chronically_ill_chemistry
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what you have done is terrible (and now you carry it with you) by chronically_ill_chemistry
Fandoms: Stray Kids (Band)
23 Jan 2026
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Summary
It goes like this: Jisung thinks about Minho every day. A piece of him is missing and he knows it. He will never be whole again. It is his fault. He deserves it.
Jisung looks perfect. He always looks perfect. Every morning it feels like he is putting on a costume. Every day he feels like he is part of play in which everyone received their lines except him. He speaks to almost no one. Jisung can barely get out of bed. Looking in the mirror makes him feel as if he’s being shredded inside. Every time someone looks at him tears pool in his eyes.
It goes like this: On days when getting dressed feels impossible he imagines Minho with him telling him it is okay. Telling him that it doesn’t matter, that he loved him anyway. He imagines Minho sitting on the floor of his dorm room, tucking Jisung against his side as he struggles to change out of the clothes he’s been wearing for the past 48 hours.
AKA. Jisung broke up with Minho in the parking lot outside their high school. Jisung thinks about Minho every day for eight years, through college, through his transition, hoping that if he ever sees Minho again Minho won't hate him. He sees Minho again. Minho doesn't hate him.
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i'll pluck the flowers from the shore by chronically_ill_chemistry
Fandoms: Stray Kids (Band)
01 Aug 2025
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A cramp tightened in his belly causing a sharp intake of breath. He held it in his chest as he curled even further into himself. The beat playing in his ears turned to static as his entire being flipped into survival mode. Breath in. Breath out. Slow and controlled. If he kept breathing, then eventually the pain would stop. A knife twisting, twisting in his belly, slicing through the important bits as if they were butter. It wasn’t real. He just had to keep breathing. Mind over matter.
AKA. Omega Chan gets his period and Omega Changbin is there to help.
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“Your car is really pretty,” Jisung said, startling himself and the man standing a few feet away.
The man turned to him, Jisung shrinking under his gaze.
He tipped his head at Jisung, eyes piercing, “You like my car?”...
Two. Four. Eight. Sixteen. He’d worked so hard for so long and he’d ruined it. It didn’t matter what he did, he would never be good enough. Hours and hours and hours of spent hunched over his tablet, over textbooks, pages scattered across his desk, and it still wasn’t enough.
...
“That’s not what – I’m not –” Jisung took a moment to collect himself, breath stuttering his chest in a way noticeable to Minho as his smile had fallen. “You know I am trans, right?”
One-two-three-four. The tears were already welling in his eyes, vice around his chest crushing his ribs to dust. His palms were still flat on the table, fingers curling in, nails catching on the wood, a splinter lodging itself in his nailbed.OR – Feet sinking into the mud of his life, still in the first steps of his transition, Jisung was not meant for kindness or understanding. Then a red Porsche, a soft smile, hands gripping his. Something better than any love he’d experienced before.
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all the memories left by the day by chronically_ill_chemistry
Fandoms: Stray Kids (Band)
02 Nov 2024
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Chan could walk from the patio straight onto the beach, that was his favorite thing about the hotel. He didn’t even have to leave the property to wiggle his toes in the sand or watch the waves crash against the shore. A home for ghosts searching for their unrequited love – it was a soft fantasy, the thought that someone could love you enough to meet again. Naïve, like mothers knelt between the pews of an old church praying for some respite.
Waiting was endlessly painful. It clawed at the chest, shattering the ribs, until all he could taste was copper and anticipation. He was waiting, always waiting. Yongbok was waiting, like the rest of them. Waiting for someone he loved, someone who had left a blackhole in his life. He deserved more than whatever had led him to the hotel. His cracked lips and glassy eyes and hunched shoulders. The longer he stayed at the hotel, the more desperate, the more lost he seemed to become.
“Why are you here?”
“I’m looking for someone,” Deep and soft.
“Is it doing you any good?”
AKA. A hotel on the beach. Chan. Felix. Angel wings. The realities of waiting for love which will never be kind, will never be forgiving. The horror of letting go.
Series
- Part 1 of haunt
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Seungmin could feel it before he even woke up, the stabbing pain ripping through his lower abdomen. Peaceful dreams invaded by the cramp cutting through him. It wasn’t entirely unexpected, but horrific, nonetheless. Time felt endless as the pain stretched on, strong and steady, chest constricting as he tried to suck in a breath of air. Sounds escaped past his lips, pathetic and ugly, as Changbin hovered over him, hands nervously running along his skin as if Seungmin were on the verge of breaking apart.
AKA. Seungmin gets his period and Changbin is there to help.
Recent series
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- Words:
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- Works:
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- Words:
- 138,448
- Works:
- 3
- Bookmarks:
- 50
Recent bookmarks
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They've always been together, best friends since the moment they met. Jisung's not worried about anyone taking his spot, but he is annoyed that Minho's new secret admirer can't seem to get the gifts right.
Minho deserves better than that.Series
- Part 15 of 4th Gen Ace
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 13,114
- Chapters:
- 3/3
- Collections:
- 1
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- Kudos:
- 889
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- 10,261
Bookmarked by chronically_ill_chemistry
20 May 2025
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Hyunjin likes doing things in threes. He’s cultivated the perfect routine - clean his apartment, shower until his flesh scalds and go to work. He has everything he needs, his beauty, his pretty white lines, that bewitching ability to spin seductively down the pole as he strips himself to temptation. And what he certainly doesn’t need is the absolutely infuriating bodyguard that suddenly starts hovering around.
In which Hyunjin’s standoffish life as a high-end Vegas stripper comes splintering down in the wake of a very stubborn, very annoying private bodyguard he has no desire in getting to know. Unfortunately for him, Changmin, Changbin - whatever his name was - shows up every night with that same stupid fucking smirk despite all his brattish attempts to drive him away. Fuck.
Series
- Part 1 of Metamorphosis
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 339,476
- Chapters:
- 22/22
- Comments:
- 524
- Kudos:
- 609
- Bookmarks:
- 223
- Hits:
- 27,431
Bookmarked by chronically_ill_chemistry
16 May 2025
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Jeongin makes a totally insignificant mistake that changes his dynamic with Hyunjin. It's an embarrassing, humiliating, mistake that should have never even happened in the first place if he'd just taken a little better care of himself, but it's a mistake that Jeongin wishes he would have made years ago if the outcome has anything to say about it.
Bookmarked by chronically_ill_chemistry
30 Mar 2025
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“You know you’re kinda the best boyfriend I’ve ever had. Like ever.”
Jeongin curls his fingers around the railing, eyes drifting off towards the hazy horizon. He’s so tired of pretending. So tired of being scared.
“What if I wasn’t,” Jeongin’s voice is barely above a whisper. “Your boyfriend, I mean.”
He waits, silent.
“Innie, do you mean… if you weren’t my boyfriend.. or if you weren’t a boy?”
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jeongin, hyunjin, and the complexities of genderBookmarked by chronically_ill_chemistry
22 Oct 2024
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“Can I get a name?” Minho asks, because curiosity is an itch he can’t stop scratching. He needs something to do. A distraction, maybe.
“A name?” The man laughs, glances to the door, “There ain’t nobody else here.”
“So?” Minho raises his brow, “I don’t serve strangers, cowboy.”
“Not a cowboy,” He corrects almost immediately- something which confuses Minho further. He carries himself like one. Has the stance of one. If he ain’t one, then-
“Even worse.” Minho tries to keep his schooled expression, “I don’t serve strangers who play dress-up.”
Or;
A stranger dressed in cattlemen’s clothes comes to town. Minho wants.
Series
- Part 1 of graveyard of roots
Bookmarked by chronically_ill_chemistry
14 Sep 2024