pastiches
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Shane’s brain cycled rapidly through a half-dozen celebrities, porn actors, Grindr profiles, every attractive bartender who’d ever served him a beer, trying to find a comparison for this level of outrageously concentrated beauty in one person, but he was drawing a blank.
The man—Ilya Rozanov, Facilities Attendant, his badge read—gestured around the supply closet. “I help you find something?”
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Canon-divergent AU set during the 2017-18 MLH season. Shane Hollander doesn’t have a single Cup to his name when he meets a very hot and very annoying janitor who works at the Metros stadium.- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 28,861
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 2
- Comments:
- 1,000
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- 5,093
- Bookmarks:
- 1,811
- Hits:
- 49,400
Bookmarked by pastiches
24 Jul 2026
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In late 2014, celebrity photos start dropping. Ilya deletes his texts, his photos, a video he should never have taken. It isn't soon enough.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 66,960
- Chapters:
- 8/8
- Collections:
- 4
- Comments:
- 2,434
- Kudos:
- 16,582
- Bookmarks:
- 5,421
- Hits:
- 263,183
Bookmarked by pastiches
25 May 2026
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Coming this fall to ABC… MLH star Shane Hollander is The Bachelor!
Bachelor Nation, we have one question: will you accept this rose?
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 62,964
- Chapters:
- 7/7
- Comments:
- 1,804
- Kudos:
- 4,826
- Bookmarks:
- 1,687
- Hits:
- 84,881
Bookmarked by pastiches
16 May 2026
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They've already been so careless, unbelievably, intoxicatingly careless. Shane can’t shake the sense that they’re on the lam. It feels like their bodies belong to each other, but at the end of the day, they are both stolen property.
A what if that diverges from canon at the beginning of Episode 6 and explores what could have happened in the absence of the Ottawa plan.
Bookmarked by pastiches
29 Apr 2026
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“Hollander’s Metros have had a challenging few years, with back-to-back knee injuries and a concussion keeping the two-time Stanley Cup winner and Olympic gold medalist off the ice for three consecutive postseason runs. Hollander is apparently back to fighting trim, but everyone’s wondering if that will still be true come April. The Metros have promised that they’re behind their franchise star one hundred percent, but there are signs they might be hedging their bets. The Metros announced last week that they have penned a deal with San Francisco’s dynamic young Russian star, center Ilya Rozanov. The move has sent shockwaves through MLH, as San Francisco was widely expected to sign a contract extension with Rozanov, who became a restricted free agent in June.”
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 61,525
- Chapters:
- 6/6
- Comments:
- 2,419
- Kudos:
- 11,023
- Bookmarks:
- 4,548
- Hits:
- 214,499
Bookmarked by pastiches
27 Apr 2026