shefigureditout



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    “Ah.”

    “‘Ah’,” Ilya repeats, giving him a look before he looks back to the tidily stacked frozen mouse packages in the freezer and makes a face as a little badly-hidden shudder moves through him. “Why the fuck do you have mice in your freezer, Shane? You are doing serial killer shit now? This is why you have cottage in the middle of nowhere? For serial killer things?”

    “It’s for Spaghetti,” Shane says.

    Ilya gives him an absolutely horrified look at that and turns a little green, which makes him remember that Spaghetti isn’t just his snake's name.

    “Not food!” He rushes to explain. “Not food spaghetti! Snake Spaghetti!”

    “What the fuck are you even saying right now,” Ilya says, looking honestly a little concerned that Shane might have something going wrong in his head.

    (Distancing himself from almost twenty years of owning a snake, Shane can indeed see why this situation might be a little alarming for someone on the outside looking in.)

    (It also clues him in to the fact that maybe it’s not just Spaghetti who should have gotten a little adjustment period.)

    (in which i give shane allergies AND a snake)

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    25 Jul 2026

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    “I feel really good about this kid, I think he could be great on your wing, he just needs some help settling in. Someone to show him the ropes.”

    “Yes.”

    The line went silent for a moment. Ilya wasn’t really sure why his coach felt the need to run this by him.

    “Rozanov,” his coach said at last. “I want him to live with you.”

    Ilya blinked, then nearly shouted into the phone. “What?”

    * * *

    or, Ilya stays in Boston, gets a rookie, and tries to figure out how to make a secret long distance relationship work while there's a Russian teenager in his house

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    25 Jul 2026

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    Centaur media day has the team competing in a “don’t laugh” challenge, where Captain Ilya Rozanov is the unbreakable final boss no one can crack. Until Lucas Haas recruits the one man who can do it - his husband.

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    22 Jul 2026

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    [Ilya Rozanov and Shane Hollander sit together in a sterile interrogation room. There’s a height chart on the wall behind them, and a harsh light hangs overhead. Next to them on the table is a polygraph machine.]

    Producer: Ilya Rozanov and Shane Hollander. 

    Shane: Yes.

    Ilya: Yes, those are our names. See how truthful I’m already being?

    Shane: You’re not even hooked up to anything yet. 

    Ilya: I’m just establishing how honest I am before we start. 

    Producer: Well, that’s good because you’re both here to take a lie detector test. The way this works is that one of you will be hooked up to the machine while the other asks questions, and then you’ll switch. Judd [the camera switches to show a man with glasses and stark white hair sitting at the polygraph machine] will be reading your results in real time. Shane, you’ll go first.

    Shane: Goody. 

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    22 Jul 2026

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    “Did Boston Lily send you all these flowers? Shane??” Hayden asks.

    “Um,” Shane says helpfully.

    ——

    Or, Shane gets hurt in the Boston vs. Montreal game. Ilya crashes out and buys all the lilies in Boston for him.

    No one knows about them.

    Except for Ilya’s new florist, who never asked to get involved in dumb hockey boys and their messy drama. Also, Cliff is a good friend.

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    22 Jul 2026