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I live next door to a haunted bookshop owned by an immortal cryptid bastard. AMA! by kyaticlikestea
Fandoms: Good Omens (TV)
11 Jun 2020
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Before anyone reports this post, I got this AMA authorised by posting proof to a mod, so there.
Hi, Reddit! I’m no-one special, but about 6 months ago, I moved into a flat above a cafe next door to a bookshop, and my life has never been the same since, because the man who runs the bookshop is some sort of ageless (mostly) benevolent eldritch being. By all accounts, he hasn’t aged a day since at least 1944, sometimes he seems to have just too many eyes, and I once saw him turn water into wine (a nice rosé). His coworker / best friend / boyfriend / shadow entity is also definitely some kind of cryptid, but despite trying harder to be a bastard, he’s somehow less successful at it.
So, if you have any questions about what it’s like to live next door to an eternal bastard man, AMA!
Or, a cryptid bastard man haunts Reddit, trying to find out how to ask out his crush of the past 6,000 years and getting downvoted to literal oblivion. Just normal stuff on the world wide web.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 6,637
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 281
- Kudos:
- 5,253
- Bookmarks:
- 1,204
- Hits:
- 28,393
Bookmarked by trailingoff
17 Mar 2024
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affection and other cravings by JustStandingHere
Fandoms: Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett, Good Omens (TV)
24 Sep 2023
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Summary
“But you admit it! You did tempt me!”
“I offered you warm food during a storm,” Crowley argues. “If you call that temptation, I’d hate to see you talk to an innkeeper.” Aziraphale scowls some more. Crowley shrugs. “Besides, no harm done. You seem to be enjoying yourself.”
He has Aziraphale there. “Still,” he says, spreading his hands wide. “It has to be said—” He glances up to the sky. “—for anyone listening, that I am not at fault for my appetite.”
“Never said you were,” Crowley says. “Just said you liked the oysters.”
or, an examination vis-à-vis food and forgiveness
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 29,115
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Comments:
- 260
- Kudos:
- 1,978
- Bookmarks:
- 747
- Hits:
- 24,826
Bookmarked by trailingoff
02 Mar 2024
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Improvement Day by Twilightcitysky
Fandoms: Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett, Good Omens (TV)
12 May 2021
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Summary
The time has come for Improvement Day, Heaven's decennial work retreat. The angels posted to Earth are relieved of their terrestrial assignments and join middle management in attempting to improve organizational operations right across the board. Typical activities include name games, trust falls, client-facing skill role play, and miracle budget workshops. It's loathed by all the Earth operatives- but particularly by Aziraphale, who always finds himself unable to fit in (no matter how many icebreakers there are).
This year, an angel no one quite remembers seeing before is on a mission to befriend Aziraphale, but it seems that the odds are against him. He has to contend with a networking-obsessed Gabriel and an unabashedly flirtatious colleague; Michael thinks he might be the next big thing in parsimonious celestial energy handling; and Sandalphon is sure he's seen him somewhere before. Meanwhile, Aziraphale's angry with him for showing up, the gold paint on his cheeks is flaking, losing a contact lens would mean a quick discorporation at the hands of four dozen angels, and isn't this just the story of Crowley's life?
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 27,355
- Chapters:
- 9/9
- Collections:
- 5
- Comments:
- 540
- Kudos:
- 896
- Bookmarks:
- 245
- Hits:
- 10,385
Bookmarked by trailingoff
24 Feb 2024
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Well this is awkward. Crowley suddenly runs into Aziraphale. Turns out, the angel has been tasked with taking Jesus to Earth for the Second Coming but Aziraphale keeps finding new reasons to postpone it. Like having Eras tour tickets. Do you know how hard those are to come by?
Bookmarked by trailingoff
17 Oct 2023
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Aziraphale, with Crowley’s encouragement, tastes something new again.
—-
“I could, er.” Crowley’s pink-cheeked again, but he forges ahead. “I’ll take care of any—mess, angel. If you like. Don’t worry about it.”
This nearly makes Aziraphale discorporate on the spot, or something far more embarrassing.
Of course. Of course he’d be as attentive and indulgent in this context, as all others. Aziraphale’s chest fills so violently with love it hurts again, in a sharply beautiful sort of way.
“Ah,” he says. “Thank you. That—that would be lovely.”
Bookmarked by trailingoff
12 Oct 2023
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Gluttony by depraveddame
Fandoms: Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett, Good Omens (TV)
27 Sep 2023
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Summary
Drunk on Earthly delights, Aziraphale discovers what it is to hunger— and Bildad the Shuite is his intended feast.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 3,104
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 2
- Comments:
- 88
- Kudos:
- 1,109
- Bookmarks:
- 111
- Hits:
- 9,735
Bookmarked by trailingoff
07 Oct 2023
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We Can't Keep Meeting Like This by Ginger_Cat
Fandoms: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
28 Sep 2023
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Summary
Once a year, Aziraphale and Crowley meet on Earth to discuss the development of the reincarnated Christ child.
The problem is, they can't stop having sex instead.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 65,448
- Chapters:
- 13/13
- Comments:
- 1,896
- Kudos:
- 3,428
- Bookmarks:
- 936
- Hits:
- 67,787
Bookmarked by trailingoff
01 Oct 2023
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Aziraphale knows exactly what’s happening: Hell has sent up a devilishly attractive demon to tempt him into sinning against God. So he’ll act like he’s falling for it, pretend he doesn’t know just what Crowley’s doing. And he certainly won’t give in.
Crowley knows exactly what’s happening: Heaven has sent down a divinely beautiful angel to dazzle him into revealing Hell’s plans. So he’ll act like he’s falling for it, pretend he doesn’t know just what Aziraphale’s doing. And he certainly won’t give in.
(Or: an angel and a demon spend 6000 years each convinced the other one is a honey trap)
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 9,317
- Chapters:
- 2/2
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 174
- Kudos:
- 1,879
- Bookmarks:
- 329
- Hits:
- 11,972
Bookmarked by trailingoff
16 Sep 2023
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Summary
Everyone knows that the Supreme Archangel Aziraphale has broken with his demonic associate Crowley.
This does not explain why said associate is leaning against the wall at the top of the Holy Escalators, scowling at the angel on guard like she shouldn’t be there, and shoving a brown paper bag at her. A material brown paper bag.
“Make sure you dissolve the cocoa and sugar in cold milk before adding the hot milk. And don’t you dare scald the milk,” Crowley added, with a ferocity that suggested she was not only going to make the Supreme Archangel a human drink herself, she was going to scald it, whatever that meant.
****
Crowley and Aziraphale are over. But that doesn't seem to stop Crowley turning up at the gates to Heaven with a scowl and a succession of gifts.
Bookmarked by trailingoff
16 Sep 2023
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We Only Said Goodbye with Words, I Died A Hundred Times by ras_elased
Fandoms: Good Omens (TV)
10 Sep 2023
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Summary
Aziraphale felt his cheeks flush pink. “Yes. Well. It appears to be a curse for a cheating lover. The design is to create an ever-increasing obsessive need for the person who—”
“I’m well aware of what it does,” Crowley interrupted. Aziraphale glanced up from the book and took in Crowley’s stance, the apparent lax posture belied by the way he was clutching the edge of the countertop with white knuckles. Aziraphale swallowed.
“Is it…” Aziraphale faltered, then tried again. “Is it…” painful is how he told himself he wanted to finish the question. There was no other possible word to end that question that Aziraphale wanted to know.
“Don’t play dumb, angel. It doesn’t suit you.” Crowley’s voice was low, an edge of something to it that Aziraphale hadn’t heard since the Tadfield airbase, the moment Crowley was ready to give up and accept the apocalypse. He met Aziraphale’s eyes. “You know who I want.”
Bookmarked by trailingoff
16 Sep 2023
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first light by inkatesbush
Fandoms: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
02 Sep 2023
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Summary
Post-season 2, post-second coming. Hurt/comfort, love confessions, first times, a journey to hell; Aziraphale rescues Crowley for once.
It wasn’t until late that evening that Aziraphale found the note left for him in the backroom, scrawled in a spiky script that he recognized at once.
Come find me, said the note, and then followed a sigil that burned fire-bright and hot when Aziraphale pressed his thumb to it. It was Crowley’s true name in the original alphabet from which all other alphabets descended. Aziraphale had never seen it before, but he recognized it at once.
Bookmarked by trailingoff
16 Sep 2023
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Summary
Crowley gets reinstated as an angel.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 106,998
- Chapters:
- 60/60
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 4,264
- Kudos:
- 9,859
- Bookmarks:
- 3,128
- Hits:
- 233,899
Bookmarked by trailingoff
31 Aug 2023
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Bookmarked by trailingoff
23 Aug 2023
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Muriel is doing a fantastic job! Muriel is having a wonderful time! Muriel is hard at work running A.Z. Fell and Co and will maybe get a commendation for doing such a good job! But it would be easier if Crowley would stop coming round and knocking things over.
Bookmarked by trailingoff
22 Aug 2023
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Summary
Crowley and Aziraphale want to start doing more than kissing, so they make a plan to masturbate together. It's a great plan and Crowley is totally into it. Absolutely. Can't wait. He's just.. struggling with how forthcoming he should be about his previous experience, that's all.
Bookmarked by trailingoff
21 Aug 2023
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Summary
Aziraphale is trapped in a time loop, reliving the days since Gabriel arrived.
What he has to fix? It's a mystery
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 21,475
- Chapters:
- 5/5
- Collections:
- 3
- Comments:
- 656
- Kudos:
- 3,762
- Bookmarks:
- 842
- Hits:
- 43,365
Bookmarked by trailingoff
20 Aug 2023
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Summary
Aziraphale starts sneaking out of Heaven to visit Give Me Coffee or Give Me Death. It helps immensely.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 13,029
- Chapters:
- 6/6
- Comments:
- 276
- Kudos:
- 1,411
- Bookmarks:
- 322
- Hits:
- 10,726
Bookmarked by trailingoff
18 Aug 2023
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in the french fashion by Giddygeek
Fandoms: Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett, Good Omens (TV)
07 Aug 2023
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Summary
"There must be something I can do for you? In return?” Aziraphale asked. An easy offer to accept or reject, with no hard feelings on either side after.
He wasn’t counting on Crowley being just absolutely the most oblivious creature on the planet.
OR
Listen, I feel like Michael Sheen was daring us to write as many takes on this moment as we want, and I'd hate to disappoint him.
Bookmarked by trailingoff
17 Aug 2023
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Summary
“Would you care to do the honors?” the Metatron asks.
Aziraphale persuades Crowley to accompany him to Heaven, to be Forgiven.
Things get...weirder before they get better.
Bookmarked by trailingoff
15 Aug 2023
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it's written all over by Ark
Fandoms: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
12 Aug 2023
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Summary
The last thing that Crowley expects on the day Aziraphale goes to Heaven is to see Aziraphale again that night.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 11,408
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Comments:
- 179
- Kudos:
- 2,792
- Bookmarks:
- 610
- Hits:
- 27,985
Bookmarked by trailingoff
13 Aug 2023