Chapter Text
Robert was tired, he needed a break from constantly thinking about how messed up everything was now. Opening his second bottle of whiskey and taking a big gulp, his brain was swimming, he couldn't concentrate properly. Robert couldn't even remember how he got here, sitting with his legs dangling over the edge of the quarry.
"Rebecca stop, I made a mistake"
Robert shook his head, it wasn't true, it couldn't be.
"Rob, you want this. Remember you asked me here. You wanted this."
The memory of her touch sent shivers down his spine and caused his stomach to roll, no, that was probably the alcohol because he'd cheated, that's what happened, nothing else. The burn of tears was just the wind.
"Robert? What are you doing up here?"
Robert turned quickly, surprised at the voice he recognised. Shame covered his face as he was mortified Liv was seeing him in his sorry state.
"Liv? It's late what are you doing here? Aaron will be worried sick." He slurred slightly, an amazing feat with how much he'd drank.
Liv was shocked at the state Robert was in, she didn't think anything would be worse than seeing Aaron in prison but this came pretty damn close. Tears were falling down his face but he didn't seem to notice, there was an empty bottle lying next to him and a mostly full one in his hand, his hair was a mess as if he'd spent the last few hours gripping it in despair. He didn't look like her Robert anymore.
"I snuck out rob, I couldn't listen to him laughing with Adam and pretending everything is fine anymore. It's not fine. I hate what you did but I can't help but miss you and I know he does to." Liv hated admitting it but by the looks of it Robert wouldn't remember anything in the morning.
"I hate it too but it wasn't my fault, please believe me I didn't want it."
"I believe you didn't want to break everything but you can't just pass the blame around, Rob."
"That's not what I mean" Robert whispered out turning away from her so she couldn't see the pain on his face.
"What are you on about Robert?" Liv felt a horrible sense of dread fill her heart.
"I'm so sorry, Liv. I ruined everything. I'm so sorry." Robert was finding it harder to breathe now, memories flooding his mind.
"Robert come on, keep your eyes open." Rebecca slapped his face to wake him up, mumbling under her breath "I want to see the light leave your eyes" She was trying to strip him but he was an uncooperative dead weight now.
"Get off bex, go away! I want Aaron, I need him... I miss him so much" Robert grumbled trying to turn away from her.
"Rob?" Liv was really worried now, Robert was shaking badly and looked like he would throw up any second. He turned to look at her with blank eyes.
"I remember"
"Remember what, rob?"
Liv's blood ran cold as he sobbed the words out.
"I told her to stop"
Robert couldn't believe he'd admitted it, but now it was like a flood gate had opened and he remembered everything. He remembered Rebecca's cold hands trailing down his face and pulling at his hair, he could feel her breath on his stomach and her finger nails digging into his chest.
"...bert? Robert? Rob?!" Liv was shouting now trying to get his attention, she felt like she'd been punched in the stomach when he'd said that, was still trying to wrap her head around the statement. Robert wasn't responding at all, wouldn't even look at her. She reached out to touch his shoulder but he flinched so violently she thought he'd fall over the edge.
"NO. Stop!!" He'd screamed at her pulling his knees to his chest and hiding his tear streaked face into them. Liv's heart was breaking into a million pieces for him, tears welling in her eyes she just wanted to make it all go away, but she couldn't fix this and that hurt more than anything.
Liv backed away from him a little so he wouldn't hear her make the call, but she was scared to take her eyes off him in case he tumbled over the edge. The phone just kept ringing until his stupid voicemail played, she sighed and cursed her brother wanting to punch him now, she hoped Adam was still at the mill as she looked for his number.
"Liv? why are you phoning me? Aren't you upstairs?" Liv rolled her eyes at his confusion.
"Put Aaron on the phone now."
She heard Adam shout her brother and then the shuffling of the phone being passed.
"Liv? Where the hell are you? Get home now or..." Aaron was shouting nonsense down the phone.
"No." She interrupted fiercely, he must of heard something in her voice because he was silent for a beat before asking "What's wrong?"
Liv looked over at Robert and found she didn't know what to tell Aaron, this was something huge and it was going to change everything.
"I need you to come to the quarry, right now Aaron."
"Liv? Why? Are you okay?"
"It's Robert"
Meanwhile Robert was getting lost in the memories of that night, replaying it over and over, each time felt just as painful as the night it happened.
"Robert you text me, don't you remember" Rebecca smiled at him.
"I did?" Robert couldn't remember that at all.
Rebecca's smile grew as she slid down the wall to sit beside his slumped form.
"Yes, you did. Is everything okay?" She asked.
"No. Things with Aaron are over. I'm of no use to him anymore, that's what he said. Love is a fools game."
Robert looked so pitiful and heartbroken that she almost stopped, almost. It was too big an opportunity to let go, she had him right were she wanted him.
"Robert don't say that, I'm sure it's just a misunderstanding. You and Aaron are meant to be together. Come on let's get you up into bed and a glass of water to sober up, everything will be different in the morning"
She'd been right, everything was different in the morning.
Aaron ran up to Liv and pulled her into his side, "Liv what's going on?"
Liv wiped her eyes and turned to look at Roberts shaking form, "Something really bad happened and I think he blocked it out because he told me he remembered and I didn't know what he was talking about and and..." she couldn't talk through the tears anymore, she looked at Aaron's worried face and knew what she said next could break them all.
"I think Rebecca raped him."
Aaron paled and looked at Robert, there's no way it could be true, Liv must be wrong, Robert had cheated. He'd slept with the woman Aaron hated most just to hurt him. Robert couldn't of possibly been raped.
"Liv what are you talking about? Where did that come from? Robert admitted to me that he'd cheated, he'd wanted to hurt me"
Liv shook her head, "I don't think he remembered what happened at all, I think Robert told you what she'd told him. Aaron he was crying and he's drank a lot. When I told him I hated what he'd done he told me he did as well and begged me to believe that it wasn't his fault that he hadn't wanted it, I thought he was talking about breaking our family apart so I told him he couldn't pass the blame anymore but he said that wasn't what he'd meant and that he remembered now... Aaron he said he told her to stop."
Aaron could feel his heart stopping, could feel the tears in his eyes. That couldn't be right but looking at Robert curled up at the edge of quarry, he knew it was.
"Liv, I need you to go, Adam is just down the road he'll give you a lift home. Please. I'll look after him, I promise."
Liv didn't want to go but she knew the only person Robert would listen to was her brother so she gave Aaron a tight hug and walked away
Robert wasn't even crying anymore, he couldn't feel the cold wind or the burn of the whiskey as he took another gulp to numb the pain inside. He couldn't believe he'd blocked it all out, couldn't believe it had happened at all. Rebecca had hurt him so much, had lied and manipulated him... but hadn't he done that to everyone, hurt, lied and manipulated them all. So he deserved this... didn't he?
Aaron tried to compose himself before walking over to sit beside Robert.
"Rob?"
Robert turned to look at Aaron with a small smile.
"Aaron? I deserve this don't I? Please tell me I deserved it because if I didn't then how do I cope with it?"
Aaron's heart ripped apart at Roberts broken voice, how could he think he'd deserved it.
"Oh Rob, listen to me. Really listen, you didn't deserve it. No one deserves anything like that." Aaron wrapped his arms around Robert pulling him into a hug, he'd felt as Robert tried not to flinch and had tensed up but Aaron couldn't let him go.
"Robert you need to tell me what you remember." Aaron hated asking but he needed to know.
Robert shook his head, there was no way he could tell Aaron everything.
"Rob, please."
"I told her to stop. I'm so sorry but I swear I did." Robert was shaking again, he couldn't do this.
"I believe you Robert"
"You do?" Robert stared up at him with wide disbelieving eyes.
"Of course I do, now let's get out of the cold and go home, okay?" Asked Aaron.
Robert nodded and tried to stand up, slipping and stumbling Aaron caught his arm before he could fall down.
"Mate, how bloody much have you drank?" Aaron scolded.
"I'm not sure, is that two or four bottles on the ground?" Robert was really slurring now, there was no way Aaron would be getting much more out of him tonight.
"Rob, come on help me out here" Aaron grunted trying to hold Robert up as he practically collapsed against him.
"I'm sorry Aaron, I ruined it all and she ruined me." Mumbled Robert as they started the walk back to the village.
"Shhh Rob it's okay, we will figure this out in the morning when your sober"
❧ ❧ ❧ ❧ ❧
Robert's head was pounding, he felt like he'd been hit by a truck.
He could barely keep his eyes open against the morning sun, squinting he tried to see where he was.
"Glad to see your still alive."
Robert froze and cursed the world.
"Aaron, what happened? Why are you here?" Asked Robert as he slowly sat up and cradled his head in his hands, unable to look at his ex-husband.
"Robert, do you remember anything from last night?" Aaron sounded so serious that Robert had to look up at him, he regretted it immediately because Aaron's expression was a cross between anger and pain.
"Whatever I did I'm so sorry you had to deal with it, I'm sorry if I hurt you or if I made a scene that embarrassed you. I'm so sorry"
Aaron face dropped as he realised Robert thought he was angry at him.
"Rob, I'm not mad at you. You didn't do anything wrong. You really don't remember anything? At all?" Aaron was worried now, if Robert didn't remember telling him what Rebecca had done then how was he supposed to talk to Robert about it.
"I remember drinking a lot and did I end up at the quarry?" Robert was trying really hard to remember last night but it was one big blank spot.
Aaron sighed, "come on lets go downstairs and get some food in you and then we can talk."
Liv was curled up on the couch staring into space, she'd hardly slept last night kept up by nightmares and thoughts of what Robert had told her. She heard movement behind her and turned to see Aaron and Robert walking down the spiral staircase, Robert looked fine, if a bit hungover but he didn't look like he'd shattered the world last night and if she hadn't seen Aaron's face she could almost of convinced herself it was all just a bad dream.
"Liv, you mind going up stairs for a bit?" Asked Aaron with a meaningful look, she got the hint and nodded before heading up the stairs, she wasn't sure she wanted to hear this anyway.
"Do you want anything to eat?" Aaron asked as Robert sat down at the table.
"No, thanks but I'll take a glass of water or another bottle of whiskey at this point" Robert said sarcastically as he cradled his head in his hands.
"You can't just keep drinking every time something goes wrong Rob. It's not healthy." Sighed Aaron, putting a glass of water in front of Robert.
Robert nodded his head in thanks before scoffing at Aaron's words, "Yeah cause your the poster boy for healthy coping mechanisms."
Looking up Robert saw Aaron looking away with a clenched jaw trying to control his anger, "Sorry I didn't mean that. My heads all over the place, I can't sleep and I've constantly got this feeling of dread in the pit of my stomach. Every time I see Rebecca I just want to run in the other direction, this whole situation is driving me insane. Aaron I don't know what's going on in my head anymore." With each word Robert felt himself lose control, could feel the tears welling up.
Aaron couldn't take it anymore, getting up he pulled Robert into his chest, "Robert, I need you to trust me and trust that I have a good reason for asking the stuff I'm about to, okay? Just please trust me." He felt Robert nod against his chest.
"What do you remember about the night you... slept with Rebecca?"
Robert was confused, why was Aaron asking this again but he trusted Aaron more than anything so he'd answer his questions, "I've told you already, I was really drunk and texted Rebecca because I knew it would hurt you if I went to her, she came over and we slept together."
"Do you actually remember all that or is it just what she told you happened?" Aaron could barely keep his emotions in check.
Robert floundered for a second, he wasn't sure where Aaron was going with this, "Why does it matter, Aaron? She's got a baby growing inside her, isn't that proof enough of what happened?"
Aaron didn't know what to say, how could he possibly explain to Robert what he'd said last night.
"Aaron? What's going on?" Robert was so confused, he pulled back and searched Aaron's face for any clue as to what this was about but all he could see was a mix of emotions that Robert had never wanted to see again, Aaron's eyes had only ever looked like that during Gordon's trial when he'd fought for people to believe he was raped as a child.
"You said some... things last night." Aaron said carefully, he could see Robert was getting worked up.
"What things?? For gods sake just spit it out" demanded Robert.
"You said you remembered what happened the night Rebecca came round..." Aaron really didn't want to say what came next.
"Robert, you said you remembered saying no... Rob, she raped you."
Robert couldn't believe what he was hearing and if it had been anyone but Aaron saying this he would of thought they were playing a sick joke but Aaron, Aaron would never joke about this.
"No. I cheated. We know that's what happened. Why would you say something like that." Robert stood up and walked into the living room where he started pacing.
"Robert please just sit down and listen to me." Begged Aaron.
"No. You must have misunderstood whatever I said. Come on Aaron you can't really think she ra... you can't really think she'd do THAT." Robert was almost pleading, eyes wild.
"I'm sorry Rob, there's no misunderstanding. You said you told her to stop, you begged me to tell you that you deserved it because you didn't know how to cope if you didn't. I think you've blocked it all out but it happened Rob." Aaron could see the moment Robert knew it was true, the way he tensed up and his eyes glazed over.
"No." Robert shook his head.
"No. This isn't real. No, No, No... it didn't happen. I cheated. I screwed up. I manipulated her."
Aaron reached out to try and comfort him but Robert flinched violently tripping over the seat and falling to the floor where he folded into himself and just sobbed.
The memories were back again and Robert didn't think they would leave this time.
Aaron thought he was useless, just like everyone else. Robert didn't know why he ever tried to be himself, he knew he'd never be good enough for the people he loved but Aaron, Aaron made him feel like he could be enough, until today. It was horrible seeing him on drugs and not caring at all, made Roberts chest hurt.
"Robert?" He heard someone shout.
"Rob? You in here?" Rebecca called up the stairs.
She heard shuffling and made her way up, finding Robert in the bedroom was certainly a pitiful sight in her eyes.
Robert was crumpled in a heap by the wall gulping whiskey like he was a dying man and the bottle held the cure. He looked at her in confusion, like he couldn't decide if she was really there or not.
"Bex? What are you doing here" he slurred.
Perfect she thought.
"Robert you text me... don't you remember?" Rebecca smiled at him.
"I did? Oh. I'm sorry." Robert couldn't remember that at all.
"No worries, fancy some company?" Not waiting for an answer she slid down the wall to sit beside his slumped form.
"Is everything okay?"
Rolling his head to see her he gave her a bitter smile "No, Things with Aaron are over. Bex he doesn't want me anymore, he said I was of no use to him anymore."
Robert looked so pitiful and heartbroken that she almost stopped, almost. It was too big an opportunity to let go, she had him right were she wanted him.
"I've lost it all" he sobbed.
"Robert don't say that, I'm sure it's just a misunderstanding. You and Aaron are meant to be together. Come on let's get you up into bed with a glass of water to sober up, everything will be different in the morning"
She couldn't help but smile, she was going to win.
Trying to help Robert up proved to be extremely difficult, he was obviously more drunk than she'd realised.
"Ugh, Robert snap out of it and get up!" She shouted, frustration getting the best of her.
"Just leave me here to wallow in self pity" he grumbled back.
Using all her strength she hoisted him, well most of him, up onto the bed and collapsed beside him.
Turning to look at Robert, she could never understand how no one saw that he was broken inside, it was so obvious in everything he did so why was it only her, the one who knew him least and was prepared to shatter him, that saw it. She half wished she had some love or even pity left for this man but she just didn't anymore and that pulled at her heart a lot more than what she was about to do. Reaching out, she rested a hand on his chest above his heart, she could feel it beating erratically even though he looked so peaceful. Moving to straddle Robert, she started to unbutton his shirt.
"Robert come on, keep your eyes open." Rebecca slapped his face to wake him up, mumbling under her breath "I want to see the light leave your eyes" She was trying to push his shirt and jacket off but he was an uncooperative dead weight now.
"Get off Bex, go away! I want Aaron, I need him... I miss him so much" Robert grumbled trying to turn away from her.
"Oh no you don't" she said pushing him back into place, trapped beneath her.
She leaned down to whisper in his ear "Rob, you want this. Remember, you asked me here. You wanted this."
Shaking his head Robert begged as he tried to move away from her, "Rebecca stop, I made a mistake"
Ignoring him Rebecca gave up removing his shirt completely and focused on getting his pants down.
Robert fought with his drunk brain, screaming at himself to push her off. Why wouldn't his body just move?! He didn't want this.
Rebecca was ecstatic, high from the power trip of having the great Robert Sugden reduced to nothing beneath her, He was the powerless one now. He was the one at her mercy, she was completely in control and that alone caused warmth to flood her stomach, it wasn't like she got off on sleeping with drunk men who didn't want her and she wasn't stupid, she knew if anyone found out the whole story of tonight she could be accused of raping Robert but come on, was it really rape if he deserved it and they'd already slept together multiple times.
Robert was becoming more aware of what was going on but his body was still weighed down with alcohol, it was terrifying knowing what was happening but not being able to stop it. He always thought he could sympathise and understand to a point what Aaron had gone through as a kid but now, now he knew he'd never understood and he selfishly wishes he didn't now.