Chapter Text
Levi knew how much insubordination would cost him. He would either get kicked out, suspended or beaten informally. He was prepared - hell, he wanted - any of those three options.
It was borderline masochistic, but nobody needed to know that. Levi was three expeditions into his time at the Survey Corps, and nobody really cared for him. A bubbly and slightly insane soldier named Hanji had made an attempt to reach out to him, but it was fairly pointless. Nobody really wanted him here, and he couldn't take the conflict between his heart and the reality of his life anymore. He had seen so many people die already, and it was piling up, crushing him under an impossible weight.
He wanted all the death and destruction and hate to stop.
And what a better way to try and get what he wanted than by taking a hit at the man who had played a part in his recruitment. It was juvenile, and petty, but he couldn’t help but go for Erwin’s face with his fist the minute he had the blond alone.
Erwin steps forward before Levi can - before Levi’s fist even begins to reach his face - and pins him to the wall, effectively rendering him useless. Fingers press into Levi’s neck, right into his jugular, making him feel lightheaded seconds.
“Do it,” Levi mutters, his vocal cords scraping along his throat, trying desperately to speak. “Kill me. I dare you.”
“No,” Erwin whispers, his fingers slowly relaxing and releasing Levi’s throat. Levi immediately haunches over, heaving deep breaths of air into his starved lungs.
He stares up at Erwin, his anguished face barely visible in the twilight.
“Fuck you,” Levi spits. “You spineless coward, you should have done it.”
“No.” Erwin is calm, and it leaves Levi dumbfounded. How can he be so nonchalant after living the damned life of a Survey Corps soldier? How can he do it day after day, month after month, year after year?
Levi is at breaking point, while Erwin - who is composed pretty much every second of the day - goes about his business like nothing is wrong. For Erwin, death and destruction and hate is normalcy. And Levi envies his ability to be so stoic.
“I attacked you,” Levi taunts. “I attacked you, so fucking kill me.”
“I’m not going to kill you. That’s not how we do things here.”
“Then send me to Shadis. Punish me for treason. Beat me to the ground. Do something.” Levi tries to step forward so he can take another swing, but Erwin is one step ahead. Always.
He takes Levi’s wrists and pins them to the wall again. “Stop it,” he grunts, struggling to contain Levi’s strength. Levi is strong, just as strong as Erwin; he could overpower him if he really wanted to.
But instead, Levi slips. His control wavers as Erwin uses more and more force against him, effectively holding him down. And as he does, Erwin’s body draws closer and closer to Levi’s, just barely hovering over each other. Levi wouldn’t be surprised if the sheer size of Erwin’s body swallowed him whole.
He shivers, despite the fact that it feels so hot.
“Erwin,” Levi gasps, the name sounding foreign on his lips. He realises he's never actually said the name aloud, only spoken of him by formalities or pronouns.
They're close. His eyes, and their brilliant blue, stare into Levi’s with such intensity that Levi can’t possibly look away. Erwin has him trapped and mesmerised, in both body and mind. Levi can feel the tension - he can feel the way Erwin looks at him - as if he's begging Levi to make the first move. But Levi will play this like a game; provoke Erwin and draw out the visible desire lingering just below his skin.
“Do it,” he taunts, almost spitting into Erwin’s face. “Do it, I dare you.”
Erwin drops one of Levi’s wrists and roughly takes his jaw into his hands. He presses forward in one swift motion, lips brushing only slightly, before leaving as quickly as they came.
It is the tamest kiss Levi has ever experienced.
Erwin drops his other wrist, straightens his body, and starts to walk away. Levi feels anger rise in his bones, making his fists clench once again.
“You fucker!” Levi yells, restraining himself from punching at Erwin's stupid face again. “That was the shittiest fucking kiss ever.”
Catching Levi by surprise, Erwin turns around, this time with no intention to be gentle. He backs Levi harshly into the wall, his lips hovering over him with a firm finality this time. Their foreheads bang together, and Levi can feel the hot sweat that shines Erwin's skin. It's like Erwin is trying to frustrate him, playing the game just as well as Levi is. Erwin doesn’t want to make the first move either.
“You’re testing my control,” he says, while Levi breathes in the warmth he leaves.
“You’re a coward who won’t kiss me proper-”
Levi’s words catch in his throat, cut off from being said as Erwin’s head lunges forward, taking Levi’s lips harshly.
It's too covered in saliva to be Levi’s favourite kiss ever, but he isn’t looking for gentle or perfect. He wants to be pushed around and hurt. He wants to feel bruises on his skin for days afterward. He wants to feel something, anything, that will distract him from the real pain he harbours in his heart.
And Erwin is definitely going to leave him feeling bruises. He's moving against Levi slowly, rocking his lips back and forth, but he's also pressing hard, insistent in gaining more friction.
Levi drops his jaw slightly, gasping into Erwin’s mouth as their tongues meet. It's so dirty and disgusting, unlike what Levi usually prefers, but it's so fucking erotic at the same time. His tongue curls into Levi’s mouth with just enough pressure to leave him basically begging for more, opening his mouth wide and willing for Erwin to take. It doesn’t help that they are in a room with an unlocked door, where anybody could walk in. Levi doesn’t know if Erwin has realised this, or if he's just as turned on by the idea as Levi is.
Levi steadies himself from falling over by clinging to Erwin’s jacket pathetically, grasping at something to anchor him. He doesn’t know how long they stay like this - pressed into the wall, making out like horny teenagers, teeth and tongue and lips tearing through each other with no finesse - but it feels like an eternity.
“Fuck,” Levi whispers when they part.
“Was that a better kiss?” Erwin asks, eyes following the line of Levi’s body to find a bulge at the front of his pants. “Don’t say anything, I can clearly see the answer.”
“Fuck you!”
“Maybe some other time.”
“No. Now.”
Erwin’s hand rises to his face, rubbing at his forehead and at the bridge of his nose. “You don’t understand what you do to me.”
“Wait!” Levi insists, tearing Erwin’s hand away from his face. “What do you mean by that?”
“You’re so beautiful and alluring, it’s hard to keep my hands to myself.”
Levi scoffs. It doesn't surprise him that Erwin would sprout some sort of poetic shit like that when he's horny. He doubts his words are true; he just wants to whip his dick out and get a good fuck.
“Then don’t keep your hands to yourself,” Levi says, like the answer is simple. He can't comprehend why Erwin is denying himself.
Erwin groans. “Please don’t do this.” His words are unwilling, but his body says otherwise. If he truly didn't want this, he would have left by now.
“Fine then, don’t fuck me,” Levi mutters. “But you’re missing out. I’ve been told I have a really tight ass. It’s great to fuck. ”
"Jesus, Levi." Erwin is close to cracking, Levi can feel it.
“Why aren’t you leaving, Squad Leader Smith?” Levi says the words with venom, provoking Erwin once more.
“Say that again,” Erwin mutters, hands now on Levi’s hips, slowly making their way down to his ass.
“What?” Levi gasps breathily, making sure Erwin knows just how much he wants this. “Squad Leader Smith.”
He can see Erwin’s lip, bitten between his teeth. Erwin is close - so close - to kissing him again and giving him everything he wants and more. So close to kissing and pulling and tugging and fucking. Levi’s mouth waters at the imagery.
But Erwin falters. His lip slips from his teeth, his eyes drop their hungry gaze and his body closes in on itself. There’s anguish on his face - and not like before, when he was still fairly aroused - but the kind of anguished that left you breathless and awake all night.
Levi pities him. He may be a manpiulative bastard, but Erwin isn’t a bad man. He doesn’t deserve Levi’s bullshit and drama, or his sexual advances, especially if he doesn’t really want them. He’s not awful enough to push a clearly conflicted man into doing something he doesn’t really want.
So in an act of kindness, Levi pushes Erwin away and takes three steps to the side, making sure to keep a fair distance this time. Erwin lets out a shaky sigh in relief.
“This really wasn’t a good idea,” Erwin mumbles, trailing his fingers through his hair nervously. He’s on edge; confused and almost scared. It's the most emotion that Levi has ever seen from the stoic Squad Leader.
“Chill out,” Levi says, straightening his body and regaining control of his senses. “I’m not going to say anything. You’ll be fine.”
“It’s not that.”
“Then what’s your problem?”
Here it is. He’s going to tell you how shitty and terrible you were at kissing. How ugly, disgusting and filthy you truly are. How undesirable he finds you.
“It’s going to be hard not to do this a second time.”
Levi lunges forward and punches Erwin playfully in the gut. It’s not his face like he originally planned, but it’s a compromise. Even getting a tiny punch at Erwin is satisfying enough. “You piece of shit, stop worrying so much.”
Erwin smiles sadly, clearly unconvinced. “I’ll see you around, Levi.”
“See ya,” Levi mutters, watching Erwin - and his perfect, gorgeous body - walk away. He's slightly bitter that their confrontation ended in this way, that he hadn’t gotten what he really wanted. But even so, just for a tiny moment, he was able to feel something again.
He’ll be riding an adrenaline high for a while, and at least that will keep him from thinking about the expedition and the horrors he had seen.
Absentmindedly, Levi traces the skin of his lips, wondering if he will ever feel anything like Erwin’s mouth there again.