Chapter Text
She’s not really sure how to feel about her bodyguard.
It’s funny, honestly. She always thought the first time she had him to herself that she would give him a piece of her mind. That somehow her petite little body would elevate to his height and give him a good slap to where his scar was before Rey healed it. Similar to how she assumes a mother would chastise her child.
Now, Rose is under his shadow everywhere and it makes her uneasy. Even though it’s been almost a year since he was assigned to her.
She concludes it’s because he indirectly tried to harm her. It’s been only a couple of years since the war ended but he was literally called the Supreme Leader for quite some time. Surely, it’s normal for her to still be a little afraid of him? He’s quite the tall man—exactly why he was deemed fit to be her personal “overseer” to the Senate meetings. Senator Rose Tico was popular among the majority, yet the loud minority caused enough worry for Leia and the rest of the New Senate to think a security detail assigned to her would prove beneficial.
One look at the brute strength the man Ben Solo exuded was enough to scare even the nastiest of voices away.
They don’t ever interact outside of the formal necessities. He gets her to the Capital safely, and gets her back home safely. The only lines of communication open between them consists of holochats and the occasional holomail.
At times, she desperately wished she had Rey as her security detail. The pair weren’t close, not at all, but their interactions at least proved to be warmer than whatever Ben provided. He could be switched out with a K2 unit and Rose would be none the wiser. The two couldn’t be more different.
They’re currently stationed at the little outpost hotel before reaching Cloud City. His room is directly in front of hers. Rose just finished a long day of floor hearings at the Capitol so she’s pooped. Per habit, Ben examines her room before she goes inside. They bid each other a good night once he’s done inspecting.
She is expected to get up at dawn for the Absolution Law vote. This was the law Rose was fighting so hard to get passed—the very thing so many like her were passionate about. It would allow incorrectly imprisoned individuals to have a fair trial if they could prove the First Order influence didn’t allow them another choice than to commit the crime.
She would be lying if she said that Finn didn’t influence her choice to go forward with the notion to introduce the law. He was there when she first thought of the idea all those years ago when they were on their way to Canto Bight. She almost wished he was here with her now.
But things are weird . She misses Finn—it's hard not to. However, the distance between them allows her to think a little bit more clearly than when she’s around him. Although it’s been almost two years, she’s barely begun the process of getting over him. Her heart has moved on from the prior hurt that plagued her for months. But lying to herself about the sting that remains does her no good. She tries hard not to think about it at night, but images of him and Jannah together leave her empty.
Of course he’s oblivious—he’s always been like that. Even before when she knew about his obsessions with Rey and Poe before he did. She just thought they were natural due to him not having any prior relationships in the past. It took some time for him to realize his fixation on them wasn’t romantic love.
It almost gave her hope.
Until she woke up and he acted like nothing between them ever happened. After the war, he came back home as a general and with another girl by his side.
It could be worse, she supposes.
She’s lying in bed sulking, fiddling with the Leia-like buns on top of her head when someone knocks on her door. Rose opens the door to find Ben hovering on the door frame, looking exactly how he did earlier in the day. Does he have pajamas?, she wonders.
“Senator Tico—excuse me for interrupting your sleep. But we need to leave now.” He stops to reassure her as the alarm in his voice clearly startles her. “No need to worry, you’re safe. But the Senate moved up the vote. If you want your say, we gotta move fast.”
Rose, clearly aware of her current state of dress, crosses her arms across her chest as she’s trying to process everything he's saying. “I don’t understand, I didn’t hear anything from anyone yet. Are you sure?”
She can tell Ben is resisting the urge to roll his eyes at her. “Yes, Senator. They’re hiding it from you on purpose. I wish I had time to explain how I know but—“ he waves his hand around the air dramatically, “—I think it’s more beneficial if we move.”
Rose sighs and mutters something along the lines of yeah right that force thing you have , and moves to get out of her pajamas in the fresher, leaves her Leia buns on, and gets moving.
*
Her dramatic entrance onto the Senate floor is something she will forever hold dearly to her heart.
The doors opened dramatically and she swooshed passed the audience and older gentlemen as she made her way to her post.
The sheer look of panic across the minority party leader’s face was her own personal victory.
In celebration of the passing of her first initiated law, Rose is sitting outside the garden behind the Capitol building looking up at the stars. She knows that Paige is proud of everything she’s accomplished so far. That Finn is also proud, whether or not he’ll make it explicitly known to her. And the congratulatory call Leia gave her—nothing will quite make her glow with pride after that. She smiles, laughing quietly at how crazy her life has gotten. She can’t wait to tell Finn everything.
Except that when she does, Jannah will be there too. And she’ll be happy for Rose like the good friend she is. Her small laughter settles into a sigh.
The sound must have interrupted whatever thought Ben was having because Rose can hear his body straighten out against the bench he’s sitting on behind her. Sometimes, she forgets he’s around. He’s also quiet and gives her plenty of space. It’s like having a shadow who is too afraid to get close. She turns around from her sitting position in the field of flowers to observe him.
He’s wearing all black, of course, and has his weapon next to his belt. The suit he’s wearing is reminiscent of what she’s seen Master Luke Skywalker wear during his younger days in old propaganda. Ben isn’t wearing gloves for the first time since he’s been around her. He removed them so that they sit next to him.
“Credit for your thoughts?” she timidly asks him.
Ben looks up, his brain lagging at the attempt to converse with him. It’s the first time she’s addressed him without a significant purpose attached to it. “Nothing interesting.” He cringes a little bit at how sad he sounds. He clears his throat in an attempt to mask whatever emotion is plaguing him. “I want to congratulate you on your win. You should be happy.”
Rose gives him a small smile. “Yeah, I should.”
“But you’re not.”
She frowns. “What do you mean?”
He stares at her blankly. “Seriously? You’re practically screaming your emotions at me right now. You’re very emotional.” He states so plainly.
Rose scoffs in offense. “Remind me to warn you before I have the audacity to feel emotions.” She turns back around to face in front of her. Stupid man. She’s not emotional.
After a moment’s beat, she turns back around. “Wait—have you been able to... sense my emotions this whole time?” she inquires.
Ben gives her a small chuckle. It’s the first time she’s heard him make any other noise than talk. “If you’re worried I’m looking through your mind, rest assured I can’t.” Rose blows out a small breath in relief. “However…”, he looks up at her with the smallest tinge of emotion she can’t register, “whenever you feel like that , you project very loudly. Kind of hard to ignore.”
Rose just stares. “Huh. Well.” She moves to get up and brushes off the grass off of her dress. “I apologize for doing so. I’ll try to keep that reigned in a bit.” Ben attempts to give her a small smile. “I’m heading to bed. Thanks again for your heads up, I would’ve lost without it.” She waves goodnight to him and passes him to reach the door. She’s about to push inside when she hears him call out her name.
She turns around to see Ben looking at her intently. He quirks around his mouth, as if he’s trying to figure out the right thing to say. “I meant it. You should be happy tonight. You got a big win. Get some rest.” With that, he does a small salute to return to the goodbye she offered him earlier. She nods her head, and sets off to her room.
It’s only when she’s closing her eyes later that she realizes it was empathy that Ben was looking at her with.
*
The next couple of days consists of excited chatter that the Core group was arriving to finish the last of the new formal hearings to establish the new Senate. The old dried up Senators had chosen their successors, and they were to be approved by the Core group. The group consisted of Rey, Leia, Finn, and Poe. As generals, co-generals, and the last Jedi, it was imperative they were there to ensure no chaos ensued.
Naturally, Rose is on edge. She’s never prepared for the way her heart betrays everything she reminds to herself not to do. The minute Finn envelopes her in a hug, she’s trying not to smile too widely, to not hug him harder, to not cry when she sees Jannah come up behind him and join in on the hug. She greets the others more formally and briefly, but she doesn’t fail to see the way Ben holds Rey a little tighter in their hug than he has in the past.
She throws him a curious glance, and he catches it in time before she’s able to hide it. He doesn’t address it though, and moves through the rest of the group offering a handshake.
Rey and Ben. It’s no secret the two of them have some stuff to work out.
They look incredible together. She’s only managed to see both of them in action together a couple of years ago when they fought for the same side for just a small time. Their force and strength were one to outmatch.
Outside of that, they were just beautiful . Rey flowed with light wherever she went, engulfing everyone in it. It's no secret that Ben is more secretive and darker in nature, but he is a handsome fellow. Their beauty in nature and body made everyone around either obsessed or uneasy. Even years after everything, the two seem to just make sense . No one argues with them when they’re together. She doesn’t know the force, but she knows everything seems to hang in equilibrium when they’re together.
But things between the pair never moved forward. Whether it was unrequited love or the force making it impossible for them, the pair separated any chance they could. Ben was working for Rose and Rey was working for Leia. She thinks it’s unfair to her to say Rey seems to be unaffected by their separation. But even now, she talks to him like nothing ever happened between them. Like two buddies reconnecting after one took a vacation.
Ben on the other hand...has his days. There’s days where his presence doesn’t go noticed, her assistants in the Capitol separating some space between them on work days. Then there’s other days when Ben’s mood seems to influence their surroundings. Clouds roll in and storms come. The meetings become more tense. Her assistants shy away and stay back.The term coincidence cannot be overstated.
They would always be connected. They had a special bond in the force. But Rose is a little saddened to know that is the end of what they could become.
But at least her love life isn’t the only one in the gutter, she admits with some guilt.
There’s a small party thrown for the win of Senator Tico’s law passing, but Rose wishes everyone would just leave her room. She could care less for Poe’s presence and his friends, but she laughs at their jokes anyways. She wants to escape every time Jannah goes up to her with enthusiasm spilling out of her about how much good Rose has done for everyone with the new law. She especially wants to hide from Finn, who looks for her to talk about his future plans with Jannah and if she knew any Senator that Rey could possibly be interested in.
At one point, Rey takes Ben outside on the balcony for a few minutes and everyone tries their best to pretend they’re not remotely interested in that conversation.
The party dies out and everyone but Ben is gone. She’s grateful at least one person who works for her stayed around for the cleanup, even if he's still technically working. Her assistants proved too drunk to make it past the door without crashing into it, so she can’t really blame them there. I wish I were wasted , she muses. There’s a comfortable silence that settles between the two—she finds she never has to adjust to it in order to be less awkward, and she’s grateful for that. It’s sort of their own rhythm.
So it boggles her mind when Ben starts trying to strike up small talk with her.
He tries to be sneaky about it at first.
It starts off as little requests like “Can I put this back here?” and “Is everything clean over there?”
She knows something is up when they finish taking out the last trash bags containing all the leftover food and party supplies. He falters in his steps as they make their way back to their respective rooms. Rose also halts to see what captured his attention.
They both analyze the scene before them. In the corner of the main lobby, there’s a small cantina meant more for loners who pass through the late night hours. There’s only one bartender and about three men who have passed the “dozing off” state of influence and entered a snoring competition. The bartender, a K2 unit, seems to be perfectly content listening to their sounds as it continues to polish glasses.
She thinks that Ben can probably use a good amount of alcohol tonight. He’s been on duty for just over twenty hours due to the party. She’s about to relieve him and say goodnight when he turns around to throw her a wry smile.
“Want to forget about tonight?” He offers with a hint of mischief in his eyes.
She really couldn’t want anything more.
*
It starts off with simple questions.
The small talk at first doesn’t go anywhere after a few tries. So, she changes it up. She assumes it’s the liquid courage in her blood. That the juice and spirits mixed together in her chalice are what enabled her to ask the dumbest questions to Ben Solo.
He quirks an eyebrow at her. “I’m sorry, what?”
Rose downs about another half ounce of her drink. She’s throwing all caution to the wind tonight. “Is this not an appropriate question to ask?” she challenges him back.
Ben ponders over her reply for about a couple of seconds. She’s asked a couple of ridiculous questions so far, but this might be his favorite. He hums in amusement. “No, I suppose not.” He rakes his hand through his wavy hair, the humidity of the outpost taking control over its texture. “I guess I have to say I would rather kiss someone with hands for feet than someone with feet for hands.”
He seems to have answered correctly because Rose grins and cheers him before finishing off the rest of her drink. She doesn’t hesitate to ask for another round.
“How about you?” he asks, grimacing as he feels the burn of alcohol trickling down his throat.
Rose is already downing the rest of the drink she just ordered. Ben raises eyebrows in awe. Little girl, strong tolerance.
She wipes her lips with the back of her hand in a fluid motion. “I already answered the question.”
Ben pressed further. “I know. I meant to ask...how are you?”
Rose eyes him warily. “What’re you doing?” Ben starts making a sound of protest back to her but she shushes him off before he can go any further. “Why are you asking that?” She doesn’t mean to sound accusatory but it comes out anyways. “We’ve been around each other for almost a year and now we’re having drinks all of a sudden.”
Ben waves to the K2 unit for another drink. He fixes his chair so that he can turn to look at her head on. They’ve never had this much eye contact before—he usually hates what he finds when he does this. But he seems to be searching something within her, and Rose feels exposed. She doesn’t like it either.
“Rey asked me to keep tabs on you.” He finally says.
Rey? “Okay, I’ll bite. Why exactly does she care?”
Ben catches the drink the K2 unit slides over to him before it falls off the edge of the bar table. He tinkers around with the cup before answering, “She just wants to make sure you’re okay.”
Rose stares at the inside of her empty glass. She should really ask for another glass if she keeps this conversation up.
“I don’t appreciate you being a spy for her.”
“Think of it less as a spy activity and more of a wellness check.”
She laughs bitterly, a clear sign that she needs to stop drinking like now .
“Last time I checked, my well being wasn’t her concern so I’m not sure why Rey is so bothered by it now.” She gestures that she’s ready for another round.
Ben pinches the bridge of his nose, a sign of frustration she’s starting to pick up on. “Fuck me”, he mutters under his breath. He downs the rest of the drink and draws in a deep breath before continuing.
“Finn and Jannah are getting married. Tomorrow.” Groaning a bit, he continues. “They were going to surprise everyone. Rey found out and told me earlier at the party.”
The silence that follows seems to stretch out for ages.
And the closest feeling she can identify is mourning.
She’s in mourning.
The sad truth is that she isn’t mourning a lost lover, because they never were lovers. But the “what if” will continue to haunt her. What if she never lost consciousness and stayed awake through the whole battle on Crait? What if she didn’t let Finn go with Poe alone on adventures? What if she took his offer to go look for the wayfinder together?
She’ll never know.
She doesn’t register what’s happening until she feels a pair of hands steadying her shoulders. They shake her out of a haze that seems to lift at once. Snapping back into reality, she notices they’re no longer inside the cantina, but back in the garden from a couple of nights ago. Her legs must’ve carried her out here. Ben sees comprehension dawning on her face and he lets go of her.
Ben places his hands on his hips and holds her attention, reminiscent of a scolding mother. “Listen. I’m not here to babysit you,” he snaps rather coldly, “I only told you because Rey believed you should know.” He lets his arms go lax by his side, softening his tone a bit. “I’m sorry—I know this...sucks. But I didn’t want you to be caught off guard.” He gulps thickly, careful not to let any emotion spill out. “Not like that. It’s not fair.”
Instead of the burst of tears Ben is expecting, she starts laughing. It’s definitely those drinks she had. There’s no other explanation.
Ben is clearly startled. It starts off as a small chuckle, but turns into an outright belly laugh. It’s edging on becoming a little hysterical. She’s holding her stomach with one arm and using her other one to keep her upright as she leans on her knee.
“I wasn’t—I,” she tries to get out through her laughter and drunk hiccups, “I wasn’t expecting that today”, she finally gets out before engulfing into another round of laughter.
She looks at Ben, who is staring at her with trepidation. He’s trying to school his expression in a neutral one. She knows he’s close to cracking when his lips start quirking upwards. She pities his efforts and lets him know before she laughs again, “It’s okay, you can laugh too.” He starts to laugh alongside her, not as heavy as she is, but not a chuckle either.
They must look like a pair of mad men.
They’re in a field of flowers, during the late hours, laughing at something not even remotely funny.
Their fit of laughter eventually dies out though, and they find themselves laying down in the grass side by side.
She turns her head to her side to examine him. She’s never taken the time to appreciate his help during her time as a Senator so far. She’s assumed he’s always been just doing his job and he has, but tonight has proven a bit more than that. He didn’t have to try to get her mind off of things. She realizes now that he must’ve known that she probably would’ve reacted differently if she was sober.
“You’re staring,” he comments, his eyes trained to the stars above them.
Rose turns her head back to stare at the falling stars above them. “Thank you.”
He doesn’t have to ask what she’s referring to. “Don’t mention it.”
“Does it get better?” Rose asks quietly.
She doesn’t have to clarify here either. He inhales deeply, careful to let it slowly as he ponders it over. “No.” He deadpans. She rolls her eyes. “But—it doesn’t get worse. Time helps, if that’s any comfort.” He gets up from the ground and extends a hand out to help her do the same. She takes it, feeling oddly at ease, and lets it go as they make their way back to their rooms.
She wonders if he feels as lonely as she does at night.
He opens her room door first to examine the room like usual. She stands there in front of him, feeling a bit awkward. She wants to let him know she appreciates his help tonight. That he didn’t have to worry about her outside of her safety.
Something he said earlier strikes her again. He mentioned that Rey told him about the news, Rey wanted tabs kept on her, and that Rey believed she should know about Finn and Jannah. But he also said that he didn’t want her to be caught off guard.
She glances at him. Who knew her bodyguard had a soft bone in him.
He’s about to disappear off to his room when she stops him with a hand on his shoulder. “I know Rey wasn’t the one who was worried about me finding out. I actually think she told you not to say anything in fear of what I could do or say, right?”
“I never was a good liar”, he groans, trying to contain the blush that threatens to expose him, sheepishly smiling.
Rose chuckles softly. “For what it’s worth...I think we’re more alike than I thought.”
Ben looks a bit taken back. “How so?”
She chews on it before replying. “Emotions unite people. It united me and Finn for a bit. It united me to the Resistance. It’s what unites my people.” She squeezes the small hand on his shoulder. “I think ours is heartbreak.”
He doesn’t reply, merely offers her a small smile. They bid each other goodnight again, for real this time, and set their alarms for the awaiting celebration of the next day.