Flourecentadolecent



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    Rush week confirms a lot of things. Ambitions, fears. Where do I fit? What if I don’t fit anywhere? Nervous freshman bitten-lip shit. Being an active, a senior, means having answers. Shane has no further questions.

    Or, Shane’s in a frat. Ilya rushes.

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    28 Jun 2026

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    Lily, 9:19 a.m.
    i mean they were right
    just early. we hadnt won our cups yet
    but yes cocksucking faggots took over the major

     

    Ilya knows what he wants; he can wait out a year.

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    10 May 2026

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    Walking back to the restaurant in a daze he had sobbed at random, at the sheer look of Moscow in the night, thinking, this is literally it. I’ll never come back. And maybe he would, but so far down the line that all would be totally unrecognizable. The orange light, the blue light against the snow. His nose running. Cars buried in snow, cars buried in snow.

    Moscow, Shane's cottage, Boston, New York.

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    10 May 2026

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    Ilya was good at noticing things about people, and he was good at understanding them. Shane was not. That was okay. Shane had developed his own way of getting to know Ilya. It involved a lot of inane questions and, more importantly, no longer involved condoms.

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    08 May 2026

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    He crowds Shane into the hood of the car, hands up under his shirt and jacket again. October is getting cold; nights are getting colder. The places where Ilya is touching him are the only parts of Shane’s body that are warm right now. Maybe that’s why he wraps his arms around Ilya’s neck and clings to him, though he doesn’t necessarily surprise himself with it. They don’t even kiss for a moment. Ilya busies himself breathing into the crook of Shane’s neck, trying to regain control. Shane opens his eyes and gazes over Ilya’s shoulder at the dark field and realizes that an utterly foreign feeling has risen up in him. It’s Ilya’s broad shoulders and beautiful hair between Shane and the world and he feels—small. Protected.
    “Oh my God,” Shane whispers, completely ashamed of the feeling and hungry for it. It curls warm in his stomach. His toes arch inside his shoes. Something about being so close to this man, something about Ilya putting himself between Shane and—the world. Whatever lurks in the deep night. It’s a feeling like a ghost, something that Shane isn’t allowed to look directly at except for moments like these. Quiet and dark.

    Shane, Ilya, Vermont. Meeting in the middle.

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    18 Mar 2026