1 - 20 of 44 Works by LastPositivist
Navigation
Listing Works
-
Community Disservice by LastPositivist
Fandoms: Warhammer 40.000, Warhammer 40k (Novels) - Various Authors
18 Jul 2026
Tags
Summary
In the grim darkness of the far future there is only war. And quite right too, say the pious Khornites of the Sanguinary Utnapishtim, the small Empire in which our tales take place. In order to perpetuate this blesséd state of affairs, and see that war involves maximally - and they mean maximally - many skulls taken, they engage in various shenanigans and misadventures. Today we explore their legal system, and how it handles relationships between slaves and freemen.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 2,023
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Kudos:
- 9
- Hits:
- 156
-
Diplomatic Emergency by LastPositivist
Fandoms: Warhammer 40.000, Warhammer 40k (Novels) - Various Authors
17 Jun 2026
Tags
Summary
In the grim darkness of the far future there is only war. And quite right too, say the pious Khornites of the Sanguinary Utnapishtim, the small Empire in which our tales take place. In order to perpetuate this blesséd state of affairs, and see that war involves maximally - and they mean maximally - many skulls taken, they have created the Office for Ceremonial Calculation. In this series of shorts we follow their misadventures, as this vast bureaucracy of pious Khorne worshipers works hard to ensure we get effective misanthropy, and that the Sanguinary Utnapishtim truly produces the greatest rage for the greatest number.
In today's misadventure, we explore a new part of our little setting. Alone in Imperium Nihilus, the new planetary polities of this region are having to make do without the Imperium to, if not keep the peace, then at least manage the hostilities. To that end they have established the cleared out Space Hulk, Tintirki Cinq, as a neutral ground on which the regional powers can negotiate with one another. Our story today is set on that ship, as matters of interstellar import are decided upon. We follow the Khornate diplomatic corp as it attempts to stave off disaster for the Empire...
Series
- Part 30 of The Office for Ceremonial Calculations
-
Lord of War by LastPositivist
Fandoms: Warhammer 40.000, Warhammer 40k (Novels) - Various Authors
19 May 2026
Tags
Summary
In the grim darkness of the far future there is only war. And quite right too, say the pious Khornites of the Sanguinary Utnapishtim, the small Empire in which our tales take place. In order to perpetuate this blesséd state of affairs, and see that war involves maximally - and they mean maximally - many skulls taken, they engage in various shenanigans and misadventures. Today we explore that ever complex matter of Astartes-mortal relationships.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 3,145
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Kudos:
- 3
- Hits:
- 46
-
Peace - An Audit (Excerpts) by LastPositivist
Fandoms: Warhammer 40.000, Warhammer 40k (Novels) - Various Authors
03 May 2026
Tags
Summary
In the grim darkness of the far future there is only war. And quite right too, say the pious Khornites of the Sanguinary Utnapishtim, the small Empire in which our tales take place. In order to perpetuate this blesséd state of affairs, and see that war involves maximally - and they mean maximally - many skulls taken, they have created the Office for Ceremonial Calculation. In this series of shorts we follow their misadventures, as this vast bureaucracy of pious Khorne worshipers works hard to ensure we get effective misanthropy, and that the Sanguinary Utnapishtim truly produces the greatest rage for the greatest number.
In today's misadventure, a logistician performs an audit on a cultural intervention. How do you measure the value of a song? In the lives it ruins, the fights it starts? Or just the hate it inspires in all of us? Art is such a beautiful complex thing!
Series
- Part 29 of The Office for Ceremonial Calculations
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 494
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Kudos:
- 3
- Hits:
- 29
-
By the Book by LastPositivist
Fandoms: Warhammer 40.000, Warhammer 40k (Novels) - Various Authors
04 Apr 2026
Tags
Summary
In the grim darkness of the far future there is only war. And quite right too, say the pious Khornites of the Sanguinary Utnapishtim, the small Empire in which our tales take place. In order to perpetuate this blesséd state of affairs, and see that war involves maximally - and they mean maximally - many skulls taken, they have created the Office for Ceremonial Calculation. In this series of shorts we follow their misadventures, as this vast bureaucracy of pious Khorne worshipers works hard to ensure we get effective misanthropy, and that the Sanguinary Utnapishtim truly produces the greatest rage for the greatest number.
In today's misadventure, we check in with the thin red line between murder (licensed, good) and murder (unlicensed, bad). How can the inspectors walking that line keep themselves brutal when the job demands pleasant professionalism from them?
Series
- Part 28 of The Office for Ceremonial Calculations
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 498
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Kudos:
- 6
- Hits:
- 106
-
A Good Offence by LastPositivist
Fandoms: Warhammer 40.000, Warhammer, Warhammer 40k (Novels) - Various Authors
04 Jan 2026
Tags
Summary
In the grim darkness of the far future there is only war. And quite right too, say the pious Khornites of the Sanguinary Utnapishtim, the small Empire in which our tales take place. In order to perpetuate this blesséd state of affairs, and see that war involves maximally - and they mean maximally - many skulls taken, they have created the Office for Ceremonial Calculation. In this series of shorts we follow their misadventures, as this vast bureaucracy of pious Khorne worshippers works hard to ensure we get effective misanthropy, and that the Sanguinary Utnapishtim truly produces the greatest rage for the greatest number.
In today's misadventure, we learn about the hard working academicians whose work Office logisticians build upon. How exactly do we rigorously verify that their research has met proper scholarly standards? By what measure or proof do we tes - it's murder. Obviously it's murder.
Series
- Part 27 of The Office for Ceremonial Calculations
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 500
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Kudos:
- 4
- Hits:
- 87
-
The Device by LastPositivist
Fandoms: Warhammer 40.000, Warhammer 40k (Novels) - Various Authors
16 Dec 2025
Tags
Summary
In the grim darkness of the far future there is only war. And quite right too, say the pious Khornites of the Sanguinary Utnapishtim, the small Empire in which our tales take place. In order to perpetuate this blesséd state of affairs, and see that war involves maximally - and they mean maximally - many skulls taken, they engage in various shenanigans and misadventures. Today we follow one such, as they attempt to weaponise a McGuffin that ruins your life if you have social anxiety.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 2,592
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Hits:
- 10
-
Nisigi Violence by LastPositivist
Fandoms: Warhammer 40.000, Warhammer 40k (Novels) - Various Authors
16 Oct 2025
Tags
Summary
In the grim darkness of the far future there is only war. And quite right too, say the pious Khornites of the Sanguinary Utnapishtim, the small Empire in which our tales take place. In order to perpetuate this blesséd state of affairs, and see that war involves maximally - and they mean maximally - many skulls taken, they have created the Office for Ceremonial Calculation. In this series of shorts we follow their misadventures, as this vast bureaucracy of pious Khorne worshippers works hard to ensure we get effective misanthropy, and that the Sanguinary Utnapishtim truly produces the greatest rage for the greatest number.
In today's misadventure, we pop back over to the Dark Academia of the Sanguinary Utnapishtim to see what innovations in Violent Lore they are coming up with. And, it turns out, if anyone knows how to convert quite suffering into a twisted productivity -- it's grad students.
Series
- Part 26 of The Office for Ceremonial Calculations
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 499
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Kudos:
- 7
- Hits:
- 100
-
The Logistician's War by LastPositivist
Fandoms: Warhammer 40.000, Warhammer 40k (Novels) - Various Authors
08 Oct 2025
Tags
Summary
In the grim darkness of the far future there is only war. And quite right too, say the pious Khornites of the Sanguinary Utnapishtim, the small Empire in which our tales take place. In order to perpetuate this blesséd state of affairs, and see that war involves maximally - and they mean maximally - many skulls taken, they have created the Office for Ceremonial Calculation. In this series of shorts we follow their misadventures, as this vast bureaucracy of pious Khorne worshippers works hard to ensure we get effective misanthropy, and that the Sanguinary Utnapishtim truly produces the greatest rage for the greatest number.
In today's misadventure, we learn the fate of all heretics who would dare defy Khorne's holy spreadsheets.
Series
- Part 25 of The Office for Ceremonial Calculations
-
Far From Here by LastPositivist
Fandoms: Le città invisibili | Invisible Cities - Italo Calvino
25 Sep 2025
Tags
Summary
A somewhat homoerotic tale of geometric conventionalism.
-
Warden Warrior Flunky Farce by LastPositivist
Fandoms: Warhammer 40.000, Warhammer 40k (Novels) - Various Authors
17 Sep 2025
Tags
Summary
In the grim darkness of the far future there is only war. And quite right too, say the pious Khornites of the Sanguinary Utnapishtim, the small Empire in which our tales take place. In order to perpetuate this blesséd state of affairs, and see that war involves maximally - and they mean maximally - many skulls taken, they have created the Office for Ceremonial Calculation. In this series of shorts we follow their misadventures, as this vast bureaucracy of pious Khorne worshippers works hard to ensure we get effective misanthropy, and that the Sanguinary Utnapishtim truly produces the greatest rage for the greatest number.
For today's misadventure you should probably just listen to this to get in the mood.
Series
- Part 24 of The Office for Ceremonial Calculations
-
Drive Time Radio by LastPositivist
Fandoms: Warhammer 40.000, Warhammer 40k (Novels) - Various Authors
16 Aug 2025
Tags
Summary
In the grim darkness of the far future there is only war. And quite right too, say the pious Khornites of the Sanguinary Utnapishtim, the small Empire in which our tales take place. In order to perpetuate this blesséd state of affairs, and see that war involves maximally - and they mean maximally - many skulls taken, they have created the Office for Ceremonial Calculation. In this series of shorts we follow their misadventures, as this vast bureaucracy of pious Khorne worshipers works hard to ensure we get effective misanthropy, and that the Sanguinary Utnapishtim truly produces the greatest rage for the greatest number.
In today's misadventure we check in on one hard working logistician "enjoying" his commute home after a busy day tallying skulls.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 414
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Hits:
- 44
-
Tags
Summary
Quark has a moon now. This perturbs Odo. This is for the "Quark's moon" prompt in Quodo week.
-
Abominable Cheating by LastPositivist
Fandoms: Warhammer 40.000, Warhammer 40k (Novels) - Various Authors, Warhammer
27 Jun 2025
Tags
Summary
In the grim darkness of the far future there is only war. And quite right too, say the pious Khornites of the Sanguinary Utnapishtim, the small Empire in which our tales take place. In order to perpetuate this blesséd state of affairs, and see that war involves maximally - and they mean maximally - many skulls taken, they have created the Office for Ceremonial Calculation. In this series of shorts we follow their misadventures, as this vast bureaucracy of pious Khorne worshipers works hard to ensure we get effective misanthropy, and that the Sanguinary Utnapishtim truly produces the greatest rage for the greatest number.
In today's misadventure we follow two confused logisticians as they try to get to the bottom of why these new writings just seem so... wrong. Off. Not right. Whatever could it be?
Series
- Part 23 of The Office for Ceremonial Calculations
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 500
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Kudos:
- 7
- Hits:
- 68
-
Think of the Children by LastPositivist
Fandoms: Warhammer 40.000, Warhammer 40k (Novels) - Various Authors
18 Jun 2025
Tags
Summary
In the grim darkness of the far future there is only war. And quite right too, say the pious Khornites of the Sanguinary Utnapishtim, the small Empire in which our tales take place. In order to perpetuate this blesséd state of affairs, and see that war involves maximally - and they mean maximally - many skulls taken, they have created the Office for Ceremonial Calculation. In this series of shorts we follow their misadventures, as this vast bureaucracy of pious Khorne worshipers works hard to ensure we get effective misanthropy, and that the Sanguinary Utnapishtim truly produces the greatest rage for the greatest number.
In today's misadventure, we see a rare example of inter-agency harmony as members of one Office commiserate with another over the complaints they receive. There's just no pleasing people in an empire devoted to Khorne! That said, of course, one might not agree with the flippant tone adopted by our logisticians. After all, this stuff matters. We're talking ethics in video games, not even journalism! Won't somebody think of the children!?
Series
- Part 22 of The Office for Ceremonial Calculations
-
Lessons by LastPositivist
Fandoms: Warhammer 40.000, Warhammer 40k (Novels) - Various Authors, Warhammer
31 May 2025
Tags
Summary
In the grim darkness of the far future there is only war. And quite right too, say the pious Khornites of the Sanguinary Utnapishtim, the small Empire in which our tales take place. In order to perpetuate this blesséd state of affairs, and see that war involves maximally - and they mean maximally - many skulls taken, they have created the Office for Ceremonial Calculation. In this series of shorts we follow their misadventures, as this vast bureaucracy of pious Khorne worshipers works hard to ensure we get effective misanthropy, and that the Sanguinary Utnapishtim truly produces the greatest rage for the greatest number.
In today's misadventure we get a glimpse into the making of a logician, witnessing a snippet of the sort of educational process that forms these eager young scholarchs on their path to being the best bureaucrats Khorne could want. Here we see some Khornite philosophy of language in particular, something which I know the 40k audience has long been crying out for. You're welcome.
Series
- Part 21 of The Office for Ceremonial Calculations
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 497
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Kudos:
- 4
- Hits:
- 54
-
Rageless Bloodshed by LastPositivist
Fandoms: Warhammer 40.000, Warhammer 40k (Novels) - Various Authors, Warhammer
27 May 2025
Tags
Summary
In the grim darkness of the far future there is only war. And quite right too, say the pious Khornites of the Sanguinary Utnapishtim, the small Empire in which our tales take place. In order to perpetuate this blesséd state of affairs, and see that war involves maximally - and they mean maximally - many skulls taken, they have created the Office for Ceremonial Calculation. In this series of shorts we follow their misadventures, as this vast bureaucracy of pious Khorne worshipers works hard to ensure we get effective misanthropy, and that the Sanguinary Utnapishtim truly produces the greatest rage for the greatest number.
In today's misadventure a logistician runs into a problem of theological accounting. Is it *really* true that Khorne cares not from whence the blood flows?
Series
- Part 20 of The Office for Ceremonial Calculations
-
Orkynomics by LastPositivist
Fandoms: Warhammer 40.000, Warhammer 40k (Novels) - Various Authors, Warhammer
23 May 2025
Tags
Summary
This story is actually by Loukas Christodoulou, but they have asked me to post it here since they don't have ArchiveOfOurOwn. Very much in the spirit of some of my own Office for Ceremonial Calculations stories (Loukas even includes a little shout out!), as we follow a rising star in the world of the orkynomics as they plough their trade...
-
Externalities by LastPositivist
Fandoms: Warhammer 40.000, Warhammer 40k (Novels) - Various Authors, Warhammer
22 May 2025
Tags
Summary
In the grim darkness of the far future there is only war. And quite right too, say the pious Khornites of the Sanguinary Utnapishtim, the small Empire in which our tales take place. In order to perpetuate this blesséd state of affairs, and see that war involves maximally - and they mean maximally - many skulls taken, they have created the Office for Ceremonial Calculation. In this series of shorts we follow their misadventures, as this vast bureaucracy of pious Khorne worshipers works hard to ensure we get effective misanthropy, and that the Sanguinary Utnapishtim truly produces the greatest rage for the greatest number.
In today's misadventure a conspiracy against the Empire is afoot! Bear witness to the foul schemes hatched behind close doors when the dark secrets of economics are brought to light.
Series
- Part 19 of The Office for Ceremonial Calculations
-
Delivering Value by LastPositivist
Fandoms: Warhammer 40.000, Warhammer 40k (Novels) - Various Authors, Warhammer
21 May 2025
Tags
Summary
In the grim darkness of the far future there is only war. And quite right too, say the pious Khornites of the Sanguinary Utnapishtim, the small Empire in which our tales take place. In order to perpetuate this blesséd state of affairs, and see that war involves maximally - and they mean maximally - many skulls taken, they have created the Office for Ceremonial Calculation. In this series of shorts we follow their misadventures, as this vast bureaucracy of pious Khorne worshipers works hard to ensure we get effective misanthropy, and that the Sanguinary Utnapishtim truly produces the greatest rage for the greatest number.
In today's misadventure we follow a select cross-functional cohort of stakeholders that has converged in a synchronously scheduled ideation environment to engage in a structured, agenda-driven knowledge exchange, with the objective of aligning on key deliverables and establishing strategic synergies moving forward.
Series
- Part 18 of The Office for Ceremonial Calculations
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 492
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Kudos:
- 5
- Hits:
- 57