Chapter Text
He thinks it started when he came back to see Tony, but no, that wasn't quite right. He thinks it was the shawarma, but that wasn't right either nor was letting the Hulk out to fight Loki. It started before that, before Loki and before Kolkata.
On the days when he can see himself the most clearly, he thinks it started with the Accident. And, sometimes, on the very rare days, he thinks it started before the Accident, with the murder of his mother and the abuse and the separation of himself and his emotions, but he wasn't quite there yet. (And maybe would never be.)
However, it started, he was here now, in front of the plain with door with his fist raised to knock. He took deep breaths, brain falling into the familiar patterns of breathing and numbers, everything that calmed him down. He knocked.
When he got back to the tower and his floor, he felt drained. His hands trembled a little and he clenched them tightly, taking a shaky breath.
"Welcome back, Dr. Banner" Jarvis said, voice modulated to be as quite as possible while still being heard.
"Thanks Jarvis" he mumbled, swallowing. His throat was tense and it felt worn-out. He kicked off his shoes and slid out of his jacket and staggered to his bedroom. He collapsed on the bed with a whump, pulling the blanket over his head and burying his face in the pillow.
"Are you alright Dr. Banner" Jarvis inquired. He thought he heard worry in the AI's voice, but maybe he was projecting. He seemed to be doing that a lot lately.
He frowned, took a breath and assessed himself. There was the beginnings of something creeping out from the locked doors in his head. There were cracks in the door, fresh ones. Part of him was happy to see them.
"I'm ok." He answered Jarvis. "I had my first session today...things got a little stirred up, but that's the point of all this right?"
There was a pause and then a hesitant "I believe so." He had a feeling that Jarvis was parsing all the literature he could on therapy and the human mind.
He nodded into the pillow. "Ok, then. I think I'll take a nap now."