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The little squirt looks highly aggravated when they come to him, lower lip jutting out so far their little bottom pokey fangs are visible. The tail on the lion onesie drags behind them as they stomp their way over, muffled by the footies until it's an angry but adorable pap pap pap across the floor of the kitchen.
“Hey there little lion, what can I do for you?” Matt asks, setting his coffee mug down with a smile.
He only gets a growl for his troubles as they fling themselves to the floor next to his chair and latch onto his knee with claws and needle teeth.
“Alrighty, not there yet... take your time.”
He's reinforced all his pants by now – becoming godpapa to a kid with fangs means innovate or be shredded, and he's not keen on picking up any more scars.
He picks his mug back up and resumes scrolling through his tablet as the growls continue in tandem with the pressure of kneading and gnawing on his pant leg. The kit may be about three and change by now, but some habits die hard.
Kolivan wanders through the kitchen to get his own coffee, scowling when he catches sight of the mug in Matt's hand but chooses not to take the bait. He's gotten harder to needle these days, slowly acclimating to Matt's presence in their home. A piece of their weird and kinda gross blade loaf goes on his plate too, untoasted or anything, and he steps around the kitchen counter to sit next to Matt.
Or, he was going to at least, before he saw the kit.
Matt might've laughed at Kolivan's reaction if it wasn't so strange for him – the guy's ears pin themselves flat to his head and he goes white under his fur, whirling on his heel as the little thing growls even louder into Matt's knee.
“Well, I guess that must be part of it, huh?” Matt asks the little terror as Kolivan flees the room, tail between his legs. “Did he step on you or something?”
A shake of the head that does nothing but drag the pointy teeth deeper into his knee.
“Hmmm... eat your last pudding snack? Gramma Krolia warned me about that one.”
They giggle, mouth curling into a grin that leaves plenty of drool on his pants, but shake their head again.
“Well... he didn't forget your name day, cause that's next year... and you don't look like anybody made you take a bath lately... I give up, why are we grumpy?”
“Pa 'oli 'on 'el 'ee 'ow-”
“Wait wait wait!” Matt laughs as he scoops them up and plops them on his lap. “One more time without the full mouth, please.”
The little firecracker huffs, but humors him. “Papa Koli won't tell me where I came from.”
“Well, the space mall, I think.” Matt winks at them, earning himself a pap to the nose.
“No! I came from inside Daddy Keith!”
“Okaaaaaaay?” Matt nods, squinting at the grouchy, slimy, little lion. “If you know that, why do you want Papa Koli to tell you?”
“How did I get in there?” the kit asks, eyes wide and curious, “I asked Dada, and Papa and Papa, and Gramma, and nobody will say.”
“Ah, I see.” Matt coughs into his fist, then rubs between his eyes at the tickle of a headache growing. No one said this was part of the deal when he agreed to be a godparent, all the rest of them were supposed to have this whole area covered. “Don't you have a book for that? Where it says like... I dunno, stuff about babies?”
“But Daddy isn't a human, and that book is all humans!”
“Ooh, you got me there,” Matt mutters to himself with a cringe. It's not like Keith would have been popping out any kids if he had been a normal human anyway, this one was a happy accident. “Uhmm, well... what do you think happened?” he asks, stalling for time as he sips at his coffee.
“I think Daddy ate me.”
The coffee goes spraying all over the kid, earning a flailing giggle.
“Eeeeew, you're icky!”
“I'm icky?” Matt grumbles as he wipes his mouth with the back of his hand. “Alright kiddo, I'll bite... why do you think Daddy ate you?”
“Don't bite me!” the kit shrieks, windmilling tiny claws to keep him at bay, “Daddy didn't bite!”
“Pfffttttt. Shiro sure looks like he does.”
“Why?”
“Uhh... um... what do you think happened to his arm?” Matt asks, shaking his head solemnly.
“Daddy ate Dada's arm?!” the kit looks at their own arms in horror, clutching them to a tiny chest before wriggling in closer to Matt. “Is he gonna eat mine too?”
“Err, no. I was just kidding. The arm was... uh... just an accident, don't worry about it, your arms are safe.” His arms aren't gonna be safe if any of this little kit's grownups find out that Matt has scared the poor thing. “Now, let's get back to the real question, right? Daddy ate you?”
“Uhmhmm.”
“Okay, let's start there... how do you know?”
“Well, there's a picture of me in his belly.”
Matt nods, thinking of the many pictures of Keith that Shiro had put all around their house – many indeed do have him looking like he ate a beach ball... or a kid.
“Yeah that's fair... but that doesn't mean he ate you.”
“Papa Koli and Papa Tex wouldn't tell me,” the kit pouts, tiny mouth all twisted up in a scowl under furrowed brows, “so that means Daddy probably did something bad, right?”
“Err... well-”
“And Gramma laughed and said to ask my daddies, but Dada got all red and made funny noises and walked away.”
“You didn't actually ask Kei- er, your daddy?”
“Nooo.” Purple eyes roll, like Matt's the idiot here for suggesting it. “If he ate me he won't say so, that's bad. Duh.”
“Mmm, right. My mistake,” Matt muffles through the hand that he has clapped over his grin. “Alright, so yeah... eating you seems uhm... maybe, right?”
“Right, and I need proof.”
“Proof?” Matt quirks an eyebrow at the munchkin, wondering what mayhem he's getting himself into now. “Like what.”
“I dunno, that's why I have you!” The little hands that pap against his cheeks melt Matt's heart – but the sticky kiss pressed to his nose is the clincher. “Godpapa Matt knows everything.”
“You're right, kiddo,” Matt sniffles, pressing a kiss to the kit's cheek. “We're gonna find out, kay? I wasn't around for the uh... the eating... so I don't have the proof, but we'll find out.”
“Good. We go now?”
“Sure, kiddo. Where are we starting?”
“Breakfast!”
It might be two in the afternoon, but if the kid wants to start at breakfast, then by golly they're starting at breakfast.
Keith and Shiro are, predictably, napping with the time they have to themselves. Or at least Matt hopes they're napping, and not 'eating' any more babies.
He knocks extra loud just in case.
“Heeeelllloooo, pareeeennntttsss,” he calls obnoxiously, making the lion riding piggyback giggle into his hair. “We're here!”
“Mrrrrrggg.”
“I guess they needed a nap too, huh?”
“Mhmm!” Little beans kick into his side like spurs. “Go!”
“Alright, I'm going,” he laughs and carries the kit to the kitchen. “Hey, lazies! What do you want for breakfast?”
“Wha-?” Keith emerges first, sleep-mussed and bleary, followed shortly by Shiro whose floof is sticking straight up. “It's like two-thirty.”
“And our liege wants breakfast,” Matt informs them, spinning until his cling-on can see them, “So we're eating breakfast. What do you want?”
“Toast?” Shiro asks, looking like maybe he should start with the coffee. “And I can get some bacon and coffee going.”
“We're really doing this then?” Keith sighs more than asks, “Alright, I'll start making the eggs then.”
The kit gasps dramatically in Matt's ear and begins yanking on his hair to get his attention.
“Ow! What?”
One bitty clawed hand points to the living room, eyes big and laser-focused.
“Alright, we've gotta go confer. Top secret stuff... you guys keep on with the breakfast.”
He gets two grunts of acknowledgment, which are less pressing than the heels battering his sides with each excited flail. Thankfully the living room isn't too far away and he can sling the little menace down to the floor in front of him post-haste.
“Alright, what's the dealio?”
“He said eggs!”
“I... yes? He did say eggs?”
“I came from an egg!”
Wonderful, brilliant realization dawns.
“You did.” Matt nods, lips clamped firmly around the laugh that wants to escape. “Who told you that?”
“The book... and I think Papa Koli, but he was grumbly and ran away.”
“Well, that's... that's great kiddo. That's a wonderful deduction you've made, I'm proud of you.”
“Uhmhmm.” The kit nods, eyes bright and needle teeth shining. “Did Daddy scramble me too? And that's how I got out of the egg he laid?”
Matt's half afraid that his stifled squawk of laughter is going to alert the dads, but the quiet sounds of breakfast haven't paused.
“Heee.... maybe? I-” Matt has to stop to clear his throat, wiping his eyes as he takes a breath and nods. “We'll need to do more research.”
“Maybe watch Daddy eat the eggs?”
“Sure.” That one seems harmless at least, lord knows Matt's going to lose his shit if this kid gets any more ideas. “Let's go check on them, okay?”
One vigorous nod later, and he's got the tyke tucked under his arm like a watermelon, soon to be deposited in the high chair at the table.
“Okay, we have reconvened for breakfast.”
Shiro offers him a smile and a plate for his troubles. “Here, bacon and eggs for the growing boy. There's more toast coming.”
Another gasp, and little eyes narrow at him. “Godpapa Matt... you eat eggs too?”
“Only chicken ones,” Matt assures them, poking through the plate with his fork, “I'm pickier than some people.”
“Hmmm... okaaaay.”
“What, do we not like eggs now?” Keith asks, looking more than a little exhausted, “We had them yesterday.”
“You sure eat a lot of eggs, Daddy,” the kit muses, even as they make grabby hands for their plate, “that's sup-ish-us.”
“He's a growing boy too,” Shiro jokes, pressing a kiss to Keith's hair as he sets that plate down too, “being a daddy is hungry work.”
The kit swivels to stare at Matt with a look of burning intent, and he nods back solemnly.
“Hmmm.”
Keith pays them little mind, used to the strange behavior of his little one whenever Matt happens to be involved. So far everyone has kept their limbs and most of their hair, and that's good enough for him.
“Daddy, are you swallowing the eggs?” the kit asks, now watching Keith intently.
Keith shoots them a quizzical look. “Yeah, why?”
“Well, you told Aunty 'Lura that she needs to swallow.”
Matt chokes on his bacon, raising an eyebrow at Keith across the table. He gets shit for years for the Cock Incident, but apparently Keith is talking about swallowing around the kid?
“Well, uh, what Daddy meant by that was-” Shiro starts, but trails off at a loss as he looks at Keith.
Keith who is now rubbing at his forehead, still eating the eggs. “Aunty Allura was talking with her mouth full.”
“No she wasn't. She was telling us about the baby in her belly now, so she already swallowed.”
Matt can pinpoint the moment his soul leaves his body and ascends – never to top this moment. Shiro's ears are steaming. The unflappable Keith looks like he can't decide whether to laugh or double down. Matt's face is stuck in a rictus of manic glee as the kit stares them all down triumphantly.
“Right?” the kit continues, poking at their own eggs. “She laid the eggs and swallowed the babies. That's why she has so many, cause Uncle Lance has the farm with all the eggs.”
It's an impressive web of logic – a true toddler conspiracy board – this one definitely takes after Keith. The only flaw, and not one that they could even know to correct, is how exactly detrimental to having babies Allura's swallowing would be... and may they never know, sweet young thing.
“Sweetheart,” Keith begins, shaking his head in dismay, “... why? Just.... what? Why?”
“You ate me!”
It's a big accusation for such a little finger doing the pointing.
“I beg your pardon?” Shiro asks, though judging by his face, he's starting to connect the dots.
“Daddy ate me when I was an egg! That's how I got in his belly, and nobody wanted to tell me because that's bad.”
The last word is hissed in triumph, with all the vindication of a toddler catching their parent breaking the rules.
Keith's mouth wobbles, and he slowly lowers his head to the table, shoulders shaking.
The kit drops their finger, uncertain. “Daddy?”
Keith shakes his head with a gurgle.
“Daddy, it's okay, I forgive you, don't cry-”
And Keith howls.
“Oh my god, Shiro-” he wheezes, cheeks pink and eyes watering in joy, “Shiro... please-”
Shiro can only shake his head in response, both hands clapped to his face to muffle his snickers.
“I don't think this is funny,” the kit grumbles.
Matt shakes his head, arms crossed as he bites down his own smile. “Me neither, buddy. They've got some explaining to do.”
Keith shoots him a look that lets him know he's going to pay for this later, but it's so worth it.
“Well, you see,” Shiro starts again, only giggling a little, “Daddy didn't eat you.”
“Then how did I get in his belly?” the kit asks crossly.
“Well, I uh... I put you in there, with the power of love.”
Little brows furrow even further. “Like a penguin?”
“What?”
Matt's laugh is like a braying donkey as he nods at them. “Yes, exactly like a penguin.”
“Eeeeeewww-”
“I don't follow.” Shiro looks between them and over to Keith, who gives him a shrug.
“You barfed me into Daddy's mouth!” the kit shrieks, tiny hands flapping, “That's gross!”
“I've chewed your food before,” Keith scoffs, somehow making it even worse for himself, “That's pretty much the same thing.”
Shiro looks like he begs to differ, but he's a little too green around the gills to argue the point. “I didn't puke on anyone-”
“Remember that one time before the Kerberos launch with my new shoes-”
“Matt, I'm about to launch you back into space,” Shiro tells him with a pleasant smile.
One that Matt returns as he hooks an arm around the kit and settles them in his lap. “You go right ahead there Dadio.”
“Are you really using my kid as a human shield?” Keith asks, eyebrow cocked and hand closing around a fork.
“Only mostly human,” Matt confirms, holding the kid up higher to cover his face. “We're best friends, right kiddo?”
“Best friends!” the kit chirps, because Matt has put in the work to earn his turn with the coveted World's Best Papa mug.
“See? You can't disappear me, your kid would be sad.”
“I think maybe it would be worth it.”
“You think this is bad?” Matt teases as he bounces tiny paws on his knees, “Just wait until naming day, we're gonna come up with some good ones, right buddy?”
“Right!”
“We've got a whole year... what about Matt Jr? Or maybe T-Rex Holt?”
“They don't pick the last name,” Shiro grumbles with a hand to his forehead, “I knew we should have skipped that tradition.”
“Hey!” Keith scowls up at him, betrayed, “It's important for Galra kits to have autonomy-”
Shiro throws a hand out toward Matt in response, who is now bouncing their roaring toddler in his lap with a grin.
“Maybe mom was right and we should've gone with Yorak and been done with it,” Keith grumbles.
“On second thought, maybe T-Rex isn't so bad. It's a classic name, right?”
Matt grins when Keith chucks a piece of toast at his husband, content with the mayhem sowed today.
And if the conversation got derailed and the kid was never disabused of the notion that they were penguinized, even better. Matt can't wait for that one to come up with everyone else. He'll have to make sure they have an extended paladin brunch again soon, with lots of eggs to spark conversation.
A successful investigation concluded, Matt gives the little nugget a high five and some extra bacon. Whatever this little peanut ends up being called, Matt's already decided that they're gonna be his protege forever.