Chapter Text
Fai never thought he would find his place in the world.
There had been a time when he was a child, back when he had believed he could save his brother, that he had thought that he and Fai could make a home for themselves somewhere. But even then, in his heart he knew that they would never truly belong.
They were twins.
Twins were damned.
Twins brought misfortune to everyone around them.
No matter where they went, they would still be twins. But Fai had hoped they would find something better than that frozen valley in Valeria.
Now he had. Despite everything Fai ever thought, he found his home. It wasn’t a place, but a group of people. Kurogane. Syaoran. Mokona. Fai belonged wherever they were.
Princess Sakura was part of his home, but she wasn’t able to travel with them. All of them together in Clow Country on the rare occasions Mokona brought them there was always best. It didn’t happen often enough.
He wished his brother Fai hadn’t died and that they could have gone on the journey together. Not just because he loved and missed Fai, which was true. But because his brother died without experiencing happy things. While he had come to accept his brother’s death, guilt and grief always swamped him when he thought of how his brother had lived and died cold, miserable, and alone.
A large hand squeezed his brother. Fai broke from his thoughts with a start, and looked up. Kurogane was looking down at him with a frown that Fai recognized as concern. “You’re too deep in your head,” Kurogane said. He knew the dark places Fai’s mind went when he was left alone too long.
Fai covered Kurogane’s fingers with his own, grateful for the contact. He waited while Kurogane lowered himself to sit next to Fai.
“I was thinking about Fai,” he admitted. Kurogane nodded, unsurprised. Well, he’d probably suspected as much. Fai kicked his bare feet in the water, which was cool and super clear. Fai could see the sand and stones at the bottom. He gestured to it. “He never got to see anything as beautiful as this.”
And it was a beautiful world. The dock where Fai and Kurogane were sitting jutted out into a small cove lined with stretches of white sand beaches. The sun was shining now, but it had been misting rain earlier and the dock was still damp. Past the beaches were vibrant green leaves from the nearby trees, and clusters of small whitewashed houses with brightly-painted roofs.
It was a lovely little town. Fai liked it.
Kurogane’s arm was warm against Fai’s, and it made Fai’s longing for his brother a bit less acute. His silence was attentive and invited Fai to continue speaking.
“I just wish that he and I could have gone together. That he could have met kind people, made friends, found someone he loved...” Fai’s voice cracked, and he had to swipe moisture from his eyes.
“He loved you,” Kurogane said, his voice gentle. For such a formidable man, he had unexpected depths of kindness.
Fai blew out a breath. “Yeah, he did.”
“And you loved him.”
“Yes. Always.”
Kurogane draped his arm over Fai’s shoulders and squeezed. “He deserved better. So did you. He didn’t get to live to see better. But we’ve seen that people reincarnate through the worlds. Maybe not everyone.” Kurogane shrugged. “I don’t know. But if you guys do, maybe the next time around will be better.”
Fai watched the sunlight glint off the waves and turned his head slightly. Syaoran had come down to the beach with Mokona on his shoulders. As Fai watched, Syaoran discarded his shoes and waded into the surf. Mokona hopped into the shallows with a plop and a splash.
Syaoran’s laughter was like a balm on Fai’s heart.
“That doesn’t help with now,” he finally replied to Kurogane. But he couldn’t help but smile a little as Syaoran swooped down to rescue Mokona from being carried off by a big wave.
“I can’t do anything about now,” Kurogane replied. “Other than hold your hand, and tell you to knock it off when you get dumb.”
“Well, I suppose that will have to do,” Fai said with a fake sigh and a smile.
Kurogane tried to push him into the ocean.
“No, Kuro-sama! I was teasing!” Fai protested, laughing. “I’m sorry. I’m truly grateful. Promise!”
It seemed Kurogane had mercy after all, because he stopped. “Hmph. Let’s go see what the kid found.” His steps were silent as he walked back up to dock to the beach where Syaoran was poking a mound of seaweed with a stick. Fai watched for a moment, fondness for his friends making his grief easier to bear. Then he got up and ran to catch up to Kurogane, lacing their fingers together.