Chapter Text
Bucky knew the risk when he came to Zemo.
'longing'
'rusted'
'Those days are over.'
Bucky interrupts his handler. He still remembers the punishment he had last time he interrupted one of his handlers.
It was not really pleasant, so he never bothered to try it again.
Until now.
He has to pretend that he is free.
'I know, I just wanted see how the new you reacts to the old words.'
'Something is still in there.'
The words send a shiver down his spine.
Surely something is still in him.
There's no new him. He is still the winter soldier. And Zemo is still his handler. Just like last time they meet.
And Zemo does not need to know this or Bucky would rather be dead than wants to see the consequence.
Not like he could kill himself though. Hydra had make sure to program it out of the asset.
[Asset is not allowed to hurt itself.]
Wakanda just inactivated the codewords. Not other programmings.
Bucky found that out, not so long ago.
When Steve was gone and he's alone, with all the memories and nightmares and loneliness and guilt and fear and pain and the whole new world eating him alive, he tried to end himself. He found out he can't. What a wonderful day.
He was knocked out by the familiar pain of autocorrection.
The pain resembles the electric shock he got from the chair, resembles the firing nerves when his left arm was amputated piece by piece, resembles the eternal coldness in the cryo, it's just a sum of every fucking painful moments he fears the most in his whole fucking life. And there's so many of them.
His brain did such a good job of recording them for Hydra. And release those pain when Bucky failed his programming.
Bucky used to doubt what would he chose between the wipe and the autocorrection.
It actually depends.
When he was with Hydra, he chose the wipe. Cuz it's less painful and he didn't have the need to remember anything. Memories were not important to the asset.
When he was with Steve, he chose the autocorrection. Disobedience was a huge flaw to his programming. He pulled Steve out of the river and flee to Romania.
At that time he was punished again and again by his own brain for so, so long. The asset fought against it, it fought so hard because Steve wanted his Bucky back.
Eventually the autocorrection ceased. And Bucky, as a tough piece of shit, finally surfaced from 70 years of endless darkness.
And then there's bomb, Steve, Zemo, Wakanda, blip, Bucky is back, Steve is gone, and now.
Now Bucky is facing his handler, Zemo, and his autocorrection is on the edge of running.
Bucky desperatly wishes Zemo could just give him some orders to follow because this time he might actually beg for a wipe inside of the autocorrection happening.
In the end, wiping is always preferred when there's no Steve. Just as 80 something years ago, when he heard about Steve's death on the experiment table.
Well, begging is also against his programming.
Winter soldier is at his handler's mercy.
None of his handlers showed him any mercy before.
He doesn't believe Zemo would when he realize his toy soldier is cheating on him.
Bucky still has to pretend, for now.
Sam just gave up the shield. Steve's legacy.
And the fucking John Walker got it.
And then for God's sake there's 8 super soldiers on the run.
Everything is in a mess.
He did not expect this when he decided to end his life.
Apparently Bucky is still needed.
He'd be tough, once again choosing the beloved autocorrection until the issues are solved.
They are now out of clues and Zemo is the only one who has some.
'...you must be desperate.'
Of course he is desperate or Bucky won't come to his handler like he lost his mind.
Normally his handler should be in jail for the rest of his life and Bucky should be as close as a free man that way.
The reality leaves him no other choices.
He wishes, for the best, that they could solve the problems and Zemo could get back to jail as planned.
If things go south, Bucky trusts Zemo will solve the serum issue anyway. It againsts his moral code.
The thing he worries the most is the shield. He really does not know how to make Walker give up on it and make Sam claim it.
Guess he'll has to suffer for longer if this is not solved.
Bucky wonders why the world is so cruel to him.
He is really, really tired. But there's never a break, never peace.
Not for him.