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Clint stood at the front of the briefing room with five folders in his hands. Fury had gathered all the top agents, only telling them it was a mission of the highest importance and that Barton was team leader. Even for SHIELD, this was highly classified. “Rumlow. Rollins. Carter. May.” As he said each name, the agent stood and went to stand by the door. Barton briefly rested his eyes on her, then scanned the room to announce, “Morse.” There was some murmuring at the last name, but Natasha didn’t move until the announcement of dismissal. Clint, Fury, Coulson, and the five team members filed out the front.
“Tough break, Romanoff,” some asshole called out from the safety of the hallway. She moved very deliberately to the door, making sure that it didn’t look like she was concerned. This was Red Room shit, and she knew that it was a test to show she was in control of her emotions. Clint would include her on the team once she’d passed.
Natasha went back to her normal schedule, which included using the high level gym with her recently granted access. After a shower and change, she stopped at the cafeteria for lunch. As usual, when Clint wasn’t there, she was given a wide berth and sat alone. Natasha ate her normal lunch, at a normal pace. She counted to make sure.
After clearing her dishes, she stopped at the range for her normal practice, not even noticing anymore that she was given limited ammunition and assigned a lane that was monitored. When she’d spent her allowance, Natasha returned the weaponry and checked the time. Deciding that the briefing should be concluded, and Clint would have gotten lunch to go, she walked to his room. Counting the pace in her head.
Natasha wasn’t disappointed. She’d only just set herself against the wall when he rounded the corner, a styrofoam to go container in hand. “Hey, Nat,” he greeted her. Clint scanned his thumbprint to unlock the door, bumping it open with his shoulder and letting her in.
“Hey, Clint,” she said, once she was inside.
“I don’t have much time before wheels up, but you can hang out while I finish packing.”
“Where’s the op?” Clint lifted a brow at her, his mouth full of muffin making his response unintelligible. “Okay, so give me my briefing packet and I’ll get my go bag. You know I can be ready in five.”
Clint swallowed. “You don’t have a briefing packet.”
“Can you at least tell me the climate? You can give me details in the air.”
“You’re not going.”
Natasha laughed. “Don’t be ridiculous. Of course I’m going.”
“You’re not the best agent for the team.”
Her laughter stopped. “That’s absurd. Listing my skills is not part of the test.”
“The test?”
Natasha should have taken Barton’s tone as the warning it was, but she was too insulted to listen. “Yes! The test! I have to show that I know who the boss is, and not protest in front of others, because that is insubordinate. But I am the best, and I will go on the mission. I am Natalia Romanova, the Black Widow like none before me, and I will not fail!” Barton didn’t respond immediately, and Natasha desperately tried to ignore the tightness in her chest. Clint calmly picked up his breakfast, walked it to the trash can, and threw it away
He walked to her, fingers twitching, eyes hard, but voice calm. “You are Natasha Romanoff. You are only one of SHIELD’s top agents. And this is why you were not chosen for the mission. We could fail, in a multitude of ways. And since I’m team leader, it’s on me if we do. I will not have a member of my team refuse to abort mission. If I have to choose between your life, and this mission, I will always choose your life. Any ideas to the contrary could jeopardize the whole team.” He sighed heavily, his posture showing the weight of his responsibility. “Someday, you’ll understand the importance of your own life. Until that time, I’m not putting you on my team when I have a choice.”
Tears blurred her vision, but she didn’t disgrace herself by letting them fall. Natasha’s face was hot and her throat hurt, but her voice didn’t shake when she answered him. “Don’t worry, I don’t want to be on your team. I work better alone. Thanks for the reminder.” She pushed past him, then slammed the door closed on her way out. Natasha allowed herself a few deep breaths in the hallway, knowing that Barton wouldn’t follow her this time. Control. Do not let the enemy see your depths, Natalia. They should look at you and see only the shallow, blue water of the Caspian. Natasha jerked her head once, trying to dispel the voice. SHIELD’s science division had done wonders with the brainwashing instilled by the Red Room, but even they could only go so far.
Natasha walked to her own room, chin slightly up as she ignored the looks sent her way by a few of the other agents. When she arrived, Agent Sitwell was waiting for her, trying (and failing) to look casual as he leaned against the wall. “You shouldn’t try and bend your spine like that, Jasper. You’re likely to break in half.”
He gave her a nasty look. “Awful snippy when the Hawk chooses his new girlfriend over you.”
Natasha’s hand curled into a fist. “Is there something you needed? A sparring partner, perhaps? Or is this how Hill taught you to recruit an asset?”
Sitwell reached up to straighten his tie and cleared his throat. “My apologies, Agent Romanoff. I do have a mission for you, if you’re interested.” He produced a folder from his jacket. “Level 7 classified. Need to know only. I’m primary. Interested?” Natasha reached to take the folder, only to have Sitwell hold onto it. “Better to read it and ask questions in private. Shall we?” he gestured to her door.
Natasha narrowed her eyes, but her curiosity was piqued. She placed her thumbprint on the scanner, opening it and gesturing him inside. Sitwell smiled at her and went in, and she followed. The lock clicked home, privacy mode activated. He settled himself on the couch, placing the folder on her coffee table. As she picked it up, she asked, “Is this a multi agent op?”
“Solo mission. No extraction plan. Could be dangerous.”
Natasha smiled ferally. “Perfect.”