Chapter Text
Kai leaned against the doorway, eyes scanning the skyline through the window across from him, forcing himself to not look at the boy before him. He knew what he would see and that infuriated him to no end, but he had to check and be sure. He had promised to keep him safe and alive, and he never broke his promises. Amber eyes glanced over to the messy workstation in the middle of the bedroom, which wasn't much of a bedroom, at this point. Machine parts and tools were scattered about the floor, the bed, the walls. How the other ninja managed to sleep was beyond Kai.
Thin fingers danced across the parts on the table, leading to small hands and thin wrists. Kai let his gaze travel up the loose sleeve covering the other's arm, how it hung on the other ninja's smaller frame. Finally his eyes landed on a face he had known since he was fifteen. Freckles and bright blue eyes, ruddy curls and a mischievous smile, always ready to crack a joke. That was the Jay Kai knew, the one Kai would lay down his life for. This Jay wasn't him at all.
He was smaller, for starters. Dark circles under his dull eyes, the electric sparks gone and making him resemble a corpse. His freckles had faded from lack of sunshine, since he was always cooped up inside of his room. If not his room, then the larger workstation he had scraped together from ruins of the Bounty. His lips didn't smile anymore, they rarely even shaped words. Cole would have laughed, saying that Jay had finally stopped talking.
Kai shook his head, Cole wouldn't have said that. Maybe after Jay felt better, but certainly not right now. Jay needed something Kai had no idea how to give, and he could never read him as well as Cole had. Or Nya.
Kai pushed off of the wall, trying to remain calm as he crossed the messy floorboards, trained feet moving over all the wires and jagged parts with ease. He pressed his hand against the table by Jay's hand. "Hey."
The lightning ninja barely lifted his gaze, then returned to winding a clump of blue and yellow wires together. "Hi."
Kai counted that as a minor win, Jay speaking. He hadn't said anything yesterday, or the day before. Maybe he was making progress. Kai tapped the end of the wires with a tanned finger. "What'cha doing?"
Jay sighed through his nose, setting the wires down and looking up at Kai. He scrubbed a hand through his tangled curls, shaking his head slightly. "I don't think you would understand."
Kai felt the barest flicker of fire. "Why not? Explain it to me."
Jay shrugged after a moment. "I'm trying to recalibrate the base function of the nervous system, because if I can do that, then I can alter the synapses and then go on to edit the coding- which might take months -but if I can, then-"
Kai clamped his hand over Jay's mouth, eyes hard. "Don't finish what you're gonna say."
Jay glared at him, and his eyes flashed neon blue. Crackles filled the room and the air pressure jumped as his lightning zipped over his head, spelling out words Kai couldn't bear to see. With a flick of his free hand, Kai set fire to the lightning, making an explosion above Jay's head. The lightning ninja barely flinched, the edges of his hair signed from the proximity of the blast.
Kai removed his hand from Jay's mouth. "Don't tell me you can bring back the dead. Don't."
He backed away from Jay, heading for the door. Someone needed to patrol.
"Kai."
The fire ninja stopped in the doorway, not looking back. Jay's voice sounded like an oncoming storm, dangerous yet soft. "Zane isn't dead."
Fire flickered across Kai's shoulders, hot and comforting. "Yes. He is."
He heard Jay's exasperated sigh and then he spoke again. "It's not like I'm trying to bring back-"
Kai sent a swath of flames at Jay, uncaring if he would burn or not. The room was ablaze in seconds, and Jay was crouched on his make-shift workstation table, a defensive shell of blue lightning crackling around him. Kai clenched his fists, forcing himself to breathe. He had promised. "Jay," he started, "when people die, they don't come back. You can rebuild him, sure. But you can't bring Zane back."
Jay opened his mouth, grabbing for something on his table, but Kai refused to let him live in delusion any longer. "We're the only two left. No one but us."
Jay flinched, fingers around whatever he had wanted to try and convince Kai over. "I- I know, but-"
Kai shook his head, unable to hold back the mirthless laugh building in his chest. "You've changed, Jay. You aren't the same, and it's time you know that."
Jay stared at him for a moment, then he angrily slammed whatever he had been holding down onto the table, his eyes burning the brightest blue Kai had ever seen. "I've changed? What about you? I'm trying to fix something that can be fixed-"
Kai laughed again, the fire in the bedroom creeping across the floorboards, eating away at the wood and melting the metals on the floor. "You can't-"
Kai ducked from the whip of electricity that snapped at where his head had been seconds before. Jay was standing on his table now, hand outstretched and gaze unwavering. "Let me finish. Zane's spirit, what makes him Zane, is trapped inside of this."
He held aloft the weird piece of metal, making Kai shake his head. Jay ignored him, continuing on. "That's why he didn't die the first time, because his consciousness, his spirit, was in Borg's system. The way he was shut down melted the wires around his 'brain', making him unable to find somewhere else to go."
Kai stared at Jay, lost and upset. Was he crazy? Probably. Jay rolled his eyes at Kai's expression. "Nevermind, you think I'm off my rocker. Just go fight petty crime like you always do."
Kai glared, standing back up. "At least I'm doing more than moping over something I can't change!"
Jay whirled away from him. "Take your fire and go."
Kai shook his head, moving into the room again. "No. You have to understand-"
"Zane's all I have left!"
Kai froze, the fire crackling as it ate through the lightning ninja's room the only sound. Jay's shoulders were shaking, but his voice barely wavered. "Zane's all I have left to cling to, okay? Because my best friend's gone, my little brother's gone, my-" Jay's voice broke, "Nya's gone."
Kai couldn't figure out where Jay was going with this. "I'm right here though, you have me!"
Jay shook his head slowly, eyes flooding over with tears. "No, Kai. I've never had you. I only got you through Nya. You were Lloyd's. And he's gone, and so are you."
Kai sucked in a breath, stunned. With a flick of his wrist, the fire in the room receded, swirling around its master. The fire ninja shook his head slowly at the lightning ninja. "You've always had me. Always."
Jay swiped at his eyes, turning away from Kai, his lightning fizzling out. "Just go save someone. You can't do that here."
Kai blinked quickly, forcing his own tears back. Angry and hurt, he whirled away from the lightning ninja. So what if Jay was crazy and clinging to false hope for the rest of his life? Kai had bigger things to deal with, like actually doing his job. Furious, he kicked his door open and yanked his katanas off of the wall, ready to go help people who could be helped.
He risked one last glance over his shoulder at Jay's bedroom, noticing the singed state of the doorway. He had done that. Shaking his head, Kai left the remains of his old home, desperate for something to do, someone to save.
***
The first death had been the worst. Not because it was gruesome or terrible. Not because the enemy who had done it got away or won. Not even because they had been a low-level gang of thugs with little motive or combat skills. But because he had been too slow to stop it from happening, to slow save him.
Kai had ducked under a lackluster punch, easily taking the grunt down as the rest of his family fought alongside him. Elemental Powers were useless in this kind of fight, so they resorted to their physical training and years of combat practice to make it through. Kai had ended up beside Lloyd, playfully bantering with him. "At least it isn't your dad again!"
Kai laughed when Lloyd groaned, shoving him in the shoulder teasingly. "It's not so bad, just a joke."
Lloyd glared at him, but there was no menace in his gaze, only cheerfulness. "A bad joke."
Jay, who had darted past riding a thug's shoulders, added, "An overused joke!"
Kai cackled at that and helped Lloyd take down the last few grunts around them, high-fiving when they finished. Kai started to take off his hood, grumbling when it got caught halfway down. He had been so engrossed that he failed to notice the side of the bridge starting to cave, the way it had started to tremble. He felt Lloyd's hands against his back, pushing him forward. The breath was knocked out of him, and when he turned around, he watched the concrete crumble beneath Lloyd's feet.
The blonde's hood was off, and by the panicked expression on his face, Kai knew he had no tricks to get out of this one. It was only when he had started to fall that Kai noticed the red on his green gi, blood from a wound on his side. Kai screamed when Lloyd slipped out of his view, and he scrambled to the edge, uncaring if he fell in too. There was a splash, and suddenly Kai's world shifted. He remembered crying for Nya, begging for her to find him, to save him.
Everything after that was a blur. Even the memorial had been a fuzzy memory, only snippets were recalled by the fire ninja. All he could hear was the repeated words at the ceremony. "Lloyd Garmadon died from drowning, and a stab wound." Kai could only ever see the panic on his baby brother's face, the desperation hidden behind his eyes. And the horrible realization that Kai couldn't save him this time.
***
Lloyd's death had been a blow not only to the ninja, but to the entire world. The death of the green ninja seemed to make every villain believe they actually had a shot at winning against the ninja, but they were gravely mistaken. Kai was an untamable force, fire lethal and blows deadly. He was fueled by rage and grief, and most of his comrades were as well. Nya had his back when Wu had said they needed to stop, their grief would only consume them if they left it unheeded. They had said as long as Ninjago was safe, their grief could do whatever it wanted.
Zane and Cole had sided with Wu. Jay had remained impartial, although he hadn't said anything since Lloyd's memorial ceremony. Kai hadn't cared about what Wu had said, he just wanted to rage, to scream, to burn. He refused to acknowledge how it was his fault for not seeing the signs, for getting distracted, for not catching him. All he wanted was to feel relief, but he never would. Lloyd was dead, and it was his fault.
When the next gang of villains arrived, Kai had murdered. He had burned flesh off of bones, and had been an unforgiving torrent of death and destruction. He had gained a new nickname out of it, and had gotten fear from his family. Nya had said he had gone too far, but Kai never understood how. They were the bad guys. What would jail do? They always escaped anyway. This way, they could never harm his family, they could never take them away.
But they had, and they did. Zane had been corrupted and taken away, lost to enemies and a digital frenzy. Kai could never really remember much of what had happened, only the vivid flashes of Zane using his ice as a deadly force, and its main combatant had been Cole. Kai had been knocked unconscious early on and only came to when Zane's ice pierced through P.I.X.A.L.'s mainframe, killing her. Only then had Zane come back to himself. He had sobbed and wailed and begged for it to be a dream. It had never been though, and that had killed Zane more than anything else.
Kai had been frozen, watching as Nya moved first, hugging the nindroid, hugging their brother as he cradled his lover in his arms, wounded and crying. Cole had moved next, followed by Jay rushing over and joining in. Kai had been last, dizzy from his concussion, staggering over. He had seen it before anyone else, the villain with the remote in his hand. Kai's blast of fire hadn't been fast enough, hitting and engulfing the man a second after he hit the button. The explosion that had erupted from Zane nearly killed them all. Only Nya and Cole working together had saved them from death, but it had been too late for Zane.
When the ashes fell, Kai cried.
***
When Wu died, so did a part of Cole. They had gone on a mission to rescue Wu, as he had been captured by the newest threat. It was supposed to be simple, it was supposed to be easy. It wasn't.
Kai had been surrounded on all sides, katana flashing as it dug into flesh, left arm injured and immobile. His fire was weak sputters from his exhaustion, and the grunts moved in closer, no matter how many his katana kissed. The floor was red with blood, both his own and his enemies. A shrill scream echoed in the warehouse they had been fighting in, and Kai was suddenly rocketed off of the ground, the earth ripping through the metal flooring. He crashed down onto his injured arm, which made his world white out with pain.
When his vision returned, Kai could only make out a faint smudge of black in a sea of lava. He could feel the intense waves of heat from where he was, and he knew something terrible had happened. Nya had been the one to reach Cole first, her water turning the lava to stone, carefully moving towards him. She had rested her hand on his head and he had hugged her tightly, face buried against her stomach as he sobbed.
Kai couldn't recall a time when Cole had cried, truly cried, and it made his heart clench with panic and sorrow. Jay had nimbly dashed over to him, asking him something as his blue eyes flicked between Kai and Cole, worried. Kai had no clue what he had said, so he remained quiet, his eyes watching as his sister comforted the rock of their team as he broke into pieces.
In the weeks that followed, Kai had learned Wu had died by taking a lethal wound for Cole, who had shaken the entire continent with his pain. The earth ninja had fallen silent, and rarely spoke. The only thing that seemed to get through to him was Jay, who tried his best to make the earth ninja smile every day. It worked, bettered the both of them. Nya had spent most of her time between Kai and Cole, offering Jay her hand to hold whenever he wanted to. But Kai should have seen it coming, should have known Cole was always the best at hiding.
He went down barely a month after losing Wu, in a small skirmish between some minor crooks. He could have evaded the blow, could have defended himself. But Cole didn't. And Kai hadn't been able to prevent another brother's death.
***
What broke them was Nya's fall, the way she went hardest to mourn out of them all. She had been keeping them together, helping them stay alive. Jay had slowly started to shrink in on himself, afraid to speak up, and Kai had turned away from everything that wasn't rage and fire, wanting to avenge every death. Nya had soothed Jay's anxiety and panic, held him when he cried. She had calmed Kai's never ending wash of fire with her water, telling him he could mourn and grieve, not just rage. Kai was pretty sure that without her, they both would have died.
When the next villain had a way to render her water useless, and she had been captured as a ransom, Kai was not the only one who raged. The fire ninja had never seen such brutality out of the usually rational lightning ninja. Jay's lightning had blasted through anything that stood in their way, be it person or wall. When they had found the woman who held Nya captive, a knife to the water ninja's throat, Jay had been pulsing blue, his veins alight by his power. Kai knew he must have looked similar, albeit with flames rather than lightning.
He refused to lose his sister and demanded her freedom. The woman had agreed, shoving Nya towards them. The issue, however, was that she had found a way to use Nya's water as her own, channeling through her to defeat both fire and lightning. Kai refused to hit Nya, and Jay agreed. They tried their best to defeat the woman in control, but any time they got close, Nya would slip in their way, effectively blocking them. Jay wailed when he accidentally nicked Nya's cheek, tears spilling freely from his eyes.
Kai wanted to flash burn the whole place, but he knew the woman wouldn't let Nya protect herself. He couldn't watch his sister die. He refused to let it happen. Kai would rather himself die than Nya. He watched with terror when his sister pressed herself against Jay, backing him against the wall, water poised to drown him. Something prevented it, however. Jay had created an electric shield of sorts around his head and around Nya. He whispered something Kai couldn't begin to decipher, and then Nya had kissed Jay as hard as she could, her hands cupping his cheeks.
Kai knew what they said when they separated, knew it by the way they were crying. I love you. When the woman forced Nya's water to surge into the electric field Jay had created, Kai knew there was nothing he could do. He tried though. He had tried for what felt like hours, clutching Nya's body close to his, rocking back and forth as he desperately tried to wake her back up. Jay had done something in the background, the whole building going dark with flashes of blue, but Kai couldn't recognize it.
All he knew was his sister was dead, and it was all his fault.
***
Katana slashing through another street thug, Kai forced his way through the pack, bleeding and swathed in flames of his own making. These thugs had almost harmed a little kid, and Kai would kill them all. How could they ever think that hurting a child would ever fly with Fuego Furioso? They knew what was coming to them, yet they had done it anyway. Whatever Kai's blades did to their bodies, whatever his fire did with what remained, they deserved.
The tiniest sound alerted him to an oncoming attack from behind. Kai whirled around at the last second, slamming the flat of his blade against a thug's face, fire having superheated the katana, searing the flesh on the attacker's face. The screams echoed down the alleyway, and the scent of burning flesh made Kai's nose crinkle beneath his mask. He refused to back down, not even with how close quartered the fighting had become. He hadn't realized that they were funneling him down the alleyway, pinning him in. Or so they thought. Kai could easily escape by jumping window ledges until he got onto a roof, but he didn't want to flee.
He wanted to burn.
He spun his katanas as best as he could without scraping them against the stone walls at his sides, eyes narrowed in challenge, his fire crackling and pulsing around him like a living being, begging to be unleashed, begging to feed, begging to burn. Kai let it, the fire scorching through the band of thugs, eating away at clothes, searing flesh, swallowing screams with its roars. Kai watched as his fire obeyed him, thugs running as they were engulfed in oranges and reds, a sick satisfaction building up inside of him at the sight.
When he could no longer see the bodies of the running men and women, he called back his fire. It had shrunk considerably, curling around his blades before nuzzling against his cheek as it dissipated. Kai hummed to himself as he picked his way out of the alley, feet easily avoiding the ashes as he moved to his next targets. Ninjago would be safe. It had to be.
When something struck his neck, Kai realized he had failed to check the roof. Tugging at the thing, he found a blow dart. Vision blurring, Kai collapsed to his knees, trying to remain conscious. It was an attempt in vain, vision dimming rapidly as he lost bodily movement. With a last laugh, Kai closed his eyes. Maybe this was why Cole had chosen to get hit. The weight of grief was a powerful foe, and Kai had lost to it the moment Lloyd had fallen.
He thanked the world when his mind fell into blissful unconsciousness. He hoped Jay would be okay, since he had promised to keep them all safe. Then again, he had failed, hadn't he?
***
The last thing Kai had expected was to wake back up. It was a painful process, his mind suddenly being reattached to his current state, making him unsure if he was dead or alive. He heard voices, neither of which he recognized in his confused state of mind.
"C'mon, c'mon, wake up. Please wake up."
"I am sure he will, he simply needs time to recover and rest. Which, actually, you most likely need too."
"Can it, Baymax."
"I am not even insulted."
The voices fell into background noise, a song Kai couldn't understand, but one he enjoyed all the same. He drifted off again, unsure if he wanted to be dead or alive anymore.
***
When he woke up again, he opened his eyes. It took a moment to adjust to the harsh white lighting, but Kai managed after a minute or two. When he could see without being blinded, he turned his head slightly, his gaze lingering on the room. There were his katanas on the wall, the same bright red paint splashes from when he had tried to help and ended up making a mess instead. Was this his bedroom? Why was he in his bedroom? Did that mean he lived? Kai didn't understand. How could he have lived when no one was there to save him? Unless…
Kai turned his head the other direction and sucked in a shocked breath at what he saw. There was a hunched form slumped part of the way on his bedspread. Upon closer examination, the form turned into Jay, soft breaths escaping him. His head was pillowed by his crossed arms, his expression tight even in his dreams. Kai lifted his arm slowly, almost robotically, his hand landing on Jay's scalp. He cringed at the feeling of grease, but he ruffled the curls that adorned Jay's head. Had he really come for him after everything he had said?
Kai felt tears well up in his eyes again. Jay had come for him. Jay had saved him. Jay had stayed with him. He must have been the voice he heard, begging him to wake up. But then, that raised the question of who he had been talking to. Kai looked around the room again, finding nothing but one of Jay's tablets on his bed, no other being. There wasn't even a sign of anyone else. Curious, Kai managed to drag the tablet closer to him, his other hand still playing with Jay's curls. (He could get why everyone had been obsessed with ruffling Jay's hair now, it was addicting.)
Pressing the power button, Kai expected the standard start-up, not that the device was really standard. No device ended up being standard if it was in Jay's possession. It always got upgrades. The kid really was smart. The device turned out to be on standby, which made Kai wonder what exactly Jay had been doing before he fell asleep. Kai lifted the tablet up, scrutinizing it. The background was a picture of blueprints that Kai couldn't really decipher. He swiped up on the screen, unlocking it.
He gasped in surprise as a miniature Zane rushed onto the screen. "Jay! Has Kai-" The little Zane stopped and stared at him for a moment, then he rushed forward until his head took up most of the screen view. "Kai! How are you feeling?"
Kai had the most natural response when your dead friend is no longer dead. He screamed.
Jay flinched, sitting upright and Kai dropped the tablet, hurriedly scrunching up against his pillows, staring at it in shock. Jay scrubbed at his eyes, then suddenly he was on the bed hugging Kai and crying. Kai went stiff, but returned the hug after a moment. Jay sniffled on him, but Kai didn't care. He was shocked and confused, and Jay clearly needed a hug. The lightning ninja sat back, currently atop Kai's lap. "I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have argued with you earlier! I was wrong and you were right and I should have gone with you so you didn't get hurt and I really shouldn't have assumed you were dead and killed the guy who took you out and-"
Kai gripped Jay's shoulders, shaking him slowly. "Jay. You did the right thing, okay?"
Jay nodded, still crying. With his hands on the lightning ninja's shoulders, Kai was taken aback. Jay felt like he was only bones. When had he actually last seen him eat? Kai bit his lip, gaze drifting to the tablet, which had landed on its face. Zane's voice was very muffled. Kai looked back at Jay. "I was wrong to doubt you. I was wrong to shut you out. But, you've always had me, okay?"
Jay sucked in a breath, then nodded. "I shouldn't've said that. It was mean- what's with your face?"
Kai tried to wipe the mirth off of his face. "Hm?"
Jay scowled. "I was raised by southerners in an RV. What did you expect? Why hello there?"
Kai burst into laughter, hugging Jay again. "I missed you."
Jay nodded against his shoulder. "Me too."
They separated again and Jay glanced to the side, gasping. "Ohmygosh, did you see Zane yet!?"
Kai nodded slowly, "Yeah, I did."
Jay scooped up the tablet, brushing the screen off. "Sorry Zane."
Zane shrugged, in an entirely different outfit now. Instead of his usual sweater and slacks, he looked more like an 80s rock star. His hair, however, stayed the same shape. "I have been playing with settings."
Jay snorted, sitting down beside Kai so they could both see Zane. Kai shook his head, "I just don't get it. How…?"
Jay beamed, "I was right! Zane's spirit, soul, consciousness, whatever, was trapped in that harddrive I picked up!"
Zane nodded, now dressed normally again, sitting in a chair. "It is remarkable what he can do."
Jay's cheeks flushed. "Thanks. Anyway, I moved that thing that makes Zane Zane onto an SD card until I can rebuild him."
Kai stared at the pair. "I… Jay, that's incredible. We could really use Zane."
Zane smiled, "I would like to think you missed me as well?"
Kai nodded quickly. "I didn't mean it like that! I really- seeing you- I never thought you would come back!"
Jay smiled, nudging Kai. "Well, he's back now. Sorta. We'll get to hug him one day."
Kai grinned, hugging the tablet. "Why not now?"
Jay burst into giggles and Zane's voice was muffled laughter. Maybe everything wasn't so bleak after all. Kai still had two people who had shaped his life. And besides, his promise did mean something. He had sworn to protect his family, and Jay and Zane were part of his family. He would protect them until he was unable to. And even then, he would still find a way to protect them.