Chapter Text
It was a hard day at work for the demon sisters, what with trying to find the descendent of Hell’s Monkey and being thwarted yet again by Panty and Stocking. Scanty simply wanted to relax on the sofa and watch some TV. But even then, the angelic duo gave her trouble, as the first thing that came on the TV was a news report about how they defeated a ghost summoned by the demon sisters. No matter how many times she changed the channel, there would always be something about Panty and/or Stocking, whether it was a leaked sex tape or eating the most cakes in a whole day.
“Panty and Stocking this, Panty and Stocking that,” Scanty said, gritting her teeth in anger. “It’s bad enough they keep defeating us. Must they humiliate us on top of that as well!?”
“Sister,” Kneesocks said, “Be careful with your anger. It’s bad for your complexion.”
“I don’t care about that! I want those angels gone, and I want them gone now!” Scanty then grabbed Fastener and threw him at the TV in frustration. After he hit it and fell down to the ground, the television turned static. Scanty and Kneesocks were worried that it was broken, as it was quite expensive. But before they could do anything, the TV came back on. It aired a strange commercial the sisters had never seen before that played a jingle.
“When you want somebody gone
And you don't want to wait too long
Call the Immediate Murder Professionals!”
Both demons watched the commercial with interest as it showed a montage of three imps killing humans. “Immediate Murder Professionals?” Scanty said with curiosity.
“Ah, I’ve heard rumors about them.” Kneesocks said, “They’re an imp-run business that comes to earth and kills any human that a sinner in Hell requests.”
“Ugh, imps. Disgusting creatures.”
“I wouldn’t be so quick to judge, Sister. I’ve heard they’re very successful in their endeavors, and they’ve recently recruited an Ars Goetia demon into their ranks.”
“An Ars Goetia!?” Scanty had heard the tales of how powerful Ars Goetia demons were. If they had someone like that on their side, she thought, Panty and Stocking could be easily taken care of.
“Yes, but she is still an adolescent. And these imps have a reputation for being loose cannons. If what is said about them is true, they’re just as destructive as those angels.”
Scanty thought for a bit, then she had an idea. A diabolical plan that would destroy Panty and Stocking once and for all. “Perhaps we can use them to our advantage. Where are these professionals located?”
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Loona was sitting at her desk at the I.M.P office, browsing Hounder, the hellhound-themed version of Twitter. Suddenly, a red portal opened in front of her. Two demons, Scanty and Kneesocks, came out. “So this is the place,” Scanty said, looking around. “It’s…simpler than I expected.”
Loona was surprised about the sudden entrance of these demons at first but remembered that Blitz ordered some strippers for Stolas’ birthday today. These two must be them. “Are you the strippers Blitz ordered?” she asked.
Both of them were insulted by her assumption, Scanty especially. She was so offended that she came towards Loona, filled with anger. “How dare you, you filthy hellhound! Do we look anything like strippers!?”
“If you’re roleplaying as sexy officers, yeah.”
“Do you have any idea who we are!? We are high-ranking demon commanders! I can have you killed for insulting me in such a manner!”
Loona growled, “You try anything, and I’ll bite your head off, you bitch!”
“Scanty!” Kneesocks said, “As much as I want to punish this hellhound, we have more pressing matters to attend to.”
Scanty calmed down, “You’re right, sister. You, hellhound!”
“I have a name, you know.”
“We demand to see your chief executive officer this instant!”
“You could’ve just said that to begin with.” Loona picked up the office phone on the desk to call Blitz. After letting him know who's here, she pointed the sisters to his office. As they entered, they saw Blitz at his desk.
“Oh good, you’re-Goddamit! I specifically said on the phone, MALE strippers! Stolas is gay, for fuck’s sake!”
“We are not strippers!” Scanty yelled before pulling out her pistol.
“Sister!” Kneesocks said, calming her down.
“My apologies. Blitzo, was it?”
“The O is silent,” Blitz said.
“Whatever, we have come for your services.”
“Well, why didn’t you say so sooner? Who do you need dead?”
Scanty approached his desk and put a photo of Panty and Stocking on it to show him. “The blonde one here is Panty, a girl who has sexual intercourse with almost any male she comes across. The girl with the long hair and gothic clothing is Stocking, who has a sugar addiction.”
“Why do you want them dead?”
“Do I have to explain why?”
“Not really. I’m just nosy.”
Kneesocks chimed in, “Let’s just say we are on a mission from Satan, and these angels have been hindering our progress.”
“Woah, woah, hold on. Did you just say these two were angels?” The sisters nodded at Blitz. “Yeah, about that. Heaven and Hell don’t have the best relationship right now, what with the whole ‘Purge Day’ thing and all that. If we were to kill angels, that would make the situation worse.”
“Relax,” Scanty said, “They’re fallen angels. You’d practically be doing Heaven a favor by killing them.”
“Even so, we can’t just kill them with normal weapons. We’d need-”
“Blessing-tipped weapons?” Kneesocks said, “We can help with that problem.” She pulled out a briefcase and put it on the ground before removing the hinge. The briefcase transformed, becoming the size of a cabinet before opening, revealing various blessing-tipped melee and ranged weapons inside.
Blitz looked in awe at the contents of the portable armory. “All of these are ours?”
“Pick as many weapons as you need.” Kneesocks said with a smile. “Just make sure you use them to terminate Panty and Stocking.”
Blitz looked at her with a grin. “Consider those bitches dead.”