step_panic



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    Ilya is plummeting to his death when he closes his eyes, heart full of regret.

    When he opens them in what feels like just a second later, he is standing outside a rink in Regina, Saskatchewan. There’s a banner on the building across the street:

    World Junior Hockey Championship 2009.

    What?

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    23 May 2026

    Bookmarker's Notes

    ch 20

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    In which the Raiders try to convince (okay, bribe) Shane Hollander to wife Ilya Rozanov the fuck up.

    The Raiders learn about Hollanov in a different way. Shane is very confused. Ilya loves his team. I regret nothing.

    (This takes place a few months before the great tuna melt fiasco.)

    Some sex talk but mostly a lot of swearing. Also not related to my other fics really but some of the character portrayals, especially the Boston Raiders being all good guys, is in my other work too.

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    09 Jul 2026

  3. Public Bookmark *

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    JJ didn't think the others saw it. Hayden, maybe, but Jackie was the only WAGs's name Shane had committed to memory so Hayden never brought it up. JJ didn't have a wife or girlfriend. He had his hookups and the names of the best restaurants in each city they player in. If JJ had a dog, Shane would probably mix its name up with Drapeau's. The others didn't get that however pathetic or sad they might think Shane, Shane thought the same of them tenfold when they missed shots at practice or ate fast food on weekdays. Shane wasn't being prissy or funny when he said, don't embarass me—JJ still doesn't know exactly what it was, but he doesn't care to find out.

    Shane had poured everything into his team (possessively: it was his team) and he asked them to give it back that day, so they delivered. When Shane smiled at them afterwards, it felt like love.

    Character study on neurotic batshit hardass Captain Shane Hollander. The awe-inspiring and aloof Canadian Hockey Jesus Shane Hollander. Unwilling MLH sex icon Shane Hollander, the face on many mens' dart boards.

    or, JJ on the enigma of (his feelings for) Shane Hollander over the years.

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    12 Jun 2026

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    Maybe if the video ended there, Shane thought, it would be okay. Okayish. Still incriminating. Still a fucking disaster. Still embarrassing, to have his breakup with this beautiful actress filmed and disseminated on Reddit of all fucking places, but not a nail in his coffin, burying him alive. But the video didn’t end there.

    “Can I ask if you’ve ever been with another guy?” she had to ask.

    And he, tears visible in his eyes, had to nod.

    Just once. Just a single nod.

    Why did he have to nod?

    “Have you ever told anyone that before?” He shook his head. “Was it different? With a guy?”

    “Of course.”

    Of course.

    “Was it better?”

    “Yes.”

    +++

    Shane’s conversation with Rose is secretly recorded. Months later, after the All-Star game and Ilya’s confession in Russian, the video gets leaked online. Shane is outed to the world while Ilya is in Russia, and must now finish the 2016-2017 season with the entire world in on his secret.

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    12 Jun 2026

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    “Come on,” Comeau says. “Are we all just supposed to pretend it's normal that you’re still playing house with Ilya Rozanov?”

    “Gil—” J.J. says, but Shane doesn’t want him to finish that sentence, to pull Comeau gently off the ledge he’s steering himself toward. Shane wants to push him, kicking and screaming, to make them say it to his fucking face. That after all this time, they still hate him for the heinous crime of falling in love.

    “We’ve been married for two years,” Shane says. “I’m not sure that qualifies as playing house. I mean, it’s longer than you were with your first wife, isn’t it?”

    Or: Shane reunites with his former teammates at J.J.'s bachelor party. He's finally ready to say (and maybe punch) his piece.

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    11 Jun 2026