Chapter Text
Loki sighed deeply and shifted his weight to the other foot. Growing up with Thor, he knew from painful experience how much time his brother spent in the bathroom. Moreover, on Asgard his hair hat been much more cared for than here. And he had had assistance there! So one could just wonder how many hours it would take him all by himself.
Dissatisfied with himself, Loki clicked his tongue. It was his fault. He had sent Thor to the bathroom and threatened to tear out every single hair on his head himself if he didn’t come out decently for once. Waiting endlessly was his reward.
Finally, Loki surrendered and crossed their shared room. He carefully walked around Thor’s… whatever it was. Some electronic device he brought from Midgard and was absolutely smitten with. Loki didn’t know what it was and honestly didn’t care to figure it out. It provided him a few Thor-free hours every day, the only time his brother left - although reluctantly - his side. He took one wide step over some of Thor’s shirts on the ground and sighed again. He was beyond glad to be reunited with his brother. He was.
But - it was just one week, and Loki already felt the need to stab someone. Sometimes his brother was just too much for Loki to bear, especially after he had spent nearly a decade surrounded by people that had no idea who he was. Anonymity had worn him out over time, now he all but wished for it. On board of the Benatar it was all but impossible to be alone.
In some way, Loki had thought as soon as he was back his old brother would return, too. Only this new Thor was changed in ways Loki hadn't anticipated. He wasn’t sure he was able to keep up with him, let alone make him whole again.
He knocked at Groot’s door.
“I am Groot?”
Loki smirked. Teenagers. “It’s me. I just want to use your bathroom.”
“I am Grooooot!”
He stepped in, grimaced and hurried up. At least Thor’s room didn’t smell like rotten twigs. Quickly he clicked the small door shut and inhaled carefully. Better. Yet a little magic couldn’t possibly hurt, could it?
After five minutes Loki had finished, thanked a very indifferent Groot and was back in their room. Still no sight of Thor.
“Brother,” he said outside of the bathroom, trying to use a composed voice. He mostly succeeded. “Is everything alright?”
He could hear Thor huffing. “Yes. Go away.”
Checking the time, Loki called, “They leave in 20 minutes. Will you be ready by then?”
It was the first time since Loki came officially back to life for the Guardians to take a trip outside of the Benatar. Loki had actually managed to persuade his brother to join Drax, Nebula and Mantis, who wanted to spar. He would go with the other Guardians to the market and was looking forward to it. He had a few ideas what he could do to upgrade their room, and he had no intention to have his brother at his heels the whole afternoon. And if Thor missed Drax, Mantis and Nebula leaving, that’s where he would dwell.
But not if Loki had a say. He ignored Thor’s doubtful “sure” and stepped in.
“Hey, I didn’t lock the door because I wanted you to come in!”
“Oh brother, you know petty locks can’t stop - what have you done?”
Thor was dressed for sparring and his damp hair was combed and hung over his shoulders. Only when he turned around, Loki’s eyes went wide. He didn’t know if he should laugh or cry.
His brother had insisted on keeping his long beard, claiming he would plait it when Loki suggested cutting it. Only Thor never did it since, and Loki had to force him to take care of his hair earlier this morning.
Now he had done… something. It was a simple braid, but the hair had too many different lengths, and so most of it sticked out.
Sighing for the third time, Loki waved his fingers and the entangled hair went smooth.
A wide smile on his lips, Thor followed Loki’s actions in the mirror. “Could you do it? You were always better at braiding than me anyway.”
Loki swallowed when their eyes met and nodded shortly. He plaited Thor’s beard quickly, in the same style he had seen him wear it during the last battle against Thanos. This was the reason Loki felt uncomfortable on the Benatar. Not the limited space. Not Thor’s permanent presence. Hel, not even Nebula with her cold stare, or the other idiots. It was the way his brother looked at him. A gaze full of admiration and fondness, like Loki was the best thing that had ever happened to him and his attendance alone was enough to fix all of Thor’s problems.
Loki couldn’t stand this look. He knew he wasn’t someone who earned it. All he did was survive Thanos, cowardly. And Thor adored him in return. Even if now Loki had no intention to let him down, he knew it was only a matter of time before he disappointed Thor. Betrayed him, maybe. And he didn’t know what he could do about it.
Clearing his throat, Loki declared, “Done. What do you think?”
Thor admired his reflection thoroughly. “As I said, you are the best at braiding. Thank you!”
Again he smiled, and Loki couldn’t stop remembering the past. A sunny afternoon in Asgard. Loki had braided Thor’s hair, and Fandral shouted, “Amazing, Thor! Loki should think about becoming a handmaiden. He’s qualified!”
After all these years, Loki could still hear Thor’s laughter. “He’s the best,” he had teased. “The sister I always wanted!”
He had clapped Loki’s back good-naturedly, and went off with Fandral and Volstagg, Loki running behind them to keep up. It had stung, then. And it stung now. Loki knew the Thor in front of him said these words in earnest, and somehow it was worse than a mindless jibe.
It shouldn’t surprise Loki anymore. After all the years he had longed for his brother to acknowledge him, of course he couldn’t handle actual praise, even if it was about something mundane. Wouldn’t you know it.
Loki smiled back, weakly, and nodded. “You’re welcome. Now move, you know Nebula won’t wait.”
Hesitating for a moment, Thor searched Loki’s face for something, before he slowly left the bathroom. Loki watched himself in the mirror for a moment, shrugged and nearly ran out. Time to blow away the cobwebs.
Since the fateful day of his first, failed coronation, Thor was used to get his life turned upside down in mere hours. By now, he couldn’t even count the occasions anymore.
Loki’s return was the only time his life took a turn for the better. And after the first day of joy and relief, fear came creeping into his heart. Thor was no longer the brother Loki remembered, and he knew it. He just couldn’t do something about it. Everytime he let Loki out of his sight even for a second, he was afraid his brother had left or was captured or murdered. So he crowded him, and even when he felt Loki’s uneasiness, he couldn’t stop. The only reason he agreed on going with Drax, Nebula and Mantis was his fear for Loki to have enough of him and vanish for good. Thor couldn’t afford to lose him again.
Yet he regretted his decision already as soon as he left the Benatar. He will be safe, he told himself. Quill, Rocket and Groot are there with him. Thor made Rocket promise he would keep an eye on Loki. But he knew - if his brother decided to run, Rocket wouldn't stand a chance to hinder him.
The training yard was nearby. Nebula ignored Thor and Drax and started training with Mantis. It was a habit they developed during the last year. Nebula had a strong view on Mantis’s abilities - very valuable, but dangerously underused.
While Thor watched, Drax went away and came back with a few training swords. They had only sparred once until then, and Stormbreaker cutting through the blade of Drax’s favourite sword was still a sore spot.
Drax was a formidable warrior, seasoned and strong. But he was no real challenge for Thor. While he easily blocked every blow, he observed the women. Nebula’s endurance was remarkable. With unwavering patience she guided Mantis through all kinds of attacks and showed her how to defend herself, before she could disable her opponent with her empathic powers.
It was hard for Thor to look at the grumpy but not unkind warrior and bring her together with the cold-blooded assassin who seemingly had tortured his brother.
They hadn’t talked about it. All Loki allowed them to speak about were long forgotten memories, coming alive in the dark of night. And he had developed quite an obsession with Thor’s hair and beard, always complaining about his appearance.
Distracted by his thoughts, he misjudged a hit from Drax. His defence was too strong, and Drax’s training sword broke in pieces.
Laughing, Drax called, “Nebula, Mantis! Will you join me in my quest to challenge the Pirate Angel once more?”
“I wish you would stop calling him that,” Nebula rolled her eyes. Nevertheless, she motioned for Mantis to join their team-mates. “It’s an opportunity to show me what you learned.”
Mantis obeyed eagerly, and by the time Drax came back with a new sword, she was ready. Her fighting stance is something to behold, Thor thought amused. She held her arms like a squirrel!
One nod from Nebula, and the Guardians attacked like a well-oiled machine. Drax came from the left, swinging his sword at Thor, who blocked it easily. Nebula used the gap in his defence and threw a dagger from the right, which Thor dodged with difficulties. He nearly didn’t manage to avoid Mantis, who tried to grip his shoulder, but centuries of training made him jump back. He drew his second sword and grinned. The duel started to become promising.
They fought for some time. Thor was enthralled by how well they worked together. Nebula’s training clearly paid off. Of course, none of them used their full force, neither did Thor. Eventually, he was too slow, and Mantis’s hand closed around his wrist. He jolted up.
Despair, fear and grief crashed over him in waves. Suddenly he saw his mother, dead on the floor. His father, carried away by a breeze. Loki. Falling into the void, impaled by the Kursed, getting his throat crushed by Thanos -
“Stop!” Nebula’s voice cut through the ringing in Thor’s ears. The grip around his hand loosened, and he found himself lying on the ground, Mantis beside him, black eyes widened.
Drax knelt next to Mantis, carefully helping her up. “You did good. You defeated him.”
She snivelled. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to...”
Thor swallowed. “What did you do?”
“I inflicted the worst pain you ever felt onto you.”
Nebula narrowed her eyes. “A good strategy. But you can’t use it if you get overwhelmed yourself. We have to work on this.”
“Count me out,” Thor groaned and struggled to his feet.
“I am truly sorry, Thor.” Mantis grasped his shoulder. He shied away, but she was careful not to touch his skin. “Usually, this kind of pain lies buried inside one’s soul, and I have to dig deep to find it. But your pain dominates your emotions. I delved in too deep…”
She was shaken, and Thor couldn’t find it in his heart to be angry with her. “It’s alright.”
He sat down at the edge of the yard and waited for his friends to finish their training. After, Drax suggested a drink, and Thor had no idea if the warrior with the illustrious name “The Destroyer” was sensitive or struck lucky. Maybe he needed a drink himself after Mantis had knocked him down several times. Either way, Thor was happy to oblige.
After only two drinks, Thor pressed his companions to return to the Benatar. The bar had been fun, but his urge to check on his brother grew from minute to minute. In the back of his head, Thor knew he was ridiculous. It didn’t stop him from entering the Benatar first, shouting, “Loki! Are you back?”
Rocket strolled in. “He’s in your room.”
Despite Thor’s relieved smile and thanks, the raccoon followed him when he aimed for their quarter. “Do you need something?” he asked impatiently.
Rocket’s ears twitched. “Naah. Don’t want to miss the show.”
Thor stared at him in confusion, before he shrugged and proceeded. Sometimes, his new friends behaved very strangely.
He pushed the door open without a warning and was about to step in, when he stopped abruptly.
For a moment, Thor thought he was home. He saw marvelous tapestries on the walls, decorated with the mountains and gardens of his youth. Heavy marble slabs covered the floor. A wide desk stood on one wall, Asgardian tomes filled the bookshelves and two elegant chairs were draped next to a low table. A wide bed with scarlet sheets and a beautiful carved wardrobe filled the back of the chamber. Next to a hearth which certainly hadn’t been there before was a couch so similar to the one in Thor’s childhood room that he could only tell it wasn’t the same because it lacked the burn marks from Loki’s early magical experiments gone wrong.
Wasn’t it for the view out of the window, a few shabby spacecrafts with even more dubious aliens working on them, Thor could’ve sworn he was on Asgard. He was still gaping when Loki came out of the bathroom. All he could think of was asking, “How long was I gone?”
His brother smirked. “I work fast, sometimes.” He watched Thor’s expression cautiously. “What do you think?”
Thor opened his mouth and closed it again, complete at loss for words. He could feel the tears welling up behind his good eye.
“Oh no, brother, don’t start weeping again. I despised many things about Asgard, but never the style. If we are to live on a shitty little spaceship, we can at least-”
The rest of his sentence was drowned by Thor, who crushed him into a hug. “Thank you,” Thor sniffed. “It’s perfect.”
Loki patted him on the back. “You have to stop crying everytime anything happens. Just think about Hogun. One can take a leaf out of his book, concerning this matter.”
Now Thor laughed through his tears. “You used to find his indifference unnerving. If I recall correctly, you spent nearly two years trying to rattle his stoicism.”
“I succeeded at last,” Loki said smugly and shoved Thor playfully away.
“That was lame,” Rocket complained. “I expected you to get at least sparkled up.”
“That’s not even a thing."
“Whatever you say.” Rocket went over to the hearth, poking it. “Does this thing work?”
Loki seemed offended. “Of course. Do you think I’m an amateur?”
“If you ever get bored, I have a few ideas for my room,” Rocket answered.
“I am not an interior decorator.”
Rocket sighed. “You got a selfish brick of a brother, Thor.” He left quickly before Loki could cast a spell on him.
Thor eyed the - at least from the inside - solid wooden door interestedly. On the second glance he discovered many more details. Like a set of daggers between the tapestries and crossed swords next to the door. “Is this an illusion, brother?”
“I say it again - do you think me an amateur? Of course I used some magic, but everything's solid and real.”
“Are these nordstjerners?” He crouched down by a pot with flowers and carefully touched one bright blue bloom.
“Aye. Mother’s favourites.”
“She created them herself, didn’t she? How did you acquire the seed?” He looked around. “And the tomes, the swords? They are Asgardian.”
Although he didn’t expect an answer - after all, Loki loved his secrets - apparently his brother decided to humour him. “I had a long time to plan on Asgard, brother. I managed to stock certain things. Actually, I have much more than you see here. Our facilities are limited.”
“Why didn’t you tell me on the Statesman? We could have used some of the stuff.”
“You still have no idea how time travel works, do you? I would have changed your past and therefore created an alternate universe.” Loki rolled his eyes.
Thor laughed awkwardly. “I think I understand the concept, but I don’t understand how you managed it. You must have spoke exact the same words and done exact the same deeds, how is this even possible? Even you can’t possibly remember every single action from one time seeing it.”
“Ah,” Loki said, delighted. “Now you ask the right questions. It would have been very complicated to do so. Therefore, I didn’t.”
He laughed about Thor’s confusion and went on, “After I prepared thoroughly, I cast a spell on myself. It erased your visit from my memory and so I was able to act the same. Because nothing changed for me.”
“But you remember now.”
“I put a trigger on the spell. My memories came back when I said a sentence I was completely sure I wouldn’t use on any other occasion.”
Staring at his brother expectantly, Loki started to grin, and Thor was presented with sudden inspiration. He laughed. “‘We have a Hulk'?”
“What a relief this big head of yours is not completely useless.”
Thor shook his head, still amused. “You truly are a genius.”
“Never stop telling me. I won’t tire of hearing it.”
“Should I forget, I have no doubt you remind me.” He went over to the couch and took a seat to oversee the chamber. “Brother… Am I correct when I say this room wasn’t always as big as it is now?”
Feigning innocence had never been Loki’s strong suit. “You just never saw it fairly tidied up.”
Cocking an eyebrow, Thor decided to let the matter rest. “As long as it doesn’t cause harm to the ship’s flying abilities.”
Loki only huffed and rolled his eyes before sitting down next to Thor. Together they enjoyed their gentrified accommodation in pleasant silence. After a few minutes, Thor suddenly realised something. He glanced sidewards at his brother’s peaceful face. “There’s still just one bed.”
“Congratulations, your eyes work.”
“I thought you maybe wanted to… gain a little distance.”
“Why bother? If I let you sleep alone, your nightmares would wake me anyway and I had to get up to treat them.”
He seemed irritated by Thor gaping at him. “Don’t tell me you didn’t realise you have nightmares.”
Of course Thor had noticed, they were his. The first night was spent in blissful exhaustion, but in the following Thor had woken several times after similar images to those that Mantis had inflicted on him earlier haunted his rest. Only, when he opened his eyes, Loki was there, sleeping peacefully right next to him. All he had to do was pressing a finger to Loki’s wrist, revelling in his brother’s steady heartbeat. Usually, it was enough for him to get back to sleep.
“I didn’t know I woke you up. You were always sleeping when I startled. They get better, though.”
He received a look he was well acquainted with, growing up with Loki. The ‘I can’t believe you lived so long while being so stupid’ kind. “That’s because I wake the second you start struggling. I always soothe your dreams, so you can shake them off easier. Most times you just sleep on.”
Ashamed, Thor put his head in his hands. “Why didn’t you tell me? I had no idea I disturbed your rest.”
Loki shrugged it off. “Nightmares are nothing I’m unaccustomed to. Yours are lighter to deal with than my own.”
Thor lifted his head and put one hand on Loki’s shoulder. “You can talk to me, you know.”
His brother squirmed uneasily under his touch. “Like you talk to me?”
Snorting, Thor answered, “You can’t wipe the slate clean. Do you propose to erase the memory of our parents and you dying from my head?”
“Do you propose to erase the memory of this blue bitch torturing me from my head?”
Defeated, he gave in. “No. Did anyone ever tell you it’s impossible to win an argument with you?”
“That’s because I’m always right.”
“Sure,” Thor rolled his eyes. After a moment, he continued carefully, “You spoke about facing your demons when we agreed to stay with the Guardians. Maybe it would help to talk about it?”
Leaning back, Loki seemed to evaluate. Thor allowed himself to hope for a moment, but it died with his brother’s eventual response. “I spoke rashly, then. I’m more for ignoring and waiting it out. Maybe I'm lucky and she dies soon.”
“Don’t say such things. What she did to you may be unforgivable, but she’s an ally.”
“Be assured, I don’t plan on murdering her. I wouldn’t mourn her, either.”
Thor knew when to admit surrender in a battle. That didn’t mean he would abandon the war, though. But for the moment, he allowed the topic to rest.
“Show me what more you brought from home.” Loki happily obliged.
That night, when Thor dreamed of his mother staring unseeing at the ceiling and jumped to wakefulness with a little gasp, Loki’s hand lay near his head. He watched Thor, not pretending to be asleep for a change. The last tendrils of green mists vanished between his fingers, and he cocked an eyebrow.
Thor just smiled, sad but thankful beyond measure all the same. He took his brother’s hand, forefinger pressed against his comforting pulse and closed his eyes.