Archive of Our Own

If someone had told Zayn five years ago that he’d be moving to Dublin to study, he’d probably laugh in their face.

It was already a big deal for him to move to London right after he graduated from high school, and even though he swore that he wouldn’t like it, it’s home now, in a way he never though it would be.

But yet, here he is, standing outside one of the most prestigious universities in Dublin with a backpack hanging over his shoulders and a large suitcase at his hand.

New beginnings, he tells himself after taking a deep breath.

The taxi driver that drove him from the airport was unfamiliar with the campus, just Zayn’s luck, so he’s just dropped him off at the main gate instead of the on-campus accommodation that he’s staying in for the year. Luckily, he’s got the campus map in his hand, for once grateful for Doniya’s insistent nagging that he should print it out just in case.

He’s probably been standing still for a full five minutes staring at the paper in his hands, and he has absolutely no idea how to make sense of what he’s looking at. He’s always been shit at directions, and reading a map is no different. To make matters worse, apparently he’s printed off the Gaelic map, which only adds to his confusion.

After a while he decides to just wing it, and starts walking to see if he can find any landmarks that will help him figure out which is the way to his halls of residence.

All things aside, it’s probably a good chance for him to have a look at the campus and really properly see the university for the first time. He hadn’t even bothered looking at any pictures when he first applied, considering he just chose a couple of universities that were far enough away from London and had a decent architecture course, and was ready to accept whichever uni wanted him.

Turns out that all of them did, but his parents were adamant that Sweden and Australia were too far away and they settled on a compromise with Dublin.

It was only when he got the acceptance letter, about two months ago, that Zayn actually took the time to sit in front of his computer and do a little bit of research about the university and the little city he was moving to.

He never ever would have imagined that he’d find himself in Dublin, miles away from his little one bedroom flat in London. But he’s here anyway, and there’s an unsettling feeling in the pit of his stomach that’s probably due to nerves, and as he’s trying to find his way around the campus he can’t help but wonder whether it’s too late for him to forget about all this and catch the next flight home.

He quickly shakes that thought off.

Thankfully, most of the building signs are in English and in Gaelic, so after lots of double-checking he’s got a fair idea of where he is. He makes his way to the nearest residences, which is easy to find, in the hopes that they can provide him with clearer directions on how to get to his own student accommodation.

Ten minutes later he walks out with handwritten directions (explicitly in English) and the knowledge that he’ll reach there in under 20 minutes.

It’s a Saturday, so the campus is fairly quiet, though Zayn knows that if he really wanted to, there’s enough people walking around that he can ask for help. But he’s always been uncomfortable going up to random strangers and talking to them, let alone asking them for help, and the only reason why he was able to ask the receptionist earlier was because he was desperate.

He must have taken a wrong turn somewhere, because he honestly doesn’t know where he is and he left the actual map back in that office and all he’s got is this small piece of paper that he’s gripping onto like a lifeline.

He gets a wave of uneasiness washing over his skin, that feeling you get when you’re out of your comfort zone and all you want to do is turn around and run back into it. He swallows the lump in his throat that feels a lot like regret; regret for making this rash decision to take a transfer year; regret for leaving behind home; regret for letting his emotions get the better of him.

This wouldn’t have happened if he’d just … learnt to deal with things better. He doesn’t like to think of it as running away from his problems, because if he was being honest with himself, there really wasn’t anything for him to run from.

But even though London was home as much as Bradford was, he lost himself.

So he decided to come to Dublin. But it looks like he’s still pretty lost, just in a different way.

He’s been walking around for an hour now, and that uneasiness just grows and grows the longer he goes around in circles.  On top of that his stomach is growling with hunger, complaining that the burger he had at Heathrow has held the fort down long enough and is demanding for some food.

He stares at the directions he was given, now crumpled into a ball after he realised that it isn’t helping anymore, and throws it into the first rubbish bin he sees. He finds a notice board not too far off that has the campus map on it, but he’s barely looking at it. His mind is already sick of trying to make sense of logical routes and playing this game of treasure hunt.

Zayn’s fingers itch for a cigarette, and he curses himself for chucking both his regular and his emergency cartons into his suitcase.

Because he’s starting to think about London, and how much he misses it, and feels like his mind has already decided that he’s going to hate it here.

Then, someone’s got a hand on his shoulder and he—

His first instinct is to clench his fists tight so that he doesn’t punch whoever’s just touched him. He quickly turns to see who the culprit is, and is momentarily taken aback by this short blonde bloke who’s now got both his hands up in apology with a sheepish look on his face.

"Yer lookin' a bit lost there, mate, need some help?"

And that’s the first time Zayn meets Niall Horan.

~

Zayn eyes the guy suspiciously, and wonders whether he read anything about blue-eyed boys in rugby shirts on the prowl in Irish universities looking to kidnap lost international students.

Judging from the thick accent that rolls off this bloke’s tongue, he’s a local, and Zayn’s read that the Irish are nothing but friendly. Plus, Zayn’s beyond fed up and tired and hungry, and it’s a risk he’s willing to take. It helps that this guy’s still shooting Zayn a Cheshire Cat smile despite the fact that he was ready to sock him in the face about a minute ago.

So he thinks about his new motto of new beginnings and thinks, hey, what the hell?

Slowly, Zayn unclenches his fist and tries to school the no doubt cold look on his face to something a little friendlier, though he’s fairly certain that it comes out looking more like a grimace.

“Yeh, I’m looking for Merville residence?” He stops, then decides to add, “Sorry ‘bout that, been walking around in circles all afternoon trying to find the bloody place.”

The stranger laughs, not a chuckle, no; full blown belly laugh that throws his head back and makes his eyes all crinkled up with his teeth peeking out from his mouth. It’s kind of cute.

Apparently Zayn’s said enough to dissolve any sort of tension he’s caused because blonde boy places his hand back on Zayn’s shoulder and gives it a gentle squeeze.

“I know the feeling. Come on, I’ll show ya where it is. It looks really complicated to get to on the map but I swear, once you see the way it’s so fucking easy.”

He turns and starts walking as he talks, and leaves Zayn to stand in his spot, looking dumbfounded and confused on whether or not to follow.

It takes a few seconds for his new friend to realise that he’s not following, and he beckons him over with a wave. Zayn pushes away images of him being led to some dodgy warehouse where he’s about to get cut into pieces and just walks towards him.

~

“I’m Niall, by the way.” The stranger says about 5 minutes into their walk.

It turns out that Niall’s just one of those friendly guys who decided to help out an obviously confused student on his way to lunch.

“I’m really sorry mate, to take you away from—”

Niall waves him off, “It’s alright, we’ll just grab something later yeah?”

He says it casually, and it kind of leaves Zayn in awe that Niall’s already comfortable enough with him to want to have lunch with him. Then he realises that maybe he expects it as a thank you, for his help. He shouldn’t be surprised. Everyone’s always got some sort of intention behind a doing something good.

Zayn stays quiet and just listens as Niall guides him through the small pathways in between buildings, pointing out each faculty and department that they pass. Zayn finds out that Niall’s a Business student and is also in his second year. It shows that he’s been here a while from the way he walks through the campus with ease.

They reach Merville residence in less than 15 minutes, and Zayn keeps mumbling about how dumb he feels. Niall just laughs and slaps him on the back, reassuring him that he was the same when he first got to campus too. The way he says it sincerely doesn’t make it sound like he’s saying it just for the sake of it, which Zayn appreciates, and it definitely does make him feel a bit better.

Zayn has to go register at the office first, and he turns to tell Niall thanks and that he can take it from here, but before he gets the chance to, Niall takes his suitcase from him.

“It’s alright mate, I’ll look after it. I’ll wait for you right here.”

Zayn hesitates, thoughts of Niall running away with all his belongings flashing through his mind.

“Oh for fuck’s sake, Malik, I’m not going to steal your things,” Niall says with an annoyed eyes roll.

It’s true, he probably shouldn’t trust a stranger so readily, but his mum always said that to judge a person it’s best to just go with your gut. And standing in front of this blue-eyed boy who’s grinning at him and who just spent the last 5 minutes talking about how universities should allow pets to live with students in on-campus accommodations, his gut is telling him that Niall’s alright.

He quickly jogs to the office, not before turning back to Niall. “I’m sorry, yeah?”

Niall shakes his head fondly, like he’s already used to Zayn’s ridiculousness, and it sends something warm through his chest. “Yeah, yeah. Now hurry up, I’m starving. Don’t think I didn’t hear your stomach rumbling for the last 10 minutes too.”

Zayn laughs, like proper laughs which is almost unheard of from him these days, and hurries in to get his registration done.

Fifteen minutes later, he’s standing in his new home: a single room fitted with a decent bed, a study desk, and it even has a sink in the corner.

“Not too shabby, yeah?” Niall whistles as he enters the room and honestly it’s better than Zayn expected. It’s not as big as the room in his old flat, but just as big as his bedroom back in Bradford in his parent’s house.

It doesn’t feel too crowded with both Niall and him taking up most of the space, and he’s got a really nice view of the countryside out of his small window over the desk.

“Alright, you can settle in later. I know a good pizza shop round the corner. Let’s go grab something to eat, yeah?”

Zayn’s stomach grumbles in reply and Niall gives him a shit-eating smile.

“I live off campus. But just like a five minute walk away,” Niall says as Zayn bites into his large slice of pepperoni pizza. “And I think it’s actually closer to your building. The School of Architecture is basically on the other end of campus.”

“Yeah,” Zayn sighs. “I applied too late and this was the only place that had any spots left.”

“It’s still a good area though. Lots of food places and like nightlife. I think Liam’s building is near here too.”

“Liam?” Zayn asks, curiosity flaring up for some reason.

“My flat mate. He’s from England too. Studying …” Niall pauses mid-bite, and he scrunches up his eyebrows in confusion. “Criminology? Like … that CSI-kind of stuff. It’s pretty cool.”

There’s a stray moment when Zayn wonders whether Niall would use the word flatmate to describe someone he’s dating, and then he shakes his head at the absurdity and wonders why he even cares.

They continue talking about each other’s lives, but mostly about the university and life in Dublin. But by the time they’re finished with their food, Zayn’s no longer participating in the conversation and is just nodding along to whatever Niall’s saying. He fights to keep his eyes open, hoping that Niall won’t notice.

He doesn’t realise that he’s failed until Niall stops talking and Zayn hastily opens his eyes before he’s been caught out.

Niall is looking at him with a fond look and a soft smile that makes his heart skips a couple of beats and no doubt causes a flush to his cheeks.

“You must be wrecked, mate. Let’s get ya home.”

“Sorry.” He mumbles as Niall gets up to pay the bill. Zayn’s still a little sluggish, but before he can beat Niall to the counter, the other lad’s already paid.

“Mate, it was supposed to be my treat!” Zayn exclaims, though Niall’s just shaking his head determinedly. “Let me pay for my half at least, yeah?”

“Don’t be ridiculous. It’s a “Welcome to Dublin” treat on me.”

Zayn glares at Niall, feeling guilty because honestly he hasn’t really been the best company to Niall all day.

“Hey, you can pay for lunch another time, alright?”

Zayn rolls his eyes, but agrees, and they both start walking back in a comfortable silence.

They exchange numbers outside his halls, and the minute Zayn returns back to his room, he doesn’t even bother changing or unpacking, just falls onto his bed and crashes for the night.

(Sometime in the early hours he wakes up to a notification on his phone—nice to meet ya mate ! let me know if ya need any help !—and he thinks that maybe, maybe new beginnings aren’t so bad after all.)

~

Over the next couple of days, Zayn gets himself acquainted with his new life here, and it’s not as bad as he thought it would be.

There’s a town centre within walking distance, where he can get all his basic necessities like groceries and food shops and everyone that he’s met have been pretty friendly. His floor has a communal kitchen and laundry space which means he doesn’t have to walk far, and there’s also a nice lawn right outside that he knows will probably be a regular spot for him to have a smoke.

Niall though, has been quite a godsend. The next morning after he arrived, Zayn ventured out to find where he was going to have all his classes, to get himself familiar and avoid spending most of his time lost. All in all, it took him about 40 minutes to reach the School of Architecture. It was all the way on the other side of the campus, which he knew but still, he didn’t think that it would take that long to get there.

When he finally did reach, he took out his phone in frustration and texted the only person he knew would understand.

bloody hell mate, just took a 40min walk to my building! fuck this

hahahah r u sure ??? nah it shudnt take that long ! u got lost again ??

fuck no! followed the map and everything

Their conversation ends with Niall coming out to save Zayn from hitting his head repeatedly against the wall, though Niall cheers him up by showing him the best place to get a good burger and pint. 

Over the next week, he not only shows Zayn the best places to grab a good deal on secondhand textbooks and other things, he also shows him how to get around the campus easily and the quickest shortcuts to get to places.

By the time his first week of classes are over, Zayn wonders how he’d have managed if he didn’t end up meeting Niall.

~

“Fucking rain.” Zayn mumbles under his breath as he makes his way out of his building.

It’s been raining every day since he got here. Like constantly. He used to think London was wet, but it’s worse here, and that’s saying something.

He’s just finished his last class of the day, and it was bright and sunny when he entered the building but within the hour the weather’s changed drastically. He sighs as he watches the heavy downpour, mentally cursing himself for forgetting to bring an umbrella despite the fact that this has happened before. It doesn’t help that his accommodation is a good 15 minute walk away (thanks to the shortcut that Niall showed him), and he doubts the hood on his jacket would shield him much.

So he takes a deep breath, covers his head with his hood, and walks out to brave the rain. He hastily makes his way back to halls, and by the time he reaches the front door, he’s soaked from head to toe and he’s very cold.

It’s quiet as he walks in, which is still something that he has to get used to, and maybe it’s his deluded preconception from watching TV that he thought campus accommodation would be loud all the time, maybe even a little rowdy.

It’s definitely a change to his life in London. Bayswater, his old neighbourhood, is an area that’s always bustling with activity no matter what time or day it is. It’s got a rich Middle-Eastern culture that thrives in the area, and that’s one of the things that made Zayn feel more at home there.

He misses his weekly fix of kebabs from Fariq’s round the corner from the flat. How the owner’s wife would always add in extra pieces of meat in his kebab when she was serving him, all the while scolding him for being so skinny and not taking care of himself. He misses the little coffee shop he’d go to every time he had a morning class and how the muffins would always be warm and fresh out of the oven. He even misses the damn cat that lived next door and used to make such a loud ruckus outside the bedroom window.

It was an expensive neighbourhood to live in, especially since it was right next to Hyde Park, but Harry loved it, and so Zayn just went along with it knowing full well that he’d fall in love with it as well soon enough.

Harry.

It’s the first time since he’s arrived that he’s allowed himself to miss his life in London. He doesn’t know whether it’s because he hasn’t really gotten into a routine yet, or that he’s not really familiar with the place, but that uneasiness that he’s felt from the first day he arrived is still living under his skin and constantly reminding him of its presence.

The thing is, it’s been so long since he has been alone—ever since he left home to move in with Harry in London. It’s weird … a good kind of weird. Like he’s trying to figure out how to make decisions that involve only him and doesn’t affect anyone else.

But he can’t help but feel like he wishes he was home, curled up on the sofa in front of the TV with his little sister, Safaa, on the floor in front of him playing with her dolls. He misses the smell of chai his mum would make for his dad every evening after he returned from work, how his sisters and him always used to groan and roll their eyes whenever they saw their parents steal a kiss, though deep inside Zayn always found it endearing.

Last summer was the first time since he first left Bradford at 18 that he properly spent time at home. And he didn’t think that he’d settle in to old routines again only to miss them all so quickly.

It’s quiet here. He’s met most of the other students on the same floor as him, but none that he’s spent more than 5 minutes with. Everyone just does their own thing, which Zayn appreciates since he’s perfectly okay with being on his own.

It also helps that he gets along with Niall extremely well. He was a little surprised at first how easy it was, like they just clicked and now they text almost every other day—mostly Niall checking up on Zayn to make sure that he hasn’t gotten lost (he has, at least once a day).

He’s now into his second week of classes and hasn’t been able to see Niall over the last few days. They’ve both been busy, and Zayn’s been focussing on settling in. And in between getting books and stuff for his classes and getting used to the campus, he just hasn’t been able to find the time to meet up with Niall.

He was going to make an effort today, ask Niall if he wanted to grab a bite to eat after he finished his classes. But then the rain ruined it and now he’s tired and cranky and cold and all he wants to do is crawl into the warmth of his bed. 

His phone rings as he’s stripping down to his undies, and he hastily throws on a thick jumper and sweatpants to warm him up. He expects it to be Niall, but the name on the screen still brings a huge smile to his face.

“Hi, mum.”

“Hello, sunshine, how are you?”

“Good, I’m doing good. Can’t seem to escape the bloody rain though.”

“Mind your language now, Zayn.” She tuts, and Zayn rolls his eyes fondly. “Are you settling in alright then?”

Zayn chuckles as he runs a towel through his wet hair, before plopping himself on the edge of his bed. “Yeah, got all my books for my classes and sorted my timetable out.”

“And your room? You have everything you need?”

“Yeah, they decked it out pretty good. Just need to get an extra lamp or something for my desk.”

“Make sure you get an extra blanket as well. I don’t trust what they give you, probably the cheap kind. Get a good pillow as well. Did they give you proper sheets and all that? Should I send some? Oh, I knew I should have given you some from home.” His mum rants on and does her role as the mother hen and it warms him up to hear her concern.

“Mum, don’t worry about me. I was living alone in London, remember?”

“Oh I know love, still can’t blame me. Dublin’s just so far away, I don’t know why you couldn’t go to Manchester or somewhere. Birmingham’s got a good university too, hasn’t it?”

Zayn sighs, running his hand through his damp hair. It’s an argument that he hoped he’d never have to hear again after coming to Dublin. His parents hated the idea of him moving so far, but he insisted, and apparently that isn’t worth anything.

“Mum!”

“Alright, alright, I know. Okay well take care of yourself then. We miss you very much love. And reply Safaa, will you? She’s been itching to hear from you.”

“Miss you too, mum.”

He scrolls through his messages to reply Safaa, and stops when he sees a particular name. His finger hovers over it, wondering whether he should send a quick text to say hi. He almost does, but then his phone starts ringing and a new name that’s now become familiar flashes on his screen.

“’Lo?”

“ZAYN! Mate! I’m right outside yer building. Meet you in 5 to grab some food?”

Usually, it would piss Zayn off that he didn’t even have the option of saying no. Especially since Niall didn’t even text him earlier to ask him out for lunch. He’s tempted to give an excuse, he does have a pile of laundry to do and there’s some reading for one of his units that he’d like to get a headstart on before the next class but—

“Zayn? Oh shit, sorry, are you busy?”

“Nah, bro, I’ll be down in a second.”

He quickly changes into a shirt that doesn’t smell too much like cigarettes and pushes away all thoughts of home to the back of his mind.

                                                                                                   ~                     

The third week of uni is more gruelling since most of his lecturers actually start to teach instead of having the usual ice-breaking sessions. It’s a lot to handle, and he’s trying to stay on top of everything before it becomes too much.

It’s all been going well, but ever since that moment when he let himself miss London, it’s as if he’s let the floodgates open.

He doesn’t mind living alone and being in a new place, but it’s not the same, because there isn’t a curly-haired boy who’s waiting for him when he returns home with a blinding smile on his face. Who’d have dinner ready by the time Zayn came back home from his classes and would let him fall asleep on his lap afterwards because he was so tired. Who’d know how to get Zayn to stop being so cranky and grumpy so early in the morning.

It’s ridiculous because that was the whole point of him moving to Dublin, to get away from all that and carve out a new life.

But it seems like the only thing that happens is that he ends up thinking about him more and it leaves Zayn feeling shittier than ever.

He’s been moody and annoyed, and the problem is that Zayn knows this. Knows that he shouldn’t be feeling this way.

But he goes to uni and he goes for his classes and he tries to make new friends and tries new things but he still misses London, he still misses Harry.

And he hates himself for it.

He hasn’t seen Niall either, since he’s been busy settling back into uni as well, but Zayn figures it probably works out for the better considering the way he’s been in such a bad mood lately.

But then about two weeks later, Niall gives him a call on a Friday night and invites him to go into the nearby town the next morning. Zayn hesitates a little bit, because he’s still feeling pretty grumpy, but then all he can think about is the itch under his skin and he thinks fuck it, maybe spending some time with Niall will take his mind off whatever’s messing him up.

Donnybrook is just a five minute walk away on the outskirts of the UCD campus. Niall tells him on their way there that it’s not a big town, and that most of the businesses there survive on the students who rely on it to get groceries and other necessities. Zayn’s been meaning to check it out, but hadn’t gotten round to it so he thinks that maybe it was a good idea after all to come out today, and his mood brightens up a little more.

If he was being honest with himself, his mood was lifted the minute he set eyes on Niall’s cheeky smile greeting him outside the doors of his halls in the morning. Zayn had woken up with a bad headache, a night of fitful sleep causing him to toss and turn and providing him with no rest at all. He thought about cancelling on Niall, was really close to doing it, but when he picked up his phone there was a message from Niall already saying that he’d left his flat and was on his way to pick Zayn up. He couldn’t bring himself to back out of it, and so he rushed through a shower and had just put on his shirt when Niall had texted to say he was waiting downstairs.

It’s surprisingly sunny, and there’s not a cloud in sight as the sun proudly shines its rays across the Dublin countryside. Niall’s wearing a white and black long sleeved shirt, along with black skinny jeans that are ripped at his knees and a pair of Vans. Niall had been sitting down on the bench when Zayn came out to meet him, and he couldn’t help but notice through the rip in his jeans that Niall had a scar running down his left knee. The question “what happened?” is at the tip of his tongue, but decides against it, probably isn’t the best conversation starter.

As soon as they enter into the town through the large arch that has Donnybrook carved on top, Niall drags Zayn through a narrow alley that’s nestled without notice between a butcher and florist. Zayn questions him about where he’s taking him, but the only response he gets is a cheeky wink and a promise that he’ll love it.

The suspense ends when Niall stops right outside a red door, pushing it open and Zayn can hear a little bell announcing their entry. It’s a charming little café that reminds him of the one he used to frequent in London, and the welcoming smell of coffee eases some of the tension he’s been holding in his chest.

“Jadey! Y’alright?” Niall calls out to a petite girl who’s wiping down a table. She lights up when she sees him, and runs over to wrap Niall in a hug.

“Nialler! It’s about time you came in. Haven’t seen you at all this semester! How was home then?”

The two of them start catching up, and Zayn decides to wander over to the counter before he can feel awkward for standing there and just watching them. He walks towards the large menu that’s hanging over the counter, a black chalkboard with a decent amount of choices written in a white swirly text.

“Can I help you with anything?”

The voice belongs to an older lady, probably the owner, who pops her head from the back room and looks at him with a warm smile. She wipes her hands on her apron as she comes to stand behind the counter, looking up at the menu then back to Zayn’s face.

“Maybe you can, what’s good here?”

A hand snaps on his shoulder and Zayn turns to see Niall beaming at him. “Mate, the shepherd’s pie here is absolutely smashing. You need to try that.”

He says it with such conviction, and when Zayn turns back round, the lady is nodding her head and chuckles as Niall reaches over the counter to give her a kiss on the cheek. 

“Hiya, Pat. It’s lovely to see you!”

“I should have known after seeing a new face in here that you’d be the one bringin’ em’ here, lad.”

Niall’s cheeks flare up and he shakes his head fondly. “Can’t help it, Pat.” He turns to Zayn, “Pat’s food reminds me of me mum’s, so I can guarantee you that you’ll love it.”

Zayn decides to go with the shepherd’s pie, because he might be a little worried of disappointing Niall if he gets anything else. More people pop up that Niall seems to know, so Zayn quietly walks away to find a place to sit and leaves him to do another round of catching up. He finds a table near the window overlooking the lane outside, and there’s not much to look at but Dublin’s grey weather has struck again and Zayn watches the little drizzle of rain slowly stain the window.

“Sorry ‘bout that.” Niall slides into the seat opposite Zayn and places two steaming cups of coffee in front of him.

“Nah, s’alright. Didn’t realise I was with a local celebrity.”

Niall lets out a boisterous laugh, as if it’s the funniest thing that he’s heard, and Zayn would think he’s just being polite by humouring him but if there’s anything he’s learnt about Niall, it’s that the other lad is nothing but sincere.

They sip on their steaming drinks over a comfortable silence, with Niall filling it every now and then with little quips about the town. Pat brings out his shepherd pie ten minutes later, and she stands hovering next to the table as Zayn takes his first bite. She’s got nothing to worry about though, because Zayn always thought that his mum made the best shepherd’s pie, and this is coming into a really close second.

“Excuse my French, but fuck that’s really good.”

The smile that Niall gives him is blinding, and there’s something familiar about it that warms Zayn’s chest and brings a blush to his cheeks.

They finish their lunch while catching up on their respective weeks in uni so far, comparing notes on which classes they think are going to be a breeze and which will most probably kill them by the end of the semester. It’s weird having this conversation with Niall, because he’s never really had a friend to talk about all these things with. He mostly kept to himself and only spoke to other classmates if there was a group project or something, but besides from that it was only Harry who used to be able to pry out things from Zayn.

But it’s easy with Niall, probably because he’s the one who makes it easy.

Pat makes Zayn promise to come back again as they say their goodbyes, and he’s not lying when he says he definitely will be. Even Jade gives him a quick hug and tells him she’ll see him around, since she’s also a student at UCD.

Niall gives him a little tour of the town, first bringing him to a quaint bookshop that Zayn falls in love with the minute he enters in. There’s a glint in Niall’s eyes when he sees Zayn’s expression while he walks through the aisles of books, as if he knows that this was the right place to bring him to, and Zayn is amazed at how perceptive Niall can be.

After Zayn grabs a few books that he hopes he’ll have time to read, they continue walking around town and going into any shop that piques their interest.

The thing is, everywhere they go, Niall’s a known face. Everyone’s quick to call out his name and extend a hand or pull him into a hug. The old ladies treat him like their son and dote on him while the younger ones act like he’s their best friend.

Niall pretty much goes along with it. And adding to that, he introduces Zayn to all of them.

Hey, Maria! Meet Zayn, he’s just moved here from London

Darragh, how are ya, mate? Yeah, just showing Zayn here a bit of the town.

Lovely to see ya, Ms Sheehan. Brought Zayn here to see you and your lovely flowers.

He doesn’t make Zayn feel left out, and it almost feels like Zayn’s being introduced to the whole town.

It’s … a nice feeling. As they keep walking around, Zayn can’t help but find himself imagining living here and letting these people into his life. For a minute, he forgets all about life in London. Instead, he thinks that maybe Dublin’s not so bad after all.

~

After spending most of the day with Niall, Zayn realises that there’s some sort of familiar comfort surrounding him that he’s been feeling all day and he can’t really put his finger on it.

They’re on their way back to the campus when Niall insists on them having some ice cream, despite the chilly weather, and so he drags Zayn to an ice cream parlour that’s right next to the pizza place that they had their lunch at during their first meeting. 

He’s felt comfortable and at ease with Niall throughout the day, and he hasn’t thought about London once, but there’s been a nagging feeling that’s been disturbing Zayn over the last hour and he can’t really put his finger on what it is.

“Zayn, you alright?” Niall calls out to him from the door of the parlour, his eyes furrowed in concern as he watches Zayn standing on the sidewalk.

“Yeah, sorry, just a bit tired I think.” He shoots Niall a smile that seems to ease the frown on his face, but he still looks worried enough to prompt Zayn to reassure him. “I still think you’re crazy to be getting ice cream in this weather.”

That seems to break the awkwardness, and Niall laughs as Zayn shakes his head and walks past him to the inside.

Zayn gets himself a simple vanilla ice cream with some chocolate flakes topping while Niall gets two scoops of chocolate and half a dozen toppings to go along with it.

“Come on, you have to try this.” Niall’s holding out his spoon to Zayn, blue eyes sparkling and then it hits Zayn.

The reason why he’s been feeling so comfortable the whole day is because Niall reminds him of Harry so much. He didn’t put it together before, but now—those were the exact same words that Harry said to him on their first date.

Zayn freezes, and Niall shoots him an odd look before shrugging and putting the spoon in his mouth instead.

Because even after their first date, this is what Harry would do. He always wanted to share everything with Zayn. He had this habit of giving his ice-cream to Zayn first before taking a lick himself, always preferred sharing food rather than the two of them getting something separately. IT was one of the things that Zayn loved about him.

Zayn clears his throat as he tries to push away all the old memories, but the sudden realisation gets his heart racing and he can feel the edges of a breakdown beginning to happen, and there’s no way he’s about to do it in the middle of the shop and right in front of Niall.

“Fuck, I forgot, I’ve got to head back and submit something for my class.” Niall hasn’t even finished his ice cream yet, his spoon paused in mid-air while he looks up at Zayn.

“I’ll be finished in a minute—“

‘No, it’s fine, take your time. I’ll just—I’ve got to go, yeah?”

He turns and walks out of the shop without looking back.

He feels terrible the minute he steps back into his room, but he can’t stop the way his heart is beating and the fear crawling up his spine that he’s going to fall into the same trap he’s been trying to escape from with Niall.

He sinks to the floor as he closes his door, trying to catch his breath while itching for a smoke at the same time. He feels his phone vibrate in his back pocket, and the lump in his throat returns because he has a pretty good idea he knows who it’s from.

mate, u ok ??

He ignores it and switches off his phone.

He thinks about the day, how Niall showed him around and the excitement in his eyes each time he brought Zayn to a new place; the way that his hand would casually touch his elbow if he wanted to steer Zayn in a different direction or if it was just to get his attention.

It was actually a really good day, and Zayn was enjoying the time spent with Niall. But now he realises that the reason why he felt so comfortable with Niall is because it was so familiar. It was exactly how he felt when he was with Harry, during those early days.

And if Zayn was honest with himself, he can’t ignore the fact that he does find Niall attractive, and he’s always looking forward to receiving texts from him and had been anticipating their day together ever since Niall asked him out a few days ago.

That mantra that’s been playing in the back of his head gets steadily louder.

New beginnings.

He can’t jeopardise that by falling for another Harry all over again.

~

Zayn busies himself over the next few weeks, using the excuse that he needs to get a routine going in his life. He keeps to himself mostly, hasn’t even made that many friends in his course. It’s fine with him, he’s used to the solitude.

Niall’s texted him a couple of times after that day, and Zayn doesn’t reply to any of them. But then he starts to feel bad, because it’s not Niall’s fault for the way that Zayn’s acting, so he sends him a simple text saying that he’s just busy trying to settle into life and getting a headstart on his assignments. Zayn knows that it’s a weak excuse, but Niall leaves him alone after that except for the occasional texts inviting him to hang out or grab a bite to eat.

Zayn ignores it every time.

The guilt begins to weigh on him, because Niall doesn’t deserve it at all. Especially after all the help he’s been since that first week that Zayn arrived in Dublin. The problem is that Zayn is so afraid of screwing this up.

He wonders whether he should explain it to Niall, maybe he’d understand, but even he knows that it sounds crazy to tell him that the reason why he can’t hang around with Niall is because he reminds Zayn of his ex so much.

So he doesn’t say anything.

~

Zayn’s known Harry since he was 16 years old. Though technically, they didn’t meet until much later.  He doesn’t really remember how it all started, only that Harry had randomly added Zayn on Facebook. They didn’t even talk at first, until Zayn had uploaded a photo of his first tattoo and Harry liked and commented on it.

It just snowballed from there, they exchanged numbers and then they were texting each other every day. Harry lived in Holmes Chapel, which was a 5-hour drive away from Bradford so they had to settle for phone calls, texting and Skype chats.

Zayn can’t really pinpoint when exactly he fell for Harry. But one summer after they’d been talking to each other for a year, Harry had gone on holiday to France for two weeks and he didn’t hear from him during then. Zayn was miserable the entire time and felt like there was a hole in his heart.

It turns out that Harry had felt the same way, and that was it. Just like that, they were together. Aside from exchanging photos and talking on the phone, Zayn found himself in a long-distance relationship with someone he’d never met before.

They eventually did meet, once or twice whenever Zayn’s parents let him travel to Holmes Chapel. Harry even came down to Bradford once, after his parents trusted him enough to make the drive down, and Zayn still thinks that it’s one of the best weekends of his life.

When Harry told him that he’d applied to universities in London, Zayn didn’t really hesitate before applying there too.

And that’s the thing he remembers about his relationship with Harry. Zayn just followed his lead, did whatever he did.

The problem with that was, that Harry got used to it.

That first year in London was supposed to be great. It was the first time that he and Harry were living together, it was the first time that they were in the same place for more than three days. And maybe his mum was right, it was wrong rushing into it like that. He remembers clearly the day he told her his plans, and she’d looked at him with a frown which wasn’t what he was expecting. He thought she’d be happy, because Zayn had it all figured out, but instead she just told him to be careful.

But Zayn was so sure it was the right thing to do. Because he’d known Harry for 4 years already then, and he loved him more than he ever thought he could.

The first few months were fun, and Zayn felt like he was happier than he ever was before. But then somewhere along the way, things got different. And the minute it went downhill, it was like everything he’d dreamt about crumbled overnight.

Harry had made friends with a group of people that were in his classes, and Zayn didn’t like them from the get go. Not that there was anything wrong with them, it’s just that they weren’t the kind of people that he hung around with. But Harry liked them, and so he’d tag along whenever they went for a night out or dinner.

His friends though, they hated Zayn. They thought he was weird for not liking the same kind of indie music they were into, and that he didn’t dress fancy enough for dinner in Primrose Hill. Zayn knew the way they looked at him, but he always ignored it, because Harry didn’t care, and that’s all that mattered.

Until he did.

That’s what brought him here. Dublin was his chance to get past that part of his life.

~

He’s entering the first month of his course, and it’s stressing the fuck out of him.

There’s a particular assignment that’s been bugging him ever since his lecturer brought it up during the second week. It’s a project that involves choosing a particular building and critiquing the design and architecture.

It’s supposed to be fairly simple, but still takes up quite a bit of the grade.

The truth of the matter is, Zayn can find any building and write 5000 words of bullshit on it. But that’s not how he does things. He needs to be inspired, he needs to be in awe, he needs the words to write themselves from his own emotions. Because that’s what his relationship with architecture is: emotional.

He remembers the first time his dad brought him down to London when he was 10 years old to watch Manchester United play against Chelsea. It was all he would talk about for weeks before, excited to see his favourite football team playing in the big city.

They had a bit of time before the game, so his dad took him around London and showed him all the tourist spots that he’d only heard about or seen in pictures. They went on one of those open-top double-decker buses and went round to see Big Ben, Buckingham Palace, the tower bridge.

Zayn remembers sitting in a daze and not paying attention to the match because all he could think about was all the beautiful old buildings that he’d seen all day.

When he went home, his mum asked him how the game was but all he could talk about was about the buildings. He’d told his mum, “I want to build a beautiful house like that for you, Mummy.”

“Well then, sunshine, you’ll have to study to be an architect,” His mum had replied.

And that was it. That was the dream he started aiming for.

So that’s the thing. Zayn’s walked around the campus and even went down to Dublin city to find some sort of inspiration to use for his project but he hasn’t found anything that’s worth writing about.

It’s a Friday and his assignment’s due on Monday, and Zayn’s still got nothing written up. He’s at his wit’s end, so he resorts to choosing some random building that’s across from his halls, and heads to the library to work on it.

He stands outside smoking a couple of cigarettes first, obviously trying to stall time. He enters the library after his fourth smoke, and tries to find a seat in a secluded spot where no one can hear him letting out annoyed sighs.

But five minutes after he’s got his laptop open in front of him, he finds that he can’t even begin to write, because he can’t visualise the damn building and there’s not a lot of bullshit he can come up with on a blank mind. He slams his laptop shut 15 minutes later, frustration and anger coursing through his veins as he decides to just head back home and work on the assignment there, hoping that being closer to the building would give him inspiration.

He practically runs out of the library, because the faster he can finish this damn thing, the faster it’s out of his life for good.

On his way out, he bumps into someone and apologises without stopping or so much as glancing at their face.

“Zayn?”

Zayn stops in his steps and inwardly groans as he realises he recognises that voice, and it’s someone he really doesn’t want to see at the moment.

“Hey, mate, you alright?” Niall’s looking at him with big concerned eyes. He’s obviously on his way back from class, wearing skinny jeans, a thick jumper and a woollen beanie on that covers his blonde locks.

“Niall, I can’t really talk right now yeah. Just stressing over this project I’ve got to hand up on Monday. And I’ve got no resources for it at all.” Zayn reaches into his pocket for his smokes, his fingers flicking the lighter open in frustration.

“Do you need any help?”

Zayn lets out a bitter laugh. “Yeah, if you could find me an inspiring piece of architecture, that’d be great.”

He’s got a headache, he’s cold and feeling a little damp because it’s been raining all day and he really wishes he hadn’t seen Niall because now all that guilt he’s been pushing down is threatening to rise back up and he’s really not in the mood.

“Look, mate, I’m sorry yeah. I’ve got to go.” And with that Zayn promptly turns and walks away from Niall, stubbornly ignoring the guilt that’s still weighing down on his chest.

An hour later, he’s sitting in front of his laptop and staring at the paragraph of bullshit that he’s written so far, when he receives a text from Niall.

I think I could help u out … I know a place … if ur interested, come meet me in half an hr?

There’s a part of Zayn that wants to just ignore the text, or tell Niall to politely mind his own business. But he’s annoyed and fed up and feeling quite desperate. He knows it’s a risk, because there’s a possibility that he could end up wasting his time when he should be finishing the essay, but suddenly he can’t really bring himself to care about it. 

(Though honestly, deep down, Zayn just wants to see Niall.)

So he changes into a thick jumper, stuffing his smokes into the pocket of his jeans, makes sure his phone’s charged and grabs his little moleskin to take any notes.

He doesn’t know what to expect, but he hopes that it’s worth it.

Niall’s leaning against the gate of the campus where they agreed to meet when Zayn gets there 10 minutes later. He’s whistling a random tune while scrolling through his phone, and still hasn’t realised that Zayn’s walking up to him.

Zayn’s feeling a little nervous, considering this is the first time he’s seeing Niall after his awkward run out. He isn’t really sure what Niall thinks of him, whether he’s a weirdo or worse—an arsehole.

But as Niall finally looks up when Zayn’s almost five steps away from him, his face breaks into that goddamn blinding smile that he’s always got on, waving at him as if this was just another thing that they do.

“Hey! Okay, I can’t promise that it’s what you’re looking for but, I really don’t think you’ll be disappointed.”

And well, how could Zayn argue with that?

~

They catch a bus into Dublin city, and Zayn spends the first five minutes feeling nervous as hell that things are going to be awkward between him and Niall.

But then Niall breaks the silence by going on a rant about one of his lecturers having unrealistic expectations of his students and his tension eases a little, because if anything, Niall doesn’t make him feel awkward at all. It gets him comfortable enough to talk about his own classes and sooner or later everything feels normal between them, as if there isn’t a big elephant skirting around them.

Niall is open and laidback as usual, but there’s still some moments when Zayn gets a sense of déjà vu and Harry’s face pops into his mind but he quickly pushes it away. He’s not planning on running out on Niall yet again, especially after he realises that he missed the other boy’s company over the last few weeks.

They sit in a comfortable silence after a while, both of them looking out the window as everything outside start getting brighter and more buildings come into sight the closer they get to Dublin city. Niall’s got a small smile on his face, as if he’s replaying something amusing in his head, and Zayn is hit with the burning curiosity to find out what it is.

He opens his mouth to ask, but then Niall gets on his feet and presses the stop button before looking down at Zayn and nodding towards the door. “This is our stop, mate.”

The brick lined street that they get off on seems blissfully quiet on this Friday evening, so unlike the hustle and bustle of the city that Zayn is used to.

Niall’s quiet as they’re walking, and Zayn notices him biting his nails as he leads Zayn to god knows where.

“Y’alright, mate? Should I be worried that you’re leading me to some dodgy warehouse to sell my organs or summat?” Zayn asks, injecting a little humour in his tone and nudging Niall with his elbow.

He smiles in response. “Nah, sorry. I’m just—er, I hope it’s good enough for your project?”

Zayn smiles. “To be honest, it doesn’t even matter anymore. It’s just a relief not to think about it for a day.”

Niall still looks a little apprehensive, and it occurs to Zayn that he didn’t have to do this. Niall could have just ignored him, especially after the way Zayn treated him, but instead he decided to help him. To be honest Zayn isn’t really sure what he did to deserve a friend like Niall.

“So where are you bringing me?”

“Well, it’s this old fruit and vegetable market – the Smithfield market. I think there’s plans to renovate it actually, later this year. Turn it into some upmarket food hall or summat. Which is a shame ‘cause it’s got this really wholesome and rustic feel to it, y’know? At least from what I remember.” Niall stops in his tracks and looks around for a while before his eyes light up and he points his finger to the front.

“I think it’s just round this corner—”

Niall’s voice fades into the background as Zayn stands in awe of the building that’s in front of him. It’s not the most architecturally beautiful building that he’s seen, but there’s still something about it that amazes him.

Maybe it’s the way that the lights are shining against it, accentuating the vibrant red of the façade and drawing attention to the regal statues that sit at the top of the entrance.

He’s barely taken notice of the details but there’re already sentences forming in his mind that he’s itching to put down on paper.

Niall’s voice brings him back to reality, and it’s then that he realises that he’s zoned out and completely missed what the other boy’s been talking about.

 “… our old neighbour, Mr O’Donoghue, used to grow a bunch of vegetables—cabbages and potatoes and all that—and whenever we needed the extra money, my da used to help him out. He’d drive this huge truck down from Mullingar at like 4 in the mornin’ and spend his whole day down here.” Niall walks along the building, and Zayn follows behind, his fingers dragging against the rough walls of the market.

“I used to beg him to bring me along. I’d wake up when he left and watch him set off and then count the hours till he came back. Ma said I’d never take me eyes off the window.” He chuckles softly, shaking his head in embarrassment but all Zayn feels is regret that he never got a chance to see the sight for himself.

“He finally let me come with him when I was 12. Just walked into my room one morning and asked me to get ready and it’s something I’ll always remember, you know?” Somehow it’s not that difficult for Zayn to imagine Niall as a little boy pleading with his father to let him follow, and Zayn wonders whether that dimple that’s appeared in his right cheek is something he’s had since he was a child.

When Zayn doesn’t say anything, Niall’s eyes go wide and he stutters to a stop. “Oh shit, it’s not what you’re looking for, is it? Okay, okay there are other places I can bring you to. Unless it’s too late already … then maybe we should head back cause—”

“Niall—”

“… you need to finish the essay and I’ve already wasted your evening—”

“Niall!” Zayn has to practically reach out and grip Niall’s shoulder to get his attention. “It’s fine, really, it’s … it’s good.”

Niall doesn’t look convinced until Zayn gives him a smile and rolls his eyes before walking a little closer to the building.

He doesn’t say anything more, just takes out his notebook and starts writing down the swirl of thoughts that are in his head. He’s in his zone now, and he knows that he could write the entire essay right now if he could. He hears Niall’s soft footsteps coming up and stopping right behind him, but he doesn’t move.

He stays like that the whole time Zayn studies the building, occasionally taking notes and pointing out interesting details about the structure that he thinks are worth noting.

Niall adds in whatever history and facts he knows about the place. “There’s talks to turn it into some upscale food market, which is a bit sad. Guess it was a good excuse for me to come see the building myself.”

“Reckon this is where I was influenced to take up Business, after helping out at the stall when I was younger.” Niall sounds like he’s a little embarrassed to admit it, the way that he’s looking down and kicking at the loose gravel on the ground.

“That’s awesome, mate.” Zayn shoots Niall a wide grin when he looks up, and everything feels right again when he gets it mirrored.

The building truly is beautiful, though a little run down. There’s graffiti on some of the walls and there’s a weird smell lingering in the air, but Zayn still gets that rush of inspiration when he looks up at the red brick structure.

Niall takes a seat on the ground while Zayn goes back to taking down notes. Before he realises it, half an hour’s passed and Zayn’s already written down a dozen pages and Niall is still sitting quietly next to him.

“Fuck, sorry man, I just lost track of time.”

Niall gives him a soft smile, and there’s an inquisitive look in his eyes. “It’s so cool to see you in the zone, like you literally haven’t stopped writing in that book at all in the last 30 minutes. You didn’t even realise when I tried to sneak in a peek at what you were writing.”

Zayn stares at him in horror, but can’t really keep it up and ends up bursting out in laughter in the end. 

“So, this was a good idea then?”

“I didn’t use up half my notebook for nothing, mate.”

The problem with Zayn being in the zone is that it’s hard to get him out of it, so even as he and Niall are walking back to the bus stop, Zayn’s mind is still writing the essay and trying to remember details that could be useful to him.

Niall still gives Zayn his space, and in the middle of the cluster of thoughts that his mind is trying to make sense of, Zayn realises something.

“Niall, I’m sorry.” He gets a confused look in response, but Zayn knows he’s got to get this out before he loses his cool. “I know I’ve been kind of an idiot to you the last few weeks.”

Niall’s frown changes into something a little softer, and he’s already waving Zayn off in protest. “It’s nothing, mate, don’t worry about it.”

“No seriously, Niall, I shouldn’t have done that. Things have been a little …”

Zayn isn’t really sure how to explain it. It’s like, he needs to apologise but doesn’t really know how to tell Niall the full story. What was he supposed to say? Hey Niall, sorry I ran out on you like that. It’s just you remind me of my ex so much.

Yeah, no.

Zayn doesn’t realise that he’s gotten lost in his own thoughts again until he feels Niall’s hand on his shoulder, anchoring him back to reality.

“Zayn, trust me, I know how hard it is to leave your whole life behind for something new.” He laughs a little, but there’s something about it that feels a little off.

“I mean, I know I didn’t make a big move like you did, but home’s still somewhere right in the heart of Ireland, you know?” Zayn doesn’t dare to say anything lest he ruins the moment, because right now it feels like Niall’s sharing something really important with him.

“It’s all I’ve known all me life, that small little town. And I never thought I’d ever come to a big city like Dublin. Always thought I’d end up working on someone’s farm or just get a job at the shops like me Da.” Niall just looks down at his feet as they walk alongside each other, close enough for their elbows to touch.

“Da wanted me to get a proper education, saved up all his money to put me through university, and I couldn’t let him down. That first week I arrived in Dublin I was absolutely miserable. I missed Mullingar so much, despite the fact that a lot of people me age were itching to leave.”

Niall pauses as they wait at a traffic light to turn from red to green.

“I missed it so much, I missed seeing someone I know every time I walk down the street. It’s a town where everyone knows everyone, you know? We’d help each other out without a second thought and being in Dublin just felt so big and lonely. I felt so lost.”

They’re nearing the bus stop now and Zayn slows down his pace and takes out a cigarette as an excuse so that Niall can finish his story.

“I saw that on your face that first day we met. It was familiar and it was like déjà vu because I know how it feels.”

Zayn looks at him, a little shocked at the revelation that Niall was able to see right through him right from the beginning.

“Niall …”

He smiles at Zayn, small and shy, so unlike everything Zayn knows about him.

“I just wanted to help, do whatever I can to make the transition easier.”

“You can’t tell me that and not expect me to apologise again.”

Niall laughs, waving him off once again.

“Just … know that you have someone to talk to, okay? If things get a little overwhelming … what I’m trying to say is that I understand, yeah?” he adds with a serious tone.

Zayn smiles in response, though to be honest he’s just feeling speechless and focuses on finishing his cigarette.

They get on the bus and Niall starts talking about something else, though Zayn’s mind is still stuck on what he said earlier.

They reach campus half an hour later, and Zayn’s feeling incredible sheepish for the way he’s been acting.

“Look, Niall, I just want to apologise again—”

Niall shakes his head and raises his hand to Zayn. “You’ll just have to make it up to me. Let me beat your arse at FIFA some time, maybe?”

Zayn lets out a chuckle and shakes his head, sticking his hand out to Niall for a handshake. “It’s a deal.”

Just as Zayn goes to bed that night, he thinks about what Niall told him earlier. It’s quite touching, to think that Niall took one look at him and knew exactly how he was feeling.

He’s been a mess over the last few weeks, missing home and wondering whether he made the right choice coming here. But after tonight with Niall, Zayn feels like he’s found his balance again, and suddenly he doesn’t feel as hopeless as he did before.

~

He spends the rest of the weekend and most of Monday working on his assignment. It’s not as difficult as it was the first time he tried to write it all down, because he found the Smithfield market beautiful and it’s just what Zayn needed to get that inspiration back.

After two days of intense writing, he rushes to submit his assignment and just about makes the deadline. The minute he puts his essay in his lecturer’s pigeon hole, it feels like a huge weight has lifted off his chest and he walks away feeling nothing but relief.

It’s close to 5 and so the campus is pretty quiet since everyone’s probably gone home, and although Zayn’s feeling so exhausted, he doesn’t feel like going back to his lonely room that he’s isolated himself in over the last few days. A thought comes into mind, and he doesn’t know whether it’s a good idea or not, but right now he couldn’t care less.

He takes his phone and hesitates for a minute before he sends a text out.

just submitted my essay. up 4 that game of fifa???

He barely waits a minute before his phone buzzes with a reply.

yeh of coz mate ! u sure u up 2 losing?? hahahaha

Niall sends another text after that with directions to his place, a flat just outside of campus where he lives with someone else. Surprisingly, Zayn doesn’t get lost and he reaches in less than 10 minutes.  He can’t help the smile that creeps on his face when he sees Niall standing outside his building, wearing a snapback, jeans, and a vest.

“Jesus, aren’t you cold?”

Niall shakes his head in mock disgust, “You Londoners have such fragile skin.”

He leads Zayn up two flights of stairs before stopping in front of a brightly painted red door.

“Our landlord’s pretty cool! Well … eccentric more like it. Lets us do anything we want with the place.” Niall tells him as they enter the flat.

Niall gives him a little tour, and Zayn is struck by how much it reminds him of his old flat, although this one’s bigger. It looks typically like a place that students dwell in, with the secondhand furniture and mess of books and junk food and unwashed dishes in the sink. There’s a modest sized living room that’s attached to an open kitchen and two bedrooms that share a bathroom.

He even gets a quick peek at Niall’s bedroom, and Zayn loves how he can pick out pieces of Niall throughout the four walls. There’s an Eagles poster hanging over the bed, and Zayn remembers Niall trying to get him to listen to the band when he said he didn’t really know their music much.

Scattered randomly around the other walls are posters of the same football team, and Zayn knows that Niall’s a huge football fan from the way he always talks about it.

It’s also surprisingly neat, from the way he arranges his books and stationary on his desk to the neatly folded duvet on his bed. It’s impressive, and Zayn can’t help but tease Niall about it.

Of course, he gets a solid fuck you in response.

Just as Niall’s closing the door and leading Zayn back to the living room, he spots an old guitar leaning against the desk and immediately turns to Niall, who’s got a sheepish look on his face.

“Do you play?”

Niall shrugs, as though it isn’t anything, but Zayn can see the way his cheeks are flared and his eyes are looking down in embarrassment. He decides not to push him, because hopefully one day Niall would be comfortable enough to tell him about it himself.

Liam, the roommate that Zayn’s heard so much about, isn’t around but Niall promises that he’ll be coming with food for all of them later on. The two of them play a few rounds of FIFA, Niall winning one and Zayn the other, when a tall built guy with a crew cut comes through the door with a plastic bag in one hand and a gym bag across his shoulder.

“Oi, food’s here.”

“Where’s your manners, Liam? We’ve got a guest!”

Liam smiles as he sets all the bags down and walk towards them, sticking out his hand when he reaches Zayn.

Zayn gets to his feet, hastily wiping his hands on his jeans before he shakes Liam’s hand. “I’ve heard a lot about you, mate.”

Liam laughs, shaking his head at Niall. “Well, I’ve heard a lot about you too, Zayn.”

It takes him by surprise, and when he turns to Niall, the other lad’s pretending to concentrate on the paused game in front of him.

“Anyways, I got us some fish and chips from downstairs. Better eat ‘em before they get soggy!”

It gets a little bit awkward then as Zayn watches the way Liam and Niall work in sync with each other as they work round each other in the kitchen. He almost feels like he’s interrupting, watching as Niall sidesteps Liam to get the mayonnaise out from the fridge while Liam reaches around him to get the utensils out.

“Now, Zaynie, I have to warn you about something. And I promise you that this is completely against Irish principle.”

Niall is looking at him seriously and even Liam turns to look at him confused.

“Liam here … he likes to have salad with his fish and chips.” He shakes his head in mock horror before continuing, “So please, please, please – don’t take that as a reflection of this country.”

Zayn stands confused for a minute before Liam punches Niall’s arm and he breaks into laughter.

“Shut up. We’re hardly eating any vegetables as it is, I’m sorry if I’m just trying to make sure we get our required greens, Niall.”

Zayn laughs, because it really is hilarious watching Liam take out some salad from the fridge and arranges it on his plate. He looks at Zayn expectantly, who can see Niall shaking his head from the corner of his eye.

“Alright, go on then.” Because hey, it’s true. He hasn’t eaten anything healthy since he got here and he can just feel his mum’s disapproval following him each time he has a meal.

“Zayn! I’m offended, mate! This the thanks I get? You Englishmen are sick bastards.”

He’s still mumbling something under his breath as Liam and Zayn move to the living room first, though all seems to be forgotten as he joins them a bit later with his plate in one hand and three beers in the other.

“Cheers, mate.” Zayn says.

There’s some zombie movie on the telly that Niall seems pretty excited about watching, even though Liam votes against it and Zayn’s already watched it before. So when Niall becomes deeply engrossed in the film and Zayn sees Liam rolling his eyes and looking at his phone, he strikes up a conversation with the latter.

He’s surprised to find out that Liam hails from Wolverhampton, which isn’t too far away from Bradford, and that they’d been to the same school events growing up. Liam moved to UCD to study criminology, and Zayn finds it so interesting that they end up spending the next half an hour just talking about the kinds of things that Liam studies about.

An hour later, the zombies are finally defeated and Liam and Zayn have finished 4 more bottles of beer amongst themselves and Niall’s snoring lightly after he fell asleep 20 minutes into the movie.

He finally wakes up and appears in the kitchen as Zayn and Liam are washing the dishes. It’s the least that Zayn can do since Liam won’t accept any money from him for dinner.

“Well aren’t you two getting along like a house on fire.”

“I don’t know about you, but I personally find it difficult to talk to someone who’s too busy drooling and snoring away.” Zayn teases, and Liam’s laughing in stitches next to him.

“Hey! I had a pretty busy day today, okay!” Niall exclaims as he takes a flannel and starts to help Liam dry the dishes.

Zayn doesn’t stay long after that, since he’s got classes the next day and Niall still looks like he can fall asleep at any moment.

“Hey, I am really sorry that I fell asleep on you tonight.” Niall tells him as they both walk down the stairs.

“Nah, mate, thanks for having me. It was good to spend time somewhere other than my room.” Zayn says.

“Well, Zayn Malik, you’re welcome here anytime.”

"You know, I'm pretty glad that I ran into you that day." Zayn says, voice quiet and shy, but it’s something he just wants to get off his chest.

Niall’s standing at the entrance of his building, still wearing that ridiculous thin vest that’s barely covering his shoulders in this cold weather. But the smile on his face is as warm as the morning sun and Zayn feels the goosebumps settling on his skin.

"Me too, Zayn."

~

Somehow after that day, it’s easier to look at Niall and think Niall and not Harry.

There’s still a lot of things that reminds Zayn of his ex-boyfriend when he hangs out with Niall, but it doesn’t leave such a bitter taste in his mouth as it did before.

It becomes a habit for Zayn to drop by Niall and Liam’s flat after his classes, joining them for dinner or a beer and playing a few rounds of FIFA before making his way home. It feels nice, having something to look forward to and talking to people about things other than coursework and assignments. Liam remembers to buy extra food on his way home from the gym in case Zayn’s over, and Niall even picked up an ashtray at a flea market to put on their balcony.

Zayn’s been spending a lot of time with Liam as well, since his classes are closer to Zayn’s halls and it becomes a thing for them to meet up in between classes.

The thing is, Zayn doesn’t usually hang around with people like Liam. Zayn used to think that Niall was a rare occurrence of someone who had a big heart from the way he was so open and friendly and helpful to everyone he meets, but Liam Payne is definitely one of those genuinely nice people. In fact, when Zayn asked him why he wanted to be a criminologist, he just shrugged. “I just want to make the world a better place.”

The fact that they’re both from England makes it easier to. Especially those times when they team up to tease Niall about his Irishisms and berating him on the fact their country is better than his.

Liam isn’t as laidback as Niall is, because he gets so serious about his studies to the point that Liam’s ended up napping on Zayn’s bed one too many times after an intense all-nighter at the library. It’s probably doing good for Zayn, because he tries to join Liam in the library whenever he can, and Niall’s even showed up a few times. Though it’s difficult to get anything done when he does, but Zayn doesn’t mind.

“Can’t believe it’s almost half the semester gone.” Liam says to him one night when they’re walking back to the flat from another study session at the library.

“Fuck, is it already? Can’t believe I’ve been here three months already.”

“Yeah? So what’s your impression of Dublin then?”

Zayn doesn’t really have an answer for him immediately, because honestly he hasn’t really thought about it himself.

“You know, it hasn’t been so bad. Still adjusting, but I think having mates like you definitely make it better, yeah?”

Liam laughs while he gives Zayn a mild punch to the shoulder. “Thanks, mate. Though it’s probably more Niall, yeah?”

Zayn feels taken aback when he hears Liam’s question. He isn’t sure whether it’s a serious question or whether Liam’s teasing, but thankfully before he has to reply, the other lad gets distracted by a phone call and it’s all forgotten.

He’s still a little confused about what he feels for Niall. There are some times when Niall smiles at him and he feels his heart skip a beat, but then he remembers that he isn’t here for a relationship, and he pushes all those thoughts to the back of his mind.

And then there are times when Zayn is just thankful for having a friend like Niall.

Because Zayn still gets lost in his head, and he still gets unnecessarily stressed out with his assignments, and somehow Niall gets that. He’ll come knocking on Zayn’s door if he hasn’t heard from him all day, drag him out for a drink down at their local or persuade him to try out some new café. If it wasn’t for Niall, Zayn would probably just be moving from his classes to his room, eating instant noodles for dinner and chain smoking to pass his time.

Though if he’s being honest with himself, he really is changing. He’s a lot more open with people than he was before, and he’s making more of an effort to be social especially with people in his classes.

Tonight though, tonight he really isn’t in the mood to be sociable. But the thing is, Niall’s been going on about some party that’s happening tonight for the last couple of weeks now and Zayn promised him that he’d come since Liam can’t make it.

It’s just that Dublin’s been casting showers all day, and Zayn’s been sitting in his damp clothes throughout his classes and he’s just been itching to get into a hot shower and just chill for the night.

But if there’s one thing he’s realised is that he can’t say No to Niall, which is why he has a quick shower that barely warms him up and is out of the house in ten minutes because he promised Niall he’d meet him at the party half an hour ago.

The party is in full swing when he gets to Josh’s flat, and it’s loud and messy and there’s the smell of smoke everywhere. Zayn’s already regretting it the minute he steps in, especially after someone almost spills their beer over his leather jacket. But before he can even get annoyed, he’s tackled from behind and a throaty laugh echoes in his ears.

Zayn turns to find Niall’s already plastered from the way his cheeks are tinged a deep red and Zayn can smell the alcohol on his breath.

“Zayn!” Niall breathes out and his grin pulls up the corners of his mouth. He sounds like he’s floating on air, like he’s the happiest person alive, and something in the way he’s looking at Zayn makes it a little easier to forget about how shit the day’s been.

“Took you long enough! Come on, I’ll get ya a drink!” He wraps his fingers around Zayn’s wrist, not roughly, and guides him carefully through the crowd and to the kitchen. He doesn’t ask him what he’d like to drink, instead goes to the counter where there’s an assortment of drinks and pours a mix into a plastic cup and hands it out.

Zayn glances from the cup to Niall, giving him a sceptical look, even takes a sniff of it and scrunches his nose in disgust.

“Nah, mate, that smells fowl,” Zayn says while shaking his head.

And here’s when Niall pulls out his magic trick: his eyes lose that shine they usually have, that spark that makes his baby blues pop out, and they droop a little as if you’ve just kicked him at his lowest, and his lips just out into a small pout and—

Zayn rolls his eyes and takes the cup, quickly taking a swig of whatever concoction Niall’s made up.

The shine is back in those blue pools and Zayn misses the pout already.

~

Niall disappears after a while to play some beer pong, and Zayn doesn’t really mind because he spots some friends from his Design class.

But as the night goes on and the party doesn’t look like it’s going to wind down anytime soon, Zayn starts to get a little annoyed. He hasn’t seen much of Niall at all, which makes him question why he’s here in the first place. He’s sick of the party, and all he wants is to go home.

He’s sitting on the sofa drinking his beer and wondering whether he should just leave when he feels someone sit next to him.

“Hey, you having a good time?”

Niall’s somehow slotted himself in the small space between the arm of the sofa and Zayn, and they’re so close to each other that Zayn can tell that Niall’s just had one of those sweet jello shots that someone’s been passing around.

“Yeah mate, you?”

Niall’s face drops, and three worry lines appear in between his brows.

“You’ve been quiet. You’re not … yourself.”

“Nah, bro, it’s all good.” He says while laughing it off, trying to hide the annoyance that was there just a few minutes ago.

Niall grips his arm, “No, come on. I know you’re not having fun. I can tell when you really are.”

“Nah, it’s just … not really in the mood to party, y’know?”

Niall’s face softens, and he shakes his head before standing up.

He looks down at Zayn with a look on his face, before holding out his hand. Zayn’s confused so he takes it and lets Niall pull him to his feet.

“Let’s get out of here.”

Before Zayn can put up a protest, Niall’s disappeared through the crowd and by the time Zayn catches up to him, he can see the other lad grabbing his jacket and saying his goodbyes. Zayn stands at the door feeling guilty, but Niall just smiles at him and swings his arm around his shoulders.

“I didn’t mean we should leave, Niall.”

“What’s the point of staying? You weren’t enjoying it.”

It takes him by surprise that Niall would care so much about whether he was enjoying the party or not. Zayn used to have to beg Harry to leave a party if he wasn’t having fun, and it always ended up with them fighting so he just stopped going altogether. But this, not even having to tell Niall that he wanted to leave but somehow the other boy still knew how he felt.

It’s something he still has to get used to, having Niall see right through him.

“Yeah, but I could have left, you didn’t have to.”

“I’d be a shit friend, eh? How could I let you leave by yourself when I’m the one who invited you here in the first place?” Zayn tries not to scoff and retort him by saying that he isn’t someone who needs to be escorted back home, but Niall continues. “Why didn’t you tell me you didn’t want to come anyway?”

Zayn sighs, “You were excited about tonight. Didn’t wanna back out on my promise.”

Niall rolls his eyes and gives Zayn a playful slap on his cheek. “Don’t be silly. I could never think wrong of you, Zaynie.”

Niall’s still a little drunk, because he’s still stumbling over his feet and leaning into Zayn’s side as they walk.

“Hey, I’ve got a good idea.”

Zayn doesn’t ask what it is, because he’s learnt not to question Niall’s ideas. Because to be honest, they do turn out pretty good.

They walk in silence along Dublin’s quiet streets, elbows bumping occasionally while Zayn puffs on a cigarette. Niall’s having one too, and Zayn knows that the only reason he asked for a cigarette is because he’s drunk, otherwise he’d roll his eyes at him and complain his ears off about secondhand smoke exposure.

They reach the campus and Zayn naturally starts walking in the direction of his halls, but then Niall tugs his elbow and pulls him in the opposite direction.

Zayn gets an idea where they’re going as they get closer, and before long the main lake of the UCD campus comes into view.

Niall’s still got his hand on Zayn’s elbow, and doesn’t let go until they’re steps away from the water and Niall breaks into a sprint before plopping himself down on the grass. When Zayn catches up, he finds Niall with his arms and legs stretched out like a starfish. The lights from the main building illuminate him, and Zayn can still pick out the slight blush on Niall’s rosy cheeks, starts twinkling in his ocean blue eyes.

He looks beautiful.

Zayn sits crosslegged next to Niall, who’s humming a song under his breath.

“What’s that?”

“Stand by me and I stand by you
We leave the dirt in the earth to bloom
Tell the morning we'll be there soon
Before you go, let your heart go boom.” Niall sings, voice low and raspy from the cigarette.

He lifts his head up and looks squarely at Zayn, shaping his fingers like a gun and pointing it at him, “let you heart go boom boom boom.”

“You’re mad, Ni.” Zayn chuckles while lighting up another cigarette.

“You know, this year’s been so much better with you around,” Niall says quietly into the air.

Zayn isn’t sure what to reply to that, so he settles for the truth. “Yeah? This year’s been pretty good for me too … because of you.”

Niall smiles, the corners of his mouth twitching up.

They spend another half an hour there, Zayn joining Niall on the grass and the both of them lie side by side while staring at the stars above them and talking about the kinds of things that you can only talk about at 2 am.

Zayn’s place is closer, and Niall’s still a little drunk, so Zayn tugs the two of them back to his room. He’s way past tired, and Niall’s already on the verge of sleeping while standing.

He doesn’t think of sleeping arrangements, just assumes that Niall’s going to pass out on the floor or something. So after he’s stripped to his boxers and nestles into his bed, he’s a little surprised to feel Niall slip under the covers next to him.

He throws an arm around Zayn, burrows his head close to Zayn’s neck, and falls asleep immediately. Zayn freezes in his place, wondering what this means, but then he feels Niall’s slow breath against his skin and he falls asleep on his next breath easily.

In the morning, Niall’s up before he is and quietly slips out.

They don’t talk about it and Zayn pretends to forget about it.

~

The last week of November is crazy, what with everyone being busy with exams. Even Niall’s replaced Zayn’s spot as Liam’s study buddy since most of his grades rely on his assignments and not on any exams.

It gets to the point that the only way he gets to see the other boys is by camping out in their flat, finishing up on his coursework while they bend over their books. It’s interesting to see this serious side of Niall, which only comes out rarely.

The tables have turned and it’s now Zayn who takes responsibility to make sure that Niall takes a break from his studying every now and then, now it’s Zayn who’s bringing Niall out to grab a bite to eat or dragging him along when he goes out for a cigarette break so that the other lad can get some fresh air.

It’s the last week of the semester and Zayn’s finishing up on his final assignment. Liam’s already in bed for his Forensics exam the next morning, and Niall’s sitting next to Zayn with his notes in hand, revising.

“When ya leavin’ again?” Niall asks after they’ve both been quiet for an hour.

“My flight’s on Friday afternoon. I’ve got to head to the airport straight after my presentation.”

Niall’s quiet again and Zayn assumes he’s gone back to studying, until he sees Niall’s notes slip out of his hands.

He turns to see Niall biting on his nails, staring into space with his brows furrowed like he’s in deep thought. Zayn waves his hand in front of his face to snap him out of it, and blue eyes snap to his attention.

“Don’t hurt yourself there,” Zayn teases.

“Does that mean I won’t see you before you leave then?”

“What?”

“’Cause I’ve got that group study session on Thursday night, and then two exams on Friday.”

Zayn thinks about it, trying to figure out the time that the two of them will have free until he leaves. “Yeah, guess so.”

Niall looks soft, with his eyes glancing at him in a sleepy daze. His hair’s a mess, and Zayn can see how his brown roots are starting to fill up more of his head.

“S’alright, mate. It’s just three weeks.” Zayn turns back to his laptop to read a last sentence before saving the document.

He feels Niall’s head resting on his shoulder, and he freezes in place.

“Hmmm, still gonna miss you though.”

A smile creeps up on Zayn’s face that Niall can’t see.

“Yeah, me too.”

After making sure Niall’s in bed and not asleep in a book, Zayn packs up his things and heads back to his place, wearing a smile on his face the entire time.

The next few days pass in a blur as all three of them get really busy.

But on Thursday afternoon, Zayn gets a text from Niall asking if he’s free to come over.

He’s got a presentation in two hours, and he’s been in his room all morning going over his slides and practising what he’s going to say. It’s a welcome distraction when he gets Niall’s text.

He hasn’t even texted Niall back for 2 minutes before he hears a knock on his door and opens it to find the other boy standing there, looking frazzled and out of breath.

“Y’alright, mate?”

Niall lifts his finger up to ask Zayn to wait while he bends down, clutching his knees while he catches his breath.

“Sorry, I might have run over here from the Law building. I’ve got …” he pauses to look at his watch, about 20 minutes before my next exam.”

Zayn stares at him in shock. “The fuck, Niall? What the hell are you doing here then?”

“Well we’ve all been so busy, I’m not gonna have time to say bye to ya. I just wanted to give you your gift for Christmas.”

Niall reaches into his backpack and pulls out a small box that’s wrapped in shiny red paper and has a green ribbon tied around it.

“Mate … you didn’t have to,” Zayn says as he takes the gift from Niall’s outstretched hands.

“Nah, I can’t let you go back to Bradford without a gift from Dublin.”

“Should I …”

“If I had more time, I’d love to see you open it now, but I really gotta rush back or else I’m gonna miss my test.”

“Okay, go—”

Niall steps in and wraps his arms around Zayn, pressing his head into the crook of his neck.

“I’ll see ya, text me whenever you can, yeah?”

Zayn barely gets a chance to give him a smile in reply before Niall’s running back down the corridor.

He rips open the wrapping as soon as he’s got the door closed and opens up the box that’s underneath it all, laughing when he takes out the gift that’s placed inside.

It’s a white coffee mug with the words “ARCHITECTS: BECAUSE ENGINEERS NEED BABYSITTERS” written in bold font.

He bursts out laughing and doesn’t calm down for a couple of minutes, thinking about all those times that he’s complained about the role engineers play in architects’ lives and how he’s not looking forward to it when he starts his career.

He isn’t surprised Niall remembered, and it’s such a typical gift for him to give. Zayn absolutely loves it and already places it on top of his study desk, ready to use for morning coffees after the break.

Zayn’s probably the only one who shows up to his presentation in a good mood, and he completely aces it.

~

oi, loved the mug! aha x :)

awesomeee ! I thot ud appreciate it !

I do :) on the way to the airport. hope ur exam went well!

it was shite but glad it’s over ! hahaha

I got you something too you know

????

for xmas! aha :)

wer is it then ??

left it with liam! it should be waiting for u on ur bed when u get home :)

sickkkk ! on my way home now !

hope u like it! ok, gotta board my flight now x

Zayn switches off his phone and feels the nerves fluttering around his stomach as he waits in line to get onto the plane.

It’s not so much about flying, because that’s still something that Zayn’s not used to being a small town boy, but more to do with the fact that his gift to Niall is something he made himself.

During one of their outings to the town, they’d seen a mini candy dispenser in the window and Niall had thought it was the most awesome thing ever and mentioned that he’d love to have one. He stumbled on a DIY website that had instructions on how to build one, and knowing how much of a sweet tooth Niall has, Zayn thought it’d be a good gift idea. It only took him about a month, though he owes a lot to Liam for his help because he’s better with all the hands-on stuff, but it was functional by the end of it and they’d filled it up with jelly beans and m&ms.

Zayn spends the entire flight back thinking that it was a silly idea for a gift, and by the time he touches down in Manchester he’s regretting it and wishes that he’d gotten Niall a shirt or something.

But then he switches his phone back on and he finds a series of messages from Niall waiting for him:

FUCK THIS IS SO AWSEOME MATE

I LOVE IT ZAYN U FUCKER

HOW TH FUCK DID U DO DIS?????

i promise not 2 finish it B4 u com back :) x

All the tension leaves Zayn’s body, but there’s something else that settles in its wake.

It feels oddly a little like he’s missing Dublin already.

~

Being home though, it still beats everything else.

His family have never been big on celebrating Christmas. It’s always just been an opportunity for all their family members to come together and spend time with one another. It’s dinner party after dinner party, at his Auntie Maryam’s house or his Uncle Arya’s or his dad’s brother’s sister-in-law’s cousin’s house, something like that.

It’s fun, and it’s refreshing to immerse himself in the smell of chicken masala rafting through the house and biryani on the table all the time.

He texts Niall and Liam almost every day, all three of them sharing pictures and snippets of their own Christmases. Niall’s always texting back cursing Zayn for upstaging all of them with his colourful shots of tandoori and green chutney and shawarmas against their photos of the same roast chicken and potato salads and plain gravies.

Zayn gets reprimanded every other time by his mum for staring at his phone all the time, and his sisters tease him incessantly every time they catch him chuckling or smiling as he reads something Niall’s sent.

Three weeks pass by and before he knows it, it’s the morning of his flight and he’s hastily packing his bags, trying to stuff the tupperwares of food his mum has prepared for him to bring back.

“You know, love, you’ve surprised me.”

She’s sitting on the edge of his bed watching him pick out some books to pack.

“What you talking about, mum?”

“I thought you’d be returning back to Dublin looking like you were going back for a prison sentence or something.” She gives him a knowing smile as she takes out a shirt from his bag and folds it properly. “But it looks like … you’re excited.”

Zayn shakes his head. “I wasn’t that bad, was I?”

“Your dad and I were really worried about you for a little while there, love.”

Zayn crosses the room to stand in front of her and places a light kiss on her forehead, “I’m good, ma. Dublin’s … it’s not such a bad place.”

“The people as well?” She asks, and Zayn ignores the mischievous look in her eye.

“Yeah … the people are the best.”

“Well I’m happy if you are, love, you know that.”

Just then Zayn gets a text.

Im back ! cant wait to see u !

“I am happy, mum.”

~

The first night that Zayn’s back in Dublin after the holidays, Niall insists that they all go out for drinks to make up for the fact that they all celebrated New Year away from each other.

“Come on, come onnn! It’s gonna be a huge craic!”

Niall’s pulling at Liam’s legs as he lounges on the sofa, who’s adamant not to get up considering he just walked in from the airport an hour ago.

“Mate, I literally just got back!”

“Well who asked you to come back the day before classes start! Look, we won’t even have a big night, yeah? We’ll just head down to the pub and have a few drinks?”

It takes him another half an hour of poking and prodding before Liam finally gets up in a huff and goes to change. Zayn, having arrived earlier in the day, was prepared for Niall’s ambush and knew better than to argue with him and is already ready dressed in a white shirt and his trusty leather jacket.

They take the short walk to the pub talking about their respective holidays, and Zayn’s surprised to find himself just as talkative as Niall is when he relays whatever’s happened in the last three weeks.

They find a nice booth in the corner before Niall disappears to get them the first round of beers. Niall keeps true to his promise and they spend the first hour at the pub sipping on their drinks and talking.

After a while, Liam spots a couple of his friends and leaves to catch up with them, leaving Niall and Zayn alone.

Niall’s got his arm slung over the seat, the tip of his fingers brushing against Zayn’s shoulders. He’s on his second beer, while Zayn’s still drinking his first. They’re sitting in a comfortable silence, Niall’s eyes on some old rugby match that’s playing on the TV over the counter while Zayn enjoys the live band that’s on stage tonight.

“You should come home with me for Easter.” Niall says, his eyes are still on the TV, but now his fingers have crept closer to Zayn’s neck and are tapping a beat against his skin.

“Really?”

Niall finally looks at him, his blue eyes twinkling like the air bubbles in his Guinness, and Zayn realises how much he’s missed him.

“Yeah, if you want?”

Zayn looks down as he feels a blush creeping to his cheeks, letting his mouth stretch into a slow smile as he takes a sip of his beer.

“Yeah … yeah, that’ll be cool.”

Liam comes back to the table then, with another round of drinks that Niall accepts gladly, despite the fact that he hasn’t finished the one in his hand yet.

“Liam, was just telling Zayn here, you lot should come over for Easter. Da would love to see ya again.”

A spark of jealousy flashes through Zayn as he hears Liam talk about how he’d love to visit Mullingar. For some reason, he’d thought that Niall had only meant to invite him, something that just the two of them would share. Like it was going to be the start of something else.

Which is ridiculous. Because they’re just friends.

Zayn spends the rest of the night sipping on his beer in silence, wondering why he feels a curl of disappointment in his chest.

~

It’s sometime in the middle of Semester 2 when Zayn gets an unexpected text.

It’s got a photo attached to it of the old coffee shop he used to frequent back in London, except it’s all boarded up.

Tina’s is closed! I can’t believe it :(

He hasn’t spoken to Harry in close to a year and a half, ever since that night when he decided that they shouldn’t be together anymore and Zayn packed up his bags and left to Bradford. It’s been months since Harry’s so much as passed through his mind, and suddenly, having his name pop up on his phone clear as day is a little unsettling.

He doesn’t reply to it, but his phone sits in his pocket like a brick that’s weighing him down throughout the day, a constant reminder.

Liam asks him about it later on, when they’re both sitting in the library.

“You look like your mind’s somewhere else, mate.”

Zayn purses his lips tightly together, but he knows that.

“You remember my ex, Harry?” Liam nods, Zayn had told him and Niall the abbreviated version of their story one night. “He just texted.”

“So … what’s the problem?”

“Just wondering what to say I guess.”

“Zayn, you don’t have to reply him you know. But … you’ve got to ask yourself why you’re going to do whatever you’re going to do. Are you going to ignore him because you don’t care, or because you still have feeling for him? Or are you going to reply him because you miss him, or you want to rekindle things, or just to be friendly?”

Liam doesn’t wait for an answer, turning back to his books and leaving Zayn to ponder on what he’s just said.

Zayn thinks about what Liam said and agrees with him, he tries to figure out what he’s feeling and realises that the answer is crystal clear.

what?? that sucks! always had the best pastries

Dublin doesn’t have good pastries?

Zayn doesn’t feel anything when Harry’s reply comes in. He’s not feeling excited, or nostalgic, or even dread. Nothing. So he takes that as a win.

They text back and forth for a little while, mostly just catching up, but later when Liam and Zayn meet up with Niall for dinner, he doesn’t think about it at all.

~

Zayn’s a night owl. He works best at night, often right after the stroke of midnight and into the early morning. It’s been a blessing that most of his classes this semester have been in the afternoon, which grants him the peace of sleeping in. Though he doesn’t take advantage of it as much as he’d like to, especially if he’s made plans with the boys.

But on Saturdays, that’s when he makes sure that his sleep goes undisturbed for as long as he can. Even Niall knows not to call him out on a Saturday morning unless he absolutely has to.

Which is why Zayn’s probably up since 7 in the morning.

“Zayn, this is exciting, I can’t believe it!”

Word had spread around the campus this week that Ireland’s beloved national rugby players – Brian O’Driscoll & Rob Kearney – who are also proud UCD alumni, were coming down to the sports arena to have a bit of practise with the school team.

It’s an open training event, so everyone is free to come and watch, and according to Niall that meant that everyone and their cousins were going to come.

So Niall’s dragged Zayn out of his warm comfortable bed at 7 in the morning just so they can get the best seats, even though the actual thing is only scheduled to start at 11.

“How did Liam get out of doing these things with you when I wasn’t around?”

Niall beams at him from where he’s huddled in his massive UCD sweatshirt, rubbing his hands together to get some sort of heat in this horrid Dublin weather.

“I had to go by myself. Which is why it’s so much more fun now that you’re here, Zaynie!”

Zayn rolls his eyes and pouts as he takes another sip from his coffee that’s becoming disgustingly lukewarm despite the fact that it’s only been in his hands for less than 10 minutes.

“So you’re still coming home with me next weekend for Easter, yeah?”

Niall’s looking at him like he’s expecting Zayn to back out, to make up some excuse and pull out of it like he didn’t mean to say yes when he first asked him earlier in the year.

But Zayn’s been looking forward to it, trying to get an early start on his coursework for the week after so that he doesn’t have to worry about it while he’s in Mullingar.

It’s just, he’s heard so much of this place, has listened to countless tales from Niall about his childhood and how it’s a beautiful town and Zayn’s been curious to see it for himself.

“Yeah, of course. Got to see it after all the hype, yeah?”               

Niall smiles back at him and squeezes his knee before turning his attention back to the pitch, which is empty, but apparently just being in the same place as his sports idols is enough to get him excited.

Three and a half hours later, Zayn’s dozing on Niall’s shoulder when the latter abruptly sits up, cursing apologetically when he realises he’s woken up Zayn.

“Fuck, sorry mate, but it’s fucking Brian O’Driscoll! Look, shit, I knew it was a good idea to come early and grab these seats! And fuck me arse, look at Kearney!? Oh my god oh my god, I would have brought my poster, fuck I knew I should have brought it.”

Zayn sits back and watches as Niall squeals in delight as his rugby idols come out onto the pitch one by one. It’s another thing that Zayn’s learnt about Niall over the past few months, it’s that he’s passionate about sports as much as he is about life. It’s not just rugby, it’s football and golf and cricket and whatever else that’s on ESPN. Niall’s idea of downtime is watching reruns of whatever game was happening on the weekend, and Zayn has spent one too many nights sitting in the pub next to him in silence while his attention is on the TV screen.

But then … Zayn loves watching Niall like this. He’s in his element like this, his eyes are always shining with enthusiasm, and Zayn’s noticed how Niall’s lost many fingernails to an intense game because he can’t stop biting them.

Niall sits back down with a huff and swings his arm around Zayn, pulling him closer to him. “This is so fucking awesome isn’t it, Zayn? So worth it!”

He feels the weight of Niall’s arms on his shoulders, his sides already warm from where they’re pressed against each other and Zayn looks at how flushed Niall’s cheeks are from the cold.

“Yeah, definitely worth it.”

~

Niall, being Niall, has of course made friends with every single UCD student who hails from Mullingar. So it’s no surprise to Zayn that come the beginning of Easter weekend, he’s found someone to drive the three of them back to his hometown.

Darragh, who Zayn’s met a few times, has known Niall since the two of them were young, so the 2 hour drive is filled with stories from their childhood. It’s unsurprising that Darragh describes Niall as the friendliest person he knows, and that he was already making friends with everyone at an early age.

Sometime after noon Darragh drops them off outside a small one-storey house in a quiet neighbourhood. Zayn knows that Niall’s parents are divorced, and that Niall’s been living with his father ever since.

“Da’s not at home, he’s at work but he should be home soon.” Niall says as he unlocks the front door and ushers them in. “Welcome home, guys!”

They leave their bags at the door as Niall leads them through a quick tour of the house. Tere are rows of pictures of Niall hung up on the walls as they walk through, and Zayn has to bite his tongue from cooing over how cute Niall used to look when he was younger..

Zayn spots a picture of Niall with his father and is amazed at the likeliness between the two of them, despite the fact that Niall’s bleached his hair blonde from a young age.

“Alright, boys, I’m sorry but there’s only two rooms. You guys can have my old room, but one of ya has got to sleep on an air mattress.”

“What about you?” Liam asks.

“Nah, I’ll just crash on the sofa, it’s fine.”

Zayn and Liam start to argue, each of them volunteering to take the sofa instead but Niall just shakes his head and waves them off.

“Don’t be idiots. It’s your first time here! So shut up.”

Before they get a chance to argue, the front door slams and they hear a voice calling out Niall’s name.

Bobby Horan peeks his head into the kitchen and it’s adorable to see Niall walk towards his father beaming and with an added skip to his step.

If Zayn thought that they looked alike in pictures, it’s amazing to see how much of a spitting image Niall is of his father in person. They share the same smile, and the same eyes, and even the same laugh.

Liam’s met Niall’s father before, so it isn’t surprising to see them hugging in greeting. When Bobby sees Zayn, they have that awkward handshake or hug dilemma, but then Bobby just laughs and sticks his hand out to Zayn’s relief.

“Nice to meet ya, Zayn, I’ve heard a lot about ya. I hope you’ve been a good influence on these two boys here!”

Zayn laughs as Liam tries to tell Bobby that he’s the most sensible out of all of them, which is probably true, when he meets Niall’s eyes.

Zayn’s seen Niall happy during a lot of things, a quiet night at the pub, after winning a game of FIFA, watching Derby play, but there’s something about the look he’s wearing on his face right now. Like he’s beaming, like he can’t contain his happiness that it’s bursting at the seams and obvious to everyone around.

Zayn looks away before he dwells too much on the fact that the look was directed to him.

~

Niall brings the two boys into the town later in the evening and shows them around before they all grab a bite to eat. Everywhere they went, people were calling out to Niall and coming up to give him a hug. It reminds Zayn so much of the first time Niall brought him to Donnybrook, and how he everyone were treating him in the same way.

He’s still thinking about it later when they’re back at home, while he’s in Niall’s room after his shower, and understands how Niall must have felt when he first moved to Dublin.

“Everything alright? Do ya need anything?”

Niall walks in and sits on the edge of the bed, watching as Zayn folds his jeans up and places it on the chair. Zayn can hear Liam and Bobby’s voices from down the hall, both of them on their third pints and laughing about something he has no idea about.

“Everything’s good mate.” Niall gives him a soft, quiet smile that makes him look younger and boyish than his age.

Zayn lies on the bed next to Niall as stares up at the ceiling. “I can see what you meant.”

“Eh?” Niall says, looking down at him.

“Feeling lost in Dublin after coming from a place like here.” Zayn wonders if Niall remembers that night, when they went looking for Smithfield Market and Niall had confessed to knowing exactly how lost Zayn felt.

Zayn can hear the way Niall takes a slow long breath, before he lies down on the bed as well. “I wanted a little bit of Mullingar in Dublin you know? That’s why I talk to everyone. That’s why I’m friends with everyone in Donnybrook.”

“I don’t feel so lost anymore.” Zayn says, just slightly louder than a whisper. He turns his head to see Niall, can see the freckles on his face and the tiny mole just under his jaw. He’s itching to reach out and trace his fingers along that skin, but he can’t. He’s not allowed.

Niall turns to look at him too, and for a moment, Zayn can see himself in Niall’s eyes. He can see that skinny boy standing in front of a student notice board with a suitcase all those months ago.

He wonders what he sees now, whether he notices that Zayn doesn’t look at anything the way that he looks at Niall.

Liam clears his throat at the door and Niall jumps up, scratching the back of his neck sheepishly.

“Had fun bonding with me dad then Payno?”

Liam chuckles. “Yeah mate, as it always is with Bobby. The sofa’s all yours now.”

“Cheers, night boys!” Niall makes his way out of the room as fast as he can, and Zayn turns his face into the pillow to hide the blush on his face.

“What just happened?”

Liam gets a pillow thrown in his face in reply.

~

The thing about time, is that you never realise when it’s creeping up to you.

It’s just, somehow, Zayn’s forgotten that he’s only meant to stay in Dublin for a year; that he’s due back in London to start his third year.

It finally hits him that this was always meant to be temporary, and that he’s only got four months left while he’s sitting in Niall’s childhood kitchen.

Liam and Zayn wake up on their second day in Mullingar to a surprise breakfast cooked by Niall. It’s simple, banana pancakes with some butter and maple syrup, and it fills the entire house with a deliciously sweet smell. He also makes an Irish dish called potato farls where he mixes together some mashed potatoes and flour, making it into a round dough and cutting it into four before rolling each out and cutting them into quarters again.

He fries them on a pan over a shallow fire and serves it to them with pieces of crispy bacon.

Liam’s standing at the stove watching as Niall alternates between pouring out pancake batter and rolling out the dough for the potato farls. He’s teasing Niall, complaining about how he never makes breakfasts like this back in their flat and that he’s been holding out.

Zayn sits at the table and watches their banter, deciding to stay out of it while the two argue it out. Liam wins in the end, with a promise from Niall that he makes an effort to cook them breakfast every Sunday morning.

Zayn thinks to himself, I can get used to this, and then it hits him.

It’s only temporary.

“Zayn? You okay?” Niall’s looking at him in concern, spatula in hand and dressed in his Derby jersey and some ratty old shorts. He looks soft and warm, he looks like everything that Zayn’s gained in the last year, and the fact that he knew Zayn’s feeling off within minutes just shows how interwoven the two of them have become.

“Nah, sorry, still feeling sleepy. I mean, I’ve been waiting forever for this breakfast of yours.” 

Niall chuckles and turns back to flip a pancake, and Zayn pushes the thought of him leaving to the back of his head, filling it with banana pancakes and boys with blue eyes and games of FIFA.

They spend the afternoon watching the entire Godfather trilogy, passing round bags of chips and peanuts while each of them fall asleep one by one.

Bobby comes home at 6 and gets to work in the kitchen straightaway. It’s obvious that Niall gets his cooking skills from his father, and he lets none of them help and shoos them away. They sit outside with some drinks and enjoy the crisp country air, passing around Zayn’s cigarette and taking turns having a puff.

Almost two hours later, Bobby serves them an admirable feast of jacket potatoes, Irish stew and some toasted bread. It’s all so delicious and one of the best meals Zayn’s had in the last few months, and they’re all so stuffed and unable to move by the end of the night.

Somewhere in the background of Zayn’s mind, there’s a steady chant of I’ll miss this I’ll miss this I’ll miss this.

~

After a feast of roast lamb and leek soup for Easter Sunday, the three of them say their goodbyes to Bobby and start on their journey back to Dublin.

It’s interesting seeing Niall and his father together and the way that they act around each other. Before leaving, Zayn watches as Niall asks his father to take care of himself, and leaves him with a list of things that need to be improved around the house. Zayn’s used to seeing Niall as the kind of person who’s always got everyone else’s interests at heart, and it’s no surprise to see him like that with his father.

Their trip back to Dublin is spent sleeping after the enormous lunch that they had, and it’s only when they reach Niall and Liam’s flat that Zayn actually wakes up.

They’re all tired and anxious to get back to their own beds, and with classes starting the next day Zayn really wants to get all the rest he can. So he doesn’t follow the boys in, but lets Darragh drop him off at his halls since he lives nearby.

He dumps all his dirty laundry into the hamper and strips to his boxers before he crawls into bed, but before he drops off to sleep, he remembers to send a text to Niall.

thanks for this weekend. had fun :) x

He gets a reply within seconds.

I’m glad ! ur welcome there anytime ! hahah

Zayn’s typing out a reply when Niall sends another text.

but srsly, im rely happy u came. always wanted to share a bit of Mullingar with u !

Zayn doesn’t know what to say, so he doesn’t reply. He falls asleep thinking about green countryside and a certain blue-eyed Irish boy.

~

He doesn’t bring up the fact that he’s leaving with the boys. But he has a feeling that they’ve realised it too, from the way that they seem to be using any excuse to spend more time with him than usual.

Not that Zayn’s complaining.

Niall’s been … clingy, in the best possible way.

He brings Zayn a cup of coffee before his first class, always meeting him outside his building even on the days that Zayn is rushing to his class. Those times Niall just shakes his head fondly as he watches Zayn running towards him, and passes him his coffee before hurrying him along with promises of them meeting later on.

He’s kept up to his promise of Sunday morning breakfasts as well, and Zayn’s found himself staying over on a Saturday more often than not. Some days he falls asleep on the sofa in the middle of whatever it is they’re watching, and some days when they come back from a night out the liquid courage dares him to snuggle up to Niall in his bed.

They never talk about it the next morning, and Niall’s always in a good mood so Zayn can never tell whether it’s because of him.

One night, when they’re a few weeks away before their final exams, they head out to a party that Darragh and his roommate Josh are throwing in their flat. Even Liam comes along this time, ready for a good time and the three of them head over prepared for a good night.

It’s all going well, the music’s good and the boys didn’t invite too many people so it doesn’t feel so crowded inside the small living room. Zayn’s sitting on the sofa with some of the partygoers, laughing at Niall who’s telling a story about the time that he got the chance to caddy for Rory McIlroy and ended up falling on his face after slipping on some pine cones.

Zayn’s heard this story before, but he still enjoys listening to the way Niall tells it, so devoid of any embarrassment and just loves sharing what happened even if it means he becomes the butt of people’s jokes.

He’s just finished the story and everyone’s calming down from their fits of laughter when Darragh fills the empty spot that’s next to Zayn. “So, Malik, you’re only with us for another couple o’ weeks, aren’t ya? Excited to be going home to the big city o’ London?”

“Oh my god! I forgot you’re an exchange student! Oh Zayn, I’m gonna miss you!” Jade, bless her heart, looks so sincere and genuinely has tears filling up her eyes.

“It’s gonna be weird without you here, mate,” Josh adds. “Oi, Nialler! What’re you gonna do without your partner in crime?”

Zayn looks up at Niall for the first time since the topic’s been brought up, and the colour’s been drained out of his face. He smiles at Josh, and brings his beer to his lips, but his jaw is clenched and Zayn can see the way his whole body has tensed up.

Before anyone can pester him for an answer, he quickly gets up and announces that he’s going to get another drink and asks everyone for any requests. Jade barely finishes telling him that she wants a vodka cranberry before he disappears into the kitchen.

Zayn watches him go and feels the dread creeping up his skin. Liam meets his eye from across the room, looks like he overheard the entire conversation, and gives him a sad smile. It doesn’t help to the uneasiness in his chest.

~

He’s standing out in the balcony having a smoke, trying his best to ignore the atmosphere that’s changed in the party.

Niall’s spent the last half an hour getting absolutely smashed, and the last that Zayn saw him, he’d just started an intense game of beer pong in the kitchen.

So he’s hiding outside here, trying to pretend that Niall’s change in behaviour isn’t because of him.

He hears the sliding door open and someone come out to join him, and he knows without looking that it could only be one person.

“Niall’s losing that game of beer pong tremendously, it’s starting to get embarrassing.”

He stands next to Zayn, elbows resting on the railing as he accepts the cigarette that Zayn offers him.

“Did I ever tell you why I came to Dublin?” Liam shakes his head while smoke filters out of his mouth. “I was trying to get away from a breakup.”

Zayn sucks in a deep breath of smoke, feeling it swirl around and settle in his chest. “I got so consumed by the relationship that I felt like I lost myself. And when he broke up with me … I honestly had days when I didn’t know how to go on with life. Because everything in my life was about him.”

Liam keeps quiet, and waits for Zayn to speak his mind and get everything out before he says anything.

“I just … this year’s been great. Really, really great.”

Zayn huffs in frustration because he feels like he’s trying to get something out but he doesn’t know what to say.

“Zayn, no one’s going to blame you for going back. There’s no rule here that says once you leave then everything you’ve achieved is going to disappear.” Liam finally turns to look at him, a sincere honesty set in his eyes. “It’s just … the only problem would be if you left and treated it like you were running away, just because you’re afraid you’re going to get hurt again.”

Zayn looks at him, and suddenly he realises why he’s been walking around feeling like there were rocks weighing him down.

Liam gives him an encouraging smile before he walks back into the flat, sliding the door closed behind him.

The thing is, Zayn knows what Liam’s implying.  

Zayn knows that somewhere along the way, he’s fallen for Niall. And that scares the shit out of him because he’s finally starting to feel like himself again, like the person he was before he moved to London and got his heart broken.

He feels whole.

And the problem with being whole? Is that it’s easy to break him down again. Zayn isn’t sure if he’s willing to risk this, risk his friendship with Niall, just so he can be in love again.

He can’t, he won’t. He can’t lose Niall as a friend the way he’s lost Harry.

He finishes his cigarette and leaves all thoughts of his feelings for Niall behind on that balcony and walks back into the flat to find Niall sprawled on the floor laughing uncontrollably.

“Zaynie!! Where were ya? I lost at beer pong.” His lips form a pout and his face is red all over and Zayn knows that it’s time to take care of him.

“Come on, mate, let’s head back yeah?”

“Nooooo, Zayn, I’ve got to try to win!”

“Yeah, maybe next weekend alright?” By now Liam’s appeared at his side and helps Zayn lift up their drunk Irish friend. They say their goodbyes and carefully walk their way back to the flat, which proves to be harder than they thought with the way Niall’s stumbling along.

They’re just about to reach when Niall asks them to stop, and then promptly throws up on Liam to his utter disgust.

As soon as they enter the flat, Liam pushes Niall off to Zayn and tells him to deal with it while he rushes to get his clothes off.

Zayn chuckles as he watches Liam run to the bathroom, but silently prays that Niall doesn’t repeat the same thing with him.

He manages to steer Niall into his room, who’s clinging onto him like a dead weight, and helps him get into bed.

Zayn works at removing Niall’s shoes when he hears Niall mumbling something.

“Did you ever consider stayin’?” Niall sounds like he’s half asleep, so he uses it as an excuse not to reply but it doesn’t work. “Hmm?”

“No, mate.” Zayn says quietly, though he knows Niall would probably not remember this at all in the morning.

Niall hums, and Zayn doesn’t hear anything else from him for the next couple of minutes.

He gets up to leave after a while and is just about to close the door when he hears Niall talking again. “I miss you already.”

Zayn feels his heart beating in his throat, but he swallows it back down and shuts the door.

He lets the confession fade into the night and lets it drift away as he watches the sun rise over the horizon.

~

When all their exams are over, and the last assignment is submitted, Zayn comes into the flat one day with a ticket in his hand.

“I’m leaving next week.”

Liam immediately stops whatever he’s doing and comes up to give Zayn a hug.

Niall … Niall’s face looks crushed, like you just told him that his favourite Derby County FC have decided to stop playing. But it’s there for only a moment before he schools his face into a warm smile and slaps Zayn on the back. “It’s been great having you here mate, will miss ya!”

They both look at each other but it feels like there’s so many things that are left unsaid between them.

Zayn wants to say he wishes it were different, that he was stronger. Zayn wants to tell Niall to wait for him to figure his shit out.

Instead, he swallows it all down.

“Yeah, mate, it’s been a pretty fucking awesome year.”

They hug it out, and Zayn ignores the way it feels like Niall holds onto him for a little bit longer, and he ignores the way he doesn’t want to let go.

He’s busy that whole week sorting through paperwork and moving out of his halls and into Niall and Liam’s flat, so he doesn’t have a lot of time to dwell on his feelings about leaving.

The boys bring him out for one last night out, and they get wonderfully smashed and it feels perfect because Zayn forgets about everything, most of all about his feelings for Niall.

He’s come to terms with it, he’s chosen his friendship over his feelings, and what Niall doesn’t know doesn’t hurt him right?

The morning of his flight, Niall cooks him a breakfast feast. He wakes up to pancakes, bacon, eggs, sausages and even potato farl, because Niall knows it’s become Zayn’s favourite.

When it’s time for him to leave, Niall and Liam help bring his suitcases downstairs while he tries to hail a taxi. They’re waiting around for a few minutes and not one appears, so Liam walks a bit further down the road to try his luck there.

Zayn looks back to see Niall leaning against the wall with his hand curled around the handle of his suitcase. It sends a painful twinge through his chest because the image reminds him so much of the first day they met, when he’d been so suspicious of whether or not to trust this blue-eyed Irish boy, and yet he turned out to be the best thing that happened all year.

Liam runs back with a taxi following right behind him and then it’s a rush of exchanging goodbyes and fitting his suitcases into the trunk of the car and the next thing he knows Zayn is in the car and waving back at the image of Liam and Niall getting smaller and smaller as the taxi drives away.

It doesn’t really feel like goodbye, and leaves Zayn feeling empty.

~

Two things happen after Zayn leaves Dublin.

The first is that he takes a trip down to London and meets Harry.

He had to settle some paperwork with his university, and it’s on a whim that he decides to text Harry and let him know that he’s coming down. He doesn’t really know why he did it, but after he does he realises that he needs to see Harry, maybe as a form of closure, maybe to see where they stand.

So that’s why he’s sitting in a nondescript café that also doubles as a bookshop with a live poetry reading session happening in a corner, that is so typical of the kind of place that only Harry would suggest.

He’s probably been waiting for about 10 minutes when Harry walks in, and Zayn is hit with the familiar warmth that he used to get every time they were together. He’s wearing a long black peacoat over some ridiculous purple silk shirt with red poppies on it, and a too thick green scarf wound around his neck.

Zayn automatically gets up and pulls him in for a hug, and it’s comforting to know that Harry still smells the same, the mixture of his aftershave and the clean scent of his soap on his skin that Zayn’s always adored.

They catch up, and it’s surprisingly easy for them to slip into a conversation as if they didn’t spend the last year and a half being strangers to one another. They’ve only texted with each other a couple of times, but it was never the same as this, as being in each other’s company.

“So excited to be back in London for your third year?” Harry asks before sipping on his Earl Grey.

The first thing he thinks is yeah, excited for another year but then he realises that this year’s going to be starkly different to the last, because there’s no Niall and there’s no Liam.

“Zayn?” He looks up from his coffee to find Harry looking at him and realises that he hasn’t answered his question yet.

“Sorry …” Zayn clears his throat and looks out the window, “Yeah, yeah I guess.”

Harry snorts. “You don’t really sound like it. Dublin really grew on you, huh?”

Zayn smiles, because it’s true, he thinks of weekends spent in Niall and Liam’s flat instead of being alone, and afternoons in the library pretending to study when really he and Liam are just trying to see if the librarian is having an affair with three different students at the same time. He thinks of the pizza shop down the road from his halls that always seems to get his order wrong unless Niall’s the one who does the ordering and how he always gets them a free basket of garlic bread.

“Yeah, it was actually pretty good.”

“So … why didn’t you just transfer your degree to UCD?”

Zayn’s head whips back to look at Harry so fast and the other boy is looking at him amusingly.

“Come on, mate, I know you enough to know that you didn’t love it here. But … it sounds like you really enjoyed yourself over there.”

It had never occurred to Zayn to stay in Dublin, he didn’t even think to consider it. He stuck to the idea of living in Dublin for only a year and then it was home. Home back in Bradford. Back in London.

“I can’t just stay there just because I had fun, Haz.”

“Why not? You can still get a degree at the end of it, can’t you?”

Zayn lets out a sigh, stirring his coffee and watching the caramel colour swirl around his cup,

“I left London because I wanted to get over you, Harry. So I went to Dublin even though I didn’t want to and … it turned out to be one of the best years of my life.” He pauses, trying to articulate his feelings into words.  “But … there’s still a part of me that wonders whether I can be here and still be the same person I’ve been over the last couple of months.”

Harry smiles, that knowing smile of his that he uses when he sees right through Zayn. “You know, when we were together, the happiest I’d ever seen you was … and I’m not trying to sound conceited but … it was when you were looking at me.”

He gives Zayn a sheepish smile, like he’s embarrassed about it. “And look, I know … I messed things up. We said we’d go to uni together but then I went ahead and applied to London without telling you. And when we came here I wanted you to fit into a life without ever asking what you wanted. I realised that pretty quickly after we broke up.”

Harry runs his fingers through his hair that looks like it hasn’t been cut since Zayn last saw him.“I know I was always asking you to follow me, and you did, and I loved you for that. And that’s what broke us.”

Harry reaches across the table and takes Zayn’s hand in his. “Now though, I look at you and … your happiness is bursting at the seams. It’s so obvious from looking at your face and the way you hold yourself that something’s changed inside you, made you for the better. You just … you look so comfortable in your skin.”

Harry’s green eyes pierce into Zayn and it makes him feel vulnerable under his gaze. Harry senses it, and his face softens as his lips pull up into a smirk.

It warms Zayn’s heart to know that Harry still knows him, knows how to read him and his emotions when he can’t do it himself. It’s what he misses the most about their relationship, and he hopes that this is enough to patch up the bridges that they’ve burnt.

“Thanks Haz, I just … I’m just scared.”

“Don’t be stupid enough to think that the only reason why you’ve changed is due to someone, Zayn.  Give yourself some credit. I think you can deal with anything, but don’t let our mistake hold you back.”

Harry’s right, and it’s a little bit ironic that he’s the whole reason why Zayn’s scared to face his feelings and yet he’s the one who’s given him clarity.

~

The second thing that happens, is that Zayn gets a worried call from Liam.

“Payno, what’s up?”

“Alright, I’ve had enough of the two of you dancing around about this. Listen. I just got off the phone with Niall. Did you know he’s thinking of doing a study abroad?”

“What? No?” Zayn exclaims, confused about where this is going.

“Yeah, all the way in Australia. Apparently he’s got some cousins there already, and he’s been thinking about doing a transfer.”

Zayn feels his heart stop in his chest.“But … why??”

“I asked him, and you know what he told me? He said it was because he wanted a new environment. Said it worked out well for you so maybe it’ll do the same for him.”

“What? What does that even mean, Li?”

He hears Liam sigh at the other end of the line, like he’s supposed to get it. But he doesn’t, he feels like he’s missing a really big point. “He likes you Zayn, a lot. Has ever since that first day he came home and told me he helped a gorgeous guy find his way around campus. But he doesn’t want to lose you as a friend, so he’s thinking of moving to fucking Australia just so he can get over you.”

Zayn feels like he’s been hit over the head with a saucepan when the realization comes clear to him.

“He’s leaving in two weeks. He’s in Dublin getting some paperwork done, and then he’s gone. If everything goes well, he’ll be enrolled there by the end of next month.”

“I … thanks for telling me, Liam.”

“What are you going to do?”

“I … I don’t know yet.”

Zayn listens as Liam groans over the line. “Idiots.”

~

The pizza shop he used to frequent in Dublin always used to get his order wrong. He’d ask for no ham, but there’d always be ham. He’d ask for extra cheese, but there’d only be a regular amount of cheese. He complained a few times and they always apologised, but still got it wrong all the time.

Niall though, Niall could always charm his way into letting them put extra toppings on his pizza. They’d even give him a free basket of garlic bread, and he always came back from collecting his order to find Zayn sitting looking dumbfounded. Niall would just shrug, and slide the carton over towards him.

But today, they’ve got the order just right. Zayn was ready to ask them to remake it but they must have sensed who it was really for.

He stands outside, heart threatening to beat outside of his chest as he raises his fist to knock on the door.

“Zayn!? What the fuck are you doing here?”

Zayn wishes he had a camera to capture the shocked look on Niall’s face when he opened the door, Liam would have had a laugh.

Instead, he just lifts the pizza box with a quirk of his eyebrow. “Hi, I brought some pizza?”

Niall stays rooted in his place, staring at Zayn and the pizza and only looking more confused the longer they stand there.

Zayn ends up rolling his eyes and pushing his way in, taking familiar steps into the flat that he’s come to call his second home this past year. He walks straight into the living room and sets the pizza on the coffee table that looks surprisingly neat for once.

The door slams behind him and Zayn can feel the nerves rising up his throat again.

“When—what—Zayn, what’re you doing here??” Zayn’s never seen Niall this speechless before, and if he wasn’t so nervous, he’d take the chance to revel in it.

“I heard you’re going to Australia.”

He can see the moment it clicks in Niall’s head, and how he changes from confused to sheepish, maybe even a little tense.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Zayn asks.

“I didn’t think it’d matter. I mean, it’s not confirmed or anything.”

“Didn’t think it was important to tell me you might be moving across the world?”

“The fuck is this, some kind of interrogation or summat?”

Zayn sighs, and realises that taking the defensive tone is probably not the best way to go about this.

He takes a seat on the arm of the sofa, staring at his fingers as he starts to pour his heart out.

“You know, when I first arrived I felt like … I was an empty shell. I left myself behind in London and I came here for new beginnings but I had no idea how I was going to do it.”

He stares at his hands while his fingers play with his rings, too afraid to look up at Niall in case he loses his nerve.

“Then you came into my life and … suddenly it was so much easier, you know? I just remember I wanted to know so much about you, like how you got the scar on your knee and how much you could play the guitar and you intrigued me so much. And I love that now I know you had a surgery a few years back to sort out your kneecap after you took a bad tumble during a game of football and that’s where your scar comes from, and I love that I know how your voice sounds when you decide to take your guitar out after we’ve had dinner and I just … I don’t want to forget it.”

“Zayn, what are you saying?” Niall’s voice is small, but steady, as if he’s just asked a loaded question.

“Are you going to come back?”

Niall doesn’t say anything, just lets out a sigh as he hides his head in his hands.

“Because I like you.” Zayn adds. “I might even be a little bit in love with you. And I really want you here when I come back for my third year.”

Niall’s whips his head up so fast and his blue eyes are blown wide. “What?”

“I just transferred all my credits from London. I’m officially a full time UCD student now.”

This could be the craziest thing he’s done in his life, and Zayn has no idea whether it’s going to be worth it or just a waste. He looks at Niall like a lifeline and prays that he’ll put him out of misery soon enough.

He gets his answer when Niall gets up and stalks toward him, his fist twisting in Zayn’s shirt as he pulls him close and presses their lips together.

Zayn’s never dared to even think about how kissing Niall would feel like before this.

It feels pretty fan-fucking-tastic.

“You fucking asshole. Couldn’t you have decided this a little earlier?”

Niall rests his forehead against Zayn’s, there’s no malice in his tone and there’s a smile teasing at his lips. His thumb traces along Zayn’s jawline as he kisses him again, once, twice, three times.

“I’m here now?”

Niall chuckles into Zayn’s mouth and slips his arms onto his waist, holding him as close as he can so that their chests are pressed together.

“I think I knew I was in trouble ever since that night I brought you to the market. I realised I’d be happy just sitting there and watch you do your thing for hours.” Niall slips his hand under Zayn’s shirt, rubbing his thumb against his skin. “I know I’ve loved you since the day I realised that you were leaving Dublin.”

Zayn bursts out laughing and buries his face into the crook of Niall’s neck as he tries to control himself. He looks back up at Niall to see the other boy looking at him in confusion, as if he wasn’t expecting that kind of reaction from Zayn.

“Sorry, babe, it’s just … Liam called us idiots. And I think he’s right. We’re such complete idiots.”

This time, Niall is the one who bursts out laughing.

~

“Are you sure he’s arriving in this terminal?”

“Yeah! He sent me a text and I double checked and everything.”

“Well, where is he then? He was supposed to have arrived an hour ago.”

“Fuck, is that him? Holding all those duty free bags?”

Niall Horan walks out of the arrival gate after his summer holidays, looking a tad bit sunburnt from the Australian weather and just a little bit tipsy from the airplane drinks.

Zayn and Liam have been waiting for him at the airport for two hours now, though Zayn’s been waiting for much, much longer.

“Payno!! So good to see you, mate! I got us some quality stuff from the duty free shop!” Niall reaches Liam first while Zayn’s still standing a few steps behind, a little wary of the fact that he’s seeing his boyfriend of a month after a month and there’s still a little bit of suspicion at the back of his head wondering if things are going to be awkward.

Instead, Niall gives Liam a quick hug then shoves his plastic bags into the other lad’s hands and stalks his way to Zayn.

“Hi.”

“Hi.”

“I’m back.”

Zayn’s face hurts from smiling so wide and he closes the distance between the two of them and kisses Niall hard. He doesn’t care that they’re in the middle of the airport where everyone’s probably watching them because he’s missed Niall so much and he’s been waiting for him to come home so that they can properly get to be boyfriends and shit.

“Welcome home, babe.” Zayn says after they break apart and Niall’s laugh settles in between his bones and Zayn feels elated.

He’s ready to start another chapter of new beginnings.