Patric1a
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Summary
As post-war violence and tensions rise, it seems as if there’s no hope to unify the wizarding world. Except, maybe, a manufactured relationship between resident Saviour Harry Potter and known purveyor of the Dark Arts Draco Malfoy. (The fact that they detest each other is beside the point.)
But as Draco’s unrelenting mind games begin to wear him down, Harry has to remind himself that it’s all fake. The relationship is fake. The affection is fake. The pet names, the romance — even the engagement photos are fake.
But there’s something in Draco’s kiss that might just be real.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 84,245
- Chapters:
- 21/21
- Collections:
- 10
- Comments:
- 871
- Kudos:
- 8,389
- Bookmarks:
- 2,853
- Hits:
- 200,219
Bookmarked by Patric1a
25 Jun 2026
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That was the other thing: when Keiji had said he wanted to make his way home, Bokuto had agreed—as if it didn’t matter where they went. He hadn’t said "we should look for a community" or "there’s probably nothing there anymore".
He’d just asked which way.
((the bokuaka zombie au literally no one asked for))
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 52,777
- Chapters:
- 12/12
- Collections:
- 7
- Comments:
- 674
- Kudos:
- 5,627
- Bookmarks:
- 1,463
- Hits:
- 92,959
Bookmarked by Patric1a
22 May 2026
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Ilya picks up on the third ring, breathing heavily into the phone. Shane hears a door slam shut through the device. “Do not yell at me.”
Shane stares at the half-empty bottle of vodka on the coffee table. “You suck.”
“I suck? I scored hat-trick! In your stupid body! I have not eaten in six hours, Hollander. I have not pissed. I have not laid down. I want to go home.”
“Rozanov–”
“Your mother has called twenty times. Your manager has called thirty times. Your father text me picture of crossword puzzle and ask for help. Clue is about American President from the 1980s. I cannot help!”
OR: the hollanov bodyswap fic.
Series
- Part 3 of ejo + hr
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 22,370
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 12
- Comments:
- 765
- Kudos:
- 26,844
- Bookmarks:
- 5,621
- Hits:
- 280,938
Bookmarked by Patric1a
11 Mar 2026
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Summary
Draco has worked hard to gain a reputation as an unbiased reporter for the Prophet.
He never imagined this would lead to Harry Potter offering him a job, or how much accepting said job would change his life.
*
*
"I've had an idea," Harry said, "You were there that night, at Greengrass Moor, when I …" he trailed off looking embarrassed."When you told everyone they ought to be fucking grateful and leave you the hell alone? Yes, it's one of my fondest memories." Draco wasn't trying to annoy, it was true, and the image of Potter swearing at Draco's idiot, fame-whore of a boss was something that never failed to make him smile.
Harry flushed, "I didn't mean it, not in the way it came out, and certainly I didn't mean to shout it at the editor of the Prophet."
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 119,675
- Chapters:
- 21/21
- Collections:
- 2
- Comments:
- 623
- Kudos:
- 7,974
- Bookmarks:
- 2,208
- Hits:
- 169,419
Bookmarked by Patric1a
19 Jul 2025
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Summary
A Quick Summary of the Last Decade:
DRACO MALFOY - AUROR (technically)
2003- Achieved Auror Qualification.
Note: Slight delay in training start date due to my own imprisonment, and dying father, general inconvenience.
2004 - Potions Specialist Certification, top marks.
Note: Cheers Severus, you taught me well
2005- Discovered loathing of field work.
Note: Bad guys thought I was on their side too often
2006 - Auror Office, cyphers and intelligence desk.
Note: Much better, useful contribution to society, repayment of past debts etc, no nightmare stake-outs or duelling friendly/related bad guys
2013 (The Unpleasant Present) - Sent undercover as a Professor at Hogwarts.
Note: minding my own business, life ruined by dreadful turn of events.
Note: Potter is DADA professor, a job he took out of the blue after I graduated from Auror training. His departure happened to coincide with a momentary lapse in judgement when we may have kissed, drunkenly … (and heatedly) against a wall. One time.
Awkward? Yes.
Reason to abandon whole career? Apparently.
A Hogwarts Murder Mystery.- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 50,266
- Chapters:
- 12/12
- Comments:
- 248
- Kudos:
- 1,203
- Bookmarks:
- 280
- Hits:
- 20,025
Bookmarked by Patric1a
11 Jul 2025