BirdofOrk



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    Following the internet success of Shane and Ilya's presentation at the NHL Awards, ESPN decided to contract with them to do a whole series. It goes far better than anyone could have dreamed.

    -or-

    “When you think about it,” Jackie said, when Shane had dinner with her and Hayden a few days later, “hockey’s basically already reality tv.”

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    01 Jul 2026

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    “Uh,” he says, looking up from his screen and feeling his ears go hot, realizing for the first time that this habit of his hasn’t actually come up before until this exact moment.

    “What?” Rozanov asks, sounding more amused than anything else. “You are one of the people who does Instagram for food now?”

    “No,” Shane says, stalling between answering and finishing his Snap so he can send it to Melissa, “one sec.” He finishes typing out 'Tuna melt. Chips. Pickles. It smells really good. Swiss cheese, I think.' before he looks back to Rozanov, putting his phone facedown on the coffee table. “Just sending it to someone on the staff. She likes knowing what I’m eating.”

    He doesn’t know if Melissa likes knowing what he’s eating, per se, but she also seems pleased when he talks about enjoying food for things beyond how many grams of protein it has in it.

    “Ah,” Rozanov says, in a tone Shane can’t quite read. “You always send her your food then, this girl?”

    (shane has a habit of sending his team's dietician his meals for approval) (the problem with this habit? he forgets to tell ilya exactly what it is that melissa does) (how the tuna meltdown is AVERTED through the power of miscommunication)

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    30 Jun 2026

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    “You go first,” Shane says. "With the vows."

    Ilya takes a deep breath, squeezes Shane’s hands in his. “Okay, okay, I will go first. But I have this problem.”

    “What? What problem?”

    “Is a terrible problem. You see, there is this hockey player.”

    Shane just stares and then, right there, Ilya can see the moment it registers. The recognition.

    A grin spreads across Ilya’s face. It's supposed to be a smirk but it isn’t. It's both too happy and too soft.

    “This slow fucking hockey player with beautiful freckles.” Shane is laughing now. Laughing and maybe starting to cry. Ilya lets it hang for a moment. “And a weak backhand.”

    “A weak backhand?” Shane knew it was coming and still he’s outraged.

    “Yes, very weak.”

    They’re both grinning, a little manic maybe.

    “And he’s so boring and he drives this terrible car.”

    “It’s a normal car," Shane says.

    He says his line because he’s perfect. He gets it exactly right. Like Ilya knew he would. Because he remembers. Because they have done this scene before. But this time round they know how it ends too and it's not with anyone marrying Svetlana.

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    29 Jun 2026

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    Time for the highlight of the night.

    As Boston’s General Manager, Barry had plenty of professional goals for his evening at the NHL awards. His singular personal goal, however, was to see Coach Theriault pop a fucking blood vessel.

    He and LeClaire had already succeeded in trapping Theriault in conversation when Barry heard a very familiar Russian accent from over by the bar.

    Well, a good manager knows how to delegate.

    Barry waved Rozanov over to join them. Yuna Hollander noticed and stuck close to the kid’s side, her sharp gaze assessing as she too moved to join the conversation. Even better. Even fucking better.

    Beside him, Theriault’s face had already turned a dangerous shade of red.

    ----
    Ilya Rozanov, Yuna Hollander and Coach Theriault walk into a bar...

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    29 Jun 2026

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    @Rozanov81:

    Ok internet, I have announcement.

    I am getting married in 2 weeks.

    So we are going to play a game, ok? I give you one clue every day, we will see if you can guess

    #SecretRelationship #ILoveYouJane

    -----
    With each new daily clue, the Hollanov fans only get louder. Each clue lining up perfectly with a certain Canadian hockey player.

    However, they still cannot convince anyone. If anything, their overflow of online excitement might make it seem less believable.

    Ilya notices the plight of these modern Casandras of the internet age and, of course, decides to make it worse.

    -----
    Told through snapshots from twitter, Instagram, the Ottawa WAGs group chat and Ilya’s journey into the depths of Reddit to find r/HollanovHQ

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    29 Jun 2026