Chapter Text
Will had been trying to work up the nerve for weeks now. He was planning to do it after Mike went home. Something about Mike being there had made him even more nervous, but he was trying not to think too hard about that right now. The incident at the roller rink hadn’t helped. But it was his mom’s stupid business trip that had messed it all up. He wasn’t sure why, but it felt like it had raised the stakes somehow. Like it could be now or never.
“Okay,” he said to himself. “Okay, I can do this. It will be fine.”
After psyching himself up for a minute, Will took a deep breath and opened his door. The walk down the hall seemed to take more time than usual, and Will felt jittery. He tapped his fingers against his thigh as he walked.
His mom was in her room, packing, with the door open.
“Mom?” His voice came out in a squeak so he cleared his throat before continuing. “Can I talk to you about something?”
“Of course, sweetie,” she said. She didn’t stop folding clothes and placing them in her suitcase.
Will walked into her room and shut the door.
When she heard the click of the door closing, Will’s mom looked up. “Oh,” she said. She finally looked up from what she was doing. “Is something wrong?”
Will wasn’t sure how to answer that question. “No?” He squeaked again. “It’s not— I don’t want to stress you out before your trip.”
“Don’t worry about that,” she said, standing and walking toward him. “What do you need to talk about, honey?”
“Um,” he started. “Maybe we should sit down.”
She looked worried, but didn’t say anything. She just sat on her bed and patted the spot next to her. Will sat.
He had thought about how to start. Where he wanted the conversation to go, how he thought she might respond. He had run through all the possibilities in his head and he was almost positive it was, at the very least, safe to tell her. He had pictured her shocked, sad, even angry, but he couldn’t picture her doing anything to hurt him.
If his dad were still around? Never. He would never tell anyone. Not his mom, not his friends. He would bury it so deep inside himself that he wouldn’t even risk thinking it, let alone telling anyone.
But his dad was far away. He wasn’t even sure where. He hadn’t seen him since he was a little kid, and he didn’t want to. He was safe here.
“Okay, Will,” his mom said gently. “I’m listening.”
“Um.” Will swallowed hard. He was staring at his hands, which were shaking. “So there’s this girl. At school.”
“Oh.”
Will looked up at his mom when she spoke. Her brow was furrowed, but her eyes were still soft. She was confused. He shouldn’t have opened with that. He would get her hopes up.
“Not like that,” he said quickly. “I mean, she likes me. Like that.” Jennifer sat next to him and had been sending him signals basically the whole school year. “But I don’t. Like her. Like that.”
“Oh?” She said again. This time it sounded curious, open.
“She’s fine. She’s really pretty, actually. And nice. I should like her. But I just don’t. I- I tried—“ Will’s voice broke. He had to stop. At least for a second, to catch his breath. Maybe he needed to rethink things.
He felt his mom’s hand take his, which was still shaking. “Honey, you can’t force these things. You can’t control who you have feelings for.”
Was that promising? Did she know where he was going with this? Or was she on the wrong track entirely?
“That’s the whole thing,” Will said. “That’s what I wanted to talk to you about.”
She squeezed his hand, and it felt like something had loosened its grip on his heart. He could do this.
“It’s not just her. I don’t like any girls.” Will braced himself for whatever would come next. “Not just right now. Ever.”
Will’s mom didn’t take her hand away. She paused for only a few seconds.
“Okay,” she said.
“Okay?” Will had been prepared to reassure, to explain, to beg forgiveness for the barest hope that she would come around in the end. He hadn’t imagined this response any of the times he had practiced the conversation in his head. Maybe she didn’t understand, somehow.
“Mom.” He looked at her smiling face, and he was sure that must be it. She wouldn’t be smiling, if she knew what he meant. “Mom, what I’m saying is that I’m-“ he hadn’t pictured actually saying the word. He thought she would get it from context. He wasn’t even sure which word to use, what to call himself. “I’m-“ his voice wobbled. He couldn’t say it.
She took his hand in both of hers and looked right into his eyes, still smiling. “What you are,” she began, “is my beautiful, kind, sensitive, talented son. And if you change your mind from when you were twelve and decide you want to fall in love, it won’t be with a girl. Okay.”
“Okay,” Will repeated, nodding. “Okay.”
She pulled him into a hug, squeezing hard. “I love you so much,” she said. “And I’m so proud of you.”
“I love you too, Mom.” He had underestimated her. He should have known, after all she had done for him. Of course it was okay. She always made sure it was.