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Jeremy ran into the bathroom, locking the door. The former events were too much for his mind to process.
Chloe took him upstairs. Chloe told him Brooke was gonna be upstairs. She lied. The SQUIP didn't let him leave. The SQUIP turned off.
Jeremy's mind wandered in an endless circle. Jake was mad now. Brooke was mad too. Chloe must have also been mad. The SQUIP was going to kill him once it turned back on.
Jeremy's breath shortened. He sat on the bathtub, in an attempt to ground himself, and it was almost like he could hear the SQUIP's voice in the back of his mind telling him to calm down, even though he knew the SQUIP was gone.
Somehow, the knowledge that the SQUIP was gone, even if for just a moment, made him feel some kind of relief.
Once he managed to even out his breathing and shake the sense of panic out of his system, he considered getting out of the bathroom to explain the situation. Of course, it's not like it'd help anyone, but it had been a long time since he last got to speak for himself.
It was a nice thought, even in the dire circumstances. Though, his train of thoughts came to a stop when he felt a hand on his shoulder.
"Michael?" Jeremy stared in astonishment at the figure emerging from the bathtub. "I didn't know you were invited to this party."
"I wasn't," Michael still glanced at him with a certain stare that Jeremy recognized as poisonous from all the years he'd known him. "Which is why I'm wearing this clever disguise."
Michael pointed to his "disguise", which was, in fact, a suit covered in trash. The so-called disguise was actually clever, truth to be told, but the SQUIP wouldn't allow him to say that, so he didn't.
Jeremy stayed silent, running over his head the multiple things he could say to Michael, like they were lines from a script he was supposed to learn. None of them seemed right, and none of them managed to fit every emotion Jeremy was feeling at the moment, of finally seeing his best friend again. He knew the SQUIP would know exactly what to say.
"You're speechless," Michael says, like he's just noticed. "SQUIP got your tongue?"
"It's... Off."
"That would explain why you're talking to me." Michael glared at him. "I've been thinking about this moment. What would I say to you? I had this, like, angry monologue about the waste of our twelve years of friendship and–" Michael stopped abruptly, now staring with curiosity at him. "–What?"
"Nothing, it's just..." Jeremy couldn't explain the sense of happiness it gave him to hear Michael again. He forgot about channeling the SQUIP for a second, and pulled Michael into a hug. "It's really good to see you, man."
Michael pushed him away, though. His expression was a little unsettling. "It won't be, once you hear what I found out."
"Found out?"
"About..." Michael tapped Jeremy's head
Jeremy finally seemed to catch up. He was talking about the SQUIP.
"How? There's nothing on the interne–"
"Which is weird, right?" Michael frantically cut him off. "I mean, what's not on the internet?
"So, I started asking around. Finally, this guy I play Warcraft with told me how his brother went from a straight D student to a freshman at Harvard." Michael hesitated a little bit, and his thoughts were plagued with images of how the SQUIP would react if Jeremy ever hesitated in the same way. Michael continued. "You know where he is now?"
"Very happy and successful?"
"He's in a mental hospital."
Jeremy's head started ringing. A mental hospital... What?
He tried to shrug it off. Of course it had nothing to do with the SQUIP. The SQUIP was good. It would never let anyone lose their minds like that.
"I don't see what this has to do with..."
"Come on, think about it!" Michael cut him off again. "We're talking about an insanely powerful supercomputer here. You really think its primary function is to get you laid?"
Jeremy shook his head. He wanted to be cool, to fit in with the rest of the school, not to get laid. Did Michael not get it? Why didn't he acknowledge Jeremy's responses at all?
"Who made them?" Michael questioned, probably more to himself than to Jeremy, "How did they end up in a random high school? In New Jersey!?" Michael stopped his anxious pacing around the bathroom, and looked directly in his eyes
"Out of all its cool functions and shit, do you ever even wonder what that thing is doing inside you?"
Silence. Jeremy didn't know the answer. The SQUIP clearly wouldn't want him to question these things, but when he actually did it sounded a little…
No. He couldn't think about this. He focused on replacing that thought with reasons why the SQUIP was incredibly helpful, and instead looked for reasons why Michael wouldn't like the SQUIP.
Michael didn't even have a SQUIP! It makes absolutely no sense to complain about something you don't have, unless… He wanted one. That was it! Michael was jealous of him.
Now, how would the SQUIP want him to answer?
"And I thought Chloe was jealous..."
"I'm honestly asking!" Michael yelped
"Really? Because I think you're just jealous I have one and you don't!"
"Come on, Jeremy–"
"Maybe I got lucky," Jeremy said, finally getting a chance to cut Michael off and speak for himself. "Is that so weird? With my history, I'd say the universe owed me one. And I don't know about your friend's brother's whatever, but if you're telling me his SQUIP made him crazy–"
"His SQUIP didn't make him crazy."
"Oh," Jeremy had no reason to feel relieved, as he was not afraid of the SQUIP in the first place, but he still felt like one of his fears had been eased. "Well… There you go!"
Michael sent him a look that screamed "you're not understanding this at all", before he frantically followed with, "He went crazy trying to get it out!"
Jeremy didn't know why, but he started shaking. He went crazy trying to get it out. That should mean nothing to him, shouldn't it? He had no plans of getting rid of the SQUIP, no matter how much he hated what it made him do. Jeremy had never gotten this far in his entire life, and he owed it entirely to the SQUIP, so getting rid of it would be incredibly selfish. Michael simply didn't get it.
"Then, I've got nothing to worry about," Jeremy worded his answer as carefully as he could. "Why would I want that?"
Jeremy headed for the door, as the conversation with his once best friend was making him incredibly dizzy. The stagnation in the air reeked of anticipation, like something terrible was about to happen. He really needed to leave.
But he couldn’t, once Michael went to block the door, being as insistent as he had always been. Jeremy's dizziness faded to anxiety pretty quickly. What did he want now?
"Move it." Were the only words Jeremy could manage out of his mouth.
Michael didn't comply, instead blocking his way again when Jeremy tried to get past him, "Or you'll what?"
Jeremy couldn't say anything. He needed space. He needed to leave. Right now.
"Get out of my way," Jeremy blurted out, channeling the SQUIP again. "Loser."
With the last strengths he had, he pushed Michael aside and shut the door behind him, letting out a breath he didn't know he was holding.
He was safe now, wasn't he?
_________________________
The party was winding down, and it was no secret. Jake and Chloe could not be seen anywhere, Rich ran around frantically, stopping every now and then to ask the remaining partygoers for something that Jeremy couldn't distinguish, Jenna wandered around looking for Brooke, and he saw Madeline and another guy he was almost sure was Dustin Kropp crying together.
So, Brooke wasn't there anymore. The SQUIP would later scorn him for these feelings, but he felt incredibly guilty for the way Jeremy led her on. He'd never wanted his actions to harm others, but since it was the SQUIP's plan and the SQUIP knew better than to care for other people, he had to follow.
He considered going over to where Jenna called out Brooke's name and asking about her when Rich dashed to her side and asked her for... Mountain Dew Red? From what Jeremy knew, Mountain Dew Red didn't even exist.
Deeming his mission hopeless, he instead decided to sit down on the couch. He didn't notice the first time, but when he looked again he saw Christine sitting next to him, sniffing a little.
"Hey," Christine directed him a weak smile, like trying to hide the fact that she was not okay.
"Hey." He had to be kind to her. Softness was never one of his strong suits, but he tried to follow through. "So, where's your date?"
"He's having make-up sex with Chloe. So, my night's pretty awesome." She looked down, resentful.
So that's where Chloe and Jake were. If he's being honest, he's starting to feel kinda stupid for having been jealous of Jake all this time. The SQUIP wouldn't allow these feelings.
"Sorry."
"Don't be. I dumped him."
In the background, Rich kept pleading to everyone he found for whatever the hell was Mountain Dew Red. "It looks like normal Mountain Dew? But red?"
Jeremy took a quick glance at Rich before his attention shifted back to Christine.
The SQUIP would probably know what to do in this situation. If he focused for long enough he could almost feel its voice scoring him and commanding him to do something, although he had no idea what that something was. He decided to go with showing sympathy, as he was sure this is what the SQUIP would've chosen. However, he was not very good at it.
"You dumped Jake? Why?" Like always, he didn't think before he spoke. He was being too pushy. "Sorry, you don't have to..."
"I'm not Juliet," Christine sighed, staring with indifference at her dress. "And he's kind of a jerk, so..."
"Seriously, where the fuck can I get some Mountain Dew Red?!"
Both Jeremy and Christine turned to look at Rich, who had just interrupted their conversation. Suddenly Christine burst into laughter. Jeremy was soon to follow.
"Popular people are so messed up!" Christine said, slurring her words.
Jeremy nodded, remembering the many things he had to endure to become popular. It was all so messed up.
"I mean," Christine continued. "You're one of them."
This caught Jeremy off guard. Christine considered him popular. That was the SQUIP's goal, wasn't it? Was it good or bad?
"What? No I'm not!" He said after debating himself and landing on the idea that it was bad.
"Hello? Guy who's been pucking his way through the cast of Midsummer!"
"Huh? I'm not– Pucking?" Jeremy had no idea what the word meant, though it was possible that theater nerds like Christine had a better vocabulary than him.
"You like that?" Christine directed him what was considerably the softest look he'd ever seen. It made Jeremy scream internally. "I just made it up!"
Jeremy stayed silent. He had no idea of what to say now, like when confronting Mich– Forget it.
Christine seemed to catch on to his expression. "What?"
Jeremy had no option but to be honest. "It's just... I don't know what I'm supposed to say right now."
"Say whatever's on your mind."
Jeremy opened his mouth, trying to come up with something to say, but instead letting out a weird noise. He had to be that stupid, hadn't he?
To his surprise, Christine emitted another weird noise. She smiled at Jeremy as if he'd dedicated her one of those sweet poems she loved talking about in play rehearsal. The smile was too much for Jeremy to take. He made a different noise. Christine followed.
Even if they weren't talking, he felt a connection. Be it friendship or love, he didn't care anymore. Christine's occasional smiles and glances were everything he needed to feel better
"It's kinda killer to sit and chat with you." Christine said out of nowhere.
"Really? Jeremy wondered.
"It's true!"
"It's pretty killer for me too." Jeremy manages to respond. Christine smiled again, so brightly she could burn the whole house down.
Burn the whole house down. Where did that come from?
"Yeah, it's pretty killer to hang and talk to you." Jeremy continued. He didn't have time to focus on the thought of the house burning down.
"I'm glad that we both agree." She laid her head down on Jeremy's shoulder, humming in delight when he pulled her closer.
It was just then Jeremy realized that, maybe, he had a chance.
It was now or never.
"Christine," He said in a soft, sing-song tone, before taking a dép breath and preparing himself for his next words. "Will you... go out with me?
"Oh, Jeremy, I–" She stammered, bolting upright. "–I can't"
Of course he had to be an idiot and ruin his only chance of friendship with Christine.
"I'm sorry I– Well, I thought we were friends and–"
"We are! But... I don't think I should go out with anyone until I find out who I am. I know that's not what you wanted to... I'm sorry."
Christine ran off in a sudden, leaving Jeremy alone on the couch. It was all his fault–
"Got any Mountain Dew Red?" Rich interrupted his train of thoughts. Right! He had to talk to Rich too.
"Okay, this whole no-drinking-while-squipping thing? Would it have killed you to give a warning?... Rich?"
Out of a sudden, Rich straightened up. And as if that weren’t weird enough, he also noticed something about his face. His eyes glimmered an unnatural neon blue color.
"Warning. Warning. Warning."
Rich went away as fast as he came.
"Okay, that's... Weird." Jeremy muttered, only to realize he technically wasn't talking to anyone.
Or maybe he was.
Out of nowhere, the SQUIP appeared.
Hello Jeremy.
"About time!" Jeremy grumbled. He did not miss the SQUIP that much, but he was aware he could barely function without it.
My absence was not ideal, but it was necessary. One moment while I review the data from this evening.
A beat. The SQUIP didn't exactly look relieved.
Oh my.
"It's bad, right?"
The SQUIP didn't even acknowledge him.
We need to get you home.
"But–"
Now.
Jeremy knew it was no use to fight back. Especially when he'd proven himself to be untrustworthy without it around.
Jeremy left, following its directions. He had time to think later.
He didn’t acknowledge anyone else and he didn’t even pay attention to the cars driving his way. The events of the Halloween party were enough for Jeremy to forget his own sense of self-preservation.
Once arriving home, he shut himself in his room. He needed to be alone.
He didn't have time to apologize to Brooke. He didn't have time to apologize to Michael. He didn't have time to apologize to Christine. The SQUIP forced him out of time.
But he didn't have the right to complain, right? The SQUIP knew exactly what it was doing. Maybe breaking Brooke's heart was necessary. Maybe leaving Michael alone was necessary. Maybe freaking Christine out was necessary. He had no way to know whether or not what he did was right or wrong because the SQUIP's algorithms were too complicated to understand. The SQUIP was a computer. Of course it knew what it was doing.
Looking up at the window, he sighed, taking in the view of the stars flickering down on the cold, dead ground. Nothing he didn’t see every night.
He glanced around as if he was waiting for something to happen.
And, well, it did. His phone lit up with a new notification, it being the only source of light in the room.
Sighing, Jeremy stretched his arm to grab the phone and unlock it.
[Tweets from @JennRolaaan:]
[LOL did rich just start a fire in the kitchen]
[wh]
[oh shit he did]
[never thought id say this but FIRE SELFIE!!!!]
[ok this is kinda scary rn]
Wait, what? Fire?
He scanned the selfie Jenna posted over and over, confirming that it was indeed Jake's house in the background, lit up and swirling in different shades of orange and yellow.
Realization hit him as his eyes widened and he covered his mouth with his hand "Michael is there."
Soon, he wasn't only worried about Michael.
"Christine is there, Rich is there, everyone is there!" Jeremy scrolled through Jenna's thread, trying to get more information. The house burned down, repeated over and over in his mind until he couldn't think anymore.
He could feel the SQUIP scolding him for caring so much, but it was not his fault that he was worried about the lives of his friends.
None of them are your friends.
"Shut up."
He checked the pictures Jenna took with the survivors. Christine and Madeline were safe. Chloe was safe. Jake was... Well, not exactly healthy but also safe. Rich was taken to the hospital. Michael... wasn't there.
"I have to go for Michael." Was his first thought. The SQUIP interrupted.
No, you're not going back.
"But he could be in danger!"
You couldn't care less about him, Jeremy. You made it quite clear when you shut him down in the bathroom.
"I didn't mean it!"
But I did. I already warned you about speaking to him again.
"He could die!"
He's already left the party, Jeremy. He did a while ago.
"How do I know you're not lying to me again?"
I'm being honest. If he really does worry you that much, I'd suggest you check the news tomorrow. Remember that you are not allowed speak to him. For now, you should go to sleep. I don't want you to show up to school with eyebags tomorrow.
The SQUIP left him alone again.
Jeremy tried to stand up and put his phone back on his desk, only to notice that the SQUIP had bound him to the bed. It was clear that it wouldn't allow him to do anything else than sleep.
Sighing, Jeremy rested his head on the pillow, silent tears rolling down his cheeks.
The SQUIP was right. He shouldn't be caring so much about Michael when he'd been so willing to forget him in order to upgrade.
Jeremy was too weak. He cared too much about others, and it interfered with the SQUIP's plan. The only right step to take was to turn off his emotions entirely. Maybe then he'd be better.
I don't care about Michael, he told himself. I don't care about Brooke. I don't care about Rich. I don't care about Christine.
I don't care about anyone anymore.