cschuma
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Summary
A Disclaimer From Your Friendly Neighborhood Oracle:
The following is a transcript of Patrol Communications Audio written by state of the art transcription technology, IRIS (Interpretation of Recorded Intelligence Software). IRIS was created to provide easily searchable records, automatically, and eliminate the need to transcribe each patrol audio log manually. That being said, IRIS is still experimental, and may not always be entirely accurate.
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(01:25) Red Hood: (Mild static) (Out of breath, slurred) You motherfuckers. Put some fuckin-Batman: (Shaking) Red Hood-
Red Hood: Shut up. Put some fucking respect. On my name. Start fucking copying me. I just got thrown fucking. Um. 40 feet. Into a fucking uh. What's it. Ditch. I'm still fucking conscious.
Batman: Red Hood, do not move, we're en route-
Red Hood: What'll I win if I stand up.
Batman: (Loud) Do not stand up.
Series
- Part 1 of IRIS Logs
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 7,825
- Chapters:
- 1/1
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- 712
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- 7,380
- Bookmarks:
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Bookmarked by catchalatte (cschuma)
19 Jul 2026
Bookmarker's Notes
Oracle: (Distracted) Excellent. Congratulations, Hood, you are not as brain damaged as you could be.
Red Hood: (Sarcastic) Yay.
Blackbat: Stop. No jazz hands. How do your teeth feel?
Red Hood: Toothlike.
Blackbat: Bite. Not me. Jaw fine. No fractures.
Batman: When he was 14 he threw up on me so as to not have vomit in his bed.
Red Hood: Stop telling them secrets. I’m private. I don’t like you.
Batman: (Sighing) I know.
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(Fail Compilation) MAN DEFEATED woman PWNS him EPIC [Original Audio] club mix 10 HRS VER by deadchannelradio
Fandoms: DCU (Comics)
20 Jan 2024
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Summary
Cass:
[65a48e40.png]
dick. midnighter says to tell you he is allergic to me 👍
Most people are allergic to having their ass beat yeah
Bookmarked by catchalatte (cschuma)
18 Jul 2026
Bookmarker's Notes
“Fight computer?” she asks. “Does it have… a name?” People like to name things. Especially when they are fancy and technological. Oracle and her IRIS… thing, Nightwing and his wingdings, Batman and his bat… everything. They also like it when you ask about the names.
“…Fight computer,” Midnighter answers. His right shoulder shifts back by the barest millimeter: mentally tripped on her question, finding his footing. Cass nods thoughtfully, and carefully does not say anything like ‘sensible’ where Oracle can hear her.
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It Could Stay This Simple (Just Stay This Little) by coconuticecream (magspie)
Fandoms: Batman - All Media Types, DCU (Comics)
12 May 2020
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Summary
Maybe claiming legal guardianship over a child at 22, and so soon after becoming Batman, spread Bruce thinner than he'd realized. Maybe Bruce was less equipped to parent a third grader than he'd thought. Maybe Bruce should do more to invite Dick into his life.
Maybe Bruce should hug Dick, or promise he'll do better by Dick, or tell Dick that he loves Dick more than he thought himself capable.
(or: bruce and dick practice self care together.)
Bookmarked by catchalatte (cschuma)
31 May 2026
Bookmarker's Notes
Bruce pinches the bridge of his nose. "Please?" he asks weakly. "What if I say please?"
"Please what?" DIck chirps. Bruce drops his hand.
"Please trust me," he says. "Please tell me what's going on. Please sleep under proper covers, and please don't shove yourself at the end of my bed. You're not a dog."
"Do you wish I was a dog?" Dick asks, his previously sharp voice wavering in sudden uncertainty. Then he blinks a few times, but he can't blink away the glassiness in his eyes. Bruce's own eyes widen in abject horror as Dick's lower lip begins to tremble.
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Dick sounded amused. “You didn’t tell me you were coming.”
“You should have known.”
“Oh, I’m sorry. My latent psychic abilities haven’t kicked in yet,” Dick said. Then, as if the possibility was just occurring to him: “You told someone you were coming, right?”
Tim made a noise, vague enough for Dick to interpret however he wanted.
“Hey,” the next tug on the blanket was sharper, as was Dick’s voice. When he got the blanket down enough to see Tim’s face, he raised an eyebrow, repeating, “You told someone you were coming, right?”
Or: Tim and Bruce have a fight. Tim does the only logical thing and goes to Dick about it.
Bookmarked by catchalatte (cschuma)
30 May 2026
Bookmarker's Notes
He plucked at the toe of Tim’s sock, where it rested against his knee. “God knows he’s not always rational about the Robin stuff. But he’s a lot less strict about Tim stuff. So that means he thinks he’s right, and you think you’re right. My guess is that maybe you could have lived with letting him think he was right, even if you didn’t think he was, but then he said something he shouldn’t have, and it hurt you, and then you had to get out of there before your head exploded. How am I doing?”
“It's like you've lived it,” Tim replied wryly.
Dick smiled. It wasn’t an uncomplicated smile, but it was a sincere one. “And I didn't even have an awesome big brother to run off too, either,” he said, sliding his hand back down to tickle the bottom of Tim's foot again.
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Summary
Flying back to Cherry Street, weaving reckless in the dark, it comes down to this: Dick is the only one of his siblings that Jason has any real claim on. Dick is the only one of that whole mess of victims to Batman's cult of self-immolation who belongs to Jason. Even more than that - Dick is the only person in the world who he shares a parent with, who knows what it meant to be the Robin to Batman of nearly ten years ago.
It's just not the same anymore.
So if Dick fucking kicks it, Jason's the only one left. Jason becomes an only child. Jason becomes the last of his kind. Jason becomes the sole keeper of that memory, of a brotherhood shared under a man who no longer exists. There is no way to replace Dick, because the world that they lived in together is gone, and can never give Jason a surrogate.
The Red Hood pulls the thread on a mystery big enough to bridge the distance between two cities, two brothers: The plot they unravel is far deeper and darker than a garden-variety drug trafficking scheme. A story about siblingship, hauntings, and rivers.
1. Ostium, osti(i): Latin noun, II Declension: Door, opening; (river) mouth; entrance (to the underworld).
Series
- Part 1 of these and other tragedies
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 110,375
- Chapters:
- 12/12
- Comments:
- 1,145
- Kudos:
- 2,429
- Bookmarks:
- 1,272
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- 76,098
Bookmarked by catchalatte (cschuma)
01 Mar 2026
Bookmarker's Notes
“Not of the folktales. Who cares about that?” Dick says. He squirms in Hood’s hold, restless. “It was Scheherazade. I loved her, the idea of her. Clever, clever. Every night, weaving stories on stories to stay alive, no proof that the end would ever come. That’s all she is, is stories. I love her. She is what I am.”
There’s an ache in Hood’s chest. “How old were you?”
“Thirteen? Fourteen?” Dick guesses, bleary. “B gave it to me when I was laid up with pneumonia. Broke a rib. Stupid. I read it over and over. Jay, how did you find me?”
“You caused a big fuckin’ scene, remember? You got snatched off the street in broad daylight.”
“I overdid it a little,” he admits. His breath is still choppy. “But they didn’t give me a lot to work with, they’re very bad at kidnapping. I had to all but trip and fall into the van! Ruins all the fun.”
“The fun? Of being kidnapped?” Hood snorts. “You’ll have to leave a bad review.”
“One star,” Dick agrees distantly.