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Nancy had no dates to go on anymore, and since she and Jonathan could only spend so much time racking up long distance charges, she had become accustomed to spending hours at the library, especially over the winter break.
Sometimes she saw Billy Hargrove there, hunched over a book in a dusty corner with the hood of his sweatshirt pulled down low.
Sometimes she thought about talking to Billy Hargrove, but she couldn’t figure out how that conversation could possibly go well.
Sorry about that time I was going to kill you when you were possessed.
Sometimes she also thought about how going after the Mind Flayer with a gun wouldn’t have been an option if it had been wearing Will’s skin at the time.
She hated thinking about that.
It was near dusk when Nancy stretched and frowned, feeling kinks in her neck because she’d been so absorbed in The Thorn Birds. There was something very cozy about holing up the library on a snowy day with a nice fat, juicy saga. The librarian Mrs. Entwhistle hadn’t even noticed her thermos of coffee that she kept stashed in her bag.
Billy was still there, a few tables away. She couldn’t see what he was reading, but she was faintly curious.
She passed behind him as she pulled on her coat and headed to the front desk to check out her pick for the week.
“Are you still here, sweetie?” Mrs. Entwhistle said, as she stamped the due date on the book ticket. “Storm’s gotten awful. I heard some roads are blocked.”
“Is it that bad?” Nancy said, and ambled over to a big window to look out at a sea of white. The snow was coming down so fast and thick she could hardly see across the street. “Oh no. I walked here.”
“I’m sure Mr. Hargrove could give you a ride?” Mrs. Entwhistle said. “If not, I’m here until eight o’clock, dear. And you’d have to wait for my George-”
“Oh. Um…”
Across the room, Billy looked up sharply at the sound of his own name and she saw him glancing around wide-eyed.
Mr. Hargrove.
Nancy had heard just enough through the rumor mill to know that Billy thought his own father had shown up and was alarmed. His shoulders dropped as he seemed to realize he’d misunderstood.
Billy’s mouth was a tight line as he stood and grabbed his pea coat, putting it on over his hoodie before grabbing the paperback and two other books on the table. He didn’t look at Nancy as he crossed to the front desk and set them down, his eyes on his boots.
“Mr. Hargrove-”
“It’s Billy,” Billy mumbled.
“Yes. You know Miss Wheeler-”
“Nancy,” Nancy said, just as quickly shutting her mouth. She’d felt the strangest urge to show a bit of solidarity with Billy which was strange because since he had shown up at Hawkins she was pretty sure she had exchanged three words with him.
“Yeah.” Billy’s hood was pulled down so far he had the look of a wraith, something foreboding or at least mysterious.
“You drove here, didn’t you?” Mrs. Entwhistle said. “I hope you have chains-”
“Yeah, I got em’.”
“Would you mind driving Nancy here home?” Mrs. Entwhistle had stamped his books and swiped them across the demagnetizing strip. But she held them in her hands, her eyebrows raised, as if keeping them hostage until Billy agreed.
“It’s okay,” Nancy said. “I’ll...uh just call…”
Who?
Jonathan Jonathan Jonathan… There was no Jonathan to call. Not that his old beater had ever been reliable in snowstorms. Her mother and father would be on their way to dinner at the boss’s house unless it had been cancelled. But they were probably already stuck there if they’d left before the storm started which they would have because nobody left earlier for any function than Ted Wheeler…
Steve? Steve was probably home from work already-
“It’s fine whatever,” Billy said. He turned his head slightly in her direction, but she still couldn’t make out his face.
He didn’t sound too enthusiastic.
It could be worse, she told herself. It could be the old Billy giving her a ride.
Because there was a world of difference between the Billy who had essentially come back from the dead and the one she had seen shoving freshmen or cackling along with Tommy Hagen or with his tongue down some girl’s throat in the halls of Hawkins High.
“Thank you,” Nancy said. She was more relieved than she wanted to admit. “I really appreciate it.”
Billy didn’t answer. In fact, he didn’t say anything as he grabbed his books and stuck them under his jacket before they headed out into the unforgiving blizzard.
The Camaro didn’t look like it would get far in such conditions, but Nancy hoped for the best as she climbed in and shut the door.
Billy continued the silent treatment as he warmed up the car and Nancy clutched her bag in her lap.
It’s a five minute ride, she thought. Or twenty minutes with the snow. Then I can crawl under a blanket with some hot chocolate and get back to Meggie and Father Ralph.
Billy was easing down the road, the two of them silent as graves when he said, “Do you always hum like that?”
She had been wondering if the The Thorn Birds mini-series was available on video. Her mother had loved it and she was glad she hadn’t watched it so the book wouldn’t be spoiled.
“What?” She turned her head with a jerk. Billy was glaring at the storm while he drove.
“You hum,” he said. “You didn’t know you were humming? Sounded like…”
“‘Into the Groove,”” Nancy said, shrugging. “It’s been stuck in my head.”
“Ah.” Billy grunted and turned on the radio and Black Sabbath blasted.
She didn’t hate Black Sabbath.
It did make the ride feel a little less awkward.
“Oh shit.” Billy curled his lip.
They had reached the fork in the direction of the Wheeler homestead...but there was not one but two trees and a whole lot of snow blocking the way. Nancy spotted Officer Callahan hurrying over in a state-issue parka and a beanie stuffed on his head.
“Road’s blocked!” He said, when Billy rolled the window down. “I’m puttin’ out cones! This isn’t gonna be clear any time soon!”
“Right,” Billy muttered, and rolled the window back up before turning the car around.
Nancy said, “Wait-”
“What do you want, Wheeler?” Billy said. “It’s another three miles to your house. Is there some other way around-”
“No,” Nancy said darkly.
“Whatever,” Billy said. “Goddammit, I hate this blizzard bullshit. Fine. You can come to my place.”
“Your place?” Nancy stared at him.
“Chief Hopper’s old trailer,” Billy said. “It’s not far. Assuming nothing else is blocked.”
She had known Billy lived in Hop’s trailer. It was Max’s doing somehow though she didn’t know the particulars.
“Uh…”
“Just till the storm clears or the road does,” Billy said. “I dunno.”
Nancy pursed her lips. It seemed like an absolutely impossible situation.
Stuck at Billy Hargrove’s house.
Fantastic.
Not that he had been particularly unpleasant so far.
In fact, she had felt pretty sorry for him since he had returned.
But still.
“Thank you,” she said, forcing down all her worry and irritation. “It’s nice of you. I appreciate it.”
“Whatever.”
“Oh sorry, I’m stepping on something…”
The Camaro inched along the backroad toward Billy’s trailer. Nancy was half surprised the snow plows bothered to clear it regularly. She was pretty sure Billy was the only person living in this part of Hawkin’s fringes. Her foot was hitting something on the floor of the car and Billy only grunted in response as she leaned down and picked up the VHS tape packaged in a Family Video box.
Nancy read the spine and raised an eyebrow. “MASH?”
“Yeah.” Billy shrugged.
“You rent a lot of movies, huh?”
Billy pulled the Camaro up an incline as the trailer came into view. It looked out on the serene blue of the lake reflecting the snowy pines around it and Nancy blinked, forgetting what she had just asked Billy as the scene was so beautiful.
“Passes the time,” Billy muttered. He got out of the car and walked through the assault of falling snow and up the short set of stairs to the tiny porch where he stopped instead of heading inside. He stood there and lit a cigarette, frowning as he leaned on the railing and admired the view while he smoked. There was something about it that surprised Nancy and she cinched her coat a little tighter, shoving her hands in her pockets and jogging over to join him.
“Are you not allowed to smoke inside?” Nancy said.
“My goddamn trailer now,” Billy said. “I can smoke if I want.”
It was bitingly cold, but she didn’t mind it so much, standing there in the peaceful quiet of Billy’s front porch and looking out on the lake.
“Alright,” he said, once he’d finished his cigarette. He dropped it in a coffee can that sat on the railing.
A wall of warmth surrounded Nancy inside the trailer as if someone had thrown a thick blanket over her, and she sighed in relief, hanging her coat on a hook next to the door as Billy dropped his jacket and his hooded sweatshirt on a chair. The place was small and modest was a nice word for it. But it was cozy too and there was something comfortingly familiar about the wood paneling and orange carpeting and the afghan thrown over the couch.
She wasn’t sure what she’d expected. Something dark and foreboding like Billy seemed to be.
His place smelled like cigarettes and sweat, but that was also Hopper-like to Nancy’s mind.
Nancy tentatively sat down on Billy’s clearly second-hand but not uncomfortable brown velour couch with her bag in her lap. He had disappeared into the kitchen and she heard the clink of mugs and cabinets opening and closing.
“Oh,” Nancy said. “You forgot your movie.”
“Uh...I wasn’t going to watch it right now,” Billy said. “Do you...want something? I was gonna make coffee anyway-”
“Sure! That sounds good.”
“I was going to put whiskey in mine.”
“You have whiskey?” Nancy said. She gawked at him as he stuck his head out and regarded her with a raised eyebrow.
She wasn’t sure she had fully seen Billy since he had come back after Starcourt. He was always hiding in his clothes nowadays. His hair was shorter, just brushing his shoulders, and he had a blonde scruff dusting his chin. He was more drawn looking and he had a deep scar at his temple. But he looked healthier than she would have thought, in general. His icy blue eyes were bright.
“I don’t get carded, Wheeler,” Billy said flatly, as if that should be obvious.
Nancy chewed on her lip and said, “I’ll take some too then. In my coffee. If you don’t mind.”
“Yeah, it’ll warm ya up.”
A few minutes later, Billy and Nancy were sitting a foot apart on the couch sipping their spiked coffee in absolute silence.
This is excruciating.
She wondered if she should have asked for straight whiskey. At least it would have eased the awkwardness of things.
“So you like war movies?” Nancy blurted out, unable to withstand the silence.
“What?” Billy curled his lip, seemingly baffled.
“MASH?” Nancy said. “Isn’t that a war movie?”
“I mean...technically,” Billy said. “I guess. Sure.”
“I just notice when I stop by Family Video, you’re always there,” Nancy said lightly. “Feel like you must’ve rented the entire store by now. Heh.”
“I’m not always there,” Billy said, glaring into his mug.
“Steve said you come in every other day,” Nancy said. “Like clockwork. You must really like movies.”
“Steve said that?” Billy looked up with a jerk and just as quickly shut his mouth. “Sure. Who doesn’t like movies?”
“Yeah, I guess…”
Nancy stared straight ahead at the small RCA color TV that Billy had clearly bought used. It sat atop two wooden crates and a crooked antenna sprung from the top.
Something about it bothered Nancy and she frowned at the TV as if attempting to force it to divulge its secrets.
She took a long drink. The coffee was strong. So was the whiskey. It was taking the edge off.
The epiphany came just as she swallowed, and she nearly choked as she burst out, “You don’t have a VCR!”
Next to her, Billy cringed and said, “Yeah, I do! It’s just broken right now.”
“If it’s broken, why did you rent MASH?”
“I was going to...watch it at the... house. With Max.”
“Max...was going to watch MASH?” Nancy said, unable to contain her disbelief. “Besides, Steve said you said you never go to the house. So you don’t have to see your dad.”
Maybe it was some gust of heat or a draft, but she saw Billy’s cheeks that had been unusually pale in the winter of his not-death go quite rosy suddenly. “Does Steve talk about me a lot?” His voice pitched up.
Nancy sat back on the couch and drained the rest of her coffee and said, “Do you have more of that whiskey?”
Billy heaved an overly dramatic sigh, got up again, and came back to the couch with a bottle of Jim Beam from which he took a healthy swig before handing it to Nancy. He turned the radio on, a cheap boom box that sat on his shambling coffee table. It was a 70s rock station and Nancy nodded along to Foreigner.
She closed her eyes for a moment, sighing at the pleasant burn that traveled down into her chest after another sip of whiskey. “You don’t really have a VCR, do you?”
“What’s it your business?” Billy snapped.
“It’s not,” she said, handing him the bottle. “Just… Why do you rent movies all the time if you don’t have a VCR?”
Billy was twirling a snow dusted blonde curl around his finger as he stared at her. “Because.”
She felt just a little bit drunk. She hadn’t eaten since breakfast.
She wondered if Billy was just a little bit drunk too.
Maybe that was getting him to talk.
Interesting.
There was one obvious reason why somebody would hang around Family Video all the time renting movies when they didn’t have a VCR.
“Do you have a crush on Robin Buckley?” Nancy said.
Billy snorted and said, “No.”
Nancy frowned and took another sip. He wasn’t lying.
“Do you...have a crush on Steve?” She wasn’t sure where the idea came from. Some wild thought that only whiskey could bring out of her.
But she didn’t miss the startled look in Billy’s eyes and the way he opened his mouth and did not immediately speak.
“Oh,” she said. “Whoa. Okay. We need food.”
“So...you’re not different because of... of the Mind Flayer,” Nancy said, slightly slurring her words. “You’re different ‘cause...you got counseling?”
The crusts of their grilled cheese sandwiches had been tossed haphazardly on the table.
The whiskey was nearly gone and Nancy’s tongue was a little loose. But she felt good and warm, curled up under Billy’s afghan.
“No, I mean...like partly because of that,” Billy mumbled. “But also ‘cause… I mean I’m not all pissed off all the time because I go see this shrink. I didn’t really realize how pissed off I always was. Or I didn’t know like...you’re not supposed to want to beat the shit out of people all the time.”
“Wow,” Nancy whispered.
She had thought the evening had become as strange as it would ever be but Billy Hargrove was opening up about his mental health.
So apparently not.
“But some stuff is because of the Mind Flayer like...how I feel weird as hell around people a lot.” He sighed heavily. “Feel like everyone just… I mean I killed people, Wheeler. Feel like I don’t deserve to even go out sometimes. On bad days. I guess. Other days are better. Just feel weird around people.”
He picked at the Jim Beam label.
“The Mind Flayer killed people,” Nancy said firmly. “Not you.”
“That’s what my shrink says,” Billy said. “But it was my body. I remember all of it. I dream about it.”
A year ago she wouldn’t have thought Billy would be capable of so much regret, but she could see the pain in his eyes.
“I didn’t...want to,” he went on. He cleared his throat. “I tried to stop it.”
“I know. You saved us in the end,” she said.
He shrugged at that. “That’s ‘cause El saw me. She’s a good kid.”
“Yeah,” Nancy said, smiling. “I agree. And um... And Steve?”
There had been some talk around that subject already while he’d made sandwiches.
Billy was gay and every time he’d made a show of being with girls had been for show, he explained. And more than that, for the attention. Girls liked him. It felt good.
Nancy thought the whole thing was horribly sad, but she wasn’t completely shocked.
It all made sense if she thought about it for more than a second.
And anyway, the boy sitting next to her on the couch sounded a whole lot more thoughtful and well-adjusted than the walking tornado he’d been a year ago, even if he was kind of haunted and had trouble meeting people’s eyes when he went out.
“Steve,” Billy murmured. She saw the corner of his mouth turn up. “I dunno. I’ve always had a thing for him, to be honest. Even when I beat him up. Hell, that was why I beat him up. It just...feels different now. And now he talks to me like we’re friends. We used to just glare at each other. Drove me nuts. But just like… It feels easy to talk to him. Not like anyone else. Except when I get... “ He chuckled under his breath, his cheeks pink, this time with the flush of booze. “I get nervous. Sometimes. Can barely open my mouth. But I just stand around and listen to him talk, ya know?”
Nancy giggled. She couldn’t help it. “You get nervous? Around Steve?”
“You never got nervous around Steve Harrington?” Billy said, tipping his chin up.
“Ha… Yeah, sophomore year,” she said, nodding. “Sure.”
“Exactly.” Billy laughed and the sound was warm and easy as he sat back, looking more relaxed than he had all evening. She realized she was having a good time too. Being snowed-in with Billy Hargrove was not so bad at all. “Anyway… Of course, I’m into a total straight guy like Harrington. Just my luck, huh? Never felt like this about any guy. And there is no fuckin’ chance of it happening.”
He shrugged again, ever so casual, and grabbed his cigarettes.
“Well…”
Nancy didn’t mean to say it. It was one word. A meaningless word. But there was no mistaking the way her tone wound around itself and faded away.
Billy’s eyes widened.
Well…
“Well...what?” Billy said. “What?”
She shut her mouth. “Nothing. Nothing nothing.”
“Do you know something?” Billy said. “Is he not… Wheeler.”
“I-I shouldn’t. Ugh.” She grimaced and grabbed for the whiskey bottle that still had a few fingers left. She tipped it back and shivered at the taste, chasing it with a drink of Coke Billy had given her with the grilled cheese. “I shouldn’t have said anything.”
Her tongue was too loose and her thoughts were scrambled.
But she had a strong urge to let her tongue get yet looser and tell Billy Hargrove what she knew about Steve.
Because really…
They’d be sweet together.
The thought seemed ridiculous and true at the same time.
“Wheeler,” Billy said softly. “Please.”
Billy wasn’t a guy who said please very often, even now.
She was sure of that.
Nancy bit her lip and said, “When we were still going out…we got really wasted once just hanging out at Steve’s house. Started telling each other, ya know, real deep secrets. The stuff you don’t tell anyone. And…” She swallowed. Billy was so quiet she could hear his little intake of breath. He was on the edge of his seat. “Steve told me...he likes guys too. And girls.” She blinked at him. Billy was just staring in disbelief. “I think he’s even… He might have done stuff. With guys. It freaked me out when he told me. I was probably an asshole about it. I thought he was gay and I didn’t get it. But I gave it some thinking and, I mean he was definitely into me. So really, who cares, you know?”
“He likes both,” Billy said. He sounded like he’d just made an important scientific discovery. “He likes...both. Holy shit.”
“I know I shouldn’t have told you,” Nancy said, shaking her head, already feeling guilty. “But I don’t know! He does talk about you a lot when we hang out. I just hadn’t thought of it. I’ve just been...”
“Pfft. You’re all distracted ‘cause you miss Byers,” Billy said, waving a hand. “I’m not completely blind.”
“Yeah,” Nancy said. “Exactly.”
“Jesus… Harrington likes both, huh?” He shook his head. “Son of a bitch.”
“We should get him over here!” Nancy said.
Once she thought of it, it seemed like the best idea in the world.
“What?” Billy looked mildly alarmed. “Why?”
“How do you expect to get together with Steve if you don’t at least try to hang out? You can’t just keep lingering at the video store-”
“Wheeler.”
“I’m going to call him!” Nancy jumped to her feet, the world spinning briefly. But she felt a flame of excitement about the idea. She’d always regretted how her break-up with Steve had gone down and worried, at times, over Steve’s happiness. He’d seemed pretty cheerful lately since he’d made friends with Robin Buckley who was apparently not his girlfriend, he’d emphatically insisted several times. Nancy had doubted this at first and then come to see the sort of sibling-like dynamic they had whenever she went to rent a movie on a Friday.
But Billy…
“There’s-there’s a blizzard!” Billy sputtered. “He probably won’t be able to even drive here-”
“Oh he won’t drive,” Nancy said with a dismissive wave of her hand. “There's a shortcut from here to Steve’s backyard. You can walk it in ten minutes.”
Billy looked absolutely gobsmacked at that idea and just stared at her. “But he’ll… It’s fuckin’ cold, Wheeler!”
“You’re worried about him,” she said, her brows knitting together. “That’s so cute.”
“Shut up.”
“Seriously, getting here will be easy,” Nancy said. “I’ve cut through the woods behind his house a bunch of times.” She jogged over to the kitchen where the phone was perched on the wall. “I bet he’s not even doing anything.” She looked to Billy, waiting for him to argue with her, but he was just staring straight ahead at the spot where a VCR should have been, twirling his hair around a finger.
“I mean call him if you want,” Billy said. “Free country.”
Nancy snickered at that. She got the feeling that Billy was on pins and needles for her to call Steve. He wasn’t doing a very good job of pretending otherwise.
She dialed Steve and pursed her lips, listening to the phone ring and ring before there was a click and a sleepy voice said, “Hullo?”
“Steve!” Nancy said, playing with the phone cord, and smiling mischievously over at Billy who was busy playing with his hands. “It’s me.”
“Oh...hey, Nance-”
“I’m at Billy Hargrove’s house?”
She gave Steve a moment to process this shocking bit of information and he finally said, “What?”
“I was at the library and ya know, the blizzard is so bad-”
“Yeah, God. Took me an hour to get home from work-”
“And so Billy gave me a ride, but it was blocked going to Maple so he just took me back to his place to wait it out. You know he lives in Hop’s old trailer?”
“Yeah, I know,” Steve said.
“Anyway, we thought you should come over, you know? Make a night of it. Unless it’s too rough going to get here-”
“No...I can get there,” Steve said slowly. “Um… Billy...wants me to come over?”
She could hear him shifting around. He’d answered with the voice that said he’d come home from work and immediately fallen asleep for a bit. He was a habitual napper. That was good, Nancy thought. That meant he could hang around till late with Billy…
“Yeah!” Nancy said brightly. “We both do. Unless you’re busy-”
He snorted at that. “Nah. Not busy. And tomorrow’s my day off.”
“Well, come over then,” Nancy said firmly. “Bring those fancy cookies your mom always buys.”
“The Milanos.”
“Yeah, bring those.”
“Yeah, alright.” She could hear him scrambling, getting to his feet, and the thump of something hitting the floor. “See you in a minute.”
“Okay, bye!”
Nancy hung up the phone and grinned at Billy, feeling like she had accomplished something important.
“He’s coming over.”
Billy was pacing and on his third cigarette.
“This was a stupid idea,” Billy mumbled, checking his watch. “And shouldn’t he be here by now?”
She was actually a little worried. Steve was taking longer than he should to arrive.
It was dark out and the snow was as heavy as ever.
But the Hawkins woods, even when full of monsters, were as good as Steve’s own backyard.
He’d been jumpy about demogorgons appearing out of nowhere for a while.
But generally, he was fine in the woods and could navigate them blind.
“I’m sure it’s fine,” Nancy said, pretending to be more confident than she was. “He’ll be here.”
If he didn’t arrive in another half an hour, Nancy decided, she would call him again.
“This is so weird, Wheeler.” Billy chuckled, leaning on the wall by the couch, crossing one ankle over the other as he smoked. He had changed his shirt already and fussed with his hair. He was wearing a black thermal that clung to his muscles. He wasn’t quite as beefy as he used to be but he looked good. “A few months ago, you were shooting at me.”
“I said I was sorry,” Nancy said, smirking over at him. They had discussed this already. Sort of.
“At the time, man… I wanted you to shoot me.”
Nancy’s smile collapsed. “Billy…”
“It’s alright.” He shrugged. “Don’t want you to shoot me now. Just… I tried to hold him off, you know. Flash my brights, rev the engine. I was trying to warn you.” He took a drag of his cigarette, looking down at his boots. “If I failed, which I did I hoped you’d shoot me before I could kill anybody else. Weird, huh?”
“Yeah,” Nancy murmured. “Weird.”
“Then Harrington came in swingin’. He’s pretty badass, isn’t he? Ole King Steve."
The knock on Billy’s door was abrupt and thundering and it made Nancy jump.
“Harrington…” Billy put his cigarette out in an ashtray on the coffee table, and crossed to the door in two long strides. She could practically feel his anticipation, the thump of her own heart speeding up on his behalf.
He opened the door as snow blew in on a gust of wind and there Steve stood, hugging a paper bag, his hair whipping around and his already big eyes yet bigger as he stared at Billy. His cheeks were bright red with the cold.
“You didn’t wear a hat?” Nancy said, as Billy let Steve in.
“I didn’t want to...” Steve cleared his throat. “I brought those cookies. And some Doritos and beer. Which is a weird combination, I guess.”
His eyes had not left Billy even to greet her as he stepped inside.
She wondered how she’d missed all this. It was like learning the Upside Down existed all over again.
“Take off your coat, Harrington,” Billy said, smooth as ice. “Stay a while.” He glanced at Nancy as if asking if that had been a good thing to say, and she tossed him a wink.
Steve shoved the grocery bag into Billy’s arms and for a second that seemed to last a year, they stood there staring at each other with the bag between them, their fingertips barely brushing, and both unwilling to move.
“Took long enough getting here,” Billy said under his breath. “Thought you’d fallen through the ice or some shit.”
“Yeah, sorry.” Steve made a noise between a laugh and a choke. “I had to talk to Robin about...some stuff.”
Nancy suddenly felt like a third wheel and wished she could leave them alone, but then Billy looked to her again.
Oh...he needs the training wheels.
“You guys want to watch something?” Nancy said. Billy tossed her the package of Mint Milanos and she tore them open.
“I don’t have cable,” Billy said. “Nothing’s on. But we could turn up some tunes.”
Nancy moved to the old easy chair (she was pretty sure it had belonged to Hop), leaving Steve and Billy to the couch. She tried to be smooth about it, standing to stretch and pretending she just happened to sit in the chair. Steve looked at her and blinked, chewing his lip, and sat on the couch with his hands in his lap.
“So what have you guys been doing?” Steve said.
“Wheeler, you suck at poker?” Billy said. She frowned as he swept her pile of peanuts over to his side of the table.
They were all buzzed and playing poker and the boombox was blasting 70s rock again.
But best of all, Billy and Steve sat opposite her and next to each other on the floor, and Steve kept squirming and shifting around and each time he did, he got a little closer to Billy.
“Harrington, on the other hand, is surprisingly good.”
“Hell yeah, I am,” Steve said. “Used to play with Tommy and he’s serious about it. My grandfather’s good too. And I have no tells.”
“Oh, sorry,” Billy said, smirking. “You totally have a tell.”
The light around them seemed to glow as Nancy watched them go back and forth. Their heads turned slightly so they could look at each other. They were only inches apart.
And the way Steve was looking at him…
“What’s my tell?” Steve said.
“That’s for me to know and you to find out.”
Steve smiled at that. He looked utterly charmed.
Some small, quiet part of Nancy felt just the slightest bit melancholy. That look was familiar. It used to be directed at her. She loved Jonathan more than anything. But there was a tender little remnant of love left for Steve Harrington even after everything, and it mourned for just one moment. She also wanted to talk to Jonathan more than anything suddenly. She could die for missing Jonathan.
And she was happy too.
Bittersweet, she thought.
She saw Billy swallow, and he mumbled something about hot drinks and got to his feet. She stood up too, stretching. “I’m just going to…” As covertly as possible, she grabbed her copy of The Thorn Birds from her bag before getting to her feet.
She had an idea to hide in the bathroom for a while and leave them alone, even if it would be obvious.
“Can I talk to you for a second?” Steve said, practically leaping after her.
“Huh?” Nancy said. “Yeah.”
Steve almost knocked over the table, scrambling to follow Nancy into the tiny hallway on the other side of the trailer that led to the bathroom and Billy’s bedroom. Nancy crossed her arms and looked up at Steve who looked...absolutely petrified. The last time she had seen him so scared there had been a demogorgon at the Byers’ house.
“Are you okay?” Nancy said.
“I um… Nance.” His voice cracked and her heart shifted around in her chest. “You know that I… I-I mean you remember what I told you...that time when we got really drunk-”
“Yeah,” she said softly. “I remember. Don’t be scared, Steve. You can do this. I promise. I know you, and you can do this.”
“How… I-I mean does he…?”
“He likes you,” Nancy whispered. “He really really likes you. I wouldn’t tell you if I wasn’t sure. You like him?”
“I…” Steve nodded mutely.
“Did you notice he doesn’t have a VCR?” Nancy said.
“He…” Steve blinked at her. She watched an epiphany break out on his face. “Oh.”
Nancy hugged him. Things had been fine between the two of them since the break-up. In fact, sometimes she wondered if she deserved as good of an ex-boyfriend as Steve Harrington was. But she had not felt so close to him as she did now when his arms wrapped around her.
“I just want you to be happy,” she said in his ear.
“Thanks.” He squeezed her shoulder as he pulled away. “Really. Thanks, Nance.”
“I’m just gonna freshen up for a bit.” She nodded in the direction of the kitchen and said, “You should make a move. I’ll just hide out in here for a while.”
“Oh…”
“Go get em’!” Nancy shoved him gently out of the hall and chuckled as she shut herself up in the tiny bathroom.
"Meggie, I wish with all my heart I could marry you, never be apart from you again. I don't want to leave you .... And in a way I'll never be free of you again. I wish I hadn't come to Matlock. But we can't change what we are, and perhaps it's just as well. I know things about myself I would never have known or faced if I hadn't come. It's better to contend with the known than the unknown. I love you. I always have, and I always will. Remember it."
Nancy sat on the toilet in Billy’s bathroom, so absorbed in reading The Thorn Birds that she only stopped when her elbow slipped as she leaned on her hand. She had a kink in her neck and her feet had fallen asleep.
The boys, notably, had not come to knock on the door and ask if she was maybe dying or had fallen in the tub and knocked herself out. She stuck her bookmark in the paperback and stood up to stretch and roll her neck.
She heard nothing from the living room. She hadn’t heard a peep in an hour and, as quietly as possible, she pushed the bathroom door open and peeked out into the living room.
She had a good view of Billy and Steve who were leaning on the back of the couch, turned slightly toward each other. They both looked like they were trying very hard to be casual even as they stared at each other’s mouths while Blue Oyster Cult played on the radio.
“Yeah, you should come over,” Steve was saying. His voice trembled. “I mean...I actually have a VCR so we could watch all those movies you keep renting for some reason-”
“Ah…” Billy scratched his head. “I-I don’t...I’m not trying-”
“I like you,” Steve said, so quickly and quietly Nancy almost missed it. She bit her lip hard and her heart swelled on his behalf. “I like when you come in to see me. I’m always waiting for you to come. Just ask Robin. I drive her nuts. Where’s Billy today? You think he’ll come by?”
“No shit?” Billy whispered.
“No shit.”
Steve barely had the words out before Billy leaned forward and kissed him. Nancy clapped a hand to her mouth, smiling against her fingers as Steve’s eyebrows shot up in surprise before he leaned in and kissed back. Billy’s mouth parted and he moved to hold Steve who slid his arms around Billy’s waist, their kiss deepening.
Nancy felt too much like an interloper suddenly and she ducked back into the bathroom, still smiling to herself. As quietly as possible, she crept out to the hall and tiptoed into Billy’s bedroom. It was messy, and the bed was unmade, and it smelled like gym socks. But she was used to that from Jonathan’s room and she plopped down on Billy’s bed, leaning on her arms and opening up her paperback, happy to get lost in New Zealand with Meggie and Father Ralph as Billy and Steve played tonsil hockey and the blizzard stormed outside.