he tried. Maybe it requires some force.

He doesn’t let the old man say that’s a stupid idea. Adrian gets a running start and belly-flops on top of himself. And then everything ends.

“P?” Adrian asks. He can hear his own voice echo. Everything’s blinding white around him. He can’t see anything. “Mom? Hello? Anyone? Can I go back now?”

The white burns his eyes so badly everything goes dark.

Adrian opens his eyes. P’s looking down at him. “P?” Adrian asks.

“Holy shit!” P yells. “He just opened his eyes!”

“No, he fucking didn’t,” Gut’s voice says. Then Gut’s face appears in front of Adrian’s eyes. Adrian makes a face. He doesn’t want to see Gut. He wants P’s face back. Even if it’s blurry because Adrian doesn’t have his glasses.

“I can’t see,” he says. No one really listens to him. “Am I not talking out loud?” Adrian asks.

“You are, sweetie,” his mom says. Her face comes into view now. She’s crying. A lot. Her eyes are super puffy. She does not look good. But maybe that’s because Adrian can’t see her very well.

“Dude, you’re saying all of that out loud,” P hisses. Oops.

“I don’t care!” Adrian’s mom says. “Honey, you died for a few seconds.”

“I did?”

“Flatlined and everything,” Economos says from somewhere across the room.

“Your dad fainted,” Adrian’s stepdad says.

“Oh, man, did you hit your head?” Adrian asks.

“No, I’m fine,” his dad promises. Someone’s holding Adrian’s hand. He thinks it’s his dad, but he can’t turn his head to look.

“Am I paralyzed?” he asks. That would make fighting crime harder, probably.

“No, you’re drugged up,” Harcourt says.

“Am I real now?” Adrian asks. “Not a ghost?”

“Not a ghost,” Adebayo says. Her voice sounds like she’s been crying a bunch, too. “I have been,” she says, so Adrian must’ve said that.

“Chris?” Adrian says.

P’s face appears over Adrian’s head and Adrian can feel himself smiling. He laughs a little. That’s a good face.

“Hi,” P says. His voice is kind of quiet. Maybe…shy?

“Did all that stuff happen at your trailer?” Adrian asks. “With us and the ectoplasm?”

“What’s ectoplasm?” Adrian’s dad asks.

“From Ghostbusters?” Economos asks. “Oh, hang on, ew. You guys are gross.”

“Yeah,” P says. He’s smiling at Adrian. It’s a different kind of smile than Adrian’s seen him smile before. It’s not all excited like they just bashed a dude’s skull in and it’s not the smile he does when he’s drunk. It’s a whole new smile.

“I’m going to puke if I keep listening to this,” Gut says.

“I had no idea you were dating Dorian’s friend,” Adrian’s mom says.

“He’s my friend,” Adrian says. P even said it out loud. “My BFF.”

“Okay. He was my friend first,” Gut points out.

“Well, he’s mine now,” Adrian says. That makes him laugh a little. “Mine, mine, mine.” It’s kind of a funny word. Adrian doesn’t totally remember what he was saying anymore. These drugs are kind of fun. But he's not changing his mind about weed.

“I’m going to choose to find this cute,” Keeya decides.

“Yeah, that’s what I was thinking,” his stepdad says.

“P, do you have my glasses?” Adrian asks. He remembers P taking them for safekeeping. P pulls them out. He had them in his pocket. That seems kind of sweet. But maybe a little dangerous when they were having sex.

He puts the glasses on Adrian’s face for him so Adrian doesn’t have to move. He’s being so much nicer than usual.

“Well, glad you’re not dead,” Harcourt says. Her face pops up next to P’s. “Do you think you’re going to stay alive for good now?”

“Yes,” Adrian says. “I told them no thank you.”

“Told who?” Adebayo asks.

“Whoever does the ghost stuff. There was no Grim Reaper or a tunnel, by the way. You lied, P.”

“I didn’t lie,” P protests. “I don’t know what happens when you die.”

“Mostly my eyes just hurt,” Adrian reports. “Maybe because I didn’t have my glasses.”

“Dude, you have them now,” P says. “Quit complaining.” That’s more normal for P.

“Okay,” Harcourt says. Something pats his leg. He’s going to guess it’s Harcourt’s hand. “We’re going to go, then. Let your family have time with you.”

“Okay,” Adrian says. “See you tomorrow!”

“You’re not going to be out of here by tomorrow,” Gut says.

“Yes, I will,” Adrian says. Gut doesn’t know how Adrian heals.

Harcourt smiles at him. “See you tomorrow,” she says softly. She does know how Adrian heals.

Adebayo comes over and leans down to hug him, as well as she can when he doesn’t even try to move his arms. “I’m so happy you came back,” she whispers in his ear.

“Me, too.”

“See you, dude,” Economos says. He doesn’t hug Adrian. That’s okay. Keeya says goodbye, too. When they’re leaving, Adrian almost tries to sit up. He moves his head, at least.

“P!” he says urgently. “Don’t go.”

“I’m right here,” P says. He’s sitting in a chair. Oh. Okay.

“Where did you meet all these friends?” Adrian’s mom asks. “I don’t know any of them.”

“Work,” Adrian says.

“That woman with a gun works at Fennel Fields?” Adrian’s dad asks.

“No, my other work,” Adrian says.

“He’s—wow, bro, you’re delirious,” P cuts in. Oh, right. Adrian’s family doesn’t know.

Adrian nods. “I am definitely delirious.”

“We don’t know what?” Gut wonders.

“Nothing,” P says quickly.

“I don’t know nothing,” Adrian says. “Feelings? Nothing. That’s how I didn’t die.”

“He probably just needs to rest now,” some lady says. Adrian doesn’t recognize her voice.

“Nurse,” P says.

“Wait,” Adrian says. “What am I wearing?”

“Dude,” P says. “I took care of it.” He raises his eyebrows at Adrian and then Adrian remembers.

“You touched my hair,” Adrian says.

P makes a face. “Shut up, man.”

“No,” Adrian says. “I think you like like me. That’s why you kissed me.”

“Oh, my God,” P says.

“You’re my BFF,” Adrian says. “But you’re my something else, too.”

“Can I leave now?” Gut asks.

“Yeah,” Adrian says. “You guys should all leave so Chris and I can fu—”

“No!” P cuts him off. “Wow.”

“Ugh, why not?” Adrian asks. “I know you want to.” He always wants to.

“Because there are cameras in here, dude.”

“Uh, also, he just woke up from a coma,” the nurse says.

“That’s really not a problem,” Adrian says.

“You can’t move your arms or legs,” Adrian’s dad says.

“Don’t need ‘em,” Adrian says.

“Please stop,” P begs.

“Okay,” Adrian says. “You never say please. Good manners, dude. I didn’t know you had those. I thought Nazis didn’t teach manners.”

“Wow, Adrian,” Gut says.

“You’re still here?” Adrian asks.

“No, I’m a ghost,” Gut says.

“Really?” Adrian asks.

“Sarcasm, V,” P says.

“Oh,” Adrian says. “I was a ghost.”

“Sure, honey,” Adrian’s mom says. She leans down and kisses his forehead. That’s fine. Not as good as P kissing him, but still okay. “We’re going to let you rest. I’ll come back tomorrow, okay?”

“Okay,” Adrian says. He won’t be here tomorrow, but maybe she knows someone else in the hospital she wants to visit.

His dad and stepdad both give him hugs. Gut kind of punches his chest, but really, really lightly. Apparently that’s his way of hugging or something.

“Okay, now it’s just us,” Adrian says. “Come here, P.”

“I’m still here,” the nurse says.

“Can you leave?” Adrian asks.

“Actually, I can’t,” she says. “Your friend needs to leave.”

“You are not fun,” Adrian tells her.

“Well, that’s my job,” she says. Adrian respects that. Sometimes doing your job isn’t popular. He knows that very well.

“I’ll come back tomorrow,” P says. “Do not go out the window,” he murmurs in Adrian’s ear when he leans down to kind of rub his face against Adrian's. He's not hugging Adrian, which is kind of a shame. Adrian thinks he'd like a hug. P has strong arms. It would probably feel good. Oh, wait, they were talking. P said not to go out the window, that's right. Lame.

“I don’t want to stay here all night,” Adrian protests.

“I’ll come pick you up,” P whispers. “You can come home with me. But you have to sleep here first.”

“Fine,” Adrian says. The bed’s pretty comfortable. “Can you bring me a cheeseburger when you come?”

“You got it,” P says. He brushes his nose against Adrian’s. Wow, that’s nice. Adrian’s seen people on TV do that, but no one’s ever done it to him. It feels great. Then P kisses him, which is even better.

“Shit, man, this is fucking sick,” Adrian says.

P huffs. But he’s smiling. “Yeah, it is,” he says. He kisses Adrian again. “Stay here,” he reminds Adrian.

“God, dude, I know,” Adrian says.

“You seem like you need the reminder,” P says. He presses his face against Adrian’s neck and gives him a little kiss there, too. “Be a good boy and I’ll give you a surprise.”

That makes Adrian laugh out loud. “Okay,” he agrees. “Is it your dick? No, don’t tell me, I want to be surprised. But I won’t be that surprised by your dick. I’ve seen it a bunch of times. But don’t worry! It’s still good.”

P’s laughing at him. Adrian really likes how that looks. P gives him one last kiss, then says, “I’ll come get you in the morning.” Then he leaves.

Adrian kind of sighs like a girl in a movie after he goes. The nurse comes over and starts doing whatever nurses do. She doesn’t take the thing out of Adrian’s arm. He taps it with his other hand. “Can you take this out? I really don’t like it and last time I took it out myself and it hurt.”

“You took it out yourself?”

“Yeah, it sucked. I bet you’re better at it than me,” he tells her.

“I hope so,” she says. “I’ll have to ask a doctor if we can take it out.”

“If you don’t, I will,” he says. “Just being honest. I really don’t like how it feels. But I’ll stay here all night. I told P I would, so I have to.”

“Well, what a relief,” she says. Adrian thinks that might be sarcasm. He’s starting to pick up on that more these days. He’s been practicing. He googled how to tell when someone’s being sarcastic and found some helpful stuff.

She leaves without taking out the IV. Adrian gives her an hour to come back. She doesn’t, so he takes it out himself. He warned her! It’s not his fault she didn’t listen.

He’s a little afraid to go to sleep. What if he goes back to being a ghost? He’d really like to stay real now. Things with P seem like they’re going to be really good. But he doesn’t have much choice. He falls asleep even though he was trying not to.

Adrian wakes up early in the morning. He’s not sleepy at all anymore and he doesn’t have the drugs making him feel all slow. He’s totally back to normal.

But he promised P he’d stay here and wait. Adrian sighs. This is so boring. He doesn’t even have his phone. He gets out of the bed and starts trying to look around his room. All the wires and sensors are getting in his way, so he pulls the thing off his finger.

The machines start beeping and a nurse runs in right away. He purses his lips. “Did you just unhook yourself?”

“Yeah,” Adrian says. “I’m better now.”

“You were in a coma yesterday.”

“I’m bored,” Adrian says. “Hey, do you know an old lady named Annie who’s been here for a while?”

The nurse narrows his eyes while he looks at Adrian. “Why?”

“Um…” Adrian can’t mention being a ghost. They’ll think he’s crazy and make him talk to a therapist. He’s been there, done that. “I know her.” He really hopes the nurse doesn’t ask questions. Adrian’s not a very good liar.

He doesn’t ask any questions. Maybe he’s like the dishwashers at work who say they don’t get paid enough to deal with any shit.

“Ah, fuck, work,” Adrian groans. He’s going to have to deal with that soon. But right now he follows the nurse to Annie’s room. She’s super old, even older than the old guy ghost. She looks like the oldest person alive. Her face is so saggy she has permanent Dracula face.

“Hi,” Adrian says. She’s asleep, so he whispers, but it seems rude not to say something. “Old dude ghost, I can’t see you anymore. Or maybe I can but you’re not in here. I don’t know. I don’t even know if this is the right old lady named Annie, but I think so. Anyway, if you’re in here, I didn’t die. Hopefully you’re happy for me. But maybe you’re a dick and you’re jealous. P and I are together now, I guess. He’s going to come pick me up soon.” Adrian looks down at Annie. “You’ll probably say something weird about how you still think she’s super hot or something. Old people always say shit like that. Maybe someday P will be all wrinkly and saggy and I’ll still think he’s hot.” Adrian shrugs. “Anyway, old lady, your husband’s waiting. So you should probably die soon so you can both go be ghosts or angels or whatever happens. Or demons, if you’re criminals and you go to hell. Oh, I should do a name search on you. If you’re a criminal I could kill you and it would be a double good deed because it’d be a favor for your husband, too.”

“Dude, what the fuck,” P says behind Adrian.

Adrian turns around. His face smiles automatically when he sees P. P smiles back at him and Adrian’s smile gets even bigger. He even kind of giggles. Luckily P just laughs, too, and doesn’t make fun of him.

“Hi,” Adrian says.

“Were you just saying you were going to kill that old lady?”

“If she’s a criminal,” Adrian says. “She’s the old dude ghost’s wife and he’s waiting for her.”

“Oh, right,” P says. “What would you? Oxygen in a needle or something?”

Adrian shrugs. “I was thinking pillow smother.”

“Well, there’s cameras in here,” P reminds him. “You don’t have your mask.”

“Oh, yeah,” Adrian says. “Will you come stand closer to me?” He has a hunch P will do it.

P comes closer. Ha. “Why?”

Adrian kisses him. “I wanted to do that.”

P does that nose-brush thing. Adrian really likes that. “Why didn’t you just walk over to me?”

“Because I didn’t want to,” Adrian says. He really likes that P will do things for him now. He kisses P again. That’s not getting old. That reminds him of the old lady they’re making out in front of. He pulls back from P enough to look down at her. “You probably don’t mind if we kiss in here, right? Old people always like young people kissing. And we're super young compared to you.”

“Maybe not two dudes, though,” P points out. “Look how old she is. She’s even older than my dad. She probably thinks we’re deviants.”

“We’re not deviants,” Adrian tells her.

“Yes, we are,” P says. “Just not for that.”

Well, Adrian can’t argue against that. “Did you bring my cheeseburger?”

“We’ll stop on the way home,” P says. “It’d be cold if I brought it.”

Adrian’s pretty sure P just forgot, or maybe he didn’t want to pay for it. But Adrian’s so happy to see him he’s not even annoyed. “Can we leave now?”

“Definitely,” P says. As they’re walking out, he asks, “How come you got boxers on under your gown? They made me run around with my ass out.”

“I don’t think they made you do that,” Adrian says. He asked a nurse one time for his boxers and she brought them right to him.

“Okay, you’re right,” P admits. “I was showing off.”

That makes Adrian laugh. “You do have a nice ass.”

“So do you,” P says. He grabs Adrian’s ass and Adrian laughs super loud, startled. A nurse looks over at them.

“Can I go now?” Adrian asks.

No one at the hospital’s super happy about it, but apparently they can’t stop him from checking himself out. Sweet. They give P this huge stack of papers about brain injuries and stuff that doesn’t apply to Adrian because of his healing. But they don’t know about that, so he pretends to listen.

Then, finally, Adrian’s back in his own clothes and he and P are walking outside. Adrian pauses just outside the hospital. He takes a deep breath. “Huh,” he says. “I didn’t realize I wasn’t smelling anything when I was a ghost.”

“Makes sense that a ghost can’t smell,” P decides. “Like how you couldn’t eat anything.”

“Yeah,” Adrian agrees. “It’s just weird that I didn’t notice. I guess you don’t notice when something’s gone until it comes back.”

P looks over at him. He’s smiling a little, right at Adrian. “Yeah, V,” he says. His voice is kind of funny, all soft and really nice. “Guess you don’t.”

Adrian blinks at him. “Are you having a feeling right now?”

“A few,” P says. “Want to come home with me and I’ll show you?”

That makes Adrian grin. That means sex. “Yes, I do.”

P laughs. He puts his arm around Adrian’s neck and pulls Adrian in close to his side. He turns his head and kisses Adrian’s forehead, a big, theatrical kiss that makes a mwah sound. “Great,” he says. “Let’s go.”

“Let’s go,” Adrian echoes. They keep their arms around each other while they walk to the car and it feels really fucking awesome. He's got that feeling in his chest again, warm and explosion-y. It's a good feeling, he decides. Adrian takes a deep breath full of real air in his real lungs. He can’t stop smiling. Then he gets in the car with Chris, and they go home.