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Some day, when I come back to you
Tell me how you kissed me gently
Odyssey, moon-shine voyage
I believe I will see you again
The soft, delightful song envelops the pitch silence of the royal bedroom as soon as the man starts the record player, wordlessly seeking the comfort and beauty in it and letting it envelop his whole being.
It’s a song about a heartbreaking farewell and a reunion that is soon to come, unexpected, but so longed for. No one knows where or when, but it will happen; that’s what Dazai is convinced of and ardently waits for.
It’s his song for his long gone lover.
This time, though, he isn’t waiting for him in the cold embrace of a coffin, surrounded by seven dwarfs who, for an unexplainable reason, decided to take him in and cared for him enough to mourn him even under the harsh rain and snow. This time, he’s inside a breathtaking castle, one much more beautiful than the one he grew up in, no longer under the wing of his stepmother who never showed him any genuine love or kindness. His late father was a kind man, but a foolish one — how could he leave him behind with a witch determined to turn his life into a nightmare?
Thanks to the loudness of his thoughts that not even the heartfelt song seems to cover up, he doesn't hear the door opening. He only feels a pair of arms carefully wrapping around his shoulders and a kiss being buried on the top of his head, and all of a sudden, his heart is at ease. It’s a presence he wouldn’t mistake for anything in the world, in any universe and in the next lifetime, he would still recognise it and seek its warmth and tenderness.
“I’m back, Dazai,” the rough, yet incredibly sweet voice whispers right into his ear.
Dazai’s hand reaches for his cheek, turning around and pressing their lips together. After all, he is the only one who will kiss him gently again and again and again, no matter how much time they have to be apart and how long it’ll take to find their way back to each other.
Divinely beautiful apple
Breathy spells from the dark
Poison of red is my bliss
Ring the bell, ring, ring, ring
“Mirror, mirror, on the wall
Who’s the fairest of them all?”
For as long as he lives, the scar left by that night will forever be engraved upon Dazai’s soul.
He shall never forget how, despite his unmatched wit, he could never sense just how utterly hated he was by the only person he would dare to call “family”. The mother who was the only one he had left in the world. The mother who raised him and kept him locked inside an empty, sheer cold castle.
The mother who did everything in her power to murder him for his unbelieveable, blinding beauty.
He shall never forget running through the coldness of the night, sent away by the assassin who had mercy on his miserable soul. Running mindlessly, not knowing in which direction, but anywhere far from the castle was enough. His heart would ache, overcome with grief and the most terrible loneliness, but he would still run. The violent wind and rain would hit his face, urging him to turn around, but he would still fight against it. Sharp branches would scratch his skin and leave him bleeding, wolves would howl in the distance, but he wouldn’t stop running far away, right in the heart of the forest.
Curses, hatred and darkness, all dancing inside his mind and whispering to him, making him scream aloud.
That night, he came so close to ending it all, cursing the hitman who let him escape. The only thing that saved him and gave him a speck of hope was the crack of dawn, revealing a small house as the birds happily sang to him and invited him in.
Fairy snowdrops and white mane
Put red rouge on my pain
Dwell in the sacred trees
Find me soon, Dear Prince
Tick tack, tick, tack, tick tack
The seven dwarfs looked at him in absolute awe the moment they first set eyes on him, as if he was the most gorgeous and blinding human being, thus giving him the name of “Snow White”.
In truth, Dazai never considered this trait of his to be a blessing. Even in the rare moments he would go on walks in the town, everyone would marvel at him, compliment him and stand willing to do anything for him. The young man was no stranger when it came to reading people — better than anyone, he was convinced that affection did not come from a place of genuine care.
The sole thing he failed to notice was the hateful gaze of his own mother, plotting to rip his heart out.
And yet, sincerity and care were written all over the faces of the dwarfs. They let him stay with them and hide, they gave him food and warm blankets. Likewise, the wild animals adored him — when the dwarfs were away, birds would sit on the window sill of his room, waking him up every morning with honey-sweet serenades; deers would watch him pick up wood for the fireplace from afar; squirrels and rabbits would guide his way and let him gently hold them in his hands.
It didn’t quite feel like home, but it eased the pain inside his chest ever so slightly.
After all, nothing in the world feels more right than the love of his prince, staring back at him with adoration and carefully holding him in his arms as they lay on their bed, nose trills full of the smell of old books, cigarettes and cinnamon.
Never to let go again.
Some day, when I come back to you
Let me know how much you missed me
Odyssey, moon-shine voyage
I believe I will see you again
“I missed you,” Dazai whispers at last, using the gentle and free of shielding voice that is always directed at his lover and him only.
He earns a smile in return, accompanied by a small kiss on the tip of his nose.
“Thank you for waiting for me. I wish I didn’t have to leave you alone for so long.”
His voice is kind and understanding, longing and intoxicating in a way Dazai could never even dream about in the past. It’s this warmth that makes the young man lay his head down to bury it in the crook of his partner’s neck, relaxing and seeking closure as the wood cracks and burns inside the fireplace.
“I understand,” he answers sincerely. “After all, what would our people do without you? Someone has to take care of our beloved kingdom and keep it safe.”
There’s a light chuckle that Dazai feels right against his cheek before the man speaks up again. “You think too highly of me. I’m only doing my job.”
Dazai hums. “I have decided, then. I will come with you next time, so we don’t have to be apart. I want to see all the places you’re visiting, too.”
“I would be the happiest to have you. You’re staying indoors too much…”
They both know the reason for that, though. Even after two years, the scars of the past remain; showing his face in public as royalty again and putting up a facade isn’t something he would call “pleasurable”, thus he scarcely does it.
“People are always asking about my most beautiful husband, did you know that?”
“Ah, touching, isn’t it?~” Dazai responds as he moves to lay his head on the pillow, facing the ceiling with a ghost of a smile. “It must be as the saying goes… Am I your pride and joy?” He teases.
“You are,” the way too serious reply comes right away.
Silence settles in, but it doesn’t get the chance to linger before they both burst out laughing. Their fingers intertwine, golden rings brushing against each other.
Sickly sweet scented apple
Frozen star from the dark
Poison of red is my bliss
Ring the bell, ring, ring, ring
The moment he saw the old, poor grandma approaching his window one morning and offering him the smoothest apple with a breathtaking shade of red, Dazai knew.
Like a knife piercing through his chest, he recognised the identity of the woman disguised in a different body, one torn apart by witchcraft. If there was anyone in the world who could acknowledge her presence and words no matter which form she decided to take, that would be Dazai.
As majestic and flawless as it looked, the apple was rotten inside, ready to consume him and send him into a terribly lonely, endless sleep.
Despair. That was the best way to describe what the young man felt at the sight of the poisoned apple, the unique work of a hand he recognized all too well.
There was no turning back, was there? No, there was nothing but a deafening ringing in his ears and a void of a beating heart. Nothing but a serene smile, because even his own mother wanted him dead.
Did you expect your existence to end any other way, Your Majesty? Wasn’t this your dream of a lifetime?
As he willingly bit into it, tasting its incredible, poisonous sweetness on his tongue, Dazai smiled bitterly and considered: was there really a more beautiful way to go than apple suicide? Before falling to the floor, he thought escaping that misery was all he could’ve ever wished for.
Misty field, silent shades of wolves
Scary night on the leaves
Pray for this sacred time
Take me now, Dear Prince
Tick tack, tick tack, tick tack
He slept and slept… He would’ve slept for eternity, peaceful and alone just as he so desperately longed every moment of his existence, only if it wasn’t for the young prince with the softest lips waking him up from his dreamless bliss.
The first thing he saw upon opening his eyes was a pair of hazel ones staring right back at him with such piercing adoration, Dazai felt as if he could’ve died a second time. He didn’t — and all he knew was that he never wished to wake up to anything else for as long as he lived on.
The first things he heard were the loud cheers and sobs of the dwarfs, all thanking the man who came to his rescue, calling him the “prince.”
The first thing he felt was the careful touch of strong arms, lifting him up and holding his weakened body to his chest, marking the start of a chapter filled with light, much like the spring rays of the sun cracking through the cherry blossoms right above them.
Faster than a heartbeat, Dazai understood. He realized for the first time that, in truth, all he could’ve ever wished for, all he needed to fill that empty, lonely hole inside of him, every dream and every hope of his… It was all finally there.
And so, they traveled and traveled, losing count of the days spent together on the most handsome white horse, passing by numerous lands and villages with their bodies safely pressed against each other. The look in Dazai’s eyes would sometimes come close to a child-like wonder, mesmerized by the beauty of the world that he never had the chance to experience and gaze upon in all of his sheltered life.
The prince could only find him endearing.
Cheers and celebrations enveloped their kingdom upon reaching the castle in the mountains. Everlasting light was promised to them once again; on the day of their grand wedding, as Dazai would look away from the crowd, a warm hand would carefully squeeze his, reminding him over again that he had nothing to fear anymore. He would never be alone again, for that day had marked the beginning of their love story.
I come to my senses,
Our lips caressed.
Wandering, moonstones,
Seeing you is my only consolation.
The rain and wind are furiously hitting the window of their warm bedroom just like they did in the past, but it doesn’t matter anymore. Not when Snow White is safely held by his dear prince, Odasaku.
In their everlasting home, never in his life did he feel so accepted and loved, nor would he ever trade it for anything in the world.
“Mirror, mirror, on the wall
Who’s the fairest of them all?”
Though being aware of his own beauty, Dazai always loathed seeing his reflection in the mirror. Despite people’s fascination with his appearance, every time he would stumble upon one, it would simply engulf him with uneasiness and repulsion. There was something twisted and wrong in the figure staring back at him, or perhaps inside of him, that he couldn’t quite place.
And yet, right now… He might not hate it as strongly anymore.
After all, the answer is Dazai, it will always be Dazai. Odasaku makes sure to remind him of that every single day.
Let the bells ring, My Prince!
Well, poisoned apple!