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Oh, so you're wondering how all of this got here?
Yeah. Excellent question.
Let me tell you a story about that.
It all began in the distant—kind of—past, on a dark—but not too scary—night, much like last night. I mean, it depends on what you were doing last night, I guess. Reading textbooks? Not too scary. Taking a shower? Probably not too scary, although it sort of depends on where the ghosts hang out these days. Listening to the Cannons' midweek game?
Okay, that was pretty horrifying.
But never mind that. As a wizard of pure blood and heritage, I had taken it upon myself to broaden my horizons, in the words of our esteemed headmaster, by engaging in a Muggle tradition introduced to me by a dear...ish friend's cousin.
"So, explain this again?" I said. "You have to answer the question, or do something?"
"Well, you choose first," Angelina Johnson replied, "depending on which you would rather do."
"All right. And this thing you would have to do..." Knowing that it was a school night, and that we would need to get to bed rather sharpish, and that I didn't want to deprive anyone of too much beauty sleep when I could be making them do things at other times—say, next Hogsmeade weekend—I sought out clarification. "It has to be tonight, yes?"
"Yes. Right on your turn."
"Look, maybe this is a stupid idea," said Alicia Spinnet, who looked about ready to pick up her Care of Magical Creatures book again and start being worryingly academic.
"No, no, I'll catch on," I promised.
"Yeah, we'll get the hang of it," Fred Weasley promised. "You go first."
"All right," Angelina said coolly, taking a while to look around. It wasn't really difficult—we were the only people left in the Gryffindor common room. It wasn't even that late. Just kind of darkish. "Alicia, truth or dare?"
"Truth," said Alicia.
"Do you...d'you think Cedric Diggory is cute?"
"Oh no," George interrupted before Alicia could think of a response, "you told us this was a game boys could play. Trust me, I do not want to deal with this."
"I'm not going to ask you," she said witheringly, "I'm asking Alicia, she can think of something else to ask you."
Dubiously, we turned to Alicia, who must have seen no sense in prolonging the question. "Not, I mean, he's just our age."
"Just our age?" Angelina grinned. "What, okay, I know what I'm asking next time."
"It's me next," she said. "George, don't worry, I won't ask you. How about...Lee?"
"Uh...give me a minute."
"Lee, c'mon!"
"No, it's just, how would you know if I'm telling the truth? If I say I'll answer a question."
"We have to take your word for it," said Angelina.
I didn't want to pick a fight with her, but..."The Muggles are so trusting. No wonder people thought they could be wiped out. Okay, okay, truth."
Alicia crossed her legs as she turned to me. "Would you ever cheat on a paper?"
"No," I said without a moment's thought. "I mean, it's just school, right? If I'm not going to do it I might as well not take the time to copy something down."
"A man with his priorities straight," George clapped me on the back.
"So...so do I go next?"
"I think so," said Angelina, "it's been a while."
"Great. Okay. Alicia, truth or dare?"
"You can't pick her, you have to pick someone else. I think."
"All right, Fred?"
"Dare," he said quickly.
"All right. Awesome. You should prank...your brother Percy. Go and try and sneak into his dorm and turn his knickers pink."
There was a pause.
"Oh c'mon, that's easy. Just color-changing, you know how to do that."
"Yeah," said Fred, "except, they're probably all asleep in there, and if they're not, it's going to be tough to explain what I'm doing."
"Just say it's for a game."
"But even then, I don't think I'm supposed to peek in other people's trunks."
"The point of the game is to embarrass each other, not other people," Angelina explained.
"Yeah, but Fred's my friend, I don't want to embarrass him when there are people like Percy to prank," I said.
"I could turn my own knickers pink," volunteered Fred.
"Yeah, but how would we know the difference?" George asked.
"Isn't that the point?"
"Just hurry up and do something," said Angelina.
"All right, all right," said Fred, pointing his wand in an unusual stance and muttering under his breath. Then, very quickly—there wasn't much of a way to be discreet about it—he risked a glance down his robes. "Done, and you'll have to take it on faith. All right, George?"
"Dare."
"Okay, I dare you to give the truthful answer to the question I'm about to ask you."
"That's not fair," said Angelina, "that's not how the game works."
"Does now."
"Why do you want me to answer a question anyway?" asked George. "Isn't pranking much more fun?"
"Yeah, but we're not going to really prank anybody, are we? Just each other. Wait, Angelina, if I dared George to pull a prank on Alicia here—"
"I'd get up and leave, now that I have fair warning," Alicia cut him off.
"...Right."
"Okay, go ahead and ask the question," Angelina decreed, "but after this, no more tricks."
"Right you are, ma'am. George, old boy! What did Mum make you do after Charlie's birthday party that year?"
"Nothing," he said.
"You're fibbing."
"'mnot," George muttered, but even I knew something was off.
"What happened at Charlie's birthday party?" I asked.
"We," said Fred before George could jump in, "as in George and I, thought it would be nice to...make the cake ourselves, so that Mum wouldn't have to."
"How considerate of you," Alicia rolled her eyes.
"It really was. We gave it icing and all."
"Where by icing," said George, "is meant a layer of black sludge all around it."
"To represent all the Bludgers he's dodged through the years."
"For some reason, Mum didn't take it well."
"And this git," Fred pointed to George, "took the fall himself without letting me in on it."
"Hey, I remember insulting your baking skills to all the world, you can't say you got off easy."
"But I can't bake."
"That's putting it lightly."
"So what did she do to you?"
"Nothing. Like I said."
"You should add some yellow...er...toppings, next year," I volunteered. "Call it a Golden Snitch."
"That's not half bad," Fred's eyes lit up. "If he weren't off with the dragons I'd give it a shot."
"Wait, whose turn is it?" George asked.
Nobody knew.
"You're oddly quiet, Angelina, I think it's you next."
She shrugged.
"Right, then, truth or dare?"
She opened her mouth, started to say something, but then cut herself off before stammering "Dare."
"I dare you to...sing a Celestina Warbeck song."
She blushed. "Ugh, the point is to embarrass me, not to make yourself uncomfortable. Trust me, you'll regret this."
"Try me."
Glaring, she started...moving her lips, at least, although not much in the way of sound came out.
"You have to sing loud enough to hear, at least," said Alicia. "And you're the one who said "no tricks.""
"I thought we agreed we didn't want to do anything that could wake other people up?"
"You're just chicken," said Fred.
"Oh trust me, I'm doing this for your sakes as much as mine."
"This is a stupid game," I said. "People are just going to try to cheat and get out of things, and if we have to keep going around in the same order, it's not going to be that much fun."
"Well, now that we've gone around once, we could probably mix it up. Just as long as everybody does it once each round."
"So basically you don't remember the rules and you want to be able to choose who you ask next?"
She rolled her eyes. "Fine, we can stop."
"No, if you want to keep going...that's okay."
"All right. Fred?"
He didn't hesitate. "Dare."
"I dare you to pet Mrs. Norris."
"Mrs. Norris?" we all blurted, and Alicia kept going. "She's probably out prowling somewhere, how is he even supposed to find her?"
"Next time you get either of the twins to say truth you can ask them," said Angelina, "they have some way of spying on people they don't tell me about, I think."
The Weasleys burst out laughing. They'd sworn me to secrecy on the subject.
"Even if we did," said Fred, "Mrs. Norris isn't a person."
"She'll be with Filch."
Fred closed his eyes and held his arms in front of him. "Oooh," he teased, waving his arms, "I foresee that Filch is...heading to bed, and Mrs. Norris is curled up under the bed."
"Do you foresee any secret passages into his room?" Alicia asked.
"No." He opened his eyes and returned his arms to his side. "Bad luck. All right, Lee?"
"Dare."
"I dare you to...walk into the lake with your robes on."
"The lake?" I blurted. "What, do you want me to find Mrs. Norris for you?"
"Just cast Lumos or something, you can stay out of her way."
I tried to change the subject. "Uh...um. Whatever. Why do you want me to jump in the lake, anyway? If you're not going to come along, you won't see how embarrassing it is."
"I'll see when you come back with wet robes."
"You know there are showers for that kind of thing."
"Fine, then, I'll come with you."
"Sounds fair."
We made our way to the Fat Lady's portrait, then climbed outward, nervously looking down the hall.
"All right, then," said Fred.
"Lead on, big shot," I said, "this was your idea."
Gladly, he began, then looked down at his wand. "You...do know how to cast Lumos, right?"
I sighed. Better to admit it in front of one person than four, but if I had to pick one person who I didn't want knowing things to tease me about, Fred Weasley would be near the top of the list. "C'mon, mate, we had Professor Drooble first year. Nobody learned anything in that class."
It was true. Defense Against the Dark Arts had always been a very mixed bag, but Drooble was really quite lousy.
"All right. Well, you're in luck, then," Fred shrugged. "I'll go first and clear the way."
So I followed him down flight after flight. And yes, I did wonder if we were going the wrong way. Towards the bottom I just asked flat-out, "Are you sure this is the way outside?"
"Secret passage," he replied.
"And you didn't tell me about this one before?"
"Well...secret...ish. Not secret secret, just kind of secret. Filch doesn't patrol it."
"I thought Filch was in bed with his cat."
"He probably has to go take a leak."
It still felt a little fishy, but what was I going to do?
"Hold on," he said, after a few more passageways. "Stay right here, I want to check something. Two minutes."
And he slipped through a small wooden door that looked familiar for the split-second that his wand lit it up. Then I leaned against the opposite wall, almost sure we weren't at an outside door, but I couldn't be sure...
At that point, I heard what sounded a heck of a lot like breaking glass. I was too worried about what might have happened to Fred to realize that he must have been tricking me. Wand at the ready, I flung open the door...
"...and found yourself face-to-face with the "lake.""
"Yes, sir. I had been hoping for a quiet, peaceful night, the moonlight shining down on the castle grounds—"
"The moonlight?"
"And the, er, starlight, sir?"
"Last night, Jordan, was a new moon."
"Er. Well, you know, I had to make it sound like a good story."
Professor Snape paced the classroom, arms crossed. "As tempting as it would be to deter future ridiculous Muggle games, I shall limit myself to punishing the true miscreants of this...story. Jordan, twenty-five points from Gryffindor for exceptionally misguided trust; I shall also be speaking to Professor Sinistra about your astronomical ineptitude. In both senses. Weasley—FredWeasley, seventy-five points from Gryffindor for attempting to put a friend's health at serious risk and destroying a professor's property. You had no idea what was in that vial!"
He nodded at the floor from which he had recently Vanished the weird potion Fred had spilled the previous night, trying to get me to walk into.
"You will also serve detention with me tonight. I will be most interested to hear about your special way of locating people's whereabouts. If the rest of you would turn to page 256."