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And They Were Cultists by jellyfishline for fantailsock
Fandoms: Baldur's Gate (Video Games)
12 May 2026
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Summary
Astarion has found a new lease on life, all thanks to the benevolence of the Absolute. No, living in a tower filled with cultists and having to deal with superior officers who think they can order him around is not exactly his idea of paradise, but anything is heaven compared to life under Cazador. He even gets his own room all to himself.
At least, until one Wyll Ravengard, newest member of the Absolute's ranks, is assigned to his room.
(In which Astarion and Wyll are swept up by the cult before the intervention of a certain magical artifact.)
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 28,251
- Chapters:
- 3/3
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 92
- Kudos:
- 165
- Bookmarks:
- 39
- Hits:
- 1,489
Bookmarked by noodlefrog
13 May 2026
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Summary
In which Wyll balances daddy issues, an attraction to Halsin, and the fickle whims of his many patrons.
Bookmarked by noodlefrog
30 Apr 2026
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Too easy, to imagine it like she’s really seen it a hundred times before, like it’s familiar to her as breathing, like there’s room for her to slip in. Like it’s anything more than a well-worn fantasy as easy to slip into as a favorite pair of shoes, perfectly broken in.
She shuts her eyes and it unfurls before her in her mind’s eye, nearly close enough to reach out and touch.
In which Wyll and Astarion accompany Karlach to Avernus, and she can't help wanting more.
Bookmarked by noodlefrog
24 Apr 2026
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Summary
Astarion did not have much in him to appreciate Cazador’s death when it happened.
For one thing, reality had dissolved a while back, and the day Cazador died, it had only dissolved further. Those tadpole-infected weirdos showed up again. Astarion had been chased out of camp after, well, the blood drinking gone wrong incident. And from there, it had been a short trip to getting caught by that Gur. From there, to death. And from death, back to Cazador.
Except, Cazador was now dead.
A zombified Astarion survives and is re-recruited by the party.
Bookmarked by noodlefrog
10 Mar 2026
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on asters and doves by not_whelmed_yet for Succorance
Fandoms: Baldur's Gate (Video Games)
26 Mar 2026
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Summary
Wyll Ravengard is in love. Unfortunately, the man he loves is only interested in something casual, preferring to stay out of the blinding spotlight that is Wyll's life now that he's taken on the mantle of Grand Duke.
Astarion is in love. Unfortunately, the man he's in love with is:
1. The Grand Duke
2. Unaware he's a vampire
3. Going to get him killed if Cazador finds out- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 34,682
- Chapters:
- 4/4
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 123
- Kudos:
- 215
- Bookmarks:
- 43
- Hits:
- 3,051
Bookmarked by noodlefrog
27 Feb 2026
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Summary
Astarion, trapped in Baldur's Gate by the commandments of his sire, finds a devil in his safe house. There are countless ways of dealing with this, including even bodily dragging the devil out and letting the Flaming Fist finish him off, as the devil is badly injured.
Instead, Astarion finds himself taking care of said devil feral cat style.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 16,992
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 23
- Kudos:
- 142
- Bookmarks:
- 21
- Hits:
- 891
Bookmarked by noodlefrog
15 Feb 2026
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Volo's Guide To Your Mother by LulaMillay
Fandoms: Baldur's Gate (Video Games), Forgotten Realms (Roleplaying Game), Dungeons & Dragons (Roleplaying Game)
11 Feb 2026
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Summary
Volothamp Geddarm has a brand new guidebook out, and it's all about seducing Gale's mother.
Elminster, naturally, is there to keep him in line.Series
- Part 16 of Lula's Crack / Humor
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 2,217
- Chapters:
- 5/5
- Collections:
- 2
- Comments:
- 66
- Kudos:
- 34
- Bookmarks:
- 10
- Hits:
- 155
Bookmarked by noodlefrog
14 Feb 2026
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Summary
“I wish I could trust you to not break your promises, Astarion,” the devil said. “You know I don’t want to see you hurt.”
The cold fear in his blood dropped in temperature another hundred degrees to something that could have frozen magma. The devil knew his name.
The devil thought they had a bargain.
Astarion didn’t remember.
Bookmarked by noodlefrog
13 Feb 2026
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crawling towards recovery by ushauz for not_whelmed_yet
Fandoms: Baldur's Gate (Video Games)
16 Dec 2025
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Summary
In which, as per canon, Astarion has undergone two centuries of starvation. Unlike canon, this greatly impacts his ability to do anything at all.
Bookmarked by noodlefrog
31 Dec 2025
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Summary
"Do you have any idea what this is?" he'd asked, peering into the strange pit in the basement of the tower. It was about as wide and deep as the pool from a modestly-sized bathhouse, though that wasn't what had caught Wyll's eye about it.
"Ah yes," Gale said, with a twinkle in his eye that Wyll, at the time, mistook for academic curiosity. "The illecebrae flagellum. I think that's the Purple Majesty breed. Quite popular in the southern countries—designed in Athkatla, you know. I'm surprised to see it here! Normally in the Underdark you get more bioluminescent breeds like the Starstrand—"
"Right," Wyll said, politely. "Is it valuable? Dangerous?"
"Dangerous? No, not at all." Gale wiggled a finger over the lip of the pit. Wyll startled as one of the thin waving vines coiled around it. "The value is, ah. Subjective."
Wyll was saved from having to ask more questions by Astarion—appearing from nowhere, as was his wont—to put it in plain terms.
"It's a sex plant," Astarion said flatly.
Wyll and Astarion make a startling discovery in the basement of a dead wizard's tower.
Bookmarked by noodlefrog
12 Nov 2025
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Summary
A vampire and a vampire hunter meet in a hotel room. What happens next will (probably not) shock you.
Bookmarked by noodlefrog
30 Oct 2025
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Summary
Soulmates are little more than parasites. The only thing they share is pain through their bond. By all reason and common sense, Astarion should want his soulmate to die to spare himself that extra chunk of suffering, especially as Cazador grows only more possessive over Astarion having a bond with anyone else at all.
All Astarion can think though is this is one thing Cazador hasn't been able to take from him.
Bookmarked by noodlefrog
16 Oct 2025
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Summary
There was a dead man on the midden heap; if not dead yet, soon.
It wasn’t hard to guess how he’d ended up there - the man looked the part of a devil. Such was the fate of monsters in the hands of civilization.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 4,798
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 36
- Kudos:
- 200
- Bookmarks:
- 32
- Hits:
- 900
Bookmarked by noodlefrog
13 Oct 2025
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a vow is a pact your heart makes by jellyfishline for ushauz
Fandoms: Baldur's Gate (Video Games)
10 Sep 2025
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Summary
Or, sometimes the things you thought were lost forever come back in unexpected ways.
Bookmarked by noodlefrog
25 Sep 2025
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Summary
In which at long last, a dashing hero kills Cazador, saving Astarion from two hundred years of torment. And no, he doesn't care that the hero is a devil. When he promised fealty to whoever rescued him, he meant it.
Series
- Part 1 of knight in shining armor
Bookmarked by noodlefrog
19 Aug 2025
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Summary
Astarion knows what he is: a used-up, dried-out, bitter-tongued spawn with hair like starlight, so beautiful that somehow men manage to overlook the rest of his flaws to their deaths. He knows that Wyll says he loves him. He knows that Wyll loves his hair.
And he knows that if he cuts it off, the truth will come out.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 2,987
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 50
- Kudos:
- 282
- Bookmarks:
- 46
- Hits:
- 1,518
Bookmarked by noodlefrog
17 Aug 2025
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Kept in an Open Cage by jellyfishline for yellowstonewolves
Fandoms: Baldur's Gate (Video Games)
09 Aug 2025
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Summary
At long last, after a grueling year in Avernus, Karlach, Wyll, and Astarion have found a way to remove Karlach's engine for good. Returning to Baldur's Gate (and a small cheap flat in the Lower City) Karlach recovers under the careful attentions of her lover, Wyll. There's only one problem: they've let Astarion stay with them. And though Astarion knows that this living arrangement must be temporary and the happy couple will get tired of his company soon enough, he finds himself growing attached to the little life they've made.
It doesn't help that he's madly in love with both of them. Or that they're all sharing a bed.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 15,111
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 71
- Kudos:
- 410
- Bookmarks:
- 88
- Hits:
- 2,688
Bookmarked by noodlefrog
15 Aug 2025
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Sauceman Chorizo & Lyrthindor do a Ratatouille by LulaMillay
Fandoms: Baldur's Gate (Video Games)
28 Jul 2025
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Summary
Sauceman Chorizo doesn’t know how to bake.
The last rat of Lyrthindor can remember little else but baking.It’s Baldur’s Gate Ratatouille. Hijinks ensue.
“So how did you end up in my kitchen, little rat?”The rat looked into the distance. “Some remember turning away from the sun. This one remembers fondant and buttercream. We were one. We were many. Now we are one, but fewer. Then the cat chased us here.”
Sauceman took that in, then nodded. “Alright then.”
Series
- Part 15 of Lula's Crack / Humor
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 11,205
- Chapters:
- 4/4
- Collections:
- 2
- Comments:
- 44
- Kudos:
- 25
- Bookmarks:
- 8
- Hits:
- 256
Bookmarked by noodlefrog
04 Aug 2025
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Summary
In another universe, all six of the Tadfools were vampire spawn under the heel of Cazador. In a raid on a Gur camp gone wrong, all of them end up kidnapped by mindflayers and then subsequently break free of Cazador's control.
In order to survive they are going to have to figure out how to rely on each other. But like, not too much on each other, because that'd be Weird and maybe incestuous? Astarion's convinced it's incest.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 32,576
- Chapters:
- 4/4
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 182
- Kudos:
- 256
- Bookmarks:
- 50
- Hits:
- 2,576
Bookmarked by noodlefrog
11 Jul 2025
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Raised Out in the Cold, Raised on Little Light by fantailsock
Fandoms: Baldur's Gate (Video Games)
16 Jun 2025
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Summary
He was in the Blade of Frontiers’ tent. The monster hunter’s tent.
Astarion shot up to see the man sitting in the entrance, blocking the sun with his body. Did he save him just so he could be tortured properly? He’d heard about hunters tearing out fangs to wear as necklaces - selling eyes and claws on the black market. Hells, did he hunt bounties as well as monsters? Had Cazador bought him to reel Astarion back?
His eyes fell to the rapier. The way Wyll was blocking the only exit.
Even though this man had saved his life for no discernable reason, he still had power over him. Astarion was trapped here with a hunter who knew now just how bestial he really was.
He had to warm up to him. Give him a reason to keep him alive. Fawn.“Please don’t kill me.”
He’d never been particularly good at fawning.
In which Astarion and Wyll meet a bit earlier than established canon, in the middle of nowhere, in the dead of winter, and neither of them are at their best.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 21,221
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 49
- Kudos:
- 296
- Bookmarks:
- 64
- Hits:
- 2,476
Bookmarked by noodlefrog
19 Jun 2025