Chapter Text
A month and a half to wedding.
It takes him two weeks to use the number he finds in Hayden’s file. Every time he tries, and the phone starts to ring, his throat dries up. Words completely leave him, and he doesn’t know where to begin or what to say, so he just doesn’t bother and ends the call.
He doesn’t tell anyone about what happened with Theo, or that he keeps getting cold feet, or whatever the fuck’s happening with him trying to call Hayden. Not Mason, or Corey, or Lyana. And certainly not Tracy, when they finally settle on a place for the bachelor party. She eyes him the whole time they’re at their appointment, looking like she wants to ask him what’s wrong, what happened, but every time she opens her mouth, she looks nauseous and doesn’t bother.
He’s sure she can just ask Theo, if she really cares.
He still has the yellow hoodie. It’s on a hanger in the back of his closet, buried where he can barely see it. He wishes it weren’t as bright as the fucking sun, considering there’s no real way not to notice it when he goes to grab a jacket or sweater.
He can’t bring himself to walk it across the hall and give it back. He’s so far managed to avoid running into Theo in the hallway, or anywhere else. He doesn’t go up to the roof, checks out the peephole before he leaves his apartment, and never stops by his favourite sandwich shop on First, or the flavoured popcorn store.
He doesn’t understand why it feels like a piece of his flesh was torn out of him, or like someone died or something. He’s had friends come and go over the years, and brief, fleeting romances that have burned bright and faded away just as quickly. Sure, what happened with Theo was a little accelerated, but if anything, that should mean he gets over it faster, right?
Wrong.
By week two he’s still thinking of him when he finishes teaching a class, forced to take the BART home now that he doesn’t have a ride. He still accidentally makes portions that are too big when he cooks himself dinner, and ends up with leftovers. He still sees a funny shitpost, and goes to send it to Theo before realizing.
So, deciding enough is fucking enough, he does something about it.
He deletes Theo’s number from his phone. He throws out all his tupperware to encourage him to make single meals. And he makes a habit of going to the gym after class to unwind before walking home.
And then, he finally calls Hayden.
She’s delighted to hear his voice, and agrees to go out for dinner the next day. He takes her to a place that’s a little fancy, but not so much that they have to watch their language, or that anyone will look at them funny when she laughs so hard at him for nearly setting himself on fire with somebody else’s flambé that she starts snorting and wheezing.
The sound brings back so many memories, warm and bright and happy, and just like that, they launch into a two hour conversation about the past, reminiscing. They definitely outstay their welcome at the restaurant when the wait staff start to look at them impatiently, so Liam gets the bill, and they go back to his place.
They take the long way home, because she hasn’t been in the city in years, and so many things have changed. He walks her along his favourite streets, points out the best cafes and the coolest little shops. He takes her south, detouring the Tenderloin entirely and going through the park, so she can see the stars above the city somewhat. It’s hard, with so many lights and so many buildings high above them.
When she points out they could probably see them better from his roof, Liam tells her they’re not allowed up there. There’s a memo in the elevator about it. So she settles for the fire escape outside his living room window.
They huddle together on the cold metal steps, looking at the sky and bridging the gap between their lives.
Her tells her about SFU and his students and how much he enjoys lecture discussions.
She tells him about her mother’s company, and all the amazing charities she’s worked with. All the places she’s been.
He expresses regret that he’s never really been anywhere.
She offers to take him anywhere he wants to go.
Hayden’s beautiful in the moonlight, her hair curled and sort of silvery under the light, her smile just as bright as he remembers. She giggles as she leans in to kiss him, and he lets her. Her lips are moist, and taste like her strawberry chapstick. She presses them against his mouth, and then his cheek, and she feels like silk, cool and delicate in his hands as he rubs a thumb across her jaw.
He doesn’t know what he’s supposed to feel when she whispers that she’s missed him, and they make plans under the stars before she kisses him goodnight and calls herself a Lyft home, but he’s certain it’s not a weird tightness in the middle of his chest. A quiet, incomplete feeling, as though he hadn’t done everything he was supposed to tonight. Like maybe he missed something.
He figures it’ll go away, that as they start to hang out more, and he takes her around the city to revisit old stomping grounds and memories, it’ll come back to him. The feeling they had, then, as they hang out at the movies, or play games on his couch.
And it almost does, the night he opens his gallery downtown. They have champagne to celebrate, and he introduces her to Seymour and several of the friendliest faces from the Tenderloin. When he sells two of his paintings within the first hour, and Hayden hugs him and holds him close and tells him how proud of him she is, it almost feels like it did, then. She agrees to be his date to the wedding that night, and he promises to help her pick the perfect dress, just like he did for prom.
But something’s still missing.
They haven’t kissed since that first night on the fire escape.
They cuddle when they watch movies and play games, and she sometimes holds his hand when they’re walking around the city, but she never kisses him again. And he never feels an ache to kiss her, burning so deeply in his gut that it’s all consuming.
And part of him worries about what that means.
Six hours to wedding.
The wedding comes up fast.
It feels like one minute he’s sitting in front of Mason’s wedding scrapbook, staring a list of phone numbers and business names, and the next, he’s blinked and he’s showered, dressed in semi casual clothing with a tux ready and waiting in a garment bag on his bed, and getting ready for one of the biggest days of his life.
Certainly one of the biggest in Mason and Corey’s, anyway.
Liam’s eaten breakfast, packed and ready to go in record time, probably faster than he has his whole life, for anything. Lyana teases him about it when he calls to tell her he’s ready, seeing as how she hasn’t even left her place yet. So he putters around his apartment, cleaning up, until she texts him to say she’s outside.
He’s practically buzzing with excitement as he exits his apartment, keys in one hand and tux in the other.
But it sputters out like a drowned flame when he looks across the hall and sees Theo coming out of his apartment, too. The other man freezes when he sees Liam, quietly closing his door behind him without looking.
His hair is nicely styled, and he’s got a suit on, one that’s a little snug at the shoulders, but absolutely fancy enough for a wedding.
Fuck. There’s no way.
He wouldn’t think he was still Liam’s date, would he? After everything that happened? There’s no way he’d still think he had to go with him.
“Theo,” Liam says, and the name sounds just as awkward as he feels. “Hi.”
“Hey,” Theo nods his head, a casual greeting that merely applies pressure to the tightness in Liam’s chest.
“Uh,” Liam starts, and then he feels like an idiot. He chuckles, motioning to Theo’s outfit. “Fancy seeing you here, all… fancy.”
Now he feels like a bigger idiot.
“Yeah, well, weddings are usually pretty… fancy, I guess,” he shrugs, shoving his hands into his pockets. His shoulders are hunched, and he looks sort of uncomfortable. Still, he manages a half smile. “Today’s the big day, right? Mason and Corey’s wedding?”
“Yeah,” Liam nods, and that very genuine fear that Theo still thinks he’s obligated to accompany him bangs loudly on the inside of his head, begging for release. “What about you? What, uh, what wedding are you going to? Anyone I know?”
His laugh sounds so strained, even to his own ears, that Liam wants to zip himself into his garment bag and never come out. Has he ever been this bad at talking to another human being before? In his life? He’s pretty sure as a toddler he’d have handled this better.
Theo stares at him a moment, quietly blinking. Then he says, voice sort of melancholy: “Nobody you know.” He gives one slow shake of his head, and starts towards the stairs.
That should be enough. That should silence the nagging voice in the back of Liam’s mind, the one shouting so many different questions at him it’s hard to keep up. But it doesn’t. After weeks of pushing it away, of ignoring its desperate curiosity to fill the void in his life Theo left behind, it seems Liam simply can’t help himself.
He steps up to the railing, looking over it and down to see Theo one floor below. “How—How are you? How’s the band? Are you… and the guys playing today?”
It’s not the question he wants to ask, and he hates himself for it.
“Don’t worry about me, Liam,” Theo sighs, voice getting quieter the further he slips away from him. “Have a good time.”
Liam bites at his lower lip, and counts to sixty before he goes down the stairs after him. It’s not like it makes much of a difference. Lyana picks him up at the rear entrance, the one that feeds into the parking lot where Theo parks his truck. It’s easy to assume she’ll see him as she sits there waiting for her brother.
If she does, she doesn’t say a word about it when he gets into her car, and for that, Liam’s grateful.
The wedding is beautiful, and goes off without a hitch.
Mason and Corey’s vows are wonderful and unique and funny, and even though Liam had a hand in the former’s, he still laughs when his best friend promises to never grow a soul patch or a solo mustache. And he tears up, as does pretty much everyone listening, when Corey talks about never blaming Mason for the bad decisions he makes in his dreams, or to not get mad about everything when he’s only really mad about one thing.
He stands at Mason’s side, filled to the brim with pride, and his hand trembles only a little when he plucks the ring from his pocket to hand it over. He watches Tracy do the same, and wonders, not for the first time this ceremony, why the hell she shoots him a glare from across the arch when no one is looking.
When they say I do and everyone claps as they kiss under a flurry of white petals, Liam holds his breath. He searches through the crowd, but everyone seems to blend together, and he’s unable to settle anywhere in particular. The same thing happens later, when he gives his best man speech, and he recounts the events that brought Mason and Corey together, twice in one lifetime, and now, forever. So he focuses on the happy couple, and he speaks to them directly when he talks about believing in soulmates and about knowing that eventually, everyone finds theirs, even if it takes time to realize it.
After, when the speeches slow, and the music swells, he finds Hayden with mist in her eyes and a soft smile on her lips. They watch in silent awe as Mason and Corey share their first dance, and then, they join the rest of the wedding party and their dates for the next song.
She looks absolutely stunning in his arms. Her curly hair is pinned up high, and there’s a large, floral clip holding it together that wraps around the back of her head like vines. There’s glitter on her skin, a silvery hue that suits the pale blue of her dress and brings out the light in her eyes. A light that looks a little dimmer than normal. A little sad, as they sway slowly, back and forth.
“You okay, Hayden?” Liam asks, squeezing the hand that’s holding hers.
She smiles at him, but it doesn’t reach her eyes. “Your uh, your speech really got me good.”
“Yeah?” His laugh comes out shaky, nervous, and he doesn’t know why.
She nods, and she tilts her head to look at him. “The part about reconnections and missed chances, specifically.”
Sometimes, you meet your soulmate, and it doesn’t work out. At least, not the first time. Sometimes it takes a second look to see the polish beneath the surface.
Liam’s breath hitches, and he swallows thickly. “I know that probably sounds really cheesy,” he says, “but I swear I wrote that speech, like, months ago.”
Which, he did. Word for word, no last minute changes. Except the tear stains when he’d read over last night, one final time. He’s not even sure why it happened, but one minute he’d been rehearsing, loud and clear as he paced around his living room, the next he’d paused to wipe some dust off Beatrice’s frame and then he’d started crying four words in when he resumed reading.
Hayden chews on her bottom lip, and Liam gets the sense that maybe he should be panicking, or something. Maybe that small, kernel of dread should be spreading through his body, setting him on high alert.
“It was very touching,” she says, and he sweeps her in an arc across the dance floor. Hayden nods her head towards the happy newlyweds, eyes only for each other in the middle of the room. “And I think that maybe, in another universe, that ends up being us.”
She speaks softly, as though that will lessen the blow of her words. It doesn’t, but it also doesn’t hurt as much as he expects. “I don’t think we end up happy in his one,” Hayden tells him. There’s tears in her eyes, and the hand pressed against his chest is trembling. “Not together, I mean.”
“Did I do something wrong?” He blinks, hating how pathetic the words come out.
“No, honey, you didn’t,” she says, and Hayden leans in to kiss his cheek. She whispers gently against his ear, and Liam feels a little thrill rumble through his body. “But you’re not my missed connection, and I don’t think I’m yours, no matter how much we might still love each other. And I do still love you. With my whole heart. Those feelings don’t just go away, but they fade and they change. And when I kissed you the night you asked me to dinner, I felt a flicker of that old love, but that was it.”
“Yeah,” Liam breathes, nodding. His cheek rubs against hers, and the hand resting against her hip tightens in the fabric of her dress. “I felt it too. And these last few weeks have been wonderful, seeing you again, but they haven’t been…”
He trails off, unsure of a word that won’t cheapen their time together. Thankfully, Hayden understands. She pulls back, smiling at him.
“They haven’t quite measured up to your last few months with Theo, have they?”
Liam feels the truth hit him like a ton of bricks. It knocks the wind from him, and he misses a beat, stepping the wrong way. Hayden pulls him after her, leading and correcting, so the mistake goes relatively unnoticed.
The revelation that she’s known this whole time about the key detail he left out when he caught her up on his life, however, does not. “How do you know?” He frowns.
She tilts her head, face patient and kind, which means he should’ve figured it out by now. “Tracy.” The name is soft in her mouth, spoken with gentle grace, and her cheeks dimple with a real smile this time, as though the very mention of the other woman brings her joy.
Her and I meet once a week for coffee.
They sway to the beat as the song they’ve been dancing to winds down, and Liam spins them slowly around until he finds her.
Tracy’s standing by the refreshment table, drink in one hand and scowl firmly in place. If looks could kill, Liam’s pretty sure he’d be boiled alive on the spot right about now. Maybe spontaneously combust, or something viciously creative enough to have come from Tracy.
He thinks about her face, when she’d told him Hayden was in town, and that she’d given Theo the girl’s number. He remembers her surprise that he’d never called or reached out, and her utter… relief that he was expressing interest in Theo instead.
And then, he sees the brief flicker of concern on Corey’s face, him reaching out to try and stop Tracy from telling Liam about Hayden’s return at all. As though she was making a grave mistake, speaking it into existence. As though he knew how angry she’d be if they reconnected, and how hurt Tracy would end up if it went well.
“Holy shit,” Liam whispers. “Tracy’s in love with you.”
He pulls back enough to see Hayden’s face, and the quiet blush creeping across her cheeks. Distantly, he’s aware of the song changing, so he grabs her hand and guides her off the dance floor to somewhere a little quieter at the edge of the big tent. He can almost feel the piercing gaze that follows them.
Liam cradles Hayden’s hands in his, his thumbs brushing her palms. “Why didn’t she say anything?” He frowns. “Why did she… act like she wanted us to reconnect?”
“Because when she mentioned you were looking for me, all those weeks ago…,” Hayden shrugs, her tone shy. Uncertain. “I got so excited. You were my first love, and we had so many good memories together. Talking about you with Trace had me feeling nostalgic, I guess. And, well, the only moment I’ve ever regretted in my life is leaving you behind after graduation, Liam.”
But never enough to come back to him, it seems.
She sighs, and there’s a significant weight to it. “I think… I think Tracy wanted me to be sure. I think she wanted me to see you again, to see if I was still in love with you, before she made a move.”
“At the cost of her own feelings?” Liam frowns. “Tracy’s never been my biggest fan, but I’ve never felt quite so artfully hated as I have the last few weeks. Why would she put herself through that?”
“We’ve been dancing around each other for months, but…,” she trails off almost sadly, and her gaze falls away from him, to her feet.
“But you’re in love with her too, aren’t you? And you wanted to be sure you were ready for that?” Liam says, and his mouth curves into a smile as the words leave him. As the weight pressing against his lungs and chest, the uncertainty and the doubt nagging at him the last few weeks with Hayden, lifts away from him and he can breathe again.
He hasn’t seen Hayden this shy in years, as she pulls one hand from his grasp to tuck a loose curl back behind her ear. The tips of her ears are pink, matching the blush dusting her cheeks. Liam has always loved the way a blush coloured her face. “When I left, after graduation, I didn’t really keep in touch with anyone. I was heartbroken over you, and Mason and Corey’s messages went unread because of that. I’m pretty I’ve been dead to Violet and Garrett since, and Josh… well, we were never that close to begin with. I lost all of you, and I know that’s on me. But Tracy…” There’s a light in Hayden’s eyes, and fondness in them that weaves through the gentle tone of her voice, and the curve of her lips.
“Tracy didn’t let me go. She made sure we kept contact, and if I fell too far off the grid, she brought me back. She’s been there through every humanitarian project, every crazy big move from one country to the next, every step I’ve taken from the moment I left Beacon Hills.” Hayden’s hands move from his, twining their fingers together and squeezing tight. “And in turn I’ve watched her grow from bitter, mean girl into a kind, compassionate person. Someone who flourishes most when she’s helping kids, troubled youths like her and Josh were. She’s my best friend, and I’m so grateful to her for always being there for me, for looking after me over the years.”
Liam reaches up, cupping her face and wiping at the tear rolling down her right cheek. “And she’s your soulmate.”
Hayden laughs, and the sound is a little wet, but still bright and happy. She nods, her hands coming to rest over his. “She is.”
Liam’s eyes drift up, over Hayden’s head and he smiles. “Then you should tell her that.”
Hayden looks up, eyes wide. She realizes he’s not looking at her anymore and slowly, carefully, she turns to see Tracy standing barely three feet away. The champagne glass she’d been holding earlier is gone, and though her arms are crossed tightly over her chest and she’s looking down her nose at them, she looks more vulnerable than Liam’s ever seen her before.
“Trace,” Hayden whispers. “How much did you hear?”
“Enough,” the other woman shrugs, swallowing thickly. “But I’d rather hear it again from you directly, if that’s what you want.”
Hayden shudders out a breath, the curve to her lips nervous, but happy. Hopeful. But still, she glances at Liam, and he can see the guilt just beneath the surface. Swirling in the brown of her eyes, and the worried line of her brow.
He leans forward, presses a kiss to her wrinkled forehead, and says, “You deserve happiness, Hayden, so don’t be afraid to chase it.”
And with that, he leaves them be, with tears glistening in their eyes, and whispered declarations of love on their tongues. Liam heads back towards the crowd of happy, celebrating wedding guests feeling lighter than before.
“Hey, Dunbar!”
He pauses, throwing a cautious look over his shoulder. Tracy’s got an arm around Hayden’s shoulders, and for what might be the first time ever, she’s got a genuinely happy smile on her lips. Dare he say, gleeful .
“Listen to your advice once in awhile, yeah?” She tilts her head. He doesn’t need to ask to know what Tracy’s talking about. He nods, holds up a hand in thanks, and makes his way back to his table slowly, making a pitstop at the bar to grab a beer.
Liam sinks into his seat, shoulders sagging with a weary sigh that sounds years older than it should. He sits and sips his beer, content to watch the other guests dance and twirl along to the beat, happy and carefree. Garrett’s apparently picked up Josh’s date, and the latter is standing on the sidelines, brooding as he watches the other man dip her mid-dance. Mason’s parents dance close together, little Naomi spinning between them. He thinks his own parents are around somewhere, but he lost track of them awhile back, and knows how his mother likes to socialize. Corey’s dad is manning the bar, enthusiastically making drinks for anyone that approaches, and Liam spots Lyana once or twice, smiling and hearts in her eyes as she dances with her date. Which she still hasn’t introduced him to, like the absolutely awful sibling she is.
He doesn’t, however, see Mason and Corey themselves. The newlyweds are missing in action on the dancefloor, which is curious considering the night’s only just begun. He remembers there being something about venue photos in the booklet, so he wonders if maybe they’re off doing that.
“Looking pretty lonely over here, dude,” Corey’s voice flutters to his ears, gently teasing, and he turns to see them both approach, hand in hand.
“Can’t believe your dramatic telenovela love life continues, unhindered by our wedding day,” Mason laughs, and the sound is soothing to Liam’s ears. Not the least bit offensive, but almost impressed.
Corey glances off down the hill, outside the tent, where Hayden and Tracy are holding hands, talking and standing so close together their noses are practically touching. “Sorry, dude. I tried to avoid this whole mess weeks ago, but you know how Tracy loves to listen to other people.”
Translation: she doesn’t. In fact, it typically encourages her to do the exact opposite thing. Liam would know, it’s one of the only things they have in common.
“It’s okay,” Liam smiles up at them, and he means it. “What’s life without a few lessons, right?”
“Pointless, if you don’t actually listen to them,” Mason quips, and Liam frowns at him.
“What do you mean?” He tilts his head, staring up at his best friend.
Mason motions to him with his free hand. “You’re just sitting around here moping. You heard the girl. Take your own advice. Chase happiness, Liam. We all know where you’re going to find it.”
He rolls his eyes. “Don’t start, Mase.”
“Don’t you give me that,” Mason huffs. “You’ve spent the last several months tracking down all your exes on some ridiculous campaign for happiness, but do you know when you’ve looked happiest to me, Liam? Do you know when I’ve looked at my best friend, and thought to myself, ‘man, he’s finally done it. He’s found his person, and one day, I’m going to get to give a cheesy speech about soulmates in front of a crowd of friends and family.’”
Liam’s shoulders droop, and he frowns. “My speech wasn’t lame…”
Mason ignores him, ploughing on. “When you came into the florist the other week, wearing that… school bus for a sweater. You had this peaceful look on your face, and it was like you were… floating. And then you told us Theo was your date, and there was this moment, before Tracy opened her mouth and ruined it… where I could see it in my head. Where I could see you, standing up there with him, saying I do.”
Liam’s nose scrunches, and he rubs at his arm. “You’ve got weird daydreams, dude.”
“Liam,” Mason’s tone isn’t playing anymore. “He fucked up, okay? And he knows that, and he’s been paying for it. Tracy says he hasn’t strummed a single chord in tune in fucking weeks.”
“What am I supposed to do?” Liam asks, lifting his arms in a shrug. “Be the worst best friend in existence and bail on your wedding to go confess my feelings to an idiot?”
“Why not?” Corey says, and both of them look at him, eyes wide. He laughs, leaning against Mason’s arm affectionately. “This is our day, Liam. We’re happy. We just want you to be happy, too.”
Mason nods, smiling fondly at his husband. Liam, in contrast, groans and rolls his eyes affectionately. “That’s great guys, really. But how exactly am I supposed to do that?” He looks between them, brow raised. “Even if I knew what I wanted to say—which I don’t—there’s no way I’d find him today. Do you know how many weddings there are in San Fran today?”
There’s a pause where the newlyweds look at one another, and Liam snorts. “Twelve. I asked.” He ignores the burn of shame knowing he asked their wedding planner shortly after getting here this morning, before he’d figured any of this out. He’d just… wanted to know. “Am I supposed to go to twelve other weddings and try and find one man?”
“Nope, just one!” a new but not unfamiliar voice says, sounding fairly pleased with herself. Liam glances right, to the other side of his table, where his sister approaches, arm in arm with a pretty redhead. “Liam, I know I’ve sort of put it off all day, but that’s about to make this so much sweeter, I promise you.”
He frowns. “What?” The word squeaks a little, packed with confusion.
“Little brother, I’d like you to officially meet my girlfriend, Tara,” Lyana smiles, and her chin lifts a little, the same way it does whenever she knows a secret he doesn’t. It made surprises very underwhelming as a child.
“Uh,” he holds out his hand to her, still clearly missing the point. “Nice to meet you?”
“The pleasure’s all mine, honestly,” Tara giggles, shaking his hand. Her smile is bright and mischievous as it dances across the green of her eyes, and just a little bit familiar to him. “It’s nice to finally meet the guy my brother’s head over heels for.”
A record scratches in Liam’s brain, and in slow motion, it rewinds this conversation for him. Just a few paces back, dissecting the words and taking them apart one by one for him to go over. Lyana had called her Tara.
Like… Tara Raeken, Theo’s sister. Or Lahey, he supposes.
He looks at the green of her eyes, and he sees Theo. He sees the freckles peppering her face, and he sees Cam.
“Holy shit,” he breathes, as everything clicks into place. “You… you…”
“I’m Theo’s sister, yes,” Tara smiles.
“And you—you’ve known about this? This whole time??” He turns on his own sibling, voice pitching higher. Lyana barks out a laugh, leaning against Tara’s arm and shaking her head.
“I didn’t know they were related the day I met him in your apartment, if that’s what you’re asking,” Lyana says. “Tara and I didn’t put it together until a few weeks later.”
“The day my brother came back from taking my son to get his flu shot,” Tara says, tapping on her chin thoughtfully, as though trying to recall a fond memory. “He sat down for six beers and some very enthusiastic complaining about the idiot he’d fallen in love with. Some moron who lost my child at the clinic, I believe?”
“Which was so weird,” Lyana adds, snickering. “Because my little brother had called earlier that day to ask if walking out of a flu shot clinic with the wrong kid constituted as kidnapping.”
Liam’s face heats instantly with whitehot shame. To his left, he hears Corey snicker, and then a grunt as Mason elbows him into silence. “Oh my god,” Liam buries his face in his hands, hiding from Tara’s gaze. “I’m so sorry.”
He feels a gentle touch on his arm, and looks up to see Tara’s come around the table, fingers prying his hands away from his face. Her smile is patient and kind. “It’s okay, Liam. I was mad at first, but Cam couldn’t stop talking about how funny it had been to trick his uncle’s boyfriend into buying him three scoops of ice cream that it didn’t seem so bad, in the end.”
“His uncle’s…,” Liam trails off, blinking. He remembers what Cam had said that day, about Theo liking him. And then Tara’s own words, just a few seconds ago, finally hit him full force and he almost does a double take, staring up at her. “Wait, did you say… he’s been in love with me since then?”
Tara shrugs. “Since before that, I’d say. I probably could’ve pointed it out to him sooner, helped you two idiots pull your heads out of your asses.” Beside her, Lyana snorts. “But I wanted my brother to grow up and figure something out for himself, for once. And, well, I was mad about the kid thing.”
“And now?” Liam asks, tone hopeful.
“Now… I think you two deserve some happiness.” There’s a jingle, and Liam watches with profound joy as she pulls a set of keys from her little purse. “So, need a ride?”
The drive across town to the wedding Theo’s performing at is the single worst car ride of Liam’s life. He’s anxious beyond belief, worry crawling around under his skin. He’s tucked into the back between a car seat and a stack of pastry boxes. Lyana’s got her feet up on the dashboard, and she’s holding Tara’s hand on the console between them. They’re both humming along softly to a song on the radio, and it’s soothing, somewhat.
Probably the only thing keeping him at least a little calm.
“Know what you’re going to say?” Lyana asks over the edge of her seat.
“No fucking clue,” Liam chuckles. “Sorry I’m an idiot and… I’ve sort of just realized I love you?”
Lyana laughs, loud and raucous. “Well, that’s lame.” The fingers of her right hand tap on the passenger window, and Liam feels the car slow to a stop. “Looks like you better figure out that epic speech quickly, Li. We’re here.”
He sits up straight in his seat, looking out the windshield. There’s a large sign for Shakespeare Garden in front of them, one of the prettiest parks in the city and a popular wedding location that fits hundreds. “Oh, God.”
“C’mon,” Tara says, getting out of the car. “And bring those pastry boxes with you!”
Liam scrambles out of the vehicle, balancing the three stacked boxes carefully in his hands. Lyana rolls down her window to watch him over the rim of her sunglasses, smirking.
“What are these for?” Liam frowns.
“For the wedding, of course,” Tara smiles brightly at him, tone chipper. “My bakery is the dessert catering company. That’s how my brother got this gig.”
Liam’s jaw goes slack, and he stares at her, blinking stupidly.
She licks her lips, flashing her teeth as her smile widens with amusement. “You didn’t think we were just walking into this wedding, did you?” Tara tilts her head at him, giggling. “Party crashing isn’t polite, Liam.”
And with that, she starts off towards the gate. Liam glances down at his sister for help, and she slides her sunglasses low on her nose so he can see her eyes. “Have fun, kiddo.”
And so, feeling entirely out of his depth for multiple reasons, Liam follows Theo’s sister into the park. The place is beautifully decorated, with fairy lights hanging from the trees and rose petals scattered across the ground. There’s folding chairs on the lawn, and pink and white streamers rise up and meet at the summit of a pole in the middle of the dance floor.
It all looks like a fairy tale.
And there, beyond the crowd of happily dancing people, is the stage.
He can hear the song they’re playing, and he sees who he assumes is Erica at the mic. He can’t quite see Boyd behind the drums, and from this distance, it’s hard to tell what side of the stage Theo and Isaac are each playing on. He knows they’re down a bassist, considering Tracy’s at the wedding he just left.
“Well, don’t just stand there,” Tara whispers in his ear, tugging at his sleeve. She guides him towards the crowd, and off to the side, where the dessert table sits. Carefully, she takes one box from him and opens it, slowly removing the pastries inside and refilling the nearly empty tray on the table with them. As Liam watches her work, he shoots furtive glances at the stage.
Now that they’re closer to it, he can easily see Theo playing on this half, deeply concentrating as he strums out a semi familiar tune. Erica croons into the mic, and the rest of the band play their heart out. The guests seem to be loving it, and it fills Liam with a pride he isn’t sure he has the right to experience, seeing so many people cheering them on as the song comes to a close.
“Yeah, alright Theo!” Tara shouts, and Liam startles and almost drops the last box as he glances right to see her clapping. She’s surprisingly loud for such a small lady, and Liam gawks, eyes wide, as Theo picks up on the sound of her voice. His shoulders straighten, and he squints out into the crown.
And then he turns.
Their eyes meet across the distance, Theo’s widening in obvious shock. It pins Liam in his place, and for a moment, he can’t move. He can barely breathe, the pressure of everything unsaid (and all the things he did say, in the moment) filling his lungs.
What are you doing here? Theo mouths as Erica thanks the crowd, taking a moment to cool off with a water bottle.
“We need to talk,” Liam says back, though not nearly loud enough for the other man to hear him. He sees Theo’s eyes narrow, and his head gives a little shake before nodding in the direction of his band mates.
“Oh for the love of god,” Tara sighs. “Liam, empty the rest of that box, please. Carefully .”
And she stalks off towards the stage before he can stop her. Liam watches in horror as she waves up at her brother, and for a moment, he thinks she’s headed for him. But then she brushes past him, and even he’s left frowning as she approaches the front of the stage.
Erica’s face lights up as she sees her, and the blonde ducks down, reaching over the edge to offer her a hug. He watches as the two woman exchange a few words, and then Erica pops back up to the mic, smile bright. “Okay everybody, we’re gonna slow things down a little bit. So if the brides could please make their way over to the front, we’d like to play them a song that’s… fairly special to us, if it’s alright with them.”
Erica glances left, towards Theo, who stands a little bit straighter than before. There’s panic in his eyes, and a tight smile on his lips. “Our very own Theo wrote it, and normally he sings, but he’s got a little bit of a throat cold, so Isaac and I are going to handle it for him.”
Liam watches as Theo frowns, talking into his mic, but nothing comes out on the speakers. Which is roughly when he sees Boyd isn’t behind his drum kit anymore, but rather next to all their electrical hookups, and he’s got the plug for Theo’s mic in his hand.
Theo gets the message from his band mates loud and clear, and with a bright, fake smile and a little wave to the crowd, he gets offstage. Every step down the stairs and towards Liam feels like an eternity, a beat shared with his very loud heart in his ears.
So much that the air is stifling when Theo makes it to him, just as bright, twinkling piano keys sound through the speakers, accompanied by a soft male voice. Liam doesn’t dare look away now that Theo’s here, in front of him, and there’s so much to say—but he imagines if he did, he might see Isaac sitting in front of a mic, and Erica next to him with a keyboard.
It feels like I’m up on a wire,
And you just keep lifting it higher,
Liam feels every word resonate in his chest. “Hi,” he says, rubbing awkwardly at the back of his neck.
“Hey,” Theo breathes, just as unsteady. His lips are pursed, and there’s a wrinkle in his brow. “What are you doing here?”
I’m right on the edge,
And I’m doing my best not to fall.
“Oh, I was just… y’know, in the area,” Liam’s attempt at humour is flat, and painfully obvious. He winces. “Your sister brought me here to talk to you.”
Theo swallows thickly. “I wondered if you might finally meet her today,” he says, and he sounds a little annoyed. “She told me this morning you were going to the same wedding.”
It feels like the world’s spinning faster,
Towards a beautiful perfect disaster.
“Yeah,” Liam chuckles. “She’s uh—she’s dating my sister?”
“Weird, right?” He gets a hint of a smile out of the other man, at least.
The moment you kissed me,
I knew I was risking it all.
Liam’s breath hitches, and he clenches and unclenches one hand at his side. There’s so much he wants to say, but he doesn’t know how. “It’s probably a good thing,” he says, clearing his throat. “Otherwise I would’ve had to drive around the city to eleven other weddings looking for you.”
He sees the little intake of breath as Theo goes to speak, then the droop of his shoulders as he reconsiders. It happens again, and then he asks: “Why?”
The further I run from you baby,
The closer I get to the truth,
And I feel like nothing can save me.
“Because I let Hayden go today.” The words are thick in his throat, threatening to choke him before he gets them all out. “So that she could be happy with someone else. Someone who wasn’t me.”
Something darkens Theo’s eyes, and his lips press together tightly.
“And I did that,” Liam articulates slowly, “because I wanted to be happy. With someone else. Someone who wasn’t her.”
It’s something I just can’t undo,
Cause I can’t not love you.
“Theo, when I thanked you the other night and I told you that you’ve made the last few months of my life worth it, I meant it. I meant every word,” His heart’s pounding so loudly in his ears, he can barely hear the words coming out of his mouth, so he really hopes they’re the right ones. “You’ve made me laugh so hard I’ve cried, and snorted beer out my nose the once. You’ve made me content with my life, the way it is, and made me realize I don’t have to change myself or be something I’m not to be happy. Because you make me happy, Theo.”
I’m bracing myself for collision,
In the back seat of my heart’s decision.
“And I know I said a lot of things the other night,” Liam continues. “A lot of selfish, mean things, because I was hurting. I was upset, and I didn’t see… I didn’t realize that I was perfectly happy already. That I didn’t need anything more than what I had. And it doing that, I hurt you. I pushed you away.”
I’m rounding the curb,
And I don’t have the nerve to say no.
“And I’m sorry for that,” Liam breathes. His hands are trembling, fingers shaking so badly he can hardly stand it. “I’m sorry for hurting you. Because that’s something I never want to do—hurt the people that I—I love.”
Theo inhales sharply, sucking a breath in between his teeth. His eyes widen, and his hard exterior softens ever so slightly.
“Do you… do you mean that?” Theo says, and he sounds like there’s barely enough air in his lungs to say it. He sounds so fragile, so uncertain, and Liam’s heart breaks all over again for doing this to him.
“Every word,” he nods, more sure of himself this time. “I love you, Theo. And I’m sorry that it took me so long to realize it. But if you’ll have me… I’d like to spend a very long time making sure you never forget it.”
His chest is heaving, like he’s run a marathon. His palms are sweaty, a fact he’s acutely aware of as he feels Theo’s callused thumbs rub against them. As Theo takes Liam’s hands in his, and lifts them all the way up to his face, placing them gently on Theo’s neck. His skin is warm beneath Liam’s fingers, almost searing, and his trembling hands steady almost instantly.
“I love you too, Liam,” Theo whispers. There’s a warm hand against his neck, and then he’s drifting closer to Theo, eyes trained on his lips. “So I’m happy to start now.”
Liam laughs, bright and full of joy as he crashes his mouth to Theo’s.