Chapter Text
“-and the dress was so big and poofy, not what I would go for but it looked wonderful on her!” Bebe gushed to her fellow female classmates at the lunch table as she showed picture after picture of her cousins wedding on her camera roll.
It was a Monday afternoon in South Park Elementary and the fourth-grade girls were buzzing with wedding fever. Bebe had spent the weekend attending her cousin’s wedding in Denver and had returned to school filled with infectious enthusiasm for all that is sparkly and romantic.
“I can’t wait until I get married.” Said Annie.
“Me either,” chipped in Nichole, “we should totally play weddings!”
Hums of agreement sounded around the table. “Totally! ...how do we get the boys to ask us though?” asked Red.
“Who says the boys have to ask.” said Wendy. Oohs sounded as the girls realised what Wendy was suggesting.
“Ok, but how will we be sure the boys will say yes?” Red asked the group.
“I wouldn’t worry about that, girls” said Bebe, “all we really need is one boy to start. Then the rest will see how fun it is and be falling over themselves to play weddings too.”
“Who’s our first boy then? I would ask Stan but we’re more off than on right now so I don’t think it would go down well.” Said Wendy.
“Oh, I have the first boy sorted,” Bebe answered. “Clyde Donavan is obsessed with me, he’ll absolutely say yes.”
The bell rings to mark the end of the school day. Craig, Tweek, Jimmy, and Token were walking to the bus stop when they hear a shout in the distance. The shout gets closer.
“DUDES! DUDES!” Clyde yelled as he ran towards his friends. “Guess who is getting married tomorrow?”
“I’m going to assume… you?” Token suggested.
“Fuck yeah it’s me,” said Clyde, “and to Bebe Stevens no less! Lunchtime in the playground be there or be square.” Clyde gave a smug grin as he let his friends know who the lucky lady would be.
“you asked Bebe to marry you… and she said yes?” Craig asked, with a mocking tone to his voice.
“I’m s-s-surprised you’re getting hitched. Always p-p-pegged you as a free bird kinda g-guy.” Jimmy added.
“No Craig, it was more like she asked me because I am the hottest boy in our grade if you’ll remember.” Clyde retorted. “It’s not a real wedding anyway, Jimmy, just a game the girls are playing, I’m sure I’ll be a free bird as soon as they decide to play divorce court in a week or two.”
“Better get you a p-p-p-prenup then” joked Jimmy and the group chuckled.
“It sounds fun dude; we should throw a bachelor party tonight to celebrate your last night as a playground-single man before you get playground-married.” Token suggested.
Clyde turned his full attention to Token, his eyes lighting up at his friend’s suggestion. “Fuck yes dude, that is such an awesome idea. Fuck yes”
The boys managed to round up a few of their other classmates to join them for Clyde’s last minute bachelor party. ‘Party’ was perhaps a bit of a stretch for a description but Clyde’s dad had bought the group a few bags of cheesy poofs and set them out in bowls on the coffee table so the boys could snack. The party had just started with Token, Craig, Tweek, Jimmy, Timmy, Scott, and Butters already in attendance, hanging out and taking turns Mario Kart.
A knock at the door announced the arrival of Stan’s gang.
“Congratulations Clyde, unfortunately on such short notice none of the raisins girls were available so Kenny here has agreed to be the stripper for the party” Cartman announced as he pushed Kenny through the door. Kenny muffled something that Clyde couldn’t quite make out but it sounded suggestive which seemed to be confirmed when Kenny gave Clyde a flirty wink.
“Uhm, that’s kinda gay,” said Clyde, clearly uncomfortable with the offer. He quickly turned to apologise to Tweek and Craig who were currently preoccupied with trying to not fall off the Rainbow Road, “no offence guys…”
“Oh well fuck you, asshole! Just trying to make this an actual party but whatever.” Cartman huffed and grabbed two of the cheesy poof bowls for himself and plopped onto the sofa.
“GAH” Tweek shouted as his onscreen Toad fell off the Rainbow Road on the last lap, knocking Tweek’s place from 3rd all the way down to 10th.
“TIMMY” Timmy celebrated as Bowser crossed the finish line first.
“Damn you play a tough game Timmy” Craig said as he put down the controller.
Tweek sighed, “I hate that track. Rainbow Road is way too much pressure, its so hard to not fall off.”
Craig reached to Tweek’s shoulder, “Its ok babe, next round we’ll do Moo Moo Meadows instead.” Tweek looked up from the ground and his eyes met Craig’s. They stared for a small moment, smiling together. “Are you gonna keep making out or are you gonna give up the controller?” Cartman interrupted. “Ngh” Tweek grunted as he handed the joy con across to Cartman, he hadn’t even realised he was still holding it.
Craig flipped Cartman off and the pair headed towards the sofa to join a few of the other boys’ conversation.
“You excited for your big day tomorrow, man?” Asked Token.
“Yeah, its gonna be sweet, Bebe said I have to wear a nice shirt and she’s gonna wear her new white fur coat so its super legit” Clyde boasted.
“if its really legit you’ll need an officiator, as resident alter boy, I would say I am the most qualified for said position” Scott Malkinson added.
“It’s actually starting to sound kinda fun, if it goes well tomorrow, I would be tempted to ask Nichole.” Said Token
“Gee fellas, this sure is romantic all this wedding talk. I wish I had a sweetheart I could ask to marry me” said Butters whistfully.
“Bebe was the one who asked Clyde, Butters, maybe that might happen for you too” Token suggested.
“Bebe asked Clyde?” asked Stan.
“Yeah, all the girls seem to be into the idea too,” said Token.
“Why didn’t Wendy ask me?” Stan huffed, offended at the idea that Wendy might not have even considered him at all.
“Dude, aren’t you two broken up right now?” Kyle stated, rolling his eyes at Stan.
“Well… yeah and I probably would’ve said no but it just… I don’t know man fuck.” Stan mumbled, clearly unsure of his own feelings with anything relating to Wendy right now.
“Anyway…Tweek when are you gonna pop the question?” Clyde asked, redirecting the conversation away from Stan’s girl drama.
“WHAT?” Tweek jumped.
“You and Craig, you guys gonna join in too?” Clyde pushed.
“Of course, they are, they’re like South Park’s Power Couple” Butters added.
“Ngh, uhm, I, uhm” Tweek stuttered, he wasn’t prepared for this. He knew he probably should’ve been but he wasn’t and now he was starting to shake and twitch and feel embarrassed. Tweek’s mind started running oh god please someone change the subject back to Stan’s girl troubles or at least stop staring.
“Or guys, maybe should we be asking Craig when he is gonna pop the question!” Suggested Token. Tweek let out a small sigh of relief, not quite the diversion he wanted but at least the group had refocused their eyes onto Craig.
A slight blush crossed Craig’s face, “Maybe I’ll follow Token’s lead, make sure tomorrow isn’t a disaster first”.
The party didn’t last too long, it was a school night and many of the boys had bedtimes to be home for. Tweek and Craig were the first to leave.
“Bye guys see you tomorrow” Craig said as he walked out the door, hand in hand with Tweek.
The door closed behind them and the silence of South Park in the evening settled around them as they began the walk to Tweek’s house. “You don’t have to walk me home, it’s literally the opposite direction for you” Tweek said, breaking the silence.
“I know, I want to.” Craig squeezed Tweek’s hand just slightly.
The two continued to walk in comfortable silence, enjoying each other’s company. Tweek’s mind thought to the conversation at the party, it had shocked him at the time, he’d never thought about marrying Craig before, playground-wedding or otherwise. It was a nice thought, the more he thought about it the more comfortable he felt. Tweek looked over to Craig, who was also deep in thought. Yeah, Tweek thought, marrying Craig would be nice…asking him, however, oh god, that’s a lot of pressure, what if he says no, what if he breaks up with me because he’s so offended that I would even think he would want to-
“Honey?”
Craig’s voice broke Tweek’s train of thought.
“Are you ok? You started shaking a bit there.”
“Yeah…yeah, I’m fine, just thinking”
“What about?”
“Just, ngh, all the wedding stuff”
“Oh”
Oh no, this is it he’s gonna break up with me before I even get the chance to ask him to marry me, oh no, oh Jesus.
“I was thinking about that too.” Craig said softly. “I think it sounds sort of nice.”
Huh?
“I mean let’s definitely let Clyde be the lab rat first but if tomorrow isn’t a disaster, then I think we should too.”
“Craig…are you asking me?”
Blush flooded Craig’s face. “yeah… I guess”
“Well, I can’t answer unless you ask properly.”
“Tweek.”
“Yes Craig?”
“…”
“…?”
“Will you playground-marry me?”
Tweek was no longer shaking, he was confident in his answer.
“Of course, I will playground-marry you, Craig.”