Chapter Text
September 16, 2004
Dear Professor Snape,
My name is Calliope Sirius Potter and I am six years old. Our house-elf Lissy is helping me write this letter. She's charming the quill to say whatever I want. It's so cool.
You don't know me and I don't know you but I think you are the only person who can help me and my Daddy. My Daddy is Harry potter and I think you know him because he has a bunch of letters with your name on them. I can't read very well yet even though I started primary school last year but I understood some of the words and I saw your name in every letter.
Are you guys friends? Are you my Uncle like Uncle Ron and Uncle George? I've never met you before but Daddy seems to really like you. I love my Daddy. He's the best Dad in the world. He showed me how to ride a broom even though I have to stay close to the ground and ride with him. It's still so fun. I want to be a quidditch star like my Aunt Ginny. Daddy says I can. He says I can be anything I want.
I love him very much, but he's sad. He doesn't let me know he's sad. He always smiles and laughs with me and Teddy. That's my cousin. He can make his hair turn any colour and it's the coolest. We have tickling matches too and Daddy's always laughing during tickling matches, but at night when I can't sleep, I hear noises from his room, and he screams or cries really really loud. I asked him about it once but he said he was just having a bad dream.
He's not happy like I am or like Uncle Ron and Aunt Mione are but he says nothing is wrong.
I want to make Daddy happy. I want him to be always happy, not just when I'm around. He's the person I love the mostest in the world. I don't know what to do. Maybe you can talk to him or maybe he needs a friend around. I know my aunts and uncles are always busy and my Dad even watches my cousins sometimes because of how busy they are.
Maybe you're not busy. Lissy will put our address at the end of the letter if you want to come over sometime. Daddy works at home so he's always here and I go to school only four days a week.
Daddy doesn't want strangers to know where we live so you have to keep it a secret. I hope I'll meet you soon and that daddy will see you again. Have a great great day. Oh, wait it's nighttime already. Is it time for dinner yet Lissy? Don't write that. Okay, stop now Lissy, please. Thank you. Sign my name, please.
Calliope Sirius Potter
Severus read the letter again. And again. And again. Each time he found something new to ponder on. Harry Potter had a daughter and his daughter just wrote to him. Severus carefully sat the letter down on the small coffee table in front of him and picked up his now cold tea.
Another cold day at Spinner's Ends only being comforted by the warmth of his tea, taken with too much milk and not enough sugar. He moved to the window and took a seat on the nearest chair.
The grounds of Spinner's End were completely dry and deserted. As much as Severus tried making the house a home after spending four years in France, it was no use.
Sometimes he thinks he should've sold it already and moved back to France. The weather in England matched his mood all too often and that was too dangerous. Especially on a day like this.
Severus would be lying if he said he hadn't thought about the name Harry Potter at least a few times a week, if not daily, since the war ended. He contemplated sending Potter a letter to thank him but what exactly would it say? "Sorry for lying to you and tormenting you for seven years. And thanks for saving my life when I didn't want or deserved to be saved"?
So, he decided to put the past where it belonged, in the past. Once He found out he was pardoned for all crimes and didn't have to go to Azkaban, he moved to France as soon as he left the hospital. He stayed there for four years, using most of what he had saved from his days at Hogwarts, and finally decided to come back a year ago when his mother passed away leaving a broken-down house he couldn't even call home.
Why him? Why today? Why Harry bloody Potter.
Severus had never felt obligated to do anything he didn't want to, not after Dumbledore or the Drak Lord. But at that moment, after reading the letter for what seemed like the hundredth time, he felt obligated, if not compelled, to help Potter. After spending so many years of his life trying to keep the brat safe, he would jeopardize it. Especially since he could tell that the letter was genuine after seeing the Potter crest stamp.
And that's how Severus found himself on Potter's doorstep in a muggle neighbourhood two days after the letter was sent to him.
He decided to go for muggle clothes seeing as he couldn't be seen in wizarding robes in broad daylight around muggles unless he wanted people to raise questions. He wore black trousers, a blue dress shirt, and a coat that reached his knee. His hair was pulled into a bun away from his face.
He was ashamed to admit he tried to make himself look somewhat presentable.
He looked around the neighbourhood and saw that there was no one outside apart from him. It was quiet and borderline eerie. Potter's two-story house seemed visibly isolated from the rest of the houses. His house seemed big enough for more than two people. Maybe he was married.
With light blue paint and a white door, a black muggle car was parked in the driveway and a flowerbed sat near the small narrow porch. It looked like a good house. Definitely twenty times better than his own.
He took a deep breath and finally allowed himself to knock twice before shoving his hands in his coat pockets. He started counting, reaching seventeen seconds before he heard a voice that was no doubt Potter's voice.
"One second, I'm coming!" He didn't have the wrong house.
The door swung open in a force that had Severus unconsciously moving back a step or two. And there he was. It's been six years since he saw Harry Potter and time had been kind to him indeed. His hair was still as wild and unruly as ever, his skin the same shade of tan Severus remembered it, he grew an inch or two and developed muscles. He wore a plain grey tee with what looked like matching grey sweatpants. His glasses perched on his nose shielding his wide green eyes.
Severus let him speak first.
"Bloody hell. Professor? How- why? Sorry, where are my manners?" He reached out his hand for Severus to shake. "Hi, hello. What are you doing here?"
Severus shook the hand slowly before dropping it and retreating his own hands into his pockets once again. "Still as eloquent as ever Potter," His voice remained its usual monotone self.
"Sorry, please do come in," Potter stepped aside and opened the door wider for Severus to enter. The door closed behind him and Potter was once again standing in front of him. "Sorry the house is a mess, every time Lissy picks up a toy, another one shows up somewhere in the house. May I take your coat?" He said, bending down to pick up what looked like a blue stuffed bunny off the floor.
"No need to apologize. And no I'm alright," Severus finally spoke up, a little hesitant. "It was rather rude of me to show up unannounced but I do have a matter to discuss with you."
Potter looked at him for a few seconds before saying, "We haven't seen each other in six years professor, what matter could you and I possibly have to discuss?"
"Maybe if we sit down," Severus said.
Potter nodded and asked him to follow him into what looked like a kitchen. The house seemed clean apart from the odd toys and stuffed animals lying around. It was surely a home and looked thoroughly lived in. As if a child lived there. Potter was really a parent.
"Lissy!" Potter called out an elf popped up into the kitchen. "Lissy is our house-elf," He said to Severus. "Lissy I have a guest so could you please make sure Callie has a bath and when she's done, she should start working on her homework. Tell her I'll be in to help her soon,"
"Yes Master Harry," The elf bowed to Potter, then Severus before disappearing with a pop.
"Sorry about that. Would you like tea? Water?" Potter said pulling out a chair for Severus and then himself.
Severus nodded, "Water is fine. Thank you."
Potter walked to the muggle fridge and grabbed two water bottles. He handed one to Severus and took a sip of his own. "As thrilled as I am that you turned up in my home after six years out of nowhere, I have to ask how exactly did you find me?"
Severus couldn't help but notice that Potter's eye bags were far more prominent in this lighting. He wasn't getting enough sleep. he didn't comment on that but instead pulled out the letter he received two days prior from his pockets. He placed the letter on the table and nudged Potter to open it.
"What's this?" Potter asked as he took the letter in his hands.
"Open it," Severus said. He watched potters face while he opens the letter and the look of surprise on his face was enough to convince Severus that he truly had no idea.
"Callie sent this?"
Severus shifted in his chair before answering, "Callie I'm assuming is Calliope?" Potter nodded. "Yes. Two days ago it arrived and I decided to come over to make sure it was.. authentic."
"I'm not sad," Potter simply stated after reading the letter and folding it back up.
"Never implied that you were."
"I'm a good Dad."
"Never implied that you weren't."
Potter sighed and ran a hand through his face before resting it on his palm looking at Severus. He felt a bit uneasy being under Potters gaze for so long but Severus remained quiet. After a few minutes that felt like hours, he spoke up again.
"It's just that sometimes, it gets too much you know?" Rhetorical question of course. "I get sad sometimes and I mean who doesn't? I get sad but I never let her see me like that. Ever."
Severus thought about what to say before he said it, "Where is her mother if you don't mind me asking? In the letter, she doesn't speak of her mother,"
Potter sat up and said, "I don't know honestly. After the war was over, I locked myself at Grimmauld place for two months without leaving, and one day out of the blue I hear a baby crying on my doorstep with the note: Her name is Calliope, please look after her. I'm dying. I have no idea who it was or how they knew the house was there but there she was."
"And you took her in?"
"Well, I took her to St Mungo's right away and called the Aurors. She was a real baby. A real and healthy baby with no parents. I kept her."
Severud couldn't help himself when he said, "Ever the noble hero, Potter."
A look of hurt flashed crossed Potter's face, "I didn't take her in to be a hero, I took her in because I know what it's like to grow up without parents."
"Of course, my apologies," Snape cleared his throat before taking a sip of his water. At times like this, he wishes he could use Legilimency but he would never overstep like that. "It's just you and her then?"
Potter nodded, "And Lissy, she was a gift from Andromeda. Of course, I pay her fair wages."
"You don't have to discuss the way you're treating your House Elf to me, Potter."
"Sorry," Potter blushed and cleared his throat. "I'm sorry you had to come here for nothing. I'm sure you're a very busy man. I apologize."
"She wants me to help you."
Potter scoffed. "I'm fine. She's worried for nothing."
Lies. Severus recognized the signs because he himself was like that for years after the war. The nightmares, the feelings of despair, wishing you had died every day you open your eyes. Add the stresses of parenthood from a young age to that, you get a walking zombie, like Potter.
"Is she?" Severus pressed. "Worried for nothing I mean. The dark circles under your eyes tell everything you're trying to hide. When was the last time you slept through the night?"
"I sleep just fine, thank you."
"She wants me to help you and I think you need help."
"Are you a mind healer now?" Potter asked with so much bitterness in his voice. Severus couldn't blame him. He would be bitter too had he been on the other side of that conversation.
"I'm not, but I know a great one."
"You think you're the first to tell, no, force me to see a mind healer? You don't know me Professor and what I am is fine. I'm sorry my daughter told you otherwise and I'm sorry your time was wasted but I think it's time you leave."
"Daddy? Is that Granny?" Severus heard a voice from upstairs before a small brunette girl made her way down the stairs.
"No Callie, it's not Granny it's a.. friend," The little girl stopped in front of them down the stairs. Severus didn't know if he should keep walking out or not.
And then it hit him, the little girl actually had no idea that he was the Severus Snape she wrote to. He wasn't about to introduce himself to potters kid unless Potter wanted him to. He intruded enough for one day.
"Sweetheart, this Severus Snape. He taught me at Hogwarts."
"You came!" Severus then found himself enveloped in a hug. Stunned, he awkwardly patted the girl's head, willing himself not to pull away. "You got my letter!" Her eyes widened when she pulled back and she covered her mouth. "Uh... I mean what letter?"
Potter simply shook his head, trying to hide his smile. "You minx."
"I'm sorry for not telling you," She frowned and rocked back on her sock-clad feet nervously.
"We're going to have a very long talk, Miss," Potter said to his daughter before turning to Severus. "You okay showing yourself out?"
"Out? He just got here," Callie frowned. "Can't he stay, Daddy? Please I want to show him my cricket!"
Severus remained quiet, sure not to overstep but mostly because he didn't know what to say. He watched Potter's forehead crease and look between his pouting daughter and a blank-looking Severus.
"I'm sure he has things to go home for supper. Don't you Professor?"
"I-"
The girl didn't let Severus answer before saying, "Do you have family waiting for you at home?"
Severus slowly shook his head, "No, I do not."
"Then can he stay and eat with us? Please I promise I'll behave."
"Why does that not sound promising," Potter tried to hide a smile while looking at his daughter. "Is that okay with you Professor? Callie wants you to stay."
But you don't, Severus thought. And no it was not okay with him but he surely didn't know how to break it to an overexcited toothless six-year-old with a pout.
"Sure. Thank you," Severus said.
"I'm going to go talk with Callie for a while, please go wait in the sitting room, and if you need anything just call for Lissy," Potter said before taking his daughter's hand and walking back up the stairs.
Severus had no doubt that the little girl was about to get the scolding of the century. Severus made his way to what looked like a living room. With pale yellow walls, a dark blue couch, a pink armchair, and bright yellow ottomans. Curse whoever was Potter's decorator because good god it looked like a rainbow had vomited and his living room was the aftermath.
There was also what looked like a muggle television hanging on the wall on top of a fireplace. The mantle itself lingered with pictures -- memories, something Severus' own home lacked.
Severus allowed himself to look at them and found the golden trio, a bunch of redheads. Potter's daughter playing quidditch with a boy with bright blue hair and what looked like Ron Weasley, Potter, and no doubt Draco Malfoy in one picture and wondered what exactly is Draco Malfoy doing in Harry Potter's family photos.
He stopped snooping and took a seat at the very far end of the blue sofa, keeping his hands to himself.
After what seemed like a small eternity, Potter returned with his daughter following suit.
"Do you want to show Professor Snape your cricket?"
"Just Severus will do please," Severus found himself saying.
Potter only nodded and the little girl jumped on the sofa excitedly carrying a small glass box with an insect inside. "This is my cricket, Cricket!"
"You named your cricket, Cricket?" Severus asked
Callie grinned and all but shoved the box in Severus' face. "He's pretty isn't he?"
"Callie baby, please be careful with that," Severus looked up to see potter still standing in the doorway as he had before. "She gets too excited about stuff," He said to Severus before running a hand through his hair.
"Dad, I'm always careful."
"Yeah right," Potter smiled. Severus had to admit he quite liked watching the two interact. "Profess- I mean, Severus, dinner won't be ready for another hour or two would you like a snack in the meantime?"
"I'm alright. Thank you."
Potter nodded, "I was going to help Callie with her homework if you don't mind helping. You were a professor after all," Potter smiled at him and it honestly seemed genuine.
Severus pressed his lips together and slowly nodded.
The three sat at the kitchen table, working silently. Callie answered everything she could by herself, Severus and Potter overseeing her work and answering questions when she asked. She was a very bright girl and Severus doesn't know why in God's name she was going to a muggle primary school and not a wizarding one.
Dinner on the other hand was anything but quiet.
"And then Teddy dared me to jump in it. And I told him that he should go first because I knew it would splash and then Rose jumped in out of nowhere and it made the biggest splash ever! And everyone got wet and then Auntie Gin got mad at the Teddy and then at Rose for getting baby Scorp wet because he's just a tiny little baby and then Uncle Draco said it was okay but Auntie Gin still got mad and Rose couldn't play for the entire rest of the day,"
Calliope finished an elaborate story about the time she almost jumped in a puddle, leaving her in a fit of giggles as if it was the funniest story ever told.
Severus gave her his whole attention, willing himself not to correct the little girl's grammar multiple times. Potter stayed quiet, commented when was necessary, and laughed when necessary.
"Uncle Draco?" Severus turned to Potter who was pushing around the peas in his plate.
"Draco Malfoy, yeah. He married Ron Weasley."
Merlin that's why his picture is in Potters home. Just how many things did he miss?
"And Hermione is with Ginny. They have two kids together and Ron and Draco have a son." Potter said with a smile. Clearly fond of his friends.
"I would've thought Weasley and Granger would be married with a herd of redheads by now," Severus took a bite of his chicken and stared at potter.
"I guess they both wanted different things. Literally."
"Was that an attempt at a joke Potter?"
Potter smirked at his comment before taking a sip of his wine. "Didn't even know you knew what humour was Severus, but yes."
Severus was dumbfounded, to say the least. He heard a fit of giggles from the little girl next to him before letting out a small laugh himself. After that, dinner went smoothly.
Severus found out that Potter was a muggle photographer. He freelanced and sold some of his stuff online. He left the wizarding world to take care of his daughter in peace without the publicity and sent Calliope to a muggle school to get the same experience he did growing up before going to Hogwarts.
Calliope, on the other hand, was the friendliest chatterbox Severus ever had the pleasure of meeting. Usually, he couldn't stand chatty children but he was so fascinated by Potter's daughter.
He learned that her favourite colour is all the colours because she doesn't want to make the colours feel bad for not being picked. Her favourite cousin was Teddy, the blue-haired boy who Severus came to learn Remus Lupin's son. Her favourite hobbies were drawing for her Dad and Lissy and playing quidditch with her Auntie Ginny.
Every new piece of information Severus learned, left him more fascinated by the strange father-daughter duo. Potter was a good Dad from what he'd seen in the past two hours. But he could also see how much he tried to hide his torment from his daughter. Severus, on the other hand, wasn't fooled so easily.
***
Harry still couldn't believe that Severus Snape was sitting in his living room across from him, drinking tea together as if they were lifelong friends. Friends. Was Snape even capable of having friends?
Nevertheless, Snape sat in front of him drinking tea and laughing with him. He looked good when he laughed. The smile didn't really quite reach his eyes but crooked teeth aside, he had a nice smile. Old buried feelings resurfaced in the few hours he'd been at Harry's house and Harry felt like he was going crazy. It's been so so long since he saw Snape and all he had ever wanted was to see the man again.
He had so much to say to him but he found himself speechless and his brain completely blank. He could never think straight with Severus Snape involved --literally.
"So, how long have you been back?" Harry cleared his throat and set the teacup on the table near the armchair he was sitting on.
"Going on one year now," Snape said.
"I heard about your mother, I'm very sorry." Harry had heard from the Malfoys that Snape's mother had passed away but no one knew if Snape came back for the funeral or if there was even a funeral. Harry was sorry to hear he wrote a letter to Snape that day but just like the others, it wasn't sent.
"No need to apologize, Potter. Circle of life and all. Nothing could've prevented it," Snape's face remained neutral but Harry could see just how difficult the subject was for him.
"Thank you for staying by the way," Harry changed the subject and saw snape's shoulders visibly relaxing in relief. Harry smiled to himself and picked up his teacup again.
Snape simply nodded, "Thank you for letting me stay. Calliope is a delight."
"Merlin, I never use her full name unless she's in trouble."
"She was the Goddess of Music," Snape said and harry smiled. Of course, Snape would know and say something like that. Harry had no idea what the meaning of her name was until Hermione told him.
"Hermione told me," Harry laughed. "I remember when she started teething, it was a horror show trying to get her to do anything but cry, I would hold her and sing Here Comes the Sun by The Beatles, which only made her cry harder because I'm shit at singing. But eventually, she got used to my voice probably because she realized it was the only one she was ever gonna get," Harry stopped. He didn't know why he was telling snape this. Why he did tell snape about this in a letter he wrote.
"Sorry," Harry found himself saying after minutes of silence.
"No need for apologies Mr. Potter."
Harry tilted his head and smiled small, "I think we're past formalities don't you."
Snape nodded, "How are you?" He paused before adding, "Harry."
Merlin, was Severus Snape a mind healer and Harry had no idea or what? Harry simply blinked at the question not sure how to answer.
"I'm okay. I thought we touched this already.”
"Are you getting enough sleep?"
"You would think after six years, I would be able to close my eyes without seeing blood. Without seeing your lifeless body in that hallway or hearing Molly's screams for Fred, but no," Harry found himself saying, his voice so low he didn't trust it. "Even the Golden Boy of the Wizarding World isn't allowed that luxury,"
He couldn't meet Snape's eyes.
"Why are you so reluctant on seeing a mind healer?"
"Because I didn't need a mind healer after being abused by the Dursleys for over ten years, I didn't need a mind healer after literally dying and coming back to life and I definitely don't need a mind healer now because I have a few sleepless nights."
"I think it's time you go, Professor. Thank you for the company," Harry said, still avoiding eye contact. He stood up after snape did. He looked like he wanted to say something but went against it. He simply grabbed his coat and let his hand linger on the door handle.
He turned to Harry, his thin lips pressed in a tight line, his eyes wholly unreadable, and said, "There's absolutely nothing wrong with needing help, Harry. You may be a hero to everyone but you truly aren't, until you're a hero to yourself. Help yourself. Save yourself."
And with that, the door closed in Harry's face.
he didn't get any sleep that night. The moonlight illuminated his bedroom, he felt a soft breeze take over his body, leaving goosebumps on his exposed arms. He stared at his open window. It was a full moon tonight. Sometimes days would pass and harry wouldn't know they're passing but lately, they've been slower and slower. It's been a full moon for almost a month at this point.
He tossed and turned on his bed, contemplating taking the duvet off his bed and wrapping himself in it on the cold hardwood floor. What Snape said earlier that day played in his head like a broken record. He didn't need saving. He's not some broken and pitiful thing. He was Harry Potter.
He was Harry Potter.