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When Erwin asked Nanaba and Miche to have some drinks with him, he clearly didn't expect to have this intense night. All he counted on was a relaxing night, maybe some new gossips, but it quickly became clear that in Survey Corps not even one night can be normal and peaceful. It was pretty late when they entered the dining hall, where they were going to sneak in to the storage, grab some alcohol and leave unnoticed. They clearly couldn't expect it to be already occupied. Erwin knew that Moblit had a difficult relationship with alcohol, it wasn't hard to find him drinking (though he wasn't at Pyxis level yet), but Oluo and Mikasa accompanying him? That was something new. Erwin couldn't wait to learn the reason they were there.
“What is going on here?” he asked with his powerful voice, startling Moblit, who stood up rapidly. Oluo only paled and Mikasa stayed unbothered.
“Commander Erwin! I can explain!” Hanji's assistant cried in panic.
“Oh, I'm counting on that” Erwin took a sit at the table.
“Hold on, don't start without us” Miche ordered, then he rushed to the storage to bring more booze, while Nanaba went to take some mugs for them to drink. It was an emergency, no time for fancy glass. The already drinking trio exchanged shocked glances, but no one said a word, waiting for their superiors to make themselves comfortable, pour the alcohol and take a sip.
“Now spill the tea, I want to know everything” Erwin commanded, way too excited for his age and position. It was clear he didn't demand a sensible explanation, but juicy gossips.
“I mean... We... Uh, where should I start...” Moblit tried to explain everything, but he kept stumbling over his own tongue.
“It's "lost to Levi drinking club". A bunch of people who don't know what people they like see in that midget spinner” Mikasa deadpanned. Erwin looked at Miche and they both suppressed wide grins. Oh, the tea was so good tonight.
“What do you mean?” the commander asked. “I thought you know about Levi and Hanji, Moblit.”
“I walked in on them again” he confessed and everyone winced in sympathy. “Though I still don't understand why.”
“Hanji-san deserves better” Mikasa agreed.
“No, no, no, we didn't spend years trying to set them up only for you trying to ruin that, don't you even dare” Nanaba protested. “These two are made for each other, period.”
“I mean, yeah. Hanji is the only one who can actually read Levi. They can understand him way better than anyone else. Sometimes we think they have some kind of telepathic connection” Erwin rubbed his chin, thinking about this.
“It doesn't mean he's good for them. Besides, that still doesn't answer my question what do they see in him.”
“I think you should know this” Miche smirked viciously and Moblit looked at him confused. “We all know Levi has a terrible personality, though Hanji is weird themself, but if something seems impossible to work but still works, it's because of sex” he stated, making Nanaba choke on her drink. “What, I'm not wrong, you know that.”
“Shut up, we're supposed to talk about Levi and Hanji, not us” she looked at him angrily and her cheeks were blushed.
“Well, hard to argue with that logic, Miche” Erwin nodded, agreeing with his friend. “Wait, why are you even jealous? Do you have feelings for Hanji and we don't know about that?” he looked at Moblit who scoffed at these words.
“Please. We're just friends. But the thing is that before they started seeing Levi, they used to spend their time in the lab with me. We were doing experiments which could benefit humanity. Science is more important than relationships.”
“Okay, so your jealousy is completely not romantic, I get it. But levihan is canon and we're not changing that. Sorry, Moblit. Next” Erwin looked at Oluo, who shrugged miserably.
“What am I supposed to say? I have a crush on Petra, yes. I don't admit it often, but that's how I feel for years. But she has her eyes only on captain, she follows him like a puppy, ready to obey his every order. She can't stop thinking about him, even...” he bit his tongue, this time on purpose, to stop himself from talking too much.
“Even?” the commander wasn't going to let it slide, everyone was obliged to honesty when drinking. “Come on, say it. Full honesty, it's a drinking gossip night.”
“Even when she's with me. Like... in bed” Oluo confessed quietly.
“Hold the fuck up” Miche made a time out gesture. “You're sleeping with her and she is still in love with Levi? What kind of relationship is that?” he looked at the younger man with disbelief.
“It's not like we have a relationship. It's just sex. For her. For me there's much more, but I take what I can, alright? Not everyone is lucky enough to have a happy relationship like you” Oluo was upset by this question, his feelings for Petra were something he was sensitive about and the pain of knowledge that her heart belonged to their captain was always raw in his chest.
“I still don't get it. Why fuck a guy when you simp for another?”
“She's lost. Feelings are complicated, Miche-sama” Mikasa answered quietly. “She has a massive crush on Levi, but she's painfully aware that his heart belongs to Hanji-san.”
“Why did she start sleeping with Oluo then?”
“It was an accident” the man in question spoke. “It was supposed to be one time, I don't even know how did it become a regular thing. It's like she keeps coming back for more, despite promising she won't.”
“Have you tried turning her down?” Erwin suggested. “No sex until she decides to be with you.”
“Have you seen Petra? How am I supposed to say no to her?” Oluo deadpanned. “Besides, the sex itself is good. What comes after is painful. When I know that despite being in my arms, she keeps thinking about him.”
“That's why she's so lost. Because on the one hand the sex is really good, but on the other hand, she can't have it with Levi” Mikasa summed up. “I've been talking to her” she said, sensing the silent question in the room.
“What about you? Why are you even in this club? As far as I know, Eren doesn't have feelings for Levi” Nanaba asked, not really understanding the girl's presence.
“Eren hardly has feelings for anything but fighting titans. He's a lot like Hanji in that matter” Moblit pointed out. “Though Hanji apparently developed some feelings for captain Levi” he commented quietly with irritation.
“Yes, but I can't stand that he has so much admiration for that short asshole, even after everything he did” Mikasa growled through her gritted teeth.
“You know Levi had to do what he did in the trial. He saved Eren's life, it was the only choice. And it was our plan, mostly mine and Hanji's. Levi only agreed to it, because we explained to him that it was the biggest chance to save Eren” the commander explained, looking at the young Ackerman.
“But I can do anything he can do, yet Eren can't see it” she said with bitterness in her voice.
“He's scared, you know?” Erwin asked and Mikasa nodded in confirmation.
“Deep down he fears captain. I can see it every time shorty is unhappy, at least more than usually, or when someone does something wrong. Eren freezes with fear, I can seen it in his eyes. Even though he knows that what happened at the trial was a necessity, he can't help his emotions. Neither can I. No matter what, I despise captain so much” she hissed and took a gulp frolm her mug.
“Well, I see you there have good reasons to hate Levi” Miche summed up. “Well, maybe except for Moblit, because Hanji is as happy with Levi as they are doing experiments in the lab, you just refuse to accept that.”
“I know they are happy, but they have less time to do the science and that's more important than love” Berner protested.
“At least Levi is more bearable since they started dating, so there are some good outcomes” Erwin noticed, but his optimism was quickly killed.
“Yes and they have a thing to fuck in public or semi public places. You forgot how you caught them in your office?” Moblit asked, but Erwin remained stoic.
“Apparently people have a thing for my office, I have no idea why” he said calmly and Nanaba blushed furiously again.
“It was one time and you're still mad about it?” she whined, wishing to hide her embarrassment in her drink.
“One time I knew about” he pointed out and she remained silent, not wanting to expose herself and Miche further.
“Alright” Mikasa emptied her mug and stood up, the alcohol almost didn't affect her, despite drinking as much as Moblit and Oluo, who looked quite drunk. Must be Ackerman blood. “It was a nice evening, but I shall head to bed. Goodnight” she said and left the dining hall.
“I think I shall go too, before I get too drunk to walk” Moblit decided. “I need to be in a good condition in case Hanji would need me in their lab tomorrow” he explained and left like Mikasa.
“I will stay for a while, if you don't mind” Oluo said quietly.
“Of course we don't” Nanaba assured him firmly, seeing that he needed it. He was a really heartbreaking to look at, all he wanted was to be with the girl he loved. Suddenly Miche got an idea.
“Have I ever told you the story of my first meeting with Levi?” he asked. Oluo was thinking for a while, before shaking his head.
“No, I don't think so.”
“Oh, then brace yourself, that's an amazing story. It's absolutely hilarious.”