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"Fitz?"
"... Can you hear me, Fitz?"
The sharpness of that second name call is what snaps him out of it. Someone, no, Ward, he's talking to him. He's right next to him, enough so that he can feel his disappointed sigh right on his neck. Since when did he get so close?
"When did you get so close?" he mumbles, mostly to himself, and twists his body away from Ward to escape to another part of the counter, not even sparing him a glance. Fitz is finding it hard to look him in the eyes these days, ever since the last time he did it.
"I've been this close for five minutes, Fitz," Ward says, resigning himself to a stool and leaning back on the adjacent countertop, as he watches the other fumble with the microscope,
"We were talking about the shrapnel pieces and you just blanked on me." He turns and picks up the sample dish, sliding it across the counter to Fitz,
"You need to-"
"I know what I need to do, I just- I can't... I'm having trouble with my hands, in case you didn't notice," he mutters, still somehow retaining his sarcasm ability despite the mess that that sentence started as. He fits the dish into the stage and adjusts the lens with little difficulty, due to this part being mostly muscle memory. He doesn't have to think about this part.
"Fitz?"
He doesn't answer, pretending to be too engrossed in work, but in reality he just really doesn't want to answer the question he knows Ward is about to ask.
"Are you taking your meds?"
Fitz grabs the bottle and throws it at Ward, not caring how hard he does it because he knows Ward will catch it. He does, out of the corner of his eye, and he sighs yet again,
"You've skipped them before, Fitz. I need to know that you're taking them. That's the only reason I ask-"
"Okay, can you just- I can't focus with you nattering at me, Ward."
"I'm only trying to help, Fitz."
"Yeah, of course you are..."
Ward leaves eventually. Since it all happened, he sees him less and less, and lately it seems like Fitz wants it that way. He won't even look him in the eye.
-
It hurts Ward to see him like this. Watching Fitz sweep things off tables and slam doors isn't something that anyone is used to, especially after seeing him so... docile all the time. It's not unusual to one person, however.
Mack, the new mechanic, hasn't seen who Fitz used to be.
Ward stands back once the stacks of paper get flung off the desk, despite how much he wants to help. He knows he's no use now. Mack, the one who knows Fitz the least, is doing a better job.
He dismisses the other agents, who have been glaring at Fitz having his meltdown ever since it started. Actually, they've been glaring ever since he got back from his coma. Ward makes sure they truly leave, holding the door open for them and closing it a little too aggressively behind them.
Then he gets back to Fitz and Mack.
"I know, you've already said-"
"I didn't solve this today!" Fitz shouts, turning to the cupboard behind him and kicking it hard. Ward knows he shouldn't intervene; he's been told not to in case it aggravates him more, but Ward can't stop himself. Before he fully realises what he's doing, his hands are gripping Fitz's shoulders and he's guiding him away from the cupboard.
Fitz himself doesn't look like he's expecting it either, as he's placed on the nearest seat and met with Ward crouching in front of him,
"Fitz, listen to me. We know you haven't solved it yet, we're not-"
"I- I didn't... I didn't solve this-"
"Fitz... take a breath. You need to clear your head."
Fitz shrugs Ward's hands off his shoulders and hides his face in his own hands. It's silent for a long, uncomfortable stretch of time, where Ward looks up at Mack, who looks just as confused and worried as he is. Finally, a weak mumble manages to escape Fitz,
"I didn't solve this today..."
"Oh."
Both of them look up at Mack.
"You didn't solve this today... but you've solved it before?"
Ward looks back at Fitz just in time to catch his eyes lighting up.
"Yes!" he breathes out, looking like the weight of the world has been lifted off his shoulders. Mack grabs the tablet and goes to hand it to Fitz, who doesn't take it in time before Ward does, desperate to help, tapping on the blueprint files and swiping through them. Mack asks,
"Is it one of these blueprints you're looking for? Have you already solved this with an old design?"
"Yes!"
It should be a good moment. Ward should be glad that Fitz finally has someone who's able to piece together the thoughts that come out of him in jumbled, stuttering messes. He's only known Mack for nearly two weeks, and already he's building stronger bonds with Fitz than he has.
Ward should be the one by Fitz's side, interpreting everything he says in order to work with him in the perfect harmony they need while Simmons is undercover. Ward finds himself missing Simmons greatly. Fitz would be much better off grouped with the two of them, rather than just stuck with Ward. Cold, stoic Ward who doesn't know how to calm Fitz down and help him recover.
That night as Ward retreats to his room, taking a longing, but measured glance at Fitz's adjacent door before unlocking his own, he thinks it over, again and again until he falls into a light sleep.
Is he even of use to Fitz anymore?
Every time he tries to help it just upsets him. Is he being too intrusive? Too close? Too blunt?
Is he delaying Fitz's recovery?
The final straw is the next morning, as Ward insists to himself that he needs to forget all about it. He needs to stay professional, after all. Kreel is no longer a problem for the team, but finding the person he was answering to is their new mission. Now that they have a quinjet, complete with cloaking that the team agreed to keep from Fitz, Ward and May have been given a new lead to follow.
But the cloaking news gets to Fitz before the mission even starts.
Ward isn't entirely sure who told him, but he finds out that he knows pretty quickly. Everyone finds out that he knows at the same time, when he returns from the hangar and disappears from everyone's view. Agents who walked by the vaults report to Agent Koenig that they heard loud banging noises from a vault that's only supposed to be storage.
The first one there is Mack, who somehow figured out before him that Fitz would be in there.
When Ward arrives, he opens the door and begins to walk down the stairs, but he hears Fitz before he sees him. Well, he hears Fitz throwing something and Mack trying to talk to him. As he gets to the bottom of the stairs he finds the two of them between two aisles of large shelves, all containing files.
Some files have fallen to the floor in a chaotic heap, and to be honest, so has Fitz. Mack sighs in relief when he looks up and sees Ward, and quickly moves to leave the vault up the stairs,
"I'm so glad it's you. I can't do this part, I'm just stressing him out more, please just-"
Ward passes Mack without uttering a single word, and kneels down right in front of Fitz.
Fitz instantly looks up and visibly relaxes when he sees that it's Ward facing him. Finally he looks into his eyes. His arms drop to his sides and then immediately come up again, gripping onto Ward's shoulders and pulling his body up towards his. It takes Ward a little too long to realise what this is before he reciprocates accordingly.
Fitz is hugging him. And he definitely needed it, if his immediate breakdown is anything to judge by.
Ward feels like he's being... formulaic. Every time Fitz snaps he just repeats the same basic comforts again and again, reminding him to breathe, holding him tightly to ground him, telling him to be patient with himself. It must sound like a broken record to Fitz by now. Half the time it doesn't even work enough to calm him down. Ward can't even give him the basic comfort that anyone with half a brain can.
He feels so-
"Useless…"
Ward stops the gentle stroking of Fitz's upper back that he didn't really realise he was doing in the first place.
"I'm useless!" Fitz sobs, gripping onto Ward so tightly that his hands shake,
"I can't make a- a cloaking device fast enough, I can't do the most simple tasks, I- I don't, I don't even know how to communicate with anyone! I'm making your lives difficult!"
Ward's face falls as he holds him up, resting a hand on the back of Fitz's neck to keep him as close as possible,
"No… Fitz, you're not useless. The team needs you, they rely on you. Our lives can't possibly get more difficult than they already were."
"You're just- you're just… you m-must be-" Fitz gasps for air and buries his face into the crook of Ward's neck, his tears drying on his jacket. The hand on the back of his neck moves to join the one just above his waist,
"Fitz, you're not breathing. Follow my lead, okay?"
Fitz doesn't follow his lead, for the first time ever. He yanks himself away and grabs handfuls of his own sweater, pulling it up to hide his face in it and curling into a ball,
"You just take it! You- you teach me to breathe and you hold me when I throw things and- and… and you tell me to be… to be… patient with myself and I just ignore you! And you keep doing it! You're the only one who can calm me down and I'm- I'm not letting you!"
Ward is stunned into silence.
"And- and I'm not getting better, but it's my fault! I'm delaying my own recovery. I should just let you help me-"
This time it's Ward who initiates the hug. Fitz quickly goes silent, sighing in relief as he rests his head on Ward's shoulder.
"Fitz?"
"Ward…" he whispers.
"You're the one who's suffering. I don't care if you make my life difficult or you ignore me or whatever. You need to look at yourself and figure out what you need to do to recover. If that doesn't involve me, then so be it."
He feels Fitz go limp in his arms. He knows he's not fainting when he does that, he's just… decompressing. It amazes him for a second that he knows that, but then again, he's spent so much time with him now. They know so much about each other.
"I just- the team wants you to be safe."
"Ward-"
"I just want you to be safe."
"Ward, I love you."
"I know, I know you do," Ward sighs, leaning back against the shelf and fully taking Fitz into his arms and lap, making sure he feels secure,
"I love you too, Leo. You know I do. Feels good to say it, finally."
A relieved, hysterical little giggle can be heard, muffled into Ward's shirt. Ward smiles and continues,
"It really does. I love you. I love Leo Fitz. Fitz, I love you. I love the least useless person on this team."
Fitz pulls away just a little, enough to look up at Ward. To look into his eyes again, now that he's allowing himself to. For the first time since he awoke from that nine day coma, he can look into Grant Ward's eyes, this time with an accompanying smile.
"I know. I love you too."