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Miya Atsumu was someone who was generally perceived as extremely confident - sometimes even arrogant or narcissistic. It was no secret that he was attractive, and charming even more so. He could turn both women and men into a blushy mess just by looking at them for long enough.
Only one person disagreed, and thought of Atsumu as no more than a hoax. Who did he think he was? It was obvious that Atsumu sucked.
Only one person hated Miya Atsumu - and that person was Miya Atsumu himself. Well, if you thought about it, there were probably a lot of people who hated him. But no one loathed him nearly as much as he did himself.
Every time he spoke, laughed or even moved he was reminded of how ugly and annoying he was. How could anyone even stand to be around him? He spoke too fast, too loud and too much. His laugh was boisterous and loud. He walked weirdly, ran weirdly. And not to mention how he looked, he was hideous. His smile was too big, his freckles looked like dirt and he had a body shape like a whale.
These things weren’t even his worst traits, no, his worst trait was his personality. Because Atsumu was selfish, and mean. Take for example, when his brother told him he didn’t wanna play volleyball anymore. In that moment all Atsumu cared about was himself, how horrible of a brother was he really? Atsumu always said things that hurt people, always took his jokes a little too far.
“03:12” read Atsumu's bedside clock. It was late, far too late for Atsumu to be awake. Far too late for him to be crying. They had early morning practice in 4 hours, which meant he needed to get up in 3 hours. He knew he needed to sleep but he just couldn’t stop crying.
“fuck” Atsumu stated through his shaky breathing. He dug his nails into his arms in an attempt to ground himself, to stop crying. Before he knew it, his arms were bleeding. Atsumu’s eyes widened and he scrambled out of bed and into the bathroom.
After cleaning his arms and disinfecting them, Atsumu made his way back to bed and promptly blacked out.
Atsumu cracked his eyes open, his face felt stale from all the dried tears. After blinking a couple of times he glanced towards the clock at his bedside table.
“09:28”
…
Oh.
Practice ended nearly 30 minutes ago.
Atsumu sighed. Not only was he the most horrible person to ever exist. He couldn't even make it to practice in time. Way to be a good teammate.
Astumu could cry again, everything hurt. His eyes still stung from all the crying, but that didn't even compare to the pain coming from his arms.
“stupid” Atsumu muttered to himself. There was a knock on the door and Atsumu felt his stomach drop. This can’t be good.
After mentally preparing himself, Atsumu threw on a hoodie to cover his arms and made his way towards the door. On the other side of the door stood one bored looking Sakusa Kiyoomi. He was clad in normal clothes and a mask, but was still carrying his practice bag.
“Coach and the team sent me to check up on you” He stated “Since you decided to ditch practice”.
Atsumu visibly winced, and began thinking of an excuse to give. After too much time had passed by for it to be the truth, Atsumu decided to be honest.
“Yeah, sorry,” He started “I overslept”.
Sakusa's face went through a multitude of different motions before deciding on a mix between anger and confusion. Frustration.
“That's it? You overslept?” Sakusa said angrily “Forgive me, Miya, but we’ve been on the same team for nearly two years and not once have you overslept so i’m having a bit of a problem believing you”
Atsumu frowned and looked down at his feet before raising his head and meeting Sakusa's eyes.
“Fuck off! I don't need to explain myself to anyone, least of all you!” Astumu said, becoming defensive. Sakusa looked hurt for a split second before he began looking even more angry.
“Oh, well I’m sorry for trying to be a good teammate I’ll know not to even try next time!” He said loudly before turning around and leaving Atsumu by the door.
A new wave of self hatred hit Atsumu. God, it's like he just couldn't stop himself sometimes. From being so stupid, from saying the wrong things. Atsumu sighed, the pit in his stomach grew. Why did he have to suck so much?
The next day Atsumu and Sakusa barely spoke to each other. Only said what was necessary. The rest of the team didn’t comment on it, but they all noticed. They were used to him and Sakusa arguing, the silence was new though.
By chance, Atsumu and Sakusa were the last ones in the locker room after practice. And if the silence wasn’t deafening before - it sure was now. The guilt from yesterday's encounter was eating Atsumu alive. He decided to speak up.
“I’m sorry”
It was meant to be louder but only came out as no louder than a whisper. Sakusa still heard him.
“It’s fine,” Sakusa sighed. It didn’t make Atsumu feel better at all.
“No, it really isn't,” Astumu started. “I got defensive and hurt you, when you were just trying to be nice and make sure I was ok. God I really do suck. You don’t need to forgive me, what i did was really shitty”
Sakusa made a move to interrupt him but Atsumu continued on.
“I get it if you don’t wanna talk to me anymore, I mean, I don’t really understand why you guys even want to in the first place. I’m like, really annoying and just shitty in general”
It seemed once Atsumu started speaking he just couldn’t stop.
“But for the record, I am really sorry. For lashing out on you, and being a shitty teammate, friend, brother even”
Before he knew it, tears were rolling down his cheeks and he was bordering on sobbing.
“I’m sorry for being so annoying and hurting everyone, and being this person that I am. I’m so sorry.” Was the last thing Atsumu said before strong arms wrapped around him.
“It’s ok Miya, it’s ok”
Astumu stood still, shocked, in Sakusa's arms for a few seconds before he broke into uncontrollable sobs. His arms making their way around Sakusa’s chest.
“I’m so, so sorry” Astumu sobbed out. Sakusa hushed him and his grip around Atsumu tightened.
Atsumu clenched his hands, gripping the fabric of Sakusas shirt, turning it wrinkly in the process. His chest felt like it was about to explode, so many emotions were fighting inside of him. He didn’t know what to feel or do. All he knew was that it felt really nice to be held by Sakusa.
Atsumu continued to sob into Sakusa’s shoulder, hands shaking.
“I hate myself,” he cried out.
Astumu just wanted it all to stop. He didn’t want to hate himself, didn’t want to wake up every day wishing he was someone else. He just desperately wanted to be ok.
“Oh, Atsumu,” Sakusa whispered, stroking Atsumu’s hair. Those two words sent Atsumu into another wave of tears. “I’m really sorry you feel this way, but hear me out ok?”
Astumu nodded.
“You are amazing, ok?” Sakusa started “You are so incredibly kind, caring and thoughtful. You respected my boundaries before we even really knew each other. You always check up on your teammates and make sure we’re feeling our best. No one takes care of us, of me as much as you do, ok?”
Atsumu felt like he had cried himself dry, but was proven wrong when a few more tears fell down his cheeks.
Sakusa stopped hugging Atsumu and took a hold of his cheeks, making eye contact while he wiped tears away.
“You’re perfect, Atsumu.”
Atsumu felt like all the air disappeared from the room, his heart beat so loud in his chest he was afraid Sakusa could hear it.
Atsumu slowly leaned forward, gauging Sakusa's reaction. When he didn’t pull away, Astumu leaned forward nearly all the way - only leaving a few inches.
“Is this ok, Omi?”
“Yes” Sakusa whispered and that was all Astumu needed.
When their lips met Atsumu felt like that was why he was born - it was what he was made for. It just felt so right. Sakusas lips were soft and warm, and Atsumu shivered when he felt Sakusas breath on his cheek. It wasn’t much - but it was everything to Atsumu. He gripped the front of Sakusas shirt tightly in his fist as Sakusa smoothed one hand over his cheek.
After a while they both pulled away for air and stared at each other with flushed cheeks.
As they both broke into wide grins, Atsumu felt something inside of him light up. He wasn’t magically healed. But this was one step in the right direction.