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There was something off about Sirius’ brother. James was so sure of that, he just couldn’t wrap his mind around what exactly was bothering him so much.
Ever since Sirius appeared on his doorway, hurt, bruised, bleeding, James couldn’t wrap his mind around something. Regulus was right behind his brother, completely untouched, standing with his head down, silently, like a ghost, like a shadow. And he was so damn quiet, even at school, James wasn’t sure he ever heard Regulus talk.
It was easy to overlook, to misread; Regulus’ friends were always so loud, James could almost hear Regulus chuckle behind Crouch’s hysterical laughter in a busy corridor, James swore he could sometimes catch Regulus’ snarky remark to Rosier’s unhinged comment. Yet when he thought of it, when he really really thought of it, all James could see is that; the ghost, the shadow, the phantom, following people around the castle in an naturalistic imitation of life.
And now Regulus was there. Poisoning James’ house, polluting the air, following Sirius around.
Sirius never changed, James guessed. It was just that James never really saw him interact with his brother before, and now everything between James and Sirius was so similar, so like before, yet so very different, as a wax sculpture of their interaction before. That was what Regulus was, plastic, unnatural, making everything around him twisted and synthetic to match.
His mom shook her head in disappointment when James told her something was wrong. She thought she was right, of course; Regulus rarely left his room, and when he did he just followed Sirius around silently, he did what he was told, even his face was blank and faux. It drove James crazy.
They had plenty of rooms, the house was so big, but Sirius insisted on sharing a room with his brother. James’ mom smiled to that, she believed it to be so nice and thoughtful. Sirius taking care of his baby brother. Right, very cute.
James knew that he was being obsessive. At least he was truthful to himself; he didn’t like Regulus, he didn’t trust him in the slightest, that was why he was keeping an eye on him.
James started to notice things.
Little things really. Hushed conversations. Regulus pulling in to whisper something directly to Sirius’ ear, Sirius responding just as quietly, making Regulus smile slightly.
And the craziest part was that they touched, like a lot. That was okay, James guessed, yet Sirius was so very preserved around him, around all of them marauders really. He never initiated physical contact, he flinched and brushed their hands off him if they initiated one, he even avoided shaking their hands. James never really cared about that, to be honest. He knew the household Sirius came from, knew how traumatizing that was, and Sirius was his best mate, so he respected his wishes. That was until Regulus came along. And now Sirius was all over his little brother.
It wasn’t that obvious; the touches were delicate, very subtle, yet James knew where to look. Sometimes Sirius brushed the stray curls carefully from his brother’s eyes, that was when Regulus was reading or writing or eating. Other times, Sirius would nudge Regulus’ shoulder to check on him or get his attention, then he would put a gentle hand on the small of his back, curl fingers protectively over the back of his neck. Sirius would take his brother’s hand to help him up from the couch and never let go of it, just walking around with him hand in hand.
Sirius never allowed James around Regulus. And James tried, at the beginning, he did. He tried to follow Sirius to their shared room, he tried to sit closer to them at dinners, but all it did was make Sirius angry.
“You are being overprotective, why can’t I talk to him?” James asked one day when Sirius was all but guarding the bathroom Regulus was occupying like a fucking bandog.
“Just leave it, mate. You are obsessed” Sirius grunted. Which was partly correct, but James wasn’t willing to give in to that.
“No, that’s you who is obsessed. I was just trying to be nice, mate, I mean he lives in my house, Pads, I just don’t know what to do about him… Sometimes it gets like I’m not even allowed to look at him!” James ran his hand through his hair, looking at Sirius pleadingly.
Sirius sighed. “Just leave it, James.” He repeated, turning back to look at the bathroom door.
And James tried already, he tried to leave it. The thing is, for some crazy reason he just couldn’t. That was why he lied. He nodded, returning to his room. He took his invisibility cloak. He never would have done that to Sirius, but he had to know, he just saw that something was off about Regulus.
James never really got to see the room Sirius and Regulus occupied since they arrived. And the room inevitably looked just as off as everything around Regulus was.
They didn’t have much things when they got here. Regulus didn’t even have his wand with him, and they only had one jacket, which was Sirius’, yet Regulus wore it when they arrived, poisoning it with his touch. James’ mom went to Diagon Alley with them first thing the following morning, and she got them some clothes, which Sirius also insisted on sharing, and some books for the following year. She even got Regulus a new wand, shame he couldn’t just share Sirius’, James thought bitterly. The things were now occupying the room, only one side of the room, though, they were laying on one of the beds in piles, looking miserable.
James flinched when the door opened.
Regulus walked in first, his hair wet, he was wearing one of the night shirts James’ mom got for Sirius specifically. Sirius followed him closely, locking the door behind them, putting his arm around his brother’s shoulders, leading him to bed.
“What did he want?” James’ breath caught. It was probably the first thing he ever heard Regulus say. His voice was high, higher than Sirius’, and his aristocratic accent was a lot more defined, yet that was probably because Sirius always tried to hide his.
“Was wondering why you’re being so quiet.” Sirius responded, pushing his brother to sit on the bed.
“What did you tell him?”
“Just told him to leave it, that’s all.” Sirius positioned himself next to Regulus, kicking his socks of and pulling his legs on the bed. “Will you read to me?” He picked the book from the nightstand, tossing it to his brother.
Regulus shook his head, sliding closer to Sirius so that they were almost entangled together. James eyed the spare bed suspiciously. Yeah, something was definitely wrong.
“Too tired? Let’s just sleep then.” Sirius grabbed his brother’s arm and pulled him over himself, so that Regulus was positioned almost on top of Sirius.
“Won’t you shower?” Regulus untangled himself from Sirius’ hold and rolled over to eye him closely. James couldn’t help but smirk, sometime Sirius should really stop neglecting his hygiene.
“Nah, I’ll shower in the morning, pinky-promise.”
Regulus scoffed. “You are gross.”
“Oi! I’m trying to avoid James’ interrogations for your sake!”
James frowned. He almost forgot the reason he was spying on his best friend.
“That really can’t go on forever. He already noticed that something is wrong, and you are being too clingy.”
Sirius pushed Regulus in the chest slightly. “Now I’m the one being clingy?”
“As a mater of fact, you are. I don’t understand what happened, you were perfectly fine with not touching me at Hogwarts, and now all you seem to do is grab me and squeeze me and all that.” Regulus sounded annoyed and James couldn’t help but agree with him.
“That’s because I love you so much I can’t keep my hands off of you.” Sirius winked. And then, then something happened. Something so wrong happened that James couldn’t even comprehend it for a few seconds and when he did comprehend he didn’t really know how to react to that.
Sirius leaned up and kissed him. He kissed his oh-so-wrong little brother full on the mouth. And the tentative kiss lingered and became faster and . Sirius was all but eating his brother’s face, and Regulus was responding just as eagerly and all James could do was stand there dumbstruck and watch.
And oh, James thought, so that was what was happening. That was what was wrong with them. When he opened the door, stormed out and ran off to his own room, James wasn’t so sure he was happy about finding it all out. Maybe some things really had to stay hidden.