DaughterofAthenaPotterhead



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    Ilya: I have a complaint to file with HR

    Shane: What?

    Ilya: This is the second month in a row I haven’t received a paycheck.
    Ilya: It’s unacceptable, Hollander.
    Ilya: I want to file a complaint.

    Shane: 😑
    Shane: Wasn’t aware I still needed to pay you when you’re now a co-owner on all my accounts.
    Shane: You know.
    Shane: Because we’re MARRIED.

    Ilya: I’m going to tell the whole world.
    Ilya: Imagine what they will say when I tell them Shane Hollander fucks over his employees both literally and figuratively.

    Shane: For fuck’s sake.
    Shane: You’re not my manny anymore.
    Shane: You’re my husband.

    Ilya: 🥹

    Shane: Are you about to get really emotional again because I called you my husband?

    Ilya: YES.

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    20 Jul 2026

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    Hayden: Jackie is very jealous of your manny.
    Hayden: Says he’s incredible and that a bunch of the school moms are trying to get play dates with Violet.

    Shane: He is great.
    Shane: Kind of a menace, too, but Violet loves him, so I overlook some things.

    Hayden: Oh, I’m sure.
    Hayden: She also said he’s super hot.
    Hayden: Like he missed his calling as a model hot.

    Shane: Geez, Hayd. You want to marry him or something?

    Hayden: NO.
    Hayden: I just thought maybe for you, ya know?
    Hayden: You haven’t dated anyone like…ever.

    Shane: I’m not going to get involved with my daughter’s manny.
    Shane: That would be irresponsible.
    Shane: Even if he is stupid model hot.
    Shane: And obnoxiously charming and funny.
    Shane: Plus, he cooks, and has the best accent.
    Shane: And is amazing with my daughter.
    Shane: God. Fuck my life.

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    19 Jul 2026

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    Ilya Rozanov ☑️ @ilyarozanov81 

    hockey players always say they are so grateful for fans. well, for valentine’s month I will put my mouth where my money is. you are welcome in advance

    Harris ☑️ @centaursharris

    @ilyarozanov81 I’m afraid to ask. Also, it’s put your MONEY where your MOUTH is.

    Ilya Rozanov ☑️ @ilyarozanov81

    @centaursharris eh in this case I think my version is more accurate

    --

    Or: a hybrid social media fic in which Ilya decides to spread the love amongst hockey RPF fans.

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    18 Jul 2026

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    [Inside the Ottawa Centaurs’ locker room, Harris Drover attaches a microphone to Shane Hollander’s shirt as Ilya Rozanov sits next to him at a table. The two prepare to share the contents of their backpacks, which sit on the table in front of them]

    Shane: I thought when people did these interviews, they got to like, pick what’s in their bag beforehand. It’s not usually a spontaneous thing, is it?

    Ilya: How would you know this?

    Shane: I watched one that Rose did. 

    Ilya: Oh, of course you watched Rose doing one of these videos. Did she have a framed photo of you in her bag so she could gush about how much you love each other?

    Shane: Do I seriously need to remind you that I chose to marry you, and that we live and work together, and Rose is just my friend I see like twice a year?

    Ilya: Yes. 

    Shane: Are you sure you want to do this with us, Harris? 

    Harris: I can’t help that the people love you. Besides, I’ve convinced myself this will be fun. 

    Shane: That’s not very comforting. 

    Harris: Neither is the look on Ilya’s face that’s telling me I will definitely come to regret this, but that’s the job!

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    18 Jul 2026

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    Bood: And what would this person need to get Roz to settle down?
    Roz: must be most beautiful person you have ever seen
    Roz: very funny but does not know they are funny
    Roz: and suck dick like their life depends on it

    Or: The Centaurs know that Roz is sad, and probably a little lonely. So they do their best to set him up with someone who matches his specific list of requirements. What they don't know is that their captain has already found that person.

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    18 Jul 2026