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Shadow-Hedgehog entered the office of his new therapist on November 12th, 1877, at exactly 3:06pm. Inside, he saw a bunch of PhDs written in crayon hanging on the wall and Knuckles pushing out another patient, yelling, “All you people are crazy, why cant you people just act normal!” Shadow started to doubt coming here.
He was about to turn around and walk right back out the door when Knuckles noticed him. “I am Dr. Knuckles, the greatest therapist to ever live.” He stated.
‘Wow, he is the greatest therapist to ever live.’ Shadow thought. His doubts vanished as if they were Quicksilver being hit with a bullet and shattering into a billion pieces, because hes just that weak.
“Welcome to my office Shadow, whats troubling you this time?”
“It all started when I was born, on July 16th 2063 at 12:13AM, and neither my father nor my mother showed up for my birth because I didn’t have parents. I was a normal test-tube baby hedgehog. Also none of the scientists showed up for work so I was completely alone, besides the one other creature there with me. It was one of the scientists radioactive shadows that had comically large, sharp teeth like a cartoon character. I thought to myself, ‘this will be my friend, forever and ever.’ but then much to my surprise, this evil shadow with comically large teeth like a cartoon character bit me through my safe, cozy tube, shattering the glass and forcing me to face the world. The shadow then kind of disappeared for the rest of my life and never became relevant again. Now, before this, I was just a regular anthropomorphic hedgehog, nothing special about me. But when that radioactive shadow bit me, I was changed into Shadow-Hedgehog, a hedgehog with shadow powers. Having just been forcibly birthed from my tube, I was quite hungry, so I went to the kitchen to get myself a delicious peanut butter and jelly shadow food. I ate my shadow food In peace, but noticed something in the doorway blocking my exit. It was snail sized because it was a snail, but not just any snail, it was the experiment that came before me. My prototype, if you will. “I am Gun-Snail.” a disembodied voice called. “I am a snail that was bitten by a radioactive gun and gained the powers and proportionate strength of a gun. Come with me, young one, and I will show you all the power that a gun can grant.” I followed Gun-Snail to the kitchen closet where all the guns were kept. It shot a hole through the door and slimed its way through. I tried to follow it, but the hole was much too small for me because I am not snail-sized. So I did the next best thing and opened the door normally and walked through that way. Inside the gun closet, surprisingly, were a lot of guns. I was enamored with all the different firearms and couldn’t choose just one, so I put them all in my pockets to take with me, leaving the gun closet empty. For the next fifty or so years, nothing really happened, Maria was there, I guess. She was the best, even though she kept calling people slurs and assaulting disabled people. She was a terrible human being, I wanted to be just like her, but I never could because I was a Shadow-hedgehog, not a human. She tried to take one of my guns once so I shot her in the head. Somehow she survived, but when she made the mistake of insulting Gun-Snail for being chronically ill, It shot her in the ankle, which was apparently more lethal. She was dead before her body hit the floor. It was a shame, really, Maria was the only person to ever willingly spend time with me, but these sorts of things happen, and all you can do is move on. I still miss her sometimes, despite everything, but I can’t blame Gun-Snail for what it did. It was a reasonable reaction. Now, you see, I’m upset because I was excluded from Snapcubes Sonic Riders fandub.” Shadow said.
“You are too mentally ill, there is nothing I can do for you.” Knuckles gets up and walks away.