Chapter Text
[4/19/16, 8:34:09 PM] Tsukishima Kei: You were on the news today.
[4/19/16, 8:34:15 PM] Tsukishima Kei: Well, you were mentioned.
[4/19/16, 8:34:30 PM] Tsukishima Kei: I thought that I should let you know since you always said you wanted to be on television one day.
[4/19/16, 8:37:03 PM] Tsukishima Kei: People cried. A lot. Which is pretty embarrassing.
[4/19/16, 8:37:09 PM] Tsukishima Kei: And they all talked you up so much. It’s funny that they really have no clue how lame you actually are.
[4/19/16, 8:49:20 PM] Tsukishima Kei: Anyways…
[4/19/16, 8:49:29 PM] Tsukishima Kei: I can’t talk long tonight.
[4/19/16, 8:49:33 PM] Tsukishima Kei: I’ll talk to you later.
* * *
“Tsukki.” Kuroo exhales the name against the back of Tsukishima’s neck, and as always, Tsukishima grunts and reaches back to shove at Kuroo’s side in an attempt to get him to stop breathing down his neck. “Tsukki, wake up.”
“I’m sleeping.”
“Bullshit.”
“Fuck off.”
Tsukishima’s words were groggy and thick with sleep in sharp contrast to Kuroo’s. He’d probably been up for half an hour by now, and only just got bored of lying in bed and doing nothing. The sound of rain and their breathing had filled the gap of silence in conversation, and Tsukishima shuts his eyes again, putting his head down on Kuroo’s arm as a makeshift pillow—one that Kuroo was quick to yank out from underneath him.
“Let’s go for a run.”
“It’s raining.”
“And?”
“I’m tired.”
“And?”
“It’s cold.”
"And?"
“Urgh. I’m not doing this with you.”
Kuroo was pouting, and Tsukishima didn’t need to turn around to know. Dating Kuroo was like taking care of a child, and while it was something he knew he was signing himself up for early on in their relationship, it never got any less annoying. Or endearing.
A nose presses to the back of Tsukishima’s head, followed by a pair of lips and only then does he cave and roll onto his other side to face Kuroo, who grinned from ear to ear now that he knew that he had every last ounce of Tsukishima’s attention.
“Well, good mornin’ princess.” Kuroo purrs, leaning in for a kiss that Tsukishima blocks with his hand. There was no way that he’d be kissing Kuroo before he brushes his teeth.
“Morning.” Trying to get Kuroo to stop calling him by nicknames and pet names was just a waste of time at this point in their relationship, and Tsukishima didn’t mind it nearly as much as he did before they began seeing one another. Hearing ‘Tsukki, Tsukki!’ shouted from the end of a hallway usually meant Kuroo and Bokuto were about to come bounding down the corridor to tease and play.
“Did you sleep well?”
“I would have slept better if you didn’t wake me up.”
"I wanted you to pay attention to me, that’s all.”
“Of course.”
Kuroo chuckles, taking Tsukishima’s hand in his own to press a kiss to the pads of each of his fingers, knuckles, and then his palm since Tsukishima wasn’t about to kiss him properly.
“I like waking up like this. You’re less pissy in the mornings.”
“Thank you, Kuroo.”
“And you’re cuter.”
Any compliments that Kuroo made were always responded to with a roll of Tsukishima’s eyes and a reddening of his cheeks. The little things like that were what made Kuroo fall for a lanky, angsty first-year to begin with, and now that he was older, he found it even more adorable.
“What do you want to do today?” Kuroo props himself up on an elbow to look over his shoulder and out the window of Tsukishima’s bedroom. The rain was coming down hard and it didn’t look like it was going to let up any time soon. He had never been a fan of the rain, but he wasn’t a fan of staying inside and doing nothing, either.
“Sleep. Stay in bed. Maybe we can watch some television later.”
“Please get any more boring, I’m begging you.”
“Well, do you have anything better in mind?”
“Let’s go for a run.”
The fact that Kuroo would ask to go for a run not once, but twice in this weather was appalling, and Tsukishima groans with a shake of his head.
“I already said no. Are you crazy?”
“It’s just a little rain.”
“No.”
“Come on!”
Kuroo flips over with his hands pressed to the bed at either side of Tsukishima’s head, and he looks down at him with that same smirk that Tsukishima wanted to slap and kiss all at the same time. Instead of doing either of those things, he sighs and rolls onto his back to look up at Kuroo.
“Let’s just go for a run in the rain.”
“That’s the cheesiest thing you’ve ever said to me.”
“I’ll give you a kiss in the rain if you’re good.”
“I lied. That is.”
“I’ll brush my teeth first.”
This time Kuroo smiles. His smile was something Tsukishima appreciated far more than his Cheshire cat grin. It wasn’t just the curve of his lips that made Tsukishima weak at the knees, but his nose would scrunch up and there was always a dimple on his left cheek but not one on the right. He’d seen that smile and memorized it countless times, and he’d felt it pressed against his own lips. It never got old, and the thought alone makes Tsukishima think that maybe he was the cheesy one, not Kuroo.
“Fine. Only if you brush your teeth.”
“I knew you’d come around.”
“Shut up.”
“I love you.”
“I love you too.”
* * *
[4/21/16, 2:58:09 AM] Tsukishima Kei: Do you remember when you’d tease me all the goddamn time about how I slept too much?
[4/21/16, 2:58:14 AM] Tsukishima Kei: I can’t sleep at all right now. It’s the worst. I lie down and I close my eyes and I can’t fucking sleep no matter what I try.
[4/21/16, 2:58:20 AM] Tsukishima Kei: I don’t want to say that I wish you were here right now,
[4/21/16, 2:58:23 AM] Tsukishima Kei: but I wish you were here.
[4/21/16, 2:58:30 AM] Tsukishima Kei: I wish you were here so I could tell you that you’re the one that’s sleeping too much now. Hypocrite.
[4/21/16, 2:58:38 AM] Tsukishima Kei: You’re not even reading these; I know you’re not.
[4/21/16, 3:16:12 AM] Tsukishima Kei: I’m going to try to sleep again.
[4/21/16, 2:16:19 AM] Tsukishima Kei: I’ll see you soon.
[4/21/16, 2:16:21 AM] Tsukishima Kei: Night.
* * *
For a moment, Tsukishima waits for Skype to ping with a response. It doesn’t, and Tsukishima wonders what he’d actually been expecting. Kuroo was always notoriously slow to respond to messages, but Tsukishima knew that this time, no matter how much he wanted to deny it, there never would be another notification from Kuroo again. Coming to terms with that is just another thing to add to his itinerary for the next few days, weeks… years, probably.
He stands up, walks over to the television, and turns off the news channel that was playing what may as well have been white noise for the past four hours. Sleep would make things feel better, and sleep would make his chest not feel like it was caving in on itself and like his head wasn’t being held underwater.
The quiet whirring of his laptop on his desk was all the company that Tsukishima needed—and the sliver of hope that by the off chance he manages to fall asleep, he’d be stirred awake by a ping and the same ‘Good morning,’ message that he’d woken up to almost every day for the past two years.
* * *
[4/22/16, 5:19:22 PM] Tsukishima Kei: It was really nice seeing you today.
[4/22/16, 5:19:30 PM] Tsukishima Kei: Even though you didn’t talk much.
[4/22/16, 5:19:37 PM] Tsukishima Kei: You didn’t talk at all, actually.
[4/22/16, 5:19:44 PM] Tsukishima Kei: But I met your parents.
[4/22/16, 5:19:58 PM] Tsukishima Kei: It was my first time seeing them.
[4/22/16, 5:20:06 PM] Tsukishima Kei: You really do look like your dad.
[4/22/16, 5:20:12 PM] Tsukishima Kei: Especially today.
[4/22/16, 5:20:24 PM] Tsukishima Kei: I don’t know how they did it, but they managed to get your bedhead go down. It probably took a lot of hairspray.
[4/22/16, 5:20:32 PM] Tsukishima Kei: You looked like your dad, but you didn’t really look like you.
[4/22/16, 5:20:39 PM] Tsukishima Kei: That doesn’t even make sense. Sorry.
[4/22/16, 5:20:44 PM] Tsukishima Kei: They used a lot of makeup to cover up the bruises and what not.
[4/22/16, 5:20:48 PM] Tsukishima Kei: So don’t worry, you looked good. I swear.
[4/22/16, 5:24:15 PM] Tsukishima Kei: My mom is calling me, so I should go.
[4/22/16, 5:24:22 PM] Tsukishima Kei: I’ll talk to you tomorrow, I promise.
* * *
Dinner for the past few days was about as enjoyable as pulling teeth.
Tsukishima spent more time staring at his plate, at his lap, than he did talking about his day, and tonight wasn’t any different than the night before, or the night before that.
Two nights ago he didn’t even bother to leave his room for a meal. Hunger was staunched with confusion, depression and frustration, and his parents said they understood.
Except they didn’t understand, and Tsukishima knew that they wouldn’t for a long, long time.
Unless one of them suddenly died in a freak accident, then they’d really understand.
Two nights ago, instead of sitting around the dinner table, he sat in front of the television with his laptop beside him, watching the same clip from the news over and over again while listening for his computer to ping.
* * *
[5/02/16, 3:49:03 AM] Tsukishima Kei: I know I promised to message you the other day.
[5/02/16, 3:49:19 AM] Tsukishima Kei: Other week would be more accurate.
[5/02/16, 3:49:25 AM] Tsukishima Kei: But you can’t be upset with me.
[5/02/16, 3:49:34 AM] Tsukishima Kei: You promised me that you’d get home safe.
[5/02/16, 3:49:42 AM] Tsukishima Kei: I mean, you also called me “mom” said it with that stupid, shit-eating grin that you always have on your face.
[5/02/16, 3:49:44 AM] Tsukishima Kei: Had on your face.*
[5/02/16, 3:49:50 AM] Tsukishima Kei: Aaaaand, you didn’t. Make it home, that is.
[5/02/16, 3:49:53 AM] Tsukishima Kei: We’re even now.
[5/02/16, 3:50:08 AM] Tsukishima Kei: Now that we’re even, I want to you to try and promise me something again.
[5/02/16, 3:50:17 AM] Tsukishima Kei: Please wake up.
[5/02/16, 3:50:23 AM] Tsukishima Kei: I hate begging. You know I hate it.
[5/02/16, 3:50:34 AM] Tsukishima Kei: I bet you’re snickering at that, wherever you are.
[5/02/16, 3:50:53 AM] Tsukishima Kei: But, it keeps hurting and I don’t know why and it feels like shit and I know you could tell me why, but you’re not here and I would really appreciate it if you’d just wake up.
[5/02/16, 3:51:02 AM] Tsukishima Kei: You’re laughing at that too, aren’t you.
[5/02/16, 3:51:10 AM] Tsukishima Kei: Dying is probably up there in the list of top ten shitty things you’ve ever done, and you’ve done a lot of shitty things.
[5/02/16, 4:21:40 AM] Tsukishima Kei: I'm rambling.
[5/02/16, 4:21:47 AM] Tsukishima Kei: That wasn’t really a promise. Now that I think about it.
[5/02/16, 4:21:53 AM] Tsukishima Kei: Promise me that you’ll wake up.
[5/02/16, 4:21:55 AM] Tsukishima Kei: Soon.
[5/02/16, 4:21:59 AM] Tsukishima Kei: Wake up soon.
* * *
“Tokyo College Student Killed By Hit-And-Run Driver
A college student from Tokyo has been identified as the victim of a hit-and-run accident in the northern Miyagi Prefecture.
Kuroo Tetsurou, 19, was struck by a c—“
The television goes black, and Tsukishima snaps his head around to see his brother standing over him with the remote in hand.
“Kei, stop watching that.”
He didn’t need to watch the clip again (it was his thirteenth time today) to know exactly what the news anchor would say next. She would talk about how Kuroo was well liked, charming, intelligent and a talented volleyball player that everybody loved and would be dearly missed. She’d play clips of Kuroo’s classmates and teammates blubbering eulogies through snot and tears, and it’s embarrassing just as much as it’s pathetic.
Hearing that initial spiel always pissed Tsukishima off the most, though. The news anchor would talk and talk when she knew absolutely nothing about Kuroo.
Someone who really knew Kuroo would have said that Kuroo was a bit of a bastard. That he was smart, but not in the way that he’d pick up on text written in books or solve equations at the blink of an eye. He was smart in that he could catch the slightest change in expression; the tiniest twitch of someone’s eye or the upturn of someone’s lip and know how to play that emotion like a song to make people laugh, cry or fall in love. He wasn’t charming, he was persistent, and when he knew he wanted something or someone, he was absolutely relentless. That persistence was what convinced Tsukishima to reluctantly go on a date with him, and for that, Tsukishima would never forgive him.
At least the volleyball part was accurate.
“I was just about to turn it off.” He replies simply, sinking back into the living room couch as he stares at his own reflection in the television. The dark circles around his eyes made him look sickly, as did the way that what little body fat he had dwindled down to practically nothing.
“Maybe you should delete it from the DVR.”
“I’m going to.”
“When?”
“Soon.”
“Today?”
“No.”
The news anchor would close the segment with testimonials from teachers who said that Kuroo was just the perfect student. They would exaggerate Kuroo’s academic career that was really mediocre at best into something along the lines of being a ‘Straight-A, honor roll student’ when Tsukishima spent a good portion of his days talking to Kuroo over the phone to walk him through math equations.
Akiteru sighs, and Tsukishima looks at the ground between his feet as if his brother had just walked in on him watching porn and not a reading of his boyfriend’s obituary over a local news network. To Tsukishima it was even more shameful that he’d brought his laptop along with him into the living room so that he could wait for a ping while he listened to a recount of Kuroo’s death.
“Do you want to go outside and toss a ball around some?”
“No thanks.”
“It would be good to get some fresh air.”
Fresh air had become a foreign concept to Tsukishima. He hadn’t left home or gone to school for weeks now. Yamaguchi began bringing his missed schoolwork to his house for him, but even then his mother would answer the door with a small smile and reassurance that ‘Kei is doing just fine.’
“Maybe tomorrow.”
“Tomorrow, then. Promise?”
That last word out of Akiteru’s mouth makes Tsukishima want to vomit, and he quickly gets up and off of the couch before wordlessly power walking back to his room with his laptop in hand.
Akiteru doesn’t go after his brother. Instead he sits down where Kei had been seated all morning. He turns the television back on to hear one more time about who had broken his baby brother’s heart.
* * *
[5/05/16, 7:02:15 AM] Tsukishima Kei: Your mom came over yesterday.
[5/05/16, 7:02:17 AM] Tsukishima Kei: At eleven o’clock.
[5/05/16, 7:02:19 AM] Tsukishima Kei: At night.
[5/05/16, 7:02:24 AM] Tsukishima Kei: She was crying. I don’t think that she’s stopped crying since you left.
[5/05/16, 7:02:28 AM] Tsukishima Kei: It’s pretty annoying.
[5/05/16, 7:02:35 AM] Tsukishima Kei: But she sat me down and she told me that you were gone.
[5/05/16, 7:02:39 AM] Tsukishima Kei: As if I don’t know that already. I’m not an idiot.
[5/05/16, 7:02:43 AM] Tsukishima Kei: She asked me if I wanted to visit your grave, and I said no.
[5/05/16, 7:02:50 AM] Tsukishima Kei: She asked me if I was scared to, and I said no to that too.
[5/05/16, 7:02:53 AM] Tsukishima Kei: And I’m not.
[5/05/16, 7:03:02 AM] Tsukishima Kei: I just like to think that you’re going to keep your goddamn promise for once and wake up.
[5/05/16, 7:09:21 AM] Tsukishima Kei: Even if you don’t do it for me, at least do it for your mom.
[5/05/16, 7:09:26 AM] Tsukishima Kei: I don’t like answering the door for people in the middle of the night.
[5/05/16, 7:09:33 AM] Tsukishima Kei: It’s a pain in the ass.
[5/05/16, 7:39:29 AM] Tsukishima Kei: I have to go to school now. I haven’t gone in weeks.
[5/05/16, 7:39:34 AM] Tsukishima Kei: I’ll talk to you when I get home.
[5/05/16, 7:39:38 AM] Tsukishima Kei: I love you.