Chapter Text
Captain America was a hero. Ask anyone on the streets or on the moon if you so desired; the answer would be the same. The reasons might have varied slightly depending on who you chose to question, but Captain America was a hero.
Tony Stark knew this as if he was born with the knowledge. It was interesting to grow up surrounded by people who fought beside him. From what he could tell, Captain America was a man who deserved the world but instead gave himself up to save it. The constant tales of the skinny boy from Brooklyn who tried several times to enlist or the juiced-up super-soldier who had Hitler on the run never really lost their intrigue. It surprised Tony more than anyone else. His house was not always one that exerted warmth, but a surefire way to draw people into a conversion was to bring up Steve Rogers.
The stories would follow from there, whether it was Howards riddled with jokes and a little smugness about his involvement in Project Rebirth or Peggys that had the fond and slightly nostalgic energy of someone remembering a lost loved one. Tony always left the evening feeling closer to someone he had never met. He admired Steve Rogers not because he was a hero but because he was a humble man who became one.
One can imagine his disappointment when the Captain hated him within minutes of their first exchange. Tony knew that he was a lot, but it was uncharted territory for him in so many ways. Tony was no stranger to people and their unsavory reactions to him, but there was a need to make the Captain like him. All the years spent learning about a person from those who loved him the most, even he had to admit to being hurt by the apparent distaste that flickered in those eyes so soon after meeting him. It set him on the defensive, which in hindsight, made everything much worse. The scepter and its mind magic convinced him that the Captain wasn’t who he had thought he was his whole life. Instead, he was a man whose ego had grown even more prominent than his muscles, and he needed to be knocked off his high horse.
Then, Steve came to Tony on the helicarrier and smiled at him after he fell from the sky.
Tony knew he had a dilemma while the group ate shawarma after all was said and done. There was a feeling of disquiet when he thought back on Steve’s dirt-smeared face looking down at him. The sight itself was certainly not the problem; it was Tony’s reaction to it. His heart had sped up, and his body felt lighter. Steve had smiled at him, and Tony wanted him to do it again.
But before he knew it, they were all going their separate ways as if nothing had happened. Tony guessed that was Fury’s intention in the first place. They only needed to see each other when they had to ‘fight the battles they never could.’ That was all he had a right to hope for anyway.
So he shook Steve’s hand and told them all that if they ever wanted to stay at the tower after he rebuilt it, they were welcome. After that, he went back to Miami and had the occasional panic attack about what he saw through that portal. He pulled away and eventually broke up with Pepper because of it, and even though he didn’t want to admit it, he was constantly thinking about Steve. When Killian showed up, Tony had a split second when he thought about calling in the Avengers. But what if he called and they didn’t come? He would have been humiliated and more hurt than was probably reasonable. So to avoid being let down, he didn’t even try. He and Rhodey handled it, and they made it out with only a few scrapes and bruises (as long as you didn’t count the suits).
And later, his heart plummeted when he watched Steve fall from the sky into the Potomac. Tony wasn’t thrilled to be right about Sheild being untrustworthy, but now the Avengers had a purpose besides waiting for the big baddies. Taking down Hydra became a 24/7 operation, and the tower was home base. Stark Tower became the Avengers Tower, and almost every member of the team was within its walls at any given time.
That complicated things for Tony in multiple ways. He was so used to being alone that having five new roommates was a bit of an adjustment. It didn’t help that all of these new roommates had almost as much baggage as he did. The trust issues alone were a huge challenge, but they had to work through them if they were going to get rid of Hydra. It was slow going for a long time, but once they became familiar with each other and broke past the initial discomfort, it was a whole new ball game. After that, they fell into a rhythm on and off mission.
It scared Tony to death.
He tried not to care too much about these people he found himself with all the time, but it was impossible. They were all at least somewhat insane, but that is what he loved about them. They didn’t seem to mind him anymore either, which made him happier than he thought it would. Steve even seemed to care about him, and Tony had a hard time believing that part. He knew Steve could never care about him the same way, but he made himself okay with that.
At least, that’s what he tried to tell himself. As long as Tony didn’t make it harder for himself - he would be silently resigned. He would love Steve Rogers, and it would ache if he thought about it too much, but he couldn’t go back now. He was in too deep, and there was too much at stake for him to let his feelings get in the way. He was able to have Steve in his life, and that was more than he had ever dared to hope for. So Tony kept him at arm’s length, never letting him get too close. Group settings were the easiest place to navigate being around him, and luckily for Tony, it was also the most common place he would see him anyway. He made his life as painless as it could be. You can only do so much when you love someone who doesn’t love you back. It took him a while to settle into it, but it was the happiest he could ever remember being.
And then, Ultron - and Sokovia.
Lagos and the Accords.
Siberia.
Looking back, he hated himself for believing it would last.