Chapter Text
It started with a question, as these things often do.
They were seated together in some cafe Byleth had picked out for their date that night. Standard, in-between the downtime of work and the holiday season mania—Byleth, always made sure to make time for Edelgard no matter how busy things were.
Byleth is currently sipping away at her hot chocolate, as Edelgard holds her steaming mug of tea to her lips. She lowers her eyes, soft, in Edelgard’s direction and a slight smile comes to her face as she lowers her mug back to the table. The usual gaze she always reserved for Edelgard, never really letting on to what she was thinking, but exposing everything all at the same time.
There’s chatter all around them, other patrons engaged in their own worlds. But neither of them is concerned with that at the moment. Edelgard sets her cup of tea back onto its saucer and leans forward. Is there something that Byleth’s wants to talk about? Their conversation had grown stagnant for a while now…
“Byleth?” Edelgard starts, “Is… there something on your mind?”
“Hm?” Byleth tilts her head to the side, as if she had heard Edelgard call her name, but there’s nothing for her to say.
“You’re looking at me as if you want to say something.” Edelgard states, “You’ve been quiet for a while now.”
“You as well.” Byleth replies. She looks down at her hot chocolate, the same soft smile on her face, “But, yeah. I guess there is something.”
“Yes?”
Byleth leans back in her chair, rests her arms at her sides, “It’s getting kind of close to Christmas now…” She begins, “…And I know we really haven’t … been together for very long now…”
Three months, Edelgard thinks to herself. She nods, silently encouraging Byleth to continue.
“But, the holidays, you see… are kind of a … big thing in my family?” Byleth rubs the side of her face, averting her gaze. It’s almost as if she’s embarrassed to ask Edelgard what she wants to know. Was it too soon?
“And?” Edelgard brings her mug to her lips again—nervous—feeling a slight stirring in the pool of her stomach—just waiting for Byleth to finally stop beating around what she wants to ask her.
“My parents… they’ve got this cabin out in the woods. About a four hour drive away from Enbarr.” Byleth leans forward on the table, readjusts herself as she starts rapping away on the wooden table with one of her knuckles. She looks up at Edelgard, “We usually go up there every year to celebrate Christmas.”
“Oh…” Edelgard swallows and lowers her gaze down to the shiny, brown liquid in her mug, “Go on.”
“And… I just wanted to know—Edelgard—what are you doing for the holidays?” Byleth finally asks her, “I was wondering if you would … like to come with me? To my parents cabin that is.”
Oh. Edelgard tries to hide the blush creeping onto her cheeks behind her mug of tea and sips at it again, “I, well, Byleth… that’s quite the invitation. Thank you, I…”
Sensing her discomfort, Byleth immediately begins shaking her head, “I mean, I—it’s not for another two weeks that we would be going up there. So, you can take your time and decide. I just …” Now she’s blushing as she looks down at her mug, “I… my brother is bringing his fiancé up there and I … I kind of, I don’t know, thought maybe I could do the same and—“
“Byleth.”
“—it’s really no pressure, I know this time of year is kind of weird for you. But, I was thinking, maybe you would appreciate having family around even if it isn’t your family, per se. I mean, mom and dad know about you and I’m pretty sure they would love to have the chance to finally meet you, and—“
“Byleth.” Edelgard tries again, trying to snap her girlfriend out of her rampant thoughts. She sets her mug back down on the saucer.
“I’m sorry, I was rambling, wasn’t I?”
“Yes.” Edelgard’s smile is sweet, “Either way, I appreciate the invitation. ...I think it would be nice to get out of the city and do that. That is, go to your family’s cabin and celebrate the holidays with them. I was just going to maybe spend some time with Hubert or Dorothea if it really came to being alone again, but I…”
It’s been a long time since I’ve had a proper holiday with anything resembling family—is what she wants to say. The thoughts still on Edelgard’s tongue as she takes another sip of her tea and stares at her reflection within the liquid.
How long has it been now since her father’s passing? Six years? An inheritance left to an orphan who was barely on the cusp of adulthood. A lonely mansion to traverse, no smiles, or voices to warm its cold and barren walls. The heiress, Edelgard von Hresvelg. Known by many, touched by few. Byleth knows only of glimpses regarding her past, let them spill forth when Edelgard was ready. She doesn’t push, she will never push, and Edelgard knows this.
“So… you’ll come?” Byleth asks, her eyes lighting up at the prospect of having Edelgard with her to celebrate her favorite time of year… besides her birthday of course.
“Yes.” Edelgard nods as she watches Byleth start grinning so hard, that singular dimple on the corner of her mouth comes into view. Edelgard finishes her tea and sets the empty mug back on the plate, a small smile of her own coming to her features, “I will.”
—
“So this is all a grand plan to finally fuck your girlfriend, right?”
“Claude.” Byleth heaves a heavy sigh as she throws another black turtleneck into her suitcase on the floor of her bedroom and ignores Claude’s snickering on the other end of their video chat, “It’s not like that.”
“But you’re inviting her to spend Christmas with us, By. With your family.” Claude reminds her as he leans back in his chair and brings a small smoking pipe into view. He presses his thumb down into the small, green nuggets sitting within the bowl and then looks back up into the camera’s lens, “I mean. I think that’s pretty big, don’t know about you.”
“Like I said, it’s not like that.” Byleth pauses, turning around to face the computer as she puts her hands on her hips, “She doesn’t have anyone to celebrate the holidays with and I’m not just going to leave her here in Enbarr to fend for herself while I go and spend time with a family that she doesn’t have anymore.”
“Ah.” Claude pauses as he flicks his lighter and presses it down into the bowl, taking a deep hit. He coughs as his side of the screen fills with smoke and waves his hand at the air to disperse it, “So you’re trying to get in touch with your inner saint, that it?”
“Claude, she’s my girlfriend.”
“First one at that, congratulations. I guess there goes me and Bereto asking you to be our surrogate, yeah?” He coughs again, “Wonder how Sitri and Jeralt are ever going to get grandchildren at this rate.”
“Would you stop being such an idiot for once and actually focus?” Byleth snaps as she walks over to her laptop and sits down in her desk chair. “Sometimes I wonder why I even bother calling you for these things.”
“Cause you … love me.” Claude states. It’s not a question, “Anyway, I’m just messing with you, By. Who knew one night time art class over the summer would land you with the most sought after heiress in all of Enbarr.”
“I don’t know about that.”
“You do know who Edelgard’s family is, right? Who they used to be? They practically own half the city and probably the ground you walk on.” Claude chuckles, “Then again, from the way that you describe it… she came after you didn’t she?”
“Something like that…” Byleth murmurs, her thoughts drifting off to just how much better she and Edelgard had gotten acquainted over the summer.
Byleth had been trying to expand her horizons, try something new—as Claude had so willingly encouraged. Something about getting over her last breakup with some idiot who wasn’t worth her time. During a drunken night out, where she pretended she wasn’t heartbroken and Claude was playing the dutiful role of the best friend, he told her that she needed to stop wallowing already and put her energies into something that mattered.
Byleth had tried other things, but nothing really stuck. West African dance classes, but she had no rhythm. Chess club with underprivileged kids, but they always kicked her ass. Reading to senior citizens, but they always fell asleep on her. It was exhausting at best. But then Claude, in all of his infinite best friend wisdom, had suggested she try out art classes—nude modeling art classes.
At first, Byleth had balked at the idea, thinking that he was referring to her getting nude for an entire room of people and having them draw her of all people. But, he had just laughed and told her that no, she should try drawing. She wasn’t completely terrible… why not try it out and see where it got her?
On her first night, when Enbarr was just starting to feel the humidity of summer sinking in, Byleth and arrived earlier than most at the community center and proceeded to sign up for her first class. She entered the classroom, making awkward eye contact with the regulars, and decided to chose a spot in the corner in the back of the room. Nondescript, she could hide if she needed to. More people filed in as she set her drawing pad down, fumbled around with pencils she had no idea how to use or what they were for, and kind of just fiddled around with her phone as she waited for class too start.
And then Edelgard had made her appearance and their first interaction was her staring Byleth down and scrunching up her face—You’re in my spot. Oh. Sorry. Byleth had just kind of … stared at her, not entirely sure about what to do. The seats to her left and right were both occupied and the space was already too full of people and their mess to move anywhere else. She looked at Edelgard with a blank stare—just what was this woman expecting her to do? With a heavy sigh, Edelgard tucked some loose brown hair behind her ear, and took a seat two spaces away. So much for introductions.
During that first class, Byleth could barely look at the model as she dropped her robe and assumed position on the pedestal in the center of the room. She drew lines across her paper—oblong or too short—as their instructor waltzed around the room, leaning in to observe how things were going. She praised Edelgard for her use of perspective and kind of just… restrained her commentary on Byleth’s work for the night—it’s okay, just keep practicing. Really, the model looked more like an elephant than a human when Byleth was done. Either way, she kept at it. On her second night, she made sure not to sit in Edelgard’s seat, and resumed her terrible sketches for the first few weeks of the summer.
It was during one of their nights—almost midsummer—when they were drawing a male model, that Edelgard’s view on Byleth begins to change. Class was over and all the other students had filed out of the community center, thanking their instructor as they left, some lingering outside for a smoke or a quick chat with a friend, before departing off into the night. Byleth was one of those stragglers, lingering outside with her phone in her hands and trying to ascertain just where the rest of the night would take her. Some friend or another had texted her earlier about getting drinks and catching up, but she was still on the fence about it.
Her takes a break from her phone and her eyes canvass the scene around her. There’s Edelgard—standing outside, alone, and removed from the usual bunch. She was standing by the curb, tote bag drawn tightly under her arm and her gaze pointed at the street as she seemed to be waiting for something or someone. The male model from tonight’s class—some overly confident weirdo by the name of Sylvain—was hovering over her shoulder and trying to make conversation, but the girl just wasn’t interested.
Byleth had noticed the looks that he seemed to keep throwing Edelgard’s way during class, and needless to say, she wasn’t impressed. It wasn’t until she saw Sylvain put a hand on Edelgard’s shoulder that she realized that she had more important things than getting drunk with friends. Edelgard’s previous coldness forgotten, Byleth wasn’t going to let a fellow female get harassed by some man that couldn’t take a god damn hint.
“Edelgard.” Byleth calls out to her as she walks over to the two and catches Edelgard trying to shrug Sylvain’s hand off of her.
Edelgard perks at the sound of the voice and someone acknowledging her and this creep who just won’t leave her alone. She turns to look over her shoulder and … oh. It was the weird blue-haired woman who didn’t know the difference between her 2B and 6B pencils and drew everything way too dark. Byleth, was it? She catches the look Byleth gives Sylvain and then softens when she looks at Edelgard, “Yes?”
“I’ve been looking everywhere for you.” Byleth says as she reaches for Edelgard’s hand, intent on pulling her away from Sylvain who’s about to voice his protest. “What are you doing standing over here? Come on, I already called a cab. We’re going to be late.”
“Wait, wait, wait.” Sylvain calls out from behind the two of them, and starts following after them now, “What are you doing? I thought you said you were waiting for your ride.”
“She is.” Byleth says as she stops, hand still holding firmly to Edelgard and ushering her slightly behind her, “With me.”
“Oh, is she now?” Sylvain asks, looking at the brunette slightly obscured from view, “Well, maybe I can join this ride. Turn this twosome into a threesome, huh?”
“Not interested.” Byleth replies, “And neither is she. Now, if you would so kindly leave us alone. You have a good night, yeah?”
Sylvain really can’t seem to take a hint, because his gaze flickers to Byleth’s chest and licks his lips at the sight of her cleavage in her black tank top. He grins as she looks back up at her, “You sure about that?”
At that point, Edelgard has had enough of this exchange and this man that won’t take a hint. She exits from behind Byleth, a can of mace firmly pointed in Sylvain’s direction, and a stern look on her face. “If you don’t fuck off right now, I won’t hesitate to hit this nozzle.”
Byleth… can’t say she’s surprised by Edelgard’s escalation of the situation. She looks back at Sylvain who looks a little stricken at the thought of being maced by this tiny woman and holds up his hands in surrender. Really, ladies, he was just trying to have a good time. No need to get so violent. Edelgard holds the can steady as she watches him back away from the two of them and heads back in the direction of the community center, in search of someone else to harass.
“As if I didn’t already have to suffer enough looking at his small dick all night.” Edelgard mutters, as she drops her mace back into her bag and then turns to look at Byleth, “…Regardless, I thank you for your thoughtfulness.”
Byleth nods her head, a soft smile coming to her face, “My mom always told me to watch out for other girls when I was out… but I think it kind of extends to everyday life, you know?”
“Wise words.” Edelgard remarks, “I’m sorry you had to do that at all. It’s just… I’m waiting for my friend Hubert to come pick me up and take me home, but he’s just so late tonight.”
“…You can’t just take the train?” Byleth asks her.
Edelgard hesitates for a minute and then answers her, “I live a bit far, on the outskirts of town. Surely, you must wonder why I come all this way for a simple art class of all things.”
Byleth shrugs, “We all have our things.”
“It gives me a chance to get out of the house.” Edelgard answers, even though Byleth really wasn’t asking her for an explanation. She tilts her head to the side, giving Byleth the once over, before continuing. Perhaps she had judged this artistically disinclined woman a little too quickly, “And what about you?”
“Huh?” Byleth asks., “Oh… where do I live?”
Edelgard merely nods her head, encouraging her to continue.
“In the city. Down by the old fish market.” Byleth answers, “I’m an aquaculture technician.”
“Aquaculture… technician?” Edelgard asks, the words are foreign to her.
“Yeah. Stuff with fish. Raise all types of sea life in artificial conditions. Research sustainability and all of that.” Byleth shrugs. She really doesn’t want to bore Edelgard, she knows how people get when she talks about this kind of stuff.
“Sounds … interesting.” Edelgard clears her throat, trying not to be rude.
“And what about you?”
“Me?”
“Yes, what do you do?”
“Oh… I…” Edelgard fidgets with the strap of her bag and lowers her gaze, “I don’t do much, really. I draw, mostly. Paint sometimes.”
“So, you’re an artist.”
“You can say that.”
At that moment, two blinding headlights come around the curb and illuminate the two of them in the darkness. Edelgard picks her head up as the car comes to a stop in front of them and the person driving it parks it. Byleth winces as the lights blind her temporarily, and when they adjust, she’s met with a rather intimidating tall and pale man, walking around to open the door for Edelgard.
“Edelgard, I must apologize for my tardiness. Traffic was absolutely inane tonight. Accidents, left and right. Drunkards everywhere I looked.”
“That’s all right, Hubert.” Edelgard replies as she looks at Byleth, “Byleth here was keeping me company.”
“Right.” Hubert cuts a discerning eye toward the woman standing beside Edelgard and narrows them, “If you are ready, I will make haste. It is getting rather late after all.”
“Of course.” Edelgard turns back to Byleth, gives her a slight nod as she makes her departure, “See you next week, Byleth. And … thank you again, for tonight.”
Byleth waves, “No problem.”
Hubert closes the door after Edelgard gets situated and looks Byleth up and down, before departing to the driver’s side again and getting into the car. Byleth watches as the two of them depart into the night, thinking to herself—Maybe she’s not so bad after all—when her phone chimes nosily in her pocket.
Right. Those friends. Drinks. Yeah.
Forgot about that.
—
Their relationship slowly progresses into friendship after that.
Edelgard starts sitting next to Byleth in class, giving her pointers and looking over their drawings from the night. They always end the night, sitting together and huddled into a booth in a café near the community center, waiting for Hubert to come pick Edelgard up as he always does. It seems that Hubert just keeps coming later and later as the summer moves along.
The nights are warm, calming. They sip their iced coffee and tea, condensation gathering and falling from their palms, the remnants of pencil markings and erasers dirtying the table beneath them—little rivulets of truth and knowledge fall into the space between them. Byleth never asks Edelgard more than she wants to divulge and Edelgard doesn’t really seem to know how to ask Byleth questions about herself. For all her intrinsic need of wanting to help and getting to know people, Byleth has always had a hard time reading people.
They learn little things about one another though. Edelgard wonders if Byleth knows who she is. If she knows about how much her family has done for this city. She doesn’t dress like the spoiled heiress people claim her to be—more like a thrift store reject with zero sense of style. Byleth doesn’t really care about these things though. She’s more interested in seeing the glow, the sheer joy come to Edelgard’s face as she looks over Byleth’s terrible drawings and just smiles at her. She should keep trying, even if she can barely nail down one point perspective. Byleth doesn’t really care either way. She’s happy to meet someone new—another friend—and a female at that.
They start meeting up outside of their nighttime art class during the day. Byleth notices that wherever Edelgard goes that driver of hers is never too far behind, and he watches the two of them like a hawk. Byleth should find herself slightly unnerved, but Edelgard just rolls her eyes and admits that Hubert is a little overprotective her. He has to be… considering who she is.
Summer eventually nears its end and Edelgard finds herself somewhat heartbroken when Byleth tells her that she’s thinking of stopping art classes. She admits that this was something that she was doing to take her mind off of how messy her life had been this year, tells Edelgard of the break-up that left her questioning her sense of self and who she was. But this, doing this—perhaps meeting Edelgard as well—has dulled some of that self-doubt. Byleth thinks that its time that she moves on and try something else… or focus on work again. Edelgard asks Byleth if that means … she won’t see her anymore? Byleth just smiles at her—Why, do you wish to see more of me, Edelgard?
See more …of Byleth? Edelgard mistakes Byleth’s words to mean something else and in the back of her mind, she can hear Dorothea whispering to her—Well, do you know if she’s gay, Edie? Well, was she?
Edelgard questions her about this breakup and Byleth tells her a story of an ex-boyfriend who didn’t really care about …her. She fluffs up the story for Edelgard. Edelgard doesn’t have to know about how he was more concerned with satisfying his needs, grabbing at her ass or tits all the time when she slapped him away, refusing to acknowledge her needs when she asked the simplest things of him.
Byleth tells her that she loved this man… but him? Sometimes I felt like nothing more than a place for him to park his dick at night—is what Byleth is thinking, but doesn’t say. She just looks up at Edelgard, grabs her iced coffee and takes a sip—Let’s just say he didn’t love me in the way that I loved him.
Those words pain Edelgard’s heart, twofold. One, for the hurt she sees Byleth trying to hide in her eyes, and two… well, maybe she was dreaming about the certain thoughts that her mind liked to entertain her with. In-between the spaces of their departures from one another. Byleth quickly disperses the darkness, smiles at her and asks her—What about you, Edelgard? Heartbreak ever have you questioning your life?
Edelgard sips her iced tea and nods her head—a lie—and mutters something about a bad breakup with an ex-boyfriend, too. She’s never known one. Man or a woman.
Hubert comes too soon, pulling her away before this conversation can even continue. Edelgard leaves Byleth behind, feeling somewhat melancholic, as she watches the city lights pass her by and they fade into the suburban sprawl of the outskirts of Enbarr. A boyfriend. Another straight girl, huh? She had done it again. Not that it mattered.
Hubert turns an eye to view her in the rearview mirror and notices her morose state of mind. Is something wrong? Did that Byleth woman say something to you tonight that I need to correct? Edelgard shakes her head. No, there was no need for Hubert and his corrections. This was something that was her own fault and she would just need to sit with these emotions and let them be for a little while.
Edelgard processes her emotions through steaming cups of bergamot and an empty canvas. She paints with the deepest shade of blue, peach for the highlights on the cheeks, that small dot in the corner of her mouth for that quirky dimple of hers. She stares at the painting, as it lies half finished in her room at night, and wonders why is she doing this to herself? This woman—Byleth. This friend that she has come to know, come to have some type of feeling for. Why does this always happen?
In the morning, she invites Dorothea over for brunch. Dorothea sits in the warmth of the late summer sun, kicking her legs back and forth in the pool of Edelgard’s backyard and readjusts her sunglasses over her eyes. Edelgard, behind her and protected from the glare of the sun by a white umbrella, word vomits her stupidity to her best friend and bemoans the lack of viable women in this city. Why does this always happen, Dorothea? Dorothea’s smile widens and she pushes her sunglasses over her head. She just said she had one ex-boyfriend, Edie. Would you relax? This isn’t over yet. You know that, right?
Byleth leaves art class near the end of August—but doesn’t leave Edelgard’s life. She enjoys her company… maybe they could just hang out every now and then and do stuff that girl friends do. Heterosexual stuff, that is, not the sapphic desires slowly burning through the core of Edelgard’s heart.
They go shopping; go out for lunch dates on the weekends. Byleth even brings Edelgard around to her job to look at the hatcheries. Edelgard doesn’t quite understand what Byleth finds so fascinating about fish of all things, but she could pretend to enjoy it. For the sake of her little crush, that is.
The relationship evolves, blooms like a well-nurtured plant. Perhaps, slightly askew, as its leaves search for sunlight on a rainy and overcast day. They talk about other things. Sometimes philosophical, sometimes stupid shit. The conversations never seem to end despite neither having the propensity for social interactions. At least they could be awkward together.
Byleth doesn’t talk about relationships again for a while and Edelgard doesn’t prod. Instead, the young heiress looks for other clues—other inklings—that Byleth wasn’t as heterosexual as she hoped she wasn’t. While she’s nervous around people she doesn’t know, high society and social grace has taught Edelgard to be cunning, learn subtly in the art of conversation. She’s had enough practice in cutting down the many suitors that are forever knocking at her door. Perhaps she could learn to do the same with Byleth.
Things come back around to what brought them together in the first place and Byleth shows Edelgard some of her new drawings and they’re still terrible. But, Edelgard critiques them regardless and gives her some more pointers. In return, Byleth asks Edelgard if she can see some of Edelgard’s work—beyond what they used to draw together in class. She seems a little hesitant, but leaves Byleth with a business card—pristine, minimalist and white—and tells her to look at the site that's on the bottom of the card.
In the darkness of her bedroom at night, Byleth’s mouth is agape with wonder as she scrolls through the website with some of Edelgard’s artwork. The next time they meet she can’t stop gushing about how much she loved Edelgard’s paintings and the other woman tries to hide the redness that tints her pale, pale, cheeks.
You have a lot of drawings of women—Byleth comments offhandedly—and all over the spectrum, too. Young, old, white, black, abled and with disabilities, transgendered, cisgendered, so many different body shapes… I was impressed. That smile comes to her face, the dimple showing up as deep and pronounced, like in Edelgard’s half finished painting. Byleth continues—So many people ignore what’s out there, especially us—you know—women? I can’t really speak on it, considering I’m pretty much the status quo. But, there are so many different people out there… I think it’s amazing that you try and represent them all in your artwork.
Edelgard feels the need to explain herself, tells Byleth that she does commission work—portraits—strictly for women. Things get a little personal as Edelgard tells her of how she used to be … somewhat sickly as a teenager. I walked with a cane at one point… I have MS. She was in remission—for now—but it could always come back. It would come back.
Byleth nods her head in understanding, tilting her head to the side. Edelgard continues, explains how people always told her she was such a beautiful woman, even if she had this disability. And she hated it. So she sought to express that in her artwork. I want to show that people, regardless of whoever they are, are normal. Byleth nods silently, perhaps understanding her a little better in that moment. As they finish up their conversation, Byleth leans forward, her eyes earnest—Can you paint me someday? Little did she know, Edelgard already was.
Late September, Byleth invites Edelgard out one night to a bar—it’s her birthday and her brother is in town—Please, come out and celebrate with me, Edelgard? Edelgard hesitates to tell Byleth that she doesn’t drink, multiple sclerosis and all that, but resolves to go either way. She brings Hubert with her for unwarranted protection—not her wishes, Hubert doesn’t particularly like letting Edelgard out of his sight in situations like this.
She finds Byleth at the bar with a taller male—same blue hair, dimmer blue eyes—with a tan man draped over his shoulders. Byleth’s eyes are alight with happiness when she sees Edelgard and … her strange driver friend—Hubert, right?—walking her way. Byleth gestures toward her brother first and then the tan man leaning in dangerously close beside him—This is my brother, Bereto, and his fiancé, Claude.
Edelgard finds the world growing warm around her and her mind is rife with questions and wonder—Byleth’s twin brother was gay? So what did she think about girls and … maybe there was hope after all. This was her in. The cogs begin to turn and Edelgard grips at her glass of soda, trying to prevent the smile from growing on her face.
Byleth devolves into a drunken and giddy haze of lightness. At some point in the night, she sits alone with Edelgard at a table in the back of the bar. The two of them are removed from the raucous noise, as more of her and her brother’s friends show up over the course of the night. She’s a little tired … and all she wants to do right now is share a quiet moment with this special little friend of hers.
Edelgard notices Byleth having a hard time maintaining eye contact, as her eyes seem to be unfocused and wandering all over the place. She leans forward on the table, sipping at her soda, and finally asks Byleth what she’s wanted to know all this time—Byleth, what do you think about girls? Byleth looks at her, smiles and tilts her head to the side. What in the world was Edelgard talking about?
Edelgard swirls the straw in her drink, carefully thinking about her word choice. She aims two disarming eyes in Byleth’s direction and repeats her question. You have a lot of gay friends… She leaves the statement open. Byleth starts laughing now at Edelgard’s assessment of her friend group. Yeah, she supposes she does. Why, does that bother, Edelgard? Edelgard shakes her head. Just an observation. She’s always observing people—Byleth, most of all. Those blue eyes lower slightly, flirtatious tone in her voice and Byleth leans a little closer to Edelgard—Why? Are you jealous?
Edelgard shakes her head, keeping composure. She’s not going to let the alcohol coursing through Byleth’s system to cause her to lose focus. Edelgard repeats her question from before and Byleth smile turns slightly amorous. I don’t know, Edelgard, what do you think about girls? It’s Edelgard who takes the leap that night—Byleth doesn’t pull away.
In the morning, nursing a headache and groaning as the sunlight waltzes, uninvited, into her room, Byleth wakes up with faint memories of a certain brunette with wide and soft lavender eyes kissing her of all things. As if they were entertaining similar thoughts that morning, Edelgard is already calling her and her soft voice on the end of the line seems hesitant, apologetic. I shouldn’t have done that last night, I’m sorry. It was the heat of the moment and—Edelgard. Stop. Let’s … meet up and talk about things, okay?
They sit in the café—the same one that they used to always go to at the beginning of the summer. Edelgard fingers the rim of her teacup and Byleth sips through the last dregs of her iced coffee. So… what did that kiss mean last night? I’m gay. Edelgard confesses, her hands tightening around the teacup. I just want to know… are you, too? This can’t progress any further if you want to turn me into some type of experimentation ploy… I’m not like that, Byleth. I can’t—Byleth halts her before she can lament things any further. Sure, she wasn’t really one to put a label to her sexuality, but she’s been with girls, too… sort of.
A smile comes to Edelgard’s face and she searches Byleth’s face for meaning. So… did that mean they were … a couple? What were they doing? Byleth leans back in her chair and tilts her head to the side. Maybe they should just take things slow and see where it took them?
They start calling their little meet-ups dates. The first time, a chilly night in October. Byleth brings her flowers and scratches the back of her head in confusion. She’s not entirely sure how this is supposed to work when there are … two of them. Edelgard sniffs them and loves the gesture regardless. They sit in the darkness of the movie theater, trying to work out whose hand should fit over the other on the armrest between them. Edelgard works it out, interlaces her fingers with Byleth’s and smiles at her in the darkness of the theater. Dinner, Byleth pushes her slice of chocolate cake in Edelgard’s direction—we should share.
At the end of the night, Hubert is there to pick Edelgard up like he always does—stares Byleth down—and whisks Edelgard away back into the suburban calm of Enbarr. As Edelgard feels nothing but the warmth spreading from the center of her chest, Byleth stumbles her way home, and tries to fight the blush that keeps coming to her cheeks at the thought of Edelgard smiling at her that night.
The weeks pass, they continue their little dates. Things become official at some point when Edelgard finally invites Byleth over to her house—her damn mansion—and tells her that there’s something she wants to share with her. Edelgard is nervous as she pulls Byleth through winding corridors, away from Hubert’s intense gaze at the front of the house, and into a singular room aligned with white curtained windows and the soft light of autumn dusk.
In the center of the room is a painting, which Byleth recognizes to be herself. Edelgard walks around the room, fiddling with her hands as she looks away from Byleth and explains why she brought her here. You asked me to paint you someday… but I was already working on this before you even thought to ask. She looks up at Byleth, waiting for her reaction. Byleth walks forward, runs a singular finger along the oil and resin that’s long since dried and motions for Edelgard to come to her. She kisses her softly—It’s beautiful. As they stand together in an embrace, alone, Edelgard looks up at her—You know, Byleth, I think… I’d like it if you started calling me, El…
The warmth continues to grow. Edelgard invites her over for dinner; it’s lonely living in this big old mansion by herself. Byleth brings her over to her loft and they stand around in the kitchen trying to figure out what they should cook together for the night. The memories of the burns of past relationships’ fade from Byleth’s mind as she looks at the woman beside her. Her cooking skills are … terrible. Almost as bad as Byleth’s drawings. But, Byleth is as patient as Edelgard had been with her and shows her how to quarter vegetables into equal sizes. Not the giant hunks Edelgard had been knifing them into.
They hold hands; they kiss from time to time. But, as with any adult relationship, Byleth’s mind starts to wander. When was that other thing going to come into play? She recalls a former conversation with Edelgard—she had experience with men and women right? Maybe she knew how things were supposed to work when two women… did … things together. Byleth decides not to bring it up just yet. The relationship was still new after all and she didn’t want this woman—this gentle, kind soul who had somehow wandered into her life—to think that that was the only thing on her mind. Edelgard didn’t seem like the type to want to jump into something like that so soon, anyway.
Edelgard stays the night by accident. They had been watching a movie, fallen asleep and by time either of them woke up, Edelgard had two missed calls from Hubert and simply told him—I’ll just stay the night at Byleth’s place. Byleth had bristled when Edelgard looked at her with that innocent gaze and just nodded her head. Sure, sure, it was okay. No. …It kind of wasn’t.
The two of them are awkward again. Byleth insists that Edelgard can take her bed and Edelgard tells her that it’s okay if they both share it. Byleth shakes her head again, makes her way over to the couch with a pillow under her arm and a blanket wrapped over her shoulders. Edelgard is left feeling slightly rejected as she falls into the sheets of Byleth’s bed and mutters a pained—Goodnight. Everything goes dark.
In the morning, Edelgard is staring at her before she wakes and asks Byleth—Do you find me… undesirable, Byleth?—to which Byleth shakes her head. No. She just thought… she didn’t want Edelgard to feel pressured into anything. She doesn’t know if Edelgard believes her response, but her girlfriend simply nods her head in vague understanding.
They dance around one another. Excuses, reddened cheeks, stuttered explanations. Byleth has Edelgard underneath her one afternoon, mussing the sheets of Edelgard’s bed with confusion and desire. Edelgard’s lips part as she stutters out—Wait—and Byleth pulls away from her, confused as always. It seems that every time they get into these situations, they’re always stopping for some reason.
Edelgard thought she was ready for something like … this. But this is the first time she’s had something like …this. And every time she feels the weight of Byleth settling on top of her, breasts pushed together, that thigh just hovering in-between her legs—she wants to stop. Thoughts are racing in the back of her mind, preventing her body from seeking what it desperately needs. What if she and Byleth finally go beyond this? Byleth is going to know, right? That she lied about those supposed relationships? That she was still … that she still had that little card that she should have lost by now given her age? And it started with a big, fat, V.
Byleth, in return, is somewhat glad when they stop things from going any further. So… she was carrying around her own pack of lies. She hadn’t done much but kiss other girls. Never a girlfriend, always a drunken make-out somewhere or another. Not that she didn’t find women attractive or never saw herself with one—just look at who she was with now—she had always found herself with men of all people. Being with women did something to her. Cracked open her heart a little too wide, made her feel vulnerable in places she didn’t like accessing. Would Edelgard even understand that? She didn’t want to guard herself when it came to Edelgard… but this relationship was starting to do things to her—stir up things she hadn’t acknowledged since she was a teenager.
Was this form of intimacy that important that it would be some type of roadblock in their relationship? Neither one of them had seemed to want to broach the topic. Edelgard is content with pretending that things were still new, their relationship was still fresh enough for neither of them to be concerned with that level of physical intimacy just yet. Byleth’s concerns lie more so in the realm of reconciling her failures of relationships from the past. She doesn’t want to repeat the same patterns with Edelgard, doesn’t want to close herself off from this woman who has touched some part of her that has remained hidden from the world for so long.
And so, as the two of settle into Byleth’s car, driving north of Enbarr for some holiday getaway—smiling on the outside, thoughts racing on the inside—their white lies swirl around them, just like the snow falling from the sky.
Settling softly, just ready to be exposed.